Faltered Faith
A cloudless sky...
The golden sun shining beautifully...
The melodious chirping of the doves...
The dreamy swishing of the waves...
The hushed, but excited whisperings all around...
The colours of "love" surrounding everything...
Red Roses, Pink Blushes, White Smiles...
Angels...Lace...Hearts...
Quickened Heart beats...Soft kisses that lips can't wait to experience...
Three simple, though desperately sought words...
Happy couples walking and forming even...
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God…It's enough to make one's heart want to retch…
The droning sound of a bell slowly enters my thoughts and washes a wave of relief over my impatient entity. My pen almost heaves a sigh of relief as it hits my whimpering paper, the sheet dying beneath the venom it holds. The overly cheerful voice of my simpering love-struck teacher stabs at my ears like nails on a chalkboard as she happily awaits our "cute" little "(Enter stupidly blatant sigh here) Hopeful" poems. Good thing I'm still sitting or a bitter little skip across the classroom would have been initiated at the thought. A dark glare hits my flaming ultramarine orbs as multiple brain dead losers stroll past my desk with their personal windup dolls clinging onto their arms like static charged hair. The overdose of exuberant ditzy giggles fills the air like Carbon Monoxide, slowly killing all forms of actual life. Once the completely oblivious twits flit past me, I furiously shove my books into a newly acquired black backpack. My educational mentor is still dreamily floating around the room, talking non-stop about some new "crush" or another. The whole class consisted of her tedious talk about her latest fling or something, before she snapped back to reality to assign us the most stereotypical poem assignment for the day. I'll bet I'm the only loser who actually had enough brains to do the work other than ogle the comatose dope beside me.
Slowly sliding out my chair, I flatly rise to my feet and try not to grow nauseous at the ridiculously decorated room. I had tried to ignore it, but I swear everyone was out to get me on that point. Shoving the chair back into position with a bitter push, I silently scoff as my teacher starts humming something and then, begins to talk of her "angel" for what felt like the thousandth time. I try to imagine her voice is carrying to someone else, but no such luck. She eventually states my name and begins again…
"Yeah…wow…Ms. Kimari…mmhhmm…that sounds great…" God, will nothing shut her up? You've got a date, so what? You've had them before; it's not like you keep that secret either. Emotionlessly marching to her sickeningly decorated desk, I slam my poem down upon a few pieces of pink paper, the plain white with vicious black scrawls breaking the oh so "lovely" pattern of wonder. It's bad enough having to write something that is obviously out of any possible jurisdiction, but putting it on pink paper with…what's that…hearts? How freakishly pathetic. Does no one in this class have any sense?
My sudden action causes my teacher to finally jolt from her euphoric state of dementia, taking a small little "oh" from her sugar stained lips. I can taste her smile on the back of my skull as she notices that I actually participated in her menial task. Unable to bear the mentally numbing room any longer, I grudgingly force my white-soled feet to remove me from this place. My professor again begins to flutter about like a drunken hummingbird, spouting more junk about this "special" day. My uncaring indigo hues extend to the ceiling as I exit the frying pan of "love" hell into the searing fires that threaten to make the fiercest dragons run scared. A well-deserved smirk takes over my lips; however, as I can hear my teacher's sudden humming halt like someone had slit her vocal chords before continuing down the hall.
'I guess she misinterpreted my ability to be…erm…mushy…' A snicker escapes my venomous lips as I dodge more "fluff-driven" morons on the way to my locker.
Gee…I so hope 'Requiem of the Obsidian Promise' doesn't spoil her heavenly evening…x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Is there some natural rule that the colours of today must be as such? Heck, even if there is, don't they completely clash with the day's overdone and pointless meaning? Just think about it…White's for mental patients, pink is bacteria laden raw meat and I don't think I need to explain the image for a colour that includes crimson. Not to mention the insulting symbols used within this commercialized date.
Bitter stabs rip through my chest like a freshly sharpened switchblade as my final thought drags out my deeply rooted hate for this stupid excuse for a holiday. I have plenty of reasons to be the way that I do, no matter who denies it, but this is the absolute killer upon my poisoned soul. I'm about to allow the anguishing explanation to again grace my hate-filled lips when I'm faced with the worse case scenario on the worse possible day.
