Choices: The Freshman
Story Notes: You have decided whom you want to be with …. and it's not Chris. You just wish that everyone; including whom you truly want would just stop trying to push him and you to be together. Chris himself doesn't know if he is ready for a serious relationship at this point either; but he is trying to get you to be with him. You really truly don't want to hurt him …. but you don't feel anything but friendship for him …. you are sure that you can feel more for him if he would just finally realize that you will never return any romantic feelings for him. That you truly want to remain in his life as a friend; as a close personal life long friend.
You are trying to remain strong in front of your friends as you realize that your college experience wasn't going to go as you always planned it. Freely enjoying living on campus; going to classes; fully experience the college experience. Not with your dad losing his job. You didn't tell your suit mates everything that your mom had told you on the phone. That not only could they not afford the tuition … but that they may end up losing the house.
You didn't know this fact in the beginning. You were going to get the last of the scholarships that were still available on campus; only to learn that they were all taken. Your spirit drops but then you learned that Professor Vasquez was looking for a assistant …. as such it would pay for your entire tuition; but room and board. You managed to get that job; and keep it. You were so happy that you found a way to remain at Hartford. You called your parents. Then your mom told you the truth about what was going on back home.
Your dad gets on the line, and tells you to remain at Hartford; to take FULL advantage of this opportunity that you have EARNED and DESERVED. That you deserved to have your dream of a full college education with you. That he was proud of you. That he loved you.
You don't want to tell anyone the true nature of your family's money problems. Not that they wouldn't understand. You just don't want to see the pity in their eyes every single time they look at you. You decide to remain strong. To get a good education …. and to work hard to prove that you belong at Hartford, and to prove to Professor Vasquez that yes you were born as "Generation Y" other wise known to the word as "The Millennials" that you truly do have the drive that drives all human beings …. to work hard; and to live. That yes granted you were born in the time that progress has grown where as a two years old you knew how to download a game; before you even learned how to read. That still didn't mean that you didn't know how to buckle down, and honesty know how to read a actual book; and to write on actual paper.
The stress begins to eat at you. You still are too stubborn to admit that you need help. That you need your friends; that you need your family. You are too stressed out to see how truly broken up you are over your family issues …. that you truly DON'T have to solve all on your own!
Author's Note: When I am playing this on line game I have chosen to play as a tan brunette girl. I have chosen the name Faberry. (I have decided to write in third person even through for the game I am playing Faberry …. it's just easier to write stories in third person for me. Sides seeing how this is fan fiction and I am writing about made up characters then in this way I'm taking the ME out of play here).
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She paused as she stepped out of the bathroom.
His eyes lit up; but then they dimmed. "Hey Faberry." Chris spoke in a stiff voice.
"Chris." Faberry reached out; but then paused when her hand was just an inch away from his arm. She pulled back.
Deep sadness clouded his eyes. He stepped back to give her space. He shook his head. "You know something this is quite stupid really." He growled. He noticed that she stepped back as her arms wrapped around her waist. He watched as she pulled within herself. "No wait. I'm sorry for scaring you Faberry." He quickly reached out to place his hands on her thin shoulder blades. He ducked his head trying to meet her lowered gaze. "Please look at me." He husked out.
Biting her lip she lifted her gaze to meet his soft open eyes. The eyes that she truly hadn't seen since the first night on campus. Just before she pulled away from him when he tried to lean in to kiss her on the roof; after the other suit mates left. "Chris …." she breathed out.
Before Chris could speak the main door to their suit opened.
Both teens jumped away from one another. Chris had a pink on his cheeks; and Faberry looked anywhere expect at Chris.
"I need to get ready for my first class." Faberry said in a rush as she rushed towards her room.
Chris sighed as he watched her flee. He turned back to look into the guilty eyes of Zack.
"Sorry man." Zack sighed.
"Not your fault." Chris sighed as he ran his right hand through his hair.
"Didn't mean to interrupt the kiss." Zack grinned.
