This story may or may not interest you. But I wrote it with my readers in mind. I hope you enjoy sappy love stories, because this is sort of like one of them. This is for you readers, because without you, I'd just be writing to myself online, ha-ha.
I ran my index finger around the rim of my coffee cup, staring at the top as if it was going to do anything different then the nothing it was already doing. I was sitting at a coffee shop, me, Mitchie Torres, with my mother at one of those round tables that were almost six feet off the ground, with tall chairs and everything.
"So, what did you get on your progress report?" My mom's face was bright, her eyes filled with hope. I looked up at her, getting ready to speak when I feel this chill. My heart always does this when…I take a deep breath, answering my mom before taking a quick glance behind me. Its Alex.
"Oh look Mitchie." My mom saw her too, smiling as she tapped my hand. "Go say something to her."
"Mom I don't think that's a good idea."
"Go." She sort of demanded. I pouted, shaking my head as she told me to go on once more. I stood from my chair, hesitantly turning to face the brunette. My heart was fighting with itself, and it has been for two months now. I take a step towards the counter, and when Alex is next up to order I step behind her.
"Hey Alex." I have this sort of cheer in my voice that wasn't there a minute ago.
"What do you want?" She whispered. I admit, it stung to hear those words. I did wrong, I admit it, but to Alex, there's no going back.
"I um…"
"You um what?" She shook her head after ordering. She faced me, leaning on the counter with one elbow pressed against it's glass.
"Nothing." I respond, turning away from her, and I'm sure she doesn't mind. I strolled back over to my mother defeated.
"So," my mom smiled, "what did she say?"
"Nothing."
"Maybe she can have coffee with us."
"Mom no!" I shook my head over several times but my mom called out to the brunette anyway.
"She has to sit with us," my mom whispered, "I know her mother." I closed my eyes at those words as I heard steps behind me. There were two seats left at the table, one to my left, or one to my right. Alex sat to my left, placing her coffee on the table as I opened my eyes to gaze at her.
"I'm kind of in a hurry Connie." Alex had this weird tone in her voice, as if she hated the fact that she even knew my mom.
"Not in much of a hurry I hope, sit." My mom waits for the girl to react and that's when Alex faces me. I don't stare, I face my coffee cup, fidgeting with the top as if I'm about to take a sip. She leans towards me and whispers in my ear, something that caused my heart to pound against my chest.
"Why is your mom doing this?" She asks. I shrug into her chin as she pulls away. My mom has a smile on her face as Alex sighs, finally sitting down. She sips on her coffee vigorously, trying to finish it I suppose, so she can leave.
"So, Alex, how have you been?" My mom's question causes me even more embarrassment. I wish she'd just stop talking.
"How do you mean? With life? Fine."
"And how's school?"
"Crowded." She paused after that, staring at her cup as if something didn't taste right.
"Mitchie has been talking about you." My mom's words finally struck a cord in me and I pressed my forehead against the table. They were silent, my mom and Alex, or for a while at least. I searched the grains on the table for an answer to get out of this coffee thing with my mom, but I knew there was no way out.
"Look Connie, I really have to go." Alex shifts a bit before my mom says something that causes me to stare at her viciously.
"Mitchie needs someone to stay over tonight, her dad and I are going away for the weekend, are you interested?"
"Connie…" Alex stood, leaving her cup where it was, "if you haven't noticed yet, Mitchie and I aren't dating anymore. And I for one don't feel comfortable in this situation, or near her for that matter, so no." Those words….those words hung in the air until the coffee shop door closed and surprisingly no one was looking our way. I could feel my heart, or…what was still left of it after weeks and months of torture.
"Mom, don't ever do that again." I whispered, pulling Alex's coffee cup into my hand. "Just don't." I toss everything in the trash and grab my purse from the side of my chair. "Can we go now? Please."
The walk home was short. Mom was trying to apologize about things such as crossing her boundaries and blah-blah-blah. I barley heard anything that came out of her mouth, because just up the block, next to my house I could see a girl sitting on the hood of her car. I didn't try to be obvious about it but I could see she was about my height with the same textured hair, but it was short, to her shoulders. The girl had her legs crossed on the hood of the car as she sat down, giggling at something, or someone. Her short shorts were barley visible under her baby doll top.