'You've got to be kidding me...I'm in an after school course and I still can't escape the dumbstruck halfwits...' An irritated growl breaks my flimsy resistance and escapes into the near empty halls as I stare vehemently at my new obstacle of the violence containment test of the day. Of all the days…
There resting upon my locker…my locker above anything else…is another one of those lust driven, connected at the mouth, set of tactless idiots who have decided to test tongue length in the most repulsive way. Sour waves of acidic revolt wash over my own tongue as I'm forced to face these freaks without losing my lunch. Though I not all that opposed to losing it upon them right now.
Rather than demand that they move, since it isn't likely that their overloaded hormone brains will decipher my words anyway, I decide to take the even more direct approach. Knowing a neighbour's lock combination is often a thing of otherworldly greatness, especially in a nauseating situation as this. And it's just as I thought, even as I take up the space right beside these creatures of near cannibalistic intent, it doesn't even faze them. In fact, they turn so that the testosterone nutcase has his back to me, his shoulder now upon my sacred school property. 'Well, what can you expect from the ignorant?' Grim thoughts soon turn to slight rejoice as the door unlocks and awaits my reasoning for choosing the storage that doesn't belong to me.
Taking time for dramatic pause, I pull the door slightly closed for a second, before driving it into the back of the charcoal covered skull of the lust-filled dip on my locker. He's lucky I'm feeling merciful right now. Where that mercy is deriving from, I have no idea. But he better appreciate it or I will make my point clearer.
The sudden shock of the hit takes its position and breaks the two out of their mentally disabled state. He curses angrily and the girl shrieks in disbelief. After pulling together portions of their obviously scattered brains, they whip around heatedly to face their 'attacker'. Both of them are ready to fight me, their scowls of rage unfamiliar on such a day. But one glare from me takes away half of the guts they think they have. I am not in the mood for ignorance right now, especially today, so my hostility will not go unused. And despite my being the partial instigator, I'm ready to damper their spirits something fierce.
"Hey. What the hell's the idea, Kairi? Have you no manners or couth anymore?" A venomous 'hah' flies from my lips, my diaphragm putting in its added consent at his arrogant comment.
"Right. This coming from the Igor lackey who is now more interested in tongues than brains and wishes to make his life change evident to all around. Give me a break." My violent sarcasm seems to deter him slightly, since I'm usually more withdrawn than nasty. Everyone is aware of my personality change since I first came here, and they understand my reasons clearly. Though it doesn't seem to register to some that I suppress my hate to get through the day with little hassle, not because I can't be a viper.
"Doesn't mean you have to do something like that. We weren't bothering you. And if we were, you should have looked away then." My maroon coloured eyebrow rises dangerously as the blond princess attempts to lecture me on the situation. Her typical high voice attempts to chastise with actual conviction, which makes the situation that much more amusing.
"Look here, Barbie. You have the vicinity of an entire island to devour each other, with multiple resources to do so, and yet, you choose my locker to complete the task." My furious hand slams the 'attacker' locker door with such force; both of them jump back with intense recoil. They shift back further as I take hold of my locker now and continue my darkened views. "It's after school, for crying out loud, go home and do your homework. And if you're so hormone overloaded that work is an impossibility, go find a closet or something to swallow spit and save the mental humanity of the remaining sane people on this chunk of sand." Grabbing what I required, I slam this locker too, my rage and bitterness taking over my self-control. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and begin to leave when that shrill, nail through head voice speaks out to me once more.
"Geez, Kairi. You've been moody all day. You got something against Valentine's Day?" I can feel my entire body become rigid, the mere mention of the day's name threatening to push me over the edge. Something against it? The question alone is enough to prove her minimal brain capacity to me. Imagine someone asking me that of all things…
"Nothing I'd expect a lust laden freak to understand." Preparing to make my leave from this sickening building, I stop for one final note before taking a corner. "Oh and by the way. I may not be a fashion diva, but I don't think a boyfriend's slobber and blood goes well with cashmere, sweetie."