Chris looked darkly at the slightly younger teenager. But then he relaxed. "Look Zack; I know that you are pro Chris for Faberry here. I also know that Faberry has told you over and over again that she just considers me as a friend; nothing else. I also know that Faberry has stressed repeatedly that she would never ever look at me in a romantic way."
Zack nodded. "Hey but you never kn ..."
Chris held up his hand to forestall Zack. "Look Zack I have finally accepted Faberry's true feelings for me." He smiled softly. "I don't want to lose her from my life. If that means friendship then I would love to have that. I am hoping that it will turn into a true, steady and close friendship." His eyes turned to where her closed door was. "She's too important to allow out my life and soul."
"Are you sure Chris?" Zack voice brought Chris's eyes back to his male friend.
Chris smiled. "I'm sure."
Zack breathed in relief. "Good because honesty Chris; it always broke my soul trying to push you onto Faberry. I knew that Faberry's soul truly wasn't meant to link with yours." His chest felt lighter now that it no longer was tightly clenched.
"Then why did you try to push me onto her?" Chris demanded coldly. Raw anger eating at him.
Zack's eyes widen. "I couldn't have you have the sad and depressed look like when we first met Chris."
"So you decided to hurt Faberry?!" Chris kept his voice low. He didn't want anyone else to hear this.
Zack's head bowed. "I have been a horrible friend. Not just with Faberry; but with you also Chris. I should have just allowed you to work through losing Nicole in your own way."
Chris heard the heartbreaking sob that Zack tried to repress. He sighed deeply. "Look Zack; let this be a very valuable learning experience for you. It's not always that great to try to play the Love doctor with people …. especially people whom don't want to be played with." He felt for his friend. He truly did. But he still felt the raw anger against the other boy with his treatment towards Faberry.
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Chris sighed as he eyed the closed door to Faberry's room. Zack had left him to go up to the roof twenty minutes ago. He was trying to decide if he should knock on Faberry's door or just leave it alone for the moment. Before he could decide his cell rang. He reached into his pocket and stared in shock at Nicole's name flashing.
He rose the phone to his ear just as he unlocked the cell. He walked towards the door to the hallway. He had to talk to Nicole. He just had to. "Hello Nikki." He said in as he opened the door and left the suit.
The door closed just as Faberry's door opened. She sighed in relief when she saw the living space empty. She stepped out of her room pulling her door closed behind her. She walked towards the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. She made her way to the door to leave the suit. It was time to work off some of this tension. She sighed as she spotted Chris down the hall on his cell. His back was turned towards her; so she turned and fast walked towards the exist. She sighed in relief once she heard the door close behind her; her eyes closed as she just took in the crisp Autumn morning. It was time to begin to work out the tension.
She opened her eyes and jogged down the steps of the dorm. She needed to get her run on. She couldn't remain still any longer. She made sure the water bottle was firmly in her right hand as she began to pick up her pace down the sidewalk taking her away from the dorm … away from Chris … away from her troubles. She rolled her eyes as fully knew that she would never be away from her troubles. That until things truly were settled good way or bad way …. then the problem will just remain. She sighed as she felt her pace pick up once more. She needed to try to run some of this tension off of her …. before it dragged her down even more.
She ran until she had to stop running. Her hands resting on her thighs as she knelt down trying to catch her breath. The water bottle rolled to a stop against her right heel. Her eyes closed as she tried to fight the need to pass out. She kept reminding herself to take deep calming breaths; to allow her heart to slow back down. To just keep breathing in and out. She soon was able to pick up the water bottle and twist off the cap; she took a careful sip. Just allowing her throat to relax as it took in the water. She took another sip until she knew she was ready to truly drink the water.
"You trying to break the world's record?" A worried voice sounded above her. She gasped in surprised.
James knelt down in front of her. "Sorry didn't mean to startle you." He looked concerned into her wide eyes as her chest heaved with surprised breath. He reached out with his right hand to rest against the side of her neck.
Faberry jerked backwards causing his hand to drop from her skin. She stared wide eyed into his deep brown eyes.