"Honey!" My mom tapped my shoulder.
"Yeah?" I asked, still staring at the girl.
"You look hard enough and you may get burned."
"That's not it." I finally saw Alex when I reached my porch. She was carrying a box in her arms and saying something that obviously the girl liked. I waved my mom away as I stood where I was. What did I do that was so bad that Alex would go to these lengths to hurt me? I brushed my hair from my face as the girl on the car spotted me. She giggled one last time, saying something before I watched Alex face me. I admit, it hurt, a lot. I don't know why seeing Alex talking to someone other then me felt this bad…but maybe its because she was my first everything, and I didn't want anyone but her. Alex carried her box over to me, as I shyly made it down the steps. We were out of the view of the car chick.
"Who's she?" I ask.
"You don't need to know."
"Alex…" I heard the strain in my voice. I could feel the weakness in me. "What's this?" I moved on with the subject, trying not to let her see me so fragile.
"I found some things. There yours." She pushed the box at me but I didn't take it. Inside were some photos, bears, and even a few notes I wrote who knows when.
"What are you doing?" I ask, as the girl from the car finally walks over towards us. She stops near the street.
"Come on Alex!" She said in a whiny voice, before she placed her sunglasses in her hair.
"Here!" She shoved the box at me again before I stepped back. "Fine!" She dropped it. The entire thing, on the ground as the things inside jumbled up. "Its yours now."
"You have no right to treat me this way." I tell her. She stands confused before the car girl walks over, pulls her hand and tells her to follow. Alex does and I just want to scream. I kick the box on the ground before lifting it and passing the gate that separates our yards.
"What are you doing?" Alex asked, as the car girl lets her go. I knock on her door, seeing if anyone was inside. Alex runs after me and soon the door opens.
"Hi Justin, can I come in?" I ask as he nods before Alex comes up. I close the door on her, locking the first lock. "Can you put this in her room?" I ask.
"What for?"
"Because she doesn't know what she's doing…and because… if she gets rid of all of this…its like she's getting rid of me." My voice was cracking. Alex stopped hitting the door as something jingled.
"She's going to kill you." Justin told me.
"I'll leave now. Just…put that back." I signaled to the box as he nodded. The door came open and I pushed past a stunned Alex. Now as I was walking home, car girl, whatever her name was, stopped me.
"You can't just go into people's houses like that. Besides, I'd like it if you stayed away from my girlfriend." She crossed her arms, her green eyes staring into my brown ones. Alex made it over to us as I faced her.
"Your girlfriend?" Those words made my heart freeze. It was this jolt of pain that stopped it all for a second or so before I rolled my eyes. "Girlfriend…" I mumbled… "girlfriend," I said once more. "How could you?" I move away from the two, and into the house, making sure the place was locked before I went to my room. I was too mad to cry, and too heart broken not too, but in reality…everything was happening too fast that my body didn't know how to react. All I did, the ONLY thing I did, was trust someone who wasn't worth it. All I did was go with a so called friend and everything went wrong. All I did was keep it to myself, I couldn't tell Alex…nothing happened. I mean, yeah…she kissed me, maybe even grouped me…she even ripped my shirt off but….but….I stopped her. I cried and I stopped it all, and now I'm living in hell because of it.
"What did I do wrong?" I whisper into my knees, falling onto the floor of my room and pressing my back against the bed. I guess my body stopped fighting with itself because I cried, it wasn't loud, it wasn't hard, but…my tears came just the same.
I had fallen to sleep in my awkward position somehow, and was awaken by my mom unlocking my room door. She had something in her hand, and when she flicked on the room light I saw it was money.
"I um…I want you to have this because of my screw up today." My mom slid a bill on the floor before running her fingers across my tear dried stained face. "Your dad and I can stay if you want."
"No, you can go." I whisper, standing up as my mom does the same.
"Well Teresa is just next door…"
"I think Alex wouldn't like me calling her mom," I felt my chin shiver. It was the fact that when I said Alex's name I could imagine that girl and her words. "Mom, please just go before I change my mind." I give her the fakest smile I can before she kisses my forehead.
"I'm a phone call away."