Her cry of horror brings that pleased smirk back to my lips…
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The golden grains of eroded stone seem to sense my anguished state of anger and put little resistance of the physics nature as I blankly kick my way across the shoreline. Passing the Secret Cave, I breathe the first sigh of relief for the tormenting day. My favourite stretch of island is virtually deserted, of lovesick fools and "VD" day décor. Sometimes, I rejoice the fact that everyone around here considers this place cursed.
The maize globe of the sky is finally taking its leave, staining the azure cover of this island, into a brilliant collage of the visible section of the electromagnetic spectrum. I cave and let the salty air enter my bitterness soaked chest cavity. Strangely, the smell of old memories brings a comforting calm to me and my steps grow softer as I continue down the dimming beach. I can see my house now, the only one in the place. I moved here after returning three years ago. I don't really understand my true reasons, but the solitary surroundings provide my heart with a more peaceful disposition. The mere thought of the Paopu tree being constantly mauled for its precious treasure brings haunting tears to my eyes as well and I often find myself praying the place will remain lonely.
Yeah, people quickly found out that this is where it all happened. Though they have no memory of disappearing, they all know this is where they disappeared. One taken by darkness, the other by force through a violent void. But to me, this place holds an embracing nostalgia for me, memories of before then much more important.
Now that I'm alone, away from disillusioned reality, my violent rage from before seems to melt away, the mush crapload of a day fading with the setting sun. Despite my heart's pain of still being without, I'm beginning to feel slightly happy, an actual smile deciding to grace my lips.
But good things are never meant to last, are they?
As my now calmed entity approaches my small shack, yes my shack called home, my navy orbs are struck with agonizing slashes of deeply rooted contempt. Though the gesture was likely meant to be kind, it makes me want to file this stupid holiday into an unforgiving oblivion. Bitter venom slides over my tongue and forms the most disgusted scowl I could ever hope to muster across my pinkish lips.
There upon my door hangs at least thirty cardboard cutouts of the standard symbol, some floating gently upon my porch. Their simple-minded shape makes the malice tang within my mouth grow more distasteful, the ignorance of my feelings delivering a sharp blow to my chest. Does this island not contain any shred of consideration or form of intelligence anymore? Forced steps bring me in front of the hateful display and I slowly mull over how I plan to rid myself of them. 'This situation couldn't possibly be any worse...'
One of these days, I'm going to learn to stifle that thought before Fate's delightful twin, Chaos, decides to test my sanity and that statement's validity.
But today, simply wasn't that day…Pity for me…
"Like oh wow, Kairi! Look at all the Valentines you got! My gosh, you must feel so special!"
And enter Selphie, the only thing worse than death by Chinese paper cut torture. Her constantly in the clouds mental capacity makes it hard for me to hate her, but I swear her perkiness is going to get her killed some day. She termed romantic in the dictionary ten times over and consistently goes out of her way to prove it. Needless to say, she's the last thing I needed appearing on my doorstep on today of all days.
"Yeah, Selphie. I'm on Cloud 666." A malicious, but severely called for comment, if I do say so myself. I knock the ridiculous papers from my desecrated door, unlock the inner one and swiftly slide into my house. I can almost hear her gasped shock at my blatant refusal of these gestures, which is slightly amusing as I can only imagine how contorted her face became at the exact moment. A few shuffles later, and she follows me in with the damn things piled mockingly in her arms.
"So, what's wrong with them this time, Kairi? Not cut evenly enough for you?" I can feel my nails dig into my palms as I suppress the deep desire to break that flirty little jaw of hers. Sometimes I wonder why I still talk to her; everything she does and says drives me to the brink of insanity. And today was not the best one to toy with me on. And the fact that she was attempting to be sarcastic with me fuels my desire to floor her.
"They're hearts, Selphie. That's enough of a reason to despise them." My mouth almost refused to cooperate when attempting to say the "H" word. Anything that relates back to the universal incident almost seems to haunt me, therefore making any mention of them an extremely painful task. What makes it worse is that the 'fluff brain' should realize it by now.