He held out his hands. "No touching. Okay." He spoke in a calm voice.
She swallowed around the lump that had formed against her throat. She just silently stared at him for a few more breaths. She stood to her feet once more. She moved away from him a little as he stood once more. "Sorry I wasn't expecting anyone is all." She felt the tension slam right back in to her. "I don't really like to be touched after a good hard run is all."
"I get it." James nodded. "I'm sorry for scaring you." He folded his arms across his chest. "So do you finish most of your runs like this? Or is it because you have way to much going on?"
Faberry frowned darkly. "No offense James; but it's not really any of your …." She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She took a few deep breaths to center herself once more. Opening her eyes. "I'm sorry James. You are asking because you are concerned about me. I see that. I appreciate it. Truly I do." She breathed in a deep breathe. "Just sometimes when I am overwhelmed I get ..." She paused. "I get like this." She finished.
His brows furrowed in concern.
"It's how I work off some of the extra tension that builds up." She moved passed him; she looked over her shoulder letting him know that she wanted him to walk along side her. Her eyes turned forward as he walked beside her. Close enough; but not touching her.
"I get it." James nodded. "I personally take it to the ring. Boxing helps." He side eyes her. "But when I know I have a lot to work off I always at least have someone whom I trust to stop me when I personally go beyond my limit of stopping on my own."
Stiffing up, "I never get to that point."
James stopped and put his right hand on Faberry's right shoulder stopping her. He moved to stand in front of her so he could meet her eye to eye. "Don't you." He spoke in a rough low voice. "Because what I just witnessed you don't have much control."
A smirk played on her lips. "You did your good deed today James; now you can go off and save someone else." Anger flashed through her brown eyes.
James studied her silently. He nodded. "I can tell this is not the time or place for this. But, Faberry just so you know I'm not done with this discussion with you." He stepped away giving her more space. "I care about you. As a human. As my friend."
Faberry tightly nodded. Her arms crossed across her chest. She fought to keep her temper in check. To keep her tears at bay. She was just so too overwhelmed for this. For anything right this moment. She just needed him to leave all ready.
"Get some rest." James quietly spoke. He turned and walked away. He fought not to look over his shoulder at her … knowing that if he did then she may …. he sighed. He truly didn't want to harm her. He knew he would do some serious damage to her if she broke down out in the middle of track. He kept his eyes forward as he walked away from her.
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Faberry stood staring at the suit door; willing herself to have the strength to open it. Her eyes closed in tiredness. She needed to get into the suit. She needed to take a shower; she needed to change into clean clothes. Her eyes opened and her back straightened. This was her home for the year after all; she had every right to be there. Her hand reached for the door knob as she slid her key into the hole; and unlocked the door. She walked into to find the suit empty. She breathed in relief. At least she could get cleaned up without anyone asking ….
She put that thought out of her head as she moved to her room. She needed to gather what she needed for the bathroom before anyone else came in. She wasn't ready to face anyone yet. She needed a steamy hot shower to try to unwind. Seeing how her run didn't help any. She gathered her bathrobe; and closed her bedroom door once more. She knocked on the closed bathroom door in case someone was in … when no one answer she turned the handle and was relieved that no one was in there. She stepped inward and closed the door behind her.
Kaitlin's breath hitched in her throat as she saw Faberry before the bathroom door fully closed. She felt warmth throughout her inside at the thought of the other girl. Her head rested to the right as she thought of a starry night out in the park. Just the two of them. But then shrift reality kicked in high gear. She sighed as she shook her head. That would never happen. Faberry was into Chris. As a good loyal friend she swore to herself to help Faberry land Chris. After all that's what true friends do for one another … make sure that their friends get their true love and all. Right?
Faberry sighed as she leaned against the sink as she waited for the shower water to get to the temperature that she liked. Looking at herself in the mirror she hardly recogizned herself. Where was that girl that she was when she first arrived? When she thought that she had a wonderful fresh new year at a brand new school …. a school that she honesty wanted to attended. A school where she was excited to be living at … a school where she was excited to finally be at? Where did that girl gone in just a few mere weeks.