"I know." I nod, as she holds my hand as we walk down the stairs and into the living room.
"Just a…"
"I know mom." I smiled, waving goodbye as she left the house and I sat on the couch, flicking through television channels. What else could I have done to make Alex hurt me?...She promised me that she'd tell me if we were over or if we could work things out, she promised me that she'd tell me. We were only taking a break from each other…I just… I shook my head before I remembered what happened at school. Exactly two months ago, when I was getting ready for swim class, Alex walked into the locker room to change and that's when everything went down hill. Sarah, the girl I trusted with everything besides Alex, she went up to her and she plainly said, 'Mitchie and I had a great time last weekend, you know…the normal stuff…kissing…fooling around.'
Alex didn't believe her until…well…until she told her about the birthmark that sat slightly above my left breast. When the room cleared, Alex just stared at me, as if she was in a trans. Maybe my mumbling to find the right words caused her to believe I cheated and I did something I didn't. I didn't cheat on her. I didn't kiss Sarah, I didn't do any of those things…and yet..when Alex walked over to me she held me against the locker, pinned. I was breathing hard, my chest burning because the look she was giving me and…
A knock came to the house door. I bit my bottom lip before standing up. I did what I was suppose to. I gazed out the side window and the peephole and shockingly opened the door to see Alex.
"I don't want this stuff." She slammed her box onto the ground as I pressed my shoulder against the archway.
"Is that why you really came over?" I ask.
"Yes! Now take it and be happy." She turned to leave before I pulled her hand.
"Why won't you listen to me? Why won't you let me explain anything? Why are you dating other people? I thought we had a deal."
"The deals off." She pulled her arm away as she went down the steps.
"If you can really walk away from me…just like that…then did you ever really love me?" I ask, but I can see car girl, who's name I should get…maybe, she was looking at me from Alex's house doorway. "Answer me Alex!" I scream at her, but she walks over to her house and begins walking up the stairs.
"I did nothing wrong!" I tell her, tears forcing their way to my eyes but never falling.
"You did everything wrong." She didn't yell those words, but she said them, and I heard them. The girl pulled Alex inside before I kicked the box in front of me down the steps and went back inside. Now…where was I…ah yes, the locker room two months ago. Alex and I, we did this promise, and maybe at the time we were naive about life but…at twelve we made a promise to be each other's everything. We had some weird wedding at that age where our stuffed animals…the ones I just kicked down the steps outside…they were our witnesses. I promised to never give myself to anyone but Alex, and she the same. But after the thing with Sarah, at seventeen now, I guess she felt everything was off. She never saw my body before that day in the locker room. I was so scared of losing her that I did as she asked. I pulled my swimsuit off. I let her see me, and…as if fate caused something in her to hate me, she hated me at that moment. She saw my birthmark, and I was never the person to change in the locker room so how else would Sarah see it.
With my naked frame, so fragile and cold, I pleaded with Alex to believe me, to believe I never would hurt her, that I would never do anything in the world to lose her trust. She reached for my hand. I stood before her, in that stupid cold locker room and I let her touch me. And I didn't flinch, I didn't shake…I stood there. Maybe…maybe that's another reason she doesn't believe me. She ran her hands practically over my entire body, over my breasts, my arms, my thighs…nothing ever happened besides that. When she finally stopped she pulled away, her eyes still locked onto mine. Her exact words to me were… 'you didn't say it didn't happen.' I can't remember much after that.
If I would have told her, would she still be hurting me now? Sometimes I wonder why I didn't feel anything at all when she touched me. I sigh, hitting my head against the arm of the couch to stop thinking so much. But now, the only thing I can think about is that girl, and how…and how if I didn't do something soon Alex would give her something that we were suppose to share together. Because no matter what she said, we were still going to be each others everything. I walked outside, scooping up the things I knocked from the box, when I saw something I wish I could have been shielded from. Car girl, who's name I was sure I didn't want to know now, had her tongue practically down my girlfriend's throat. They were leaning against her car, her fingers trailing up Alex's back. I didn't want to puke, even if that seem normal. I wanted to push my fist so far into that girl's face that the only thing she'd see for the rest of her life is darkness.
I stood up, storming towards the car before Alex pulled back and spotted me. I stopped. Not really frozen, but angry.