"Well, d'uh, Kairi. Everyone sends hearts on Valentine's Day. And what may I ask is sooo wrong with that?" Good thing I had lost most of my violent rage coming here or the ditz would be pleading for her life. Rather than try and regain that malice however, I simply turn around and glare at her darkly. She flinches with a slight fear, but isn't one of those wimps to leave without receiving a proper answer. Knowing this fact, I simply raise my arm with a hateful monotone and point to the wall beside her. A small glance is all it takes to refresh her lacking memory.
Upon that wall, is a crude scrawling of the symbol that haunts everyone's nightmares, the symbol of evil incarnate, the symbol of the creatures that killed this island to begin with…For those slower people out there, it is indeed the sublime symbol of the Heartless.
I almost laugh at her objectionable scowl about the lurid symbol carved upon my wall. It has been there since this unaware island had been restored three years ago. Little Miss Romance over there says it was vandals, but I know better than that. She whines and tries to convince me to remove it, but I'll do no such thing. The day that poignant symbol disappears, is the day he will be there to do the job. It's how I'll know it's all over and he'll be here forever.
Despite the numbing connection between that symbol and this cruel day, people don't seem to care about it at all. I guess that's because every starry-eyed moron on this island never had their hearts torn from their chest by light hungry darkness. Their best friends didn't sacrifice their hearts to save them; the darkness possessing one, the other giving his up…both losing their hearts to save one unworthy life. They never stared into the golden eyes of evil itself, the frightening glow reflecting their very death!
Gee…I almost envy them…what would it really be like to live in such an ignorant little bubble…? Is it truly that blissful?
"Oh, gee Kairi. Those poor unknowing souls. They were only trying to do something nice for you. Hearts have always been customary on Valentine's Day; can't you forgive their innocent mistake?" Again, my eyes decide to take in the texture of the roof above me and an aggravated sigh jumps from my chest. For once, the clueless quixotic has a half-decent point. I mean, can I really blame them for being helpless sheep to an authoritarian holiday that demands they be slaves to their pathetic passions? Curse me for admitting it, but I did find this desire-saturated day kind of enjoyable before that bittering incident happened. And I wouldn't want to be called a hypocrite, now do I…?
"……All right, Selphie. You win. It was a…er…kind gesture." My lips twist a little in a strained guilty expression and I force my hands out to accept the paper reflections of dark memories. The repulsive 'I don't have a thought in my pretty little head' grin comes back across her sugary lips as she transversely skips across my living room to place them in my emotionless hands. Talk about hollow; do my words and attitude never affect her sorry excuse for a brain?
"It must be great to have so many guys send you their feelings. I can't wait to know how many there are. You're sooooo lucky!" Sigh…no…I guess they don't.
"Errr…lucky, right." I can't believe how hard it is to stifle smirks; they're worse than smiles. Maybe that's why Riku always had one on his lips. I can barely contain my darkened snickers as I glance down at the first red cutout in my hands. I can feel her fairy princess smile and overly brightened eyes just burning upon my skull, just waiting for some clueless school girl reaction to these ill-bred cards. Boy, won't she be surprised.
"Who's the first one from? C'mon Kairi, I'm dying to know." Geez…Do her batteries have no shortage? Most people consider me solitary, but I know basically everyone upon this island. No doubt I'll know every single one of these 'pitiable suitors'. All the better for me…
"Hmmm…Let's see." Placing the red symbol of mock between my forefinger and my thumb, I bring it up to eye level and scan it with a scrutinizing glare. Creating a stone face expression, I slowly separate my lips and provide her with my most honest reaction.
"Pine…Greyish steel…mahogany…charcoal…olive…sable…emerald…" For each word that slips from my mouth, I flip the card pertaining to that description onto the floor with little more than an emotionless flick. After about ten, the perplexed cupid starts questioning my obscure method of weeding through my erm… 'valentines'.
"Kairi, what in the heck are you doing?" Another heart flies to the ground and I shift the cards down enough that I can produce her with an innocent 'what?' expression. I'm not about to explain myself, so she better clue in fast. Giving her a sarcastic expression, I continue with my screening. Hmmm….blue all of a sudden…time to step up the critique.
"Navy…Ultramarine…Indigo…" I've always had keen peripheral vision, so I can see her jade orbs turn knowledgeable and irritated at me.
