Attack of the Mary Sue's
Sarah perched on her throne, stroking her husband's fine, blonde hair, as he groaned into her lap. A wayward chicken fluttered by with a string of Goblin's furiously chasing it, but the Queen didn't so much as bat an eyelid.
"Why me?"
Sarah gave him a winning smile, pressing her lips against his ear.
"I heard it because you're... sexy." She whispered playfully, revelling in his slight shudder.
Sarah could almost feel his lips twitching into a smirk.
"Is that a personal opinion?"
Sarah had just successfully straddled her husband with the grace and elegance of a true queen, when the throne room doors banged open. The goblin's all froze for a second, before continuing on with their daily business.
"What now?" The Goblin King growled against her throat.
In the centre of the doorway stood a woman with flaming red, who seemed rather out of breath and usually pale complexion was ruddy with overexertion. She was wearing an incredibly impractical dress and Sarah didn't mean to judge but her boobs were incredibly out of proportion with the rest of her body. Really. It was ridiculous.
"Jareth." the woman heaved, while the Goblin King teased the lobe of his wife's ear between his teeth, "It is I, my love, Crystal. The one you have been waiting your whole life for."
Jareth paused his nibbling for a moment.
"I have a perfectly delicious wife, thank you very much."
"Yes, Crystal, the beautiful girl with the tragic back story. We'll spend a few badly written chapter's getting to know each other and then maybe about chapter 4 or 6, you put your love-stick in my maiden hood,"
"It is honestly like she's never seen a penis before." Sarah murmured to her husband with slight awe. "Your tights leave nothing to the imagination, how can she not know what one looks like?"
"And then the writing will slowly tickle out and the story will go unfinished... Crystal, The great granddaughter of Sarah William's."
Jareth pulled his face out of the crook between Sarah's neck and shoulder, eyeing her with mock suspicion.
"Is there something you're not telling me darling?"
Sarah shrugged.
"It's news to me."
"Yes." The girl continued, "The same Sarah William's who left you heart broken,"
Jareth groaned and buried his head in Sarah's shoulder again.
"Why do they always bring that up?"
"And then died tragically in a horse riding accident."
"I've never ridden a horse in my life." Sarah exclaimed indignantly.
"Or maybe it was a car crash. And then the car fell off a cliff. There was probably a drunk driver involved. Probably New years or Christmas or Halloween. She might have seen a white owl before she died." The girl scrunched her face, "I don't really remember, but all that matters now my darling is that we can be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ev-ACK!"
The woman was stopped when a blade protruded from her stomach.
"Remember me, my love." She whispered, before landing with a thud. She would have landed on her face but, well, boobs.
"That one died quickly! Usually we get half a Macbeth monologue and a tap dance too." Sarah remark casually, glancing at the girl, before giving her full attention to her husband.
"Yeah, sorry about that." The young girl holding the grip of the sword, placed one foot firmly on the dead girls bottom and giving the sword a rough yank.
It withdrew from the body with a disgusting, squelching noise.
"She just kind of got away from me. Really nimble... considering all the extra weight." The girl gave the one lying on the ground a slight nudge, causing the red head to jiggle more than jelly, before leaning against her sword like it was a walking stick, wiping her sweaty brow.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, your highnesses, but can't you just turn them all into goblins? Please?"
"Are you kidding me?" Jareth scoffed, "The population has quadrupled in size since 1986, anymore and well have to start building on top of the swamp of eternal stench, which has been raised two whole yards since we started dumping bodies there. As for Oubliettes, they are ALL full!"
"Fair enough, I suppose." The girl wiped her sword on Crystal's dress, "Just getting a bit tricky with the thirtieth year anniversary and Mr. Bowie pas-"
Sarah loudly shushed the girl.
"We do not speak of it. What else must you do today hunter?" Sarah arched a regal brow.
"Well, Apparently Jareth has a long lost, half brother who has evil, rapey intentions for you, my Queen, so I'll get onto that."
Sarah turned back to Jareth.
"You have a long lost, half brother who has evil, rapey intentions for me?"
Jareth shrugged.
"You have a great grand-daughter."
"LOVE ME GOBLIN KING!" A voice carried through the open window.
"Back to work I guess." The girl said with a weary sigh, hefting her sword over one shoulder.
"Go forth hunter." Sarah beamed, "Be like our... Buffy the vampire slayer."
"Buffy," The girl smiled to herself, "Huh, I like that."
The King and Queen of the Goblins watched the retreating girl.
"So..." Jareth trailed his hands down the length of his queen's arms, "We have a great-grand daughter."
"Sarah nodded.
"Would appear so."
Sarah flushed happily when Jareth pressed his hips against hers.
"Should we go about making her grandmother?"
Sarah chewed her lip, pretending to be in deep thought.
"Hmm... Perhaps we should practise first. Just to be on the safe side."
"Oh yes, of course, of course. To be on the safe side." He replied with equal seriousness.
With that the pair disappeared with a cloud of glitter, leaving a hundred Goblins wondering what to do with a dead body.
A/N: A short story on me, killing the Mary Sue's of the Labyrinth world, because I'm dreadfully bored. STOP THE MARY SUEING!