"Make her leave!" I demanded, pointing at the girl.
"Excuse you?" She placed her hand on her hip.
"Alex, make her leave now!" I could feel my blood boiling, and I wasn't the violent type.
"Mitchie, you can't…" Alex began to talk when I ran over and swung at the car girl. Alex had grabbed my arms, before she pinned me against the car.
"What's wrong with you?" She asked, as if she didn't know.
"Everything you're doing to me is ten times as worse then what Sarah wants you to believe happened." I felt a stray tear caress my cheek as Alex let me go.
"Miranda call me when you get home." Alex told the girl before they did this short argument thing about me and Miranda left. "Mitchie…get in the house, you're making a fool of yourself."
"Why are you doing this to me?" I sighed, trying to compose myself.
"You're doing this to yourself."
"Alex, can you just look into my eyes and tell that I'm not lying to you? Can't you tell at least that? Don't you know that I love you…you want to believe…"
"Mitchie, you're wasting your breath. Go home." Alex began to pace away from me.
"DAMN IT, LISTEN!" I was done trying to let her do this her way. "I told you everything that happened, yes it was after the fact but Alex…I told you. I would never lie to you and you should know that. I've been patient. I've tried to let you do things your way…but can we stop pretending that neither one of us is hurting and move on?"
"I did move on."
"You're moving away from me….you're trying to do something to me that you thought I did to you but..I need you to trust me."
"You let that girl touch you."
"She forced herself onto me. I stopped her. You can't blame me for that."
"You lied to me. You knew that if you told me that you were going on vacation with Sarah's family I would have said no."
"So this is my fault?" We were having this entire debate in the dark of the night, under moonlight.
"She…she knew more about you body then I did." Alex whispered, her voice trailing off in the wind.
"Is that why you did what you did in the locker room that day? So you would know what you think she knew?"
"What I know she knows."
"She knows nothing." I shook my head. "You're the only one that's….I was scared when I let you see me. But I knew I had to. I wanted you to believe me…and you punished me for it. I let you in…and you hurt me for it. How dare you think I'd be okay with….I trusted you, to love me. When you did what you did…you knew more about my body then I did. And still you believed her over me." I finally felt the tears. I hadn't noticed when they feel but they did. I turned from Alex, storming to my teddy bears that I kicked down the steps, lifting them into my arms.
"If you can't see love when its in front of you…then I guess you should be with Miranda." I mumbled, walking into the house. My teddy bears, my 'rainbow sunshine', Alex gave him that name, 'Summer Blue', and 'Green Apple', all sat in my arms as I hugged them when the house door opened, Alex stood there.
"Its just that…you didn't deny it!" Alex had tears in her eyes, much like my own.I stood up, leaving the bears and walked over to her.
"I was afraid of everything at that moment. I was scared."
"You should of told me before…."
"I didn't…I didn't know how to say those words…but I'm sorry. I should have told you and I'm sorry." I lowered my head, getting ready to wipe away a fallen tear, but by pure shock, Alex held my cheeks and thumbs them away. Her eyes strained to stay locked with mine.
"I guess you can hate me now." Alex mumbled as I shook my head.
"I can't hate you. You're my everything…hating you would mean I'd be hurting myself…and I had enough of that."
"I can hate me then," Alex said as I hugged her, moving her hands from my cheeks. She was still stiff, as if even though we're talking now, on good terms at that, she till had her guard up against me. She pulled back, biting on her bottom lip before she strolled on over to the couch, plucking one of the bears. She ran her fingers through the fur between 'rainbow sunshine's,' ears before she took a deep breath.
"It's been two months…," she mumbled as I nod. Maybe she wants to just forget everything from the previous weeks and I'd gladly accept that. "We can't just…go back."
"Why not?" As if this awkward tension wasn't enough, she sat against the couch, tapping the empty space next to her for me to sit. I didn't. I stood where I was, a good distance away.
"Its just that..even if you didn't do those things, I still moved on." She shook her head, her eyes falling over my face as I looked away.
"So you really don't want to be with me?"
"Its not that," she noticed how I was keep my distance, so she stood and made it a few steps away. I kept my feet on the floor, her converse shoes were the only things I could see. "I really like Miranda."
