[…unWARP!]
Good evening.
After plenty of goading from a few close friends—fellow Hey Arnold! fans—who begged me to write a HA! fanfic, I finally came up with an idea. It deals with one issue about the Jungle Movie that has rarely been talked about or even considered, but it will be dealt in-depth in this one-shot.
AND THE JUNGLE MOVIE IS FINALLY GOING TO BE PRODUCED! I can only hope that the ending RESEMBLES this one-shot, even just a little bit!
And yes, I know that the epilogue goes at the end of a story. But that is what this fanfic is: the end of a story. That's why the chapter has that title.
Enjoy!
Toran Caudell
Francesca Marie Smith
in
HOW THE JUNGLE MOVIE SHOULD END
with
Craig Bartlett as Miles
Antoinette Stella as Stella
Jamil Walker Smith as Gerald
Anndi McAfee as Phoebe
and Dan Butler as Mr. Simmons
Edited by Lord Malachite
EPILOGUE
"IT'S NOT FAIR!"
Helga's shout caused just about every bird nearby to fly off suddenly, as though in a panic.
"I NEVER GET THE HAPPY ENDING! IS MY LIFE NOTHING BUT ONE BIG JOKE? IS IT NOTHING BUT A COSMIC PRANK? WAS I BORN ONLY SO THAT THE UNIVERSE WOULD HAVE SOMEONE TO LAUGH AT?"
She huffed and puffed, venting her rage at the jungle around her, and the universe in general.
"WELL, COME ON, UNIVERSE! YOU'VE LAUGHED AT ME, SO WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE IN STORE FOR ME? AN INCURABLE AND DEADLY DISEASE? AN ACCIDENT IN WHICH I DIE STUPIDLY? ANOTHER BOUT OF AMNESIA WHERE I DON'T GET MY MEMORY BACK UNTIL I'M NINETY? WELL, BRING IT ON! I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING ANYMORE! JUST TRY TO LAY IT ON ME, AND SEE IF YOU DON'T GET ANY TYPE OF BACKLASH, WHY I'LL—!"
Her rant was suddenly cut off with a gasp as a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around her torso, and the owner of those arms embraced her from behind in a very loving hug. The girl covered the hugger's hands with her own trembling ones, and her breakdown continued, "It's…so unfair…!" she sobbed. "Why must I be separated from you so soon…and right after we declared our undying love for each other, too!"
Her entire body heaved as she wept, shaking bits of dried vegetation off her faded and somewhat torn pink jumper. She lowered her head, but her pink bow, now tied on her recently acquired ponytail, held her blonde hair behind her.
"It's…totally unfair…"
She couldn't help but shiver when the person hugging her spoke.
His voice always had that effect on her, and she never wanted to hear it and not feel like she was melting.
He was also weeping, from the way his body heaved along with hers. "But…Helga…they're…they're my parents! They…they want me to stay with them! After seven years of being apart…I…I want to stay with them…it's unfair for us to have to choose…I don't want to choose…but…you know how much finding my parents means to me. I can't just…walk away from them. It's not that you aren't enough, Helga. No one could be."
She shivered more intensely when her beloved's arms squeezed her tighter, and his faced pressed between her shoulder blades. Forcing herself to calm down for a moment, she replied, "Ar…Arnold…you…shouldn't have to choose. You should be with your parents, of course…after all, they love you…they care for you…they never get drunk or neglect you or forget your name or call you by the name of your non-existent older sibling…"
"Helga—"
"No…my beloved Football Head…I…I'm the villain here…I'm the bad girl who's just being selfish. I mean…it's completely wrong," she grit her teeth, "of me to ask you to come back with me to Hillwood…it's…wrong of me to tear you from your parent's loving embrace for the second time…it's…so wrong of me…I'm wrong…so completely wrong…crimeny, I…shouldn't…desire you the way I do…after all, we're not even in middle school yet…it's…too much…too soon…for us…I suppose…"
Arnold had enough.
He released her from his embrace, and forcefully turned her around so she would face him.
"Helga—"
She couldn't stand being torn from him, so she embraced him now instead. "It…just hurts…so much!"
Her lamentation was suddenly cut off when the boy placed his hands on her shoulders and shoved the two apart, not enough to break her embrace, but enough so that he could look at her in the eye.
"And do you think that it doesn't hurt me at all?" he scolded with an anger that she rarely saw, but had very much caused her to fall in love with him even more, as it proved that her beloved was no throw-pillow any longer, but a boy. A boy that, while he always looked on the bright side of everything and sought to be friends with everyone, would not let himself be pushed around.