"Faberry I'm sorry to say that your father lost his job. We can not afford the tuition. You have to come home. I'm so sorry. We'll make it up to you Faberry. But … we can't play for Hartford any longer. We can't pay for your any college right now."
Her mother's voice rang through her soul. She smiled a bittersweet smile. That's where she went. Tears rolled down her cheeks at the thought of her parents back home …. her still remaining at Hartford instead of going home; and finding a job to help out the family. Her fingers tightened against the smooth sink. She couldn't bare how truly selfish she was being by remaining at Hartford. Yeah she found a way to stay; but her parents my loose the house. How could she remain at college getting an education when her parents could be homeless before Christmas? How truly selfish is she?! She bowed her head as she silently sobbed.
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Sighing deeply as she paused with her hand on the knob. She felt her body straightened to prove how strong; and how put together she was to the outside world; to her suite mates. All she wanted was to make it to her bedroom; close the door. Then try to get some sleep. She sighed as she thought of how much sleep she had lost since learning about her dad's loss of a job,
Faberry placed her face in a friendly way as she opened the bathroom door, and stepped out. She turned her eyes towards where the bedrooms were located to find the gang minus Kaitlin, and Tyler sitting in the living room. She groaned inside as she realized that she wasn't going to make it to her bedroom without talking to anyone. She fought down the need to burst into tears as she looked at her suit mates and her friends.
"We are thinking of pizza for dinner tonight." Abbie smiled from where she sat in the chair with a book in her hands. "What kind of toppings do you want?"
"I'm not really hungry." Faberry shrugged. She started towards her bedroom. "I will probably eat some toast before going to bed."
Chris stood to his feet. "Do you really think toast is going to fill you up Faberry; after all I know you were down at the track for a few hours."
Faberry looked up into Chris's open and kind eyes. "I said that I'm not hungry Chris. I know my own body." Her tension rose once more. She breathed in. "Look thank you for your concern. But truly I am not hungry. I'll eat enough toast; some crackles, and perhaps a small salad." She moved towards her bedroom once more.
"Faberry!" Chris's voice rose.
Faberry turned around and glared at Chris. "Don't Chris." She spoke with fire in her eyes.
Chris bowed his head. He turned and walked towards the kitchen.
Faberry knew that she hurt him. But she wasn't in the mood to make it right with him right in that moment. All she wanted to do was go to her room; change and climb into bed. She just wanted to try to sleep a little bit before her worry kept her awake once more. She made it to her door; and opened it. She sighed in relief with her back against the door after she closed it.
Zack looked over at the kitchen where Chris was pitting pieces of bread into the toaster. He frowned in concern.
Abbie looked away from Faberry's closed bedroom door over to the kitchen. She was worried about Faberry. She knew that her suit mate felt like the entire world is on her shoulders now that her dad lost his job. She had a feeling that things were truly more serious financial situation in Faberry's family then Faberry felt comfortable sharing. She sighed deeply as she realized that if Faberry didn't find someone whom she trusted to unload on …. then the eighteen year old teen may have a hard mental breakdown in her future.
The suit door opened and Kaitlin walked in with a bag from the market. She walked into the kitchen. She quickly pulled out the mixing for the salad that she was going to make. She quickly washed the lettuce and tomatoes; and soon had a small salad in the small teal blue bowel from the cabinet. She made sure there was a very light Caesar dressing on the salad. She turned and was happy that someone had the kettle all ready going. She grabbed a matching mug of the bowel and placed Chamomile tea bag in the mug; then she careful poured the steamy water over it.
Chris had silently placed the plate with the toast; with light butter on the tray next to the salad. He walked from the kitchen; and sat back on the couch.
With the tray in her hands; Kaitlin made her way across the room towards Faberry's door. She furrowed her brows as she realized that there was no way she could knock; not with the tray in her hands. She didn't want to have to bend down to place it on the floor; then knock; then pick it up. She wanted it ready to show Faberry the moment that bedroom door opened.