"Sorting by eye colour…geez…how thoughtful of you, Kairi." My glare shifts to her with impatience filling my entity. What does she really expect? Unless they're from a certain boy with a heart no one can match, I honestly don't want to know. She doesn't say anymore until I reach a particular colour, which provides room for error. "…Sapphire…" As the card falls, Selphie jumps in.
"All right, I know your game now, but his eyes were that colour…" My entire body snaps rigid at the very hint of his name. Though he's always on my mind, the minute someone, especially today, even begins to mention his title sends shocks through my chest.
"You're wrong! His eyes were mostly of the Royal Blue persuasion, occasionally the colour of a darker blue sky, with flickers of light constantly within. Don't tell me what colour to check!" My breaths become slightly rapid as my rage begins to reform in me again. How dare she correct me, me of all people on what colour his eyes were. Every time I saw them, I grew lost in their inviting sea of comforting blue tone. And now to think of them on a day that practically shoves 'you and your loved one' down my throat, makes me want to break down. But I've already built up my wall of hate for this stupid holiday, and I'm not going down without a fight.
"Sorry, I couldn't quite remember…" Her muttering pushes me again, the entire idea breaking me further. You couldn't remember…How damn convenient that his constant sacrifice means nothing to you.
"Don't scan eye colour, Kairi. Can't you at least give them a decent chance?" Her arrogance nearly floors me. I make a promise to wait for someone while he risks his own life for an uncaring universe and she's constantly pushing me to move on. And again, on this stereotyped holiday…
"Fine, I won't!" I glance down hatefully at the acidic symbols in front of me and filter the remaining ones out with such contempt; my body starts to shake viciously. "Chestnut…obsidian…orange…short…slate…flat…wavy…blonde…and red!" The final paper flips haughtily to the ground and I struggle to contain my bursting emotions. Is it any wonder I hate this damn day so much?
"Real mature, Kairi. Real freaking mature." Her shoulders rise and fall mockingly as she saunters out the door with a hopeless expression imprinted across her pixie face. After slamming the door hard enough to cause a worldly tremor, I furiously tear the taunting scraps of red to thousands of pieces, trying to contain the furious tears that now burn in my tormented cheeks.
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After scattering the jagged scraps of red all upon my floor, I hear a firm knock on my door. Damn it…Can she not leave me in peace? She's caused enough stress around here; I don't need this! But the knock comes again, and I need to vent before I turn this place into a pile of burned wood. Grasping the doorknob vehemently, I swing the door open and open my mouth to start a fight. "Can't you just-"
Ever have one of those stupid moments where you finally discover why your brain is a scientific reject? Me either, but I do know the crap feeling of having a slow brain coupled with an active mouth. "Oh…shoot…I'm sorry…I thought it was…"
"I know who you thought it was. I just saw her leave with that ridiculous 'she's hopeless' look on her face. Is the island truly full of hypocrites now?" I let my smirk take residence over my lips again at my companion's comment. Even though it's a little bittering since she returned, I hope she always stays by my side now.
"Erm…Kairi…you mistake the paper shredder for the printer again?" I can't help it; I have to snicker at her undying wit, even in the most stressful of situations. But that's Misty for you. Always ready to make a quick quip, though I'm getting better at it myself.
"I'm sorry. I know how much you love making confetti, but once I started I couldn't stop." Her melodious laugh brings an actual smile to my face, which is rather relieving. No one really knows about her, and I'm not going to make a big fuss about it. Basically, she escaped from the darkness and landed here. Darkness reclaimed her, and Riku swore to find her. Blah Blah, fast forward…
"Cute Kairi. Now you've hurt my feelings. No confetti for me. Guess your day wasn't so hot, huh?" Well, I'm glad she's being direct, though it does bring up a sensitive issue with me. She knows all about my qualm with this day, which I thank her for, but a darker part of me wants to hate her. Rather than answer her question, an adder's remark exits my mouth instead.