I felt a lump form in my throat at her words. Okay, I get it, she doesn't want to be with me. She doesn't have to torture me as well. I walk over to the open door as her fingers stop me. I pull away, crossing my arms and staring at them as if they would protect my heart.
"I can't just…I can't leave her." I wish she'd stop talking. She could just go run along and be with that stupid trampy girl from the car, like I care. "We've been through a lot."
"You and her?" I ask, wanting to scoff when she answered 'yes.' Its not like we haven't been through anything together. I helped her through her father's rage, and her mother's denial. I helped her and yet, what could Miranda hold over me? "And we haven't?"
"This isn't about what we've been through. I can't hurt anybody else. And she's been there for me, through all of this."
"You wouldn't let me be there." I noticed my voice rising. I was still staring down but I wanted to just yell at that moment and shake Alex until she understood how I felt. She thought I was a liar, she thought I did unspeakable things with someone who wasn't her, and after she finally believed me she still doesn't want to be with me? I didn't understand this. It was enough to drive any person mad.
"My mind wouldn't let me process the things you were saying to me. My heart was doing all the talking, and it hurt. Maybe I was wrong for not believing you…," Alex ran her fingers under my chin, making me look into her eyes. I wanted to yank away but I had conflicting feelings running through me. "I wanted to believe you, but…my heart was broken, and my mind was telling me how stupid I was. And I was listening more to my head then my heart, because I wanted to forgive you…"
"I told you I didn't do anything." My voice cracked as Alex nodded, pulling her fingers away.
"I know that now. But I didn't then."
"But I told you!" I was getting mad. If she was going to take this much time to tell me all these things and still date Miranda, what was the point of even listening.
"I'm sorry for not listening to you. And I'm sorry for going back on the entire waiting thing…" what was she talking about? Did she mean she actually slept with Miranda, or did she mean she was sorry for dating someone else when we were on bad terms? But we were still dating, wait…we are still dating.
"Alex, we are still dating." I whisper, as she questions me with her eyes. "We've never broken up. And maybe you don't want to hurt Miranda, but you're hurting me…and if she comes over me…then you two should be together." The room was quiet, the air thick. My heart was pounding in my ears when Alex came in to hug me. She just held me, her hair brushing against my cheek as I wrapped my arms around her. She was quiet, and so was I. But then, as if my body knew something was wrong, my chest began to hurt, my heart I suppose. The longer Alex had her arms around me, the longer I felt as if she was saying sorry, and goodbye, all in one hug. I shook my head, not letting her go although she wasn't trying to.
"Who do you love more?" I whispered, brushing her hair away from her ear, resting my lips near her neck. I could feel the warmth of her skin cause my skin to tingle, but I only held her close as she sighed deeply. "Who do you love more?" I repeated, this time pressing my nose against her neck, while my lips pressed into her skin. I felt her stiffen, before she finally attempted to pull back. I didn't let her, because if this was the last time she'd be in my arms, as mine, I didn't want to let her go so soon. Her fingers grazed my waist, before she gripped them, trying to push me back gently. I didn't budge before she just rested her hands where they were. I wasn't sure how long we were standing like that, but the moon that once peeked over a tree out front, was now over a house a few doors down. I moved my hands from Alex's side as she let me go, and as I moved away from her slowly, I pressed my lips against her chin, and then across her lips. Believe it or not, I've never kissed her.
Maybe I shouldn't have told you that. I could feel Alex's trembling lips against mine, her hesitation to kiss back. I slid my hands into hers, and as she kissed back she cupped my hands tightly in her fingers. I think we both pulled back at the same time, her eyes searching my face, my heart to torn to let go. I felt as if she was still going to choose Miranda over me. She smoothed her fingers between mine before finally letting go. We hadn't said a thing to each other in maybe thirty minutes, a hour, I wasn't sure. I took a deep breath as I watched her walk out of the house, closing the door behind her, and still, not saying another word. I wasn't going to cry, because I was too happy to do so. And I wasn't going to scream although my heart felt like it was still slowly breaking. I stood staring at the front door, hoping…just hoping, that'd she'd come back through those doors and kiss me again, telling me everything was going to work itself out.