Chris stood to his feet and walked over to stand to the left of Kaitlin. He lifted his hand and tapped; then he turned and walked away. He took a seat on the couch trying to keep his eyes from drifting over to the bedroom; trying to give Faberry the privacy that she craved right now. But his eyes couldn't remain away. He lowered his eye lids so it wouldn't be looking like he was just opening gawking.
The door opened and it broke Kaitlin's spirit to see how much Faberry was trying to show a strong front. "Here's some dinner." She said with a smile, trying to keep her normal lightness in her voice control. She didn't want to scare Faberry out of allowing her into her bedroom. She needed to be in that bedroom with her suite mate. With her friend. With her …. pushing those thoughts out of the equation …. Faberry didn't need to concern herself with those feelings right now. Kaitlin was willing to be there for Faberry as a friend …. as the strength that Faberry needed right now.
Faberry looked surprised to find Kaitlin in front of her; then her eyes drifted downward to find exactly what she told Chris that she was going to eat that evening. Her back stiffened up. Her eyes shoot over the other girl's right shoulder; "I could have made this myself Chris." She growled as her arms crossed tightly across her chest.
Chris stood to his feet. "Would you have?" He sighed as he shook his head. "Sides I only made the toast."
Faberry's eyes narrowed. "You shouldn't have …."
Kaitlin quickly jumped in. "I made the salad and tea. Before you say anything Faberry; Chris didn't tell me anything."
Faberry's angry eyes left Chris, and met Kaitlin's open ones. "Then how did you even know what I was planning on eating?"
Kaitlin opened her mouth.
"You know something forget it." Faberry didn't give her suit mate a chance to speak. "I'm not hungry anyway." She stepped backwards and was about to slam her door when Kaitlin placed her right foot against the door. Faberry managed to keep the door still once she saw what Kaitlin was going to do. Her fingers tightened around the door knob. "What?!" She demanded.
"You need to eat." Kaitlin moved passed the slightly shorter brunette. She walked over to the desk and placed the tray on it.
"You delivered the meal; now you can leave." Faberry remained at the door. Her frown had deepened as the other girl walked into her bedroom without her saying that it was okay. Her stress just rose even higher then when she first answered the knock on her door.
Kaitlin turned and leaned against the desk. "I'm not leaving until I make sure you eat a decent meal Faberry." She looked across the room to where Faberry was still standing ram rod straight; her fingers turning white around the door knob; and the shocked and very concerned looks of the other suit mates out in the living space.
"Get out." Faberry growled. "Just get out all ready." Her breathing came out in quick bursts.
Kaitlin quickly moved to stand in front of then other girl. She carefully pushed the door shut making sure that Faberry wasn't hit by it. Once the out side world was safely behind the closed door; she pulled Faberry into her. Wrapping her arms around the other girl holding her as she felt the other girl fight for her breath. "Just take slow easy breathes." She whispered in Faberry's right ear.
Faberry whined as her chest hurt with the painful way that it was locking her breaths inward.
"Breathe with me." Kaitlin whispered. She felt Faberry's chest lift when hers did; and she felt the other girl's chest fall when her own did.
Two two suite mates clung to one another as Faberry found the strength to get her breathing under control once more. Her fingers gently stroke Kaitlin's back; and shoulder as she just simply kept time to breathing. Allowing the other girl to help ease the tension back down; to help her find some of her center once more so she could at least breathe on her own once more. She nuzzled into the other girl's smooth skin. Breathing in Kaitlin's scent.