"Bet you and Riku had a blast. Going to the dance too?" Her pained expression pulls guilt from me, and I immediately apologize. It's not her fault, but sometimes I feel like fate is against me. See, Riku obviously found and saved her. Aww…happy ending and all that jazz. They continued on to find Sora, but when they did, something happened. Neither of them will admit it, but I'm not stupid. Sora created a dark rift and sent them both back here. Now, we're all stuck on this island, with no way to get to him, while he insists on fighting the Heartless alone. Stubborn bastard…
"Nah…It's okay. I understand. Personally though, I'm not all that opposed to spending the evening with you watching the 'The Apocalypse of Hell's Cupids'. And I know Riku would love to watch a holiday bashing. That is, if you don't care." Sigh…and here it happens again. As much as I appreciate their kind offer, I'm beginning to feel kind of pathetic amongst all of this bitterness. They weren't here for the first one, but the last two Valentines Day's, I spent the entire evening crying like some typical female who got rejected from her first crush. Last year, they were basically my shoulders of comfort. But it's like I guilt them into it. They're together, but Sora and I are worlds apart. It just isn't fair. But I swore to myself that it wouldn't happen again, hence why I preferred the more hate-filled approach to the day. Hmmm…can there never be a medium for this retarded holiday?
I don't answer her, and instead start picking up the thousands of shreds. They may be scrap, but I don't want it on my floor. She joins me in a silent few minutes of particle retrieving before answering my previous question. "And no, Kairi. Riku and I went about the day like normal. I don't believe everything has to be set on one day. If you care about someone, the date shouldn't matter. Riku agrees, and we'll probably do something tomorrow just to spite the system." I want to grow acidic at the thought since I'll likely still be alone, though I can't help but feel better. Finally, somebody seems to understand the hypocrisy about this commercial holiday.
"Misty…can I show you something…?" She throws her ripped pile of red scatterings into the garbage where they were designed to belong. She nods her quiet response and follows me as I hesitantly walk to my room. She waits solemnly at my door way as I begin to scrounge for something I hold very close to my heart. Despite my bitter outlook towards this manipulative day, I can't deny my quixotic soul deep inside.
"Sora gave me this 6 years ago on this day. I didn't show it to you the year you first appeared because I was kinda shy about it. I don't like to admit it, but I wasn't unlike Selphie on this fairy tale of a day." Locating my special treasure, I take a deep breath and slip my shaking hands beneath it. I walk back over to her and hold it out upon my palms. Everything in her expression smiles back at me, causing a mutinous tingling of my cheeks. My ultramarine spheres shift to the wall, and locate a treasured picture of my two guys play fighting; Riku having Sora in a headlock, like usual...
"...W...Well, Riku first found it, but Sora was apparently adamant on winning it for me. Heh...I know Riku had no problem with just handing it over, but you know how he is..." She snickers at the thought, but doesn't take her gaze from my special gift, almost seeming to sense the love I have for it. My eyes soon fall to my cupped hands as well, the memory slowly washing a saddened happiness over my faltering entity...Oh great...I'm becoming my own personal oxymoron now...
I know I've been constantly ragging on the stereotypical symbol of this mushy day, but in reality, I've been digging myself into a hypocritical grave. This one small gift proves this, but then, it was given to me be the only person I'm willing to accept this shape from.
For bared upon two dreaming hands...an impossible phenomenon with which I was blessed...is a smooth steel grey stone...shaped as a perfectly symmetrical heart...
"I swear...If you laugh at what I'm about to say..." A sarcastic glare quiets my wall of sensitive emotions and insecurities...Damn... "Ok...I know it'll sound stupid, but I really am a believer of finding true love on this day. Even though my faith is beginning to fade, I still ache to see dreams come true." Her deep ocean orbs hardly flicker as she urges me to go on. I hate being so open with my feelings now though. It's like a curse when I do. But she and Riku have done so much...
"Well, truth is, I've been wishing..." Clasping the precious stone and holding it to the thing it represents within me, I force myself to be bared to the day I've tried to hate. "...Wishing upon this stone that Sora will return to me on this day. Obviously, it hasn't worked for the last two years. That's why I was so cold and bitter today...I figured why bother? B-But when you came over and I picked this up...my heart suddenly began to wish again. And if this day is meant to bring true love, then it should work..." I come to a stop and turn away, struggling to keep my faltering self stable. Crap...I'll never be willfully strong...Stupid princess heart of mine...