I stood there, staring, quietly as the moon moved across the sky. The dim light in the living room seemed to fade since it was motion-censored. I wondered why didn't she come back yet. I could hear the faint ticking of the clock just feet away, above the television.
"I'm sorry for not telling you..," I whispered, as a lump formed in my throat. "I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me the most," a single tear fell against my hot cheek, barley cooling it. "I just want you to know," I whispered into the air, at nothing in particular, "if it wasn't for you..I wouldn't of known what love was." I fell gently against the floor, cupping my knees to my chest as I buried my head into them. I knew it was stupid to cry, I felt like crying was a huge weakness of mine, but I never cried about things before. Maybe once or twice with Alex when her dad would yell constantly into the air about her being his only daughter, but that was it. We've been through more then her and that stupid Miranda girl, but I guess I understood what she meant when she said she didn't want to break her heart. I don't think I could either, no matter how much I hate her. I studied the floor in the house until it turned from a dark brown to a light one. I hadn't went to bed at all that night, and I didn't feel like sleeping now.
"Teddy bears," I stood, speaking to the bears on the couch, "we have a lot of work to do to this heart." I pointed to myself before snickering, walking up to my room to wash up and change. After I dressed I was back downstairs, gazing at the stuffed bears. I only had two of them. I was sure Alex didn't take any out of the house, but then again I was too caught up in her arms that…no, she didn't take any. As I stood where I was I heard my mother behind me. She had walked into the house with my dad, both carrying bags. I was glad I washed up, but I suppose my eyes were still a bit puffy.
"Honey are you okay?" My mom asked. Brushing my hair with her fingers.
"No, but I will be." I smiled, trying to forget things if only for the moment. "I was going to get coffee, want to come?" I asked, as my mom nodded.
"My treat." She told me as I smiled, following her out the house. As we walked past Alex's place, I saw Miranda's car outside. I took a deep breath, leaning against my mom's shoulder.
"Mom, promise me you won't let me date again." I look up as my mom shakes her head.
"I'll try my best, but its up to you." She leans against me before we both stand up heading inside the coffee shop. We order our usual and sit at the tall table. I kicked my feet back and forth as it hand down.
"Was it a rough night?" My mom asks as Alex walks into the coffee shop, alone, might I add. She orders something, and my mom turns to see her. "I won't call her over." My mom tells me, as I nod. But Alex comes over on her own, sitting next to me. I look down at my coffee cup, rubbing the foam edges.
"You don't have to sit with us." My mom explains to the girl.
"I know its just, I wanted to apologize to Mitchie," she faced me, "for being so stupid. I was so stupid, and I was stupid for hurting you. And I promise to never, EVER, do that again." She slid her hand over mine. I gazed up, half confused, half hoping she was saying what I wish she would.
"What are you saying?" I ask, before she leans into me, pressing her lips against mine causing my mom to gasp in joy. It was a bit funny. Her cup hit the table as Alex held my face between her hands. When she pulled back she stayed inches away from my face.
"I know that this is going to take time for us, but I'm willing to try."
"You…"
"And I told Miranda things can never work between us, because even if I liked her…it was just that…because I love you, and no one else."
My mom had did this awkward squeal, and I was just glad that no one else besides another set of teens were in here to see our sappy moment we were having.
"I also," Alex pulled back, reaching into a purse I didn't see her carrying. "I had to return him," she showed me 'rainbow sunshine.'
"He's yours," I told her, before she kissed my nose.
"I want to do whatever it takes for us to work."
"I do too." I can't describe the feeling that took place on that day. I want to but I can't. It was a feeling that I've never felt before, and it was stronger then what you hear about or see in movies. I knew, and I still know, that Alex is my one true love, and without her…well…life just wouldn't work.
So this was going to be a long story but I already have other ones I've never finished, so that idea went ker-put. Oh and someone tried to correct my English, so I'd like to say, rather, rather, rather, rather. I know that my English isn't 100% grammatical, but honestly, I've been speaking English my entire life, and no one that I know can speak perfect English. Our lives revolve around screwing up the English language, just like text and web talk, ha-ha. Anyway thanks everyone for reading, thanks for the feedback, and for sticking with me, because its all for you.