Faberry finally felt she was strong enough to pull away. She stepped back. Walking over to the desk where the tray rested. She sighed as she realized that although she truly didn't feel hungry; it was smart if she did eat enough. After all she had ran past her limit for …. she honesty had no idea how long she truly pushed herself until she was kneeling down on the track trying to breathe. But she knew it wasn't healthy. She pulled the chair from the desk to make space for her to sit down. She picked up the fork, and managed to bring up a small amount of salad; and tomato to her lips. She carefully placed the fork into her mouth; and her taste buds lightly danced at the taste of the salad dressing. But she felt bile trying to work it's way up her throat. She closed her eyes as she willed her body not to reject this food. She managed to swallow the bite and felt the food chase the bile back downward. Her eyes opened as she realized that her body was obeying her wishes. At least something was going her way right now. She took another small bite before lowering the fork to rest against the plate. She needed some tea, Her stomach needed to settle; and feel the warmth that the tea would offer up.
After making sure that Faberry truly was eating; Kaitlin turned away. She frowned at the site of the other girl's bed. It was a complete mess. All the sheets were dirty; with tried up sweat stains all over the bottom sheet. The top sheet; and blanket were twisted into knots. She shook her head as she quickly stripped the bed. She frowned darkly at the sight of the beat up rumpled pillow. She yanked the pillow from the dirty pillow case. She set the pillow onto the mattress. She turned towards the closet and hopped that Faberry had a set of clean sheets and blankets. She didn't want to leave the bedroom to get her own; she didn't trust the other girl to allow her back into the room. Not in the state that Faberry was currently in. She breathed in relief as she found clean sheets; and blankets in the closet. She grabbed it all in one trip; and she moved back to the bed. She looked over at the desk as she watched Faberry nibble on the toast. She turned back to the bed; and quickly made it up. Making sure the covers were turned down so Faberry could just slip right in. She turned around pleased that the bed had fresh sheets on it finally. She found that Faberry was still half way through with the salad; and the tea cup had a quarter left to drink. She walked across the room to the light switch. She dimmed the lighting to be warm and low lighting. Just enough to fall asleep; and not worry about truly seeing any light against closed eye lids.
Faberry sighed. "I can't eat anymore." She stood from the chair and frowned over at Kaitlin. She slowly blinked. "Why are my lights low?" She demanded.
"Time for bed." Kaitlin replied with a smile. "You don't need your full lights on to fall asleep."
Faberry rolled her eyes as she turned towards her bed. She blinked. She blinked again. "W-w-what?"
Kaitlin had moved to the right of the other girl as Faberry silently taken in the sight of the bed. "Figured you will get a much more relaxing sleep in a fresh made bed."
Tears sparkled on the tip of Faberry's eye lashes. "Thank you." She softly husked out. She moved over and sat down on the bed. She looked up into Kaitlin's soft eyes. "Why are you doing this for me? After I have been a bitch to you?"
"You would do the same for me." Kaitlin replied. She wanted to say more. But she could see that Faberry couldn't handle more in depth right now. "Get some rest." She tilted her head at the pillow.
Faberry couldn't fight the yawn; she managed to cover her mouth with her right hand as her mouth opened wide. She felt herself move to lay her head on the fully fluff pillow. Her legs eased into the covers and she sighed in relief as she felt the covers covering her body. She blinked tiredly up into Kaitlin's eyes; which were a few inches from her own; seeing how Kaitlin had pulled the covers up to rest just pillow her left shoulder; she had rested on her left side as she laid down.
"Close your eyes Faberry. Don't fight the sleep. Just relax into it." Kaitlin softly whispered as she brushed aside Faberry's bangs.
Faberry didn't fight her eyes from closing. She hummed at the feeling of the softness of Kaitlin's fingers against her forehead. It had ever been so long since the last time she felt this simple loving comfortable touch. It remained her of home. She allowed her body to relax as it finally drifted off into a sleep.
Kaitlin remained at Faberry's side long after the other girl fell asleep. She knelt down onto her knees beside the bed; so she could keep brushing aside Faberry's bangs; and keeping her fingers lightly against the other girl's warm forehead. "What am I going to do with you Fab? How am I finally going to get you to admit that you need help. That you can't carry the entire world on your own shoulders?" She whispered as her soft eyes look into the closed ones of the girl whom she was fast falling in love with.
End Chapter One