"I've tried to keep my hopes low...just in case...but I...I...need this...I..." A concerned hand squeezes my shoulder gently and I can hear her shaking lips whisper my name. Shaking off the feeling of a break down of self, I betray my bitter wall again by permitting my typical giggle to hit the atmosphere.
"Misty, I want you and Riku to be together tonight. Just the two of you. Both of you deserve that." Her hand releases my shoulder and pushes me playfully. I turn and meet her eyes again. My expression is pretty straight out solemn, hardly any room for error. I can tell she notes this, but her concern for me reigns still. Blast these kind hearted sometimes...
"Did you not hear everything we've, or I've been talking about. The day doesn't-" But I quickly cut her off and force her back into the living room. Why does this have to be difficult? Try to be nice and they still turn on you. I just can't win...
"Well, I really don't care what you do. Watch the Apocalyptic Cupids if it so suits you, but just do it together. If not for yourselves, then do it as a favour for me." She gives me the most perplexed look, like a puppy that doesn't know better. A small smirk tries to take my lips, but I end up hiding my face in the shadows instead. She was always good at that, so I took mental lessons. Lately, they've been serving me well. "And...I'd kind of...like to be alone tonight...okay?" Her face doesn't change; she does that on purpose. Now I have no clue what she's thinking and it's completely irritating.
"Okay Kairi. I understand, but know that we're here for you." She bows slightly and turns to leave. I don't know why I say what I do next. I have been fighting it all last month, and all of today, demanding myself that I stand strong this year, that I accept life for what it is...that I can face this numbing day on my own. But as she opens my door to let me have my peaceful solitarium, the question seems to slip from my mouth inadvertently.
"Misty?"
"Yeah?"
"But...you will be at Riku's place...right?"
"Yes...Take care of yourself, Kairi. Please..."
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11:45...
A numbing sigh leaves my trembling lips as my falling entity comes to grips with the harshening reality that's enveloping my foolish heart.
Judging by the waves and position of the moon, there's fifteen...fourteen minutes remaining. What the hell made me think that this day actually had meaning...had a purpose...?
The water kisses the shore gently, embracing the small island that was once a comforting residence for me. Great...even the land I stand upon has something to hold and care for it...Heh...maybe I'm the problem? This one mere thought threatens to spill emotion across my cheeks, the obscurity of everything around paradoxing my fragile mind.
But...I'm a princess of heart...am I not? Princesses live in a fairy tale realm, which clearly states that they live happily ever after with the one they love. Hell, they have castles, wealth, titles of the utmost royalty and god knows what else spoiled purity freaks receive just for being born. I don't think I'm asking a lot to just have the standardized trait of being a typical female of the princess species. I live in a small shack, money means nothing, and the "P" title has no meaning here. So is it really fair to deny me my only love and alienate me from my fluffed out sisterhood?
The waves shift ever so slightly, basically untrackable by the untrained eye. But I know better...The day is drawing near its misguiding end... Ah, the useless talents of a lonely shell. For months, I would pine away on this puny rock that somehow supports the life of multiple trees, including that of the legendary Paopu. I need no clock to inform me of the meager and pointless hours of the day. I now know the exact movement of the waves in accordance to the moon's cyclic stages and have greater knowledge than any mere calendar on the prophesied times. Hmmm...Sounds rather pathetic when you really think about it...Was I really that deep of an emotional train wreck?
I can sense my heart fall further within my chest as another minute falls victim to the never ceasing time flow. I find myself briefly wondering about Misty and Riku, but chastise myself viciously. No! The first two years were ridiculous, crying because of some stupid day that was likely made up by some wealth-hungry company that reveled in the manipulation of the mind, and inevitably, the heart. I refuse to become that again. I've worked too hard on my peaceful wall of bitter resistance to falter now...
The unchanged sky mocks my hopes venomously and I prepare to depart this torturous place. The inactive heart gripped brokenly in my fingers, I emotionlessly push myself from my perch on the beloved tree of Paopu and turn to leave. Despite my intense effort to stay numb to the results, I can't help but take in burning pain of disappointment that repeatedly sears my 'glutton for punishment' heart. How stupid I was to believe some half-baked day would bring Sora back to me.
Jumping down to the sand below, I pause for a moment to gaze at the treasured heart that Sora had given me what seems like so long ago. Hurt strands of uneven crimson hair fall over my shaking eyes, completing my shattered image of a deceived soul. Maybe Selphie is right to think of me as hopeless...
Then, like a cruel twist of fate, an untimely breeze picks up, ruffling my clothes and caressing my skin gently. It brushes away maroon strands to reveal myindigo orbs beneath, as though it had been a search fulfilled. Pulling them towards a certain cave, the drastic revelation of atmospheric change leaves as swiftly as it had come. Despite myself, I shift my darkening orbs to gaze at the destination that the air had pointed out. Too obscure to be coincidence...yet too farfetched to be realistic...
Swish... Five minutes remain of this contriving day. Do I dare risk what little sanity of heart I have left for something that screams chances of 'one in a million'? Should I further prove my pathetic hang-up of a labeled day that I have tried so hard to despise?
The tiny heart that lay silently in my hands seems to decide for me as my hope-induced entity drifts uncertainly for that cave. Everything begs me to stop, the foolishness of this act reigning over likelihood. The stars had begun to decline in reformation lately, but it still occurs. Four minutes left on one day? There's no damn way this is going to happen...
But a star hasn't reformed in days, so perhaps that means...No! He's just getting lazy is all... It's not like that's a big shock. You're gonna be disappointed...
Three minutes...
What's the harm in checking? Because you'll break down permanently if he's not there. But suppose he is? Yeah right... There's a chance, there's always a chance. Yeah...to prove you're a sucker. It's just a normal day, not unlike any other. Don't become one of the brainless morons that you so openly chastised before...
Two minutes...
My body halts outside of the cave entrance, rethinking today's events, especially those of the last five minutes. I know I should just spin around and run home, save my heart from the furious darkness of letdowns. But something urges me forward, though I pray I won't regret it. Firmly gripping my treasure, I follow the metallic path of the moon's light emanating from the cave's upper opening. The small crack that was once "Sora's monster" catches the wind again, almost like it's calling my name.
One minute...
My entity locates the cavern, the silvery moon casting the place into a dream-like state...
Two ultramarine orbs slowly scour the room, locating two pictures of beautiful memory. My hand tightens around my precious stone...and then...
The sensation of rare tears slowly slips over my cheeks. I had only felt them once...in three years...the day Misty and Riku returned...
Midnight...
I barely sense my beloved stone leave my hand...
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
The silvered light leaves the cave
Once again; surrendering it to the dark
For below two memories, upon the damp stone floor
Lay the shards of a broken heart...
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
-Fin-
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Heh…Didn't think I was going to give it a happy ending, did you?
So, what did you think of my first true Kairi fic. I really want your opinions upon how I arranged this story. I did everything for a specific reason, but I want to know how you took what I said. I realize that the end may have seemed misleading. But, that was the idea. I'd need thoughts upon how you saw the outcome and interpreted my slightly cryptic signs. If I get enough questions, I'll post the answers in the next chapter of my only chapter fic. Hope you enjoyed my V-Day piece. The Document Manager ate a half of my border of hearts, so I apologize for the lame scene transition cuts.
This story is completely dedicated to one of my favourite authors Zanisha. If it wasn't for her constant inspiration about the hypocrisy and inane ideas associated with this day, I'm not sure the story would exist. I've always had strong opinions about this revolting day, but Zanisha just seemed to structure it all. I hope you were able to get that poem of yours back. Thanks my angsty superior.
And a final thank you to Brett A Longman. The title for this fic was his invention since my brain decided creating the story was enough. Oh, a new update has been brought to my attention. My amazing writer of a friend, Brett, has written a beautiful poem to accompany this story. His talent never ceases to amaze me; His poem brought tears to my eyes even though it was inspired from here. I really hope you'll all check out the poem "Faltered Faith" by Brett A Longman.
Crappy Valentines Day, everyone…Oops…did I say that out loud…?