Anymore.
His eyes flared with both anger and passion as he continued, "Do you think that I already forgot everything that happened in the past month? Do you think that I'm not grateful to you for helping me find my parents? For helping me defeat La Sombra? For helping me rescue the Green-Eyed People and finding El Corazón?" His grip on her shoulders relaxed, and it turned into slow caresses as his eyes softened, "Do you think that I…forgot what we both discovered? That I forgot that I discovered…that I really like you…that I like you-like you…that I…love you…" he faltered for a moment. "That I love who you are when you're honest with me? That we discovered…each other? Do you actually think that I completely forgot those two days where we were alone in the jungle, recovering from our injuries…and all we did?"
Helga shivered.
He smiled as he remembered. "All we did…all we could have done…all…the love we shared…because of all that, we were no longer in pain…we weren't lost anymore…we had no worries about anything…it was just…you…and me…together…so…in love…"
It was Arnold's turn to shiver.
Helga knew that he was feeling just as much pain as she was. After all, with all the love they had shared, it was logical that they would share every other emotion and feeling as well; it came with the package, she reasoned, and she welcomed it, too, as long as it meant that the two had found true love with each other at last. That Arnold was actually saying as much—making it a part of their reality and not just a dream or fantasy to be forgotten—Helga could barely restrain her own thundering heart.
For a while, the two blond kids just held each other and wept, standing alone in the middle of the jungle, and completely alone, save for the birds that were gathering around them again and announcing their presence by their various songs and calls.
They didn't know for how long they stood there, but finally, Arnold spoke, "I've…tried to figure out a solution to this problem. I…really…really tried. I've always been able to find solutions to everyone else's problems…but…it seems that when it comes to my own…I…I can never get it right…"
She sobbed.
He just HAD to be right.
"Helga…I…I have to stay. So…please…don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. None of what happened here, and certainly nothing of what's happening in your house…or what your parents do or don't do for you. If…if you can take home one thing from this trip…then I hope it's accepting the fact that it's not your fault. You're a strong…wonderful…beautiful…passionate…awesome girl…and yes, you've done plenty of mean things, but…I don't blame you for them. I never can now, not now that I know the whole truth. Can…can you do that for me…and not blame yourself?"
The girl was lost in the abyss of his green eyes.
Damn you, Arnold, and your infallible logic, and your insufferable yet perfectly viable requests.
Still, she sighed, and nodded, wiping the tears from her ocean blue eyes. "O…okay, my beloved. I'll…I'll do that…but only because it was you who asked me. I…I just wish there was some other way…some other solution to this mutual jeopardy of ours—"
Her soliloquy was interrupted by the sudden rising whine of a helicopter turbine and rotating blades in the distance.
The two blondes stiffened at that sound, because it only meant one thing:
Her departure.
"M…maybe…this time apart will be healthy for us…" he tried to find some bright side to all of this. "After all…'absence makes the heart grow fonder'…or…gah! I can't even make myself believe that crap! I can't follow my own advice!" he snarled, stomping on the ground. Defeated, he rubbed his face.
Helga could only hold him tenderly and rub his shoulders gently. Grinning weakly, she patted him on the back, burying her head into his neck. "Absence makes the heart grow absent, Arnold. It's a good thing that where you're concerned, I've always had a one-track mind."
"You know, in all of this…" he sniffed, "I…I think…a bit of you has rubbed off on me…just like it happened back when we saved the neighbourhood."
Helga was about to say something off-colour when he mentioned "rubbing", but was cut short when he continued his comment. "Really? What do you mean?" she asked when he finished.
"Well…after we saved the neighbourhood, I came to realise that…I'm just a kid, and I can't solve everyone's problems…not without a lot of help. I…started to become a bit more…well…selective…when it came to choosing which problems I tried to help, and not, you know, automatically try to find the quickest and simplest solution to everyone's problems, no matter how huge or how trivial they were. And after all that's happened now, I came to realise that…well…part of your attitude is…to be careful and skeptical…and…well…it's okay to be that way. I…won't be 'looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses' anymore, even though it was that attitude that made sure I never lost hope in finding my parents, and now that I found them…I…I guess I won't need to be so naïve anymore and I'll have to accept the fact that there are things, here in real life, that simply can't be fixed, or that some situations really are as bad as some people describe them."
Helga flinched here.
He sighed, "And…I'll have to accept that we…may not be able to continue…our relationship," the two shivered. "But even if we don't, even if something tragic happens to either or to both of us, that won't take away what we already experienced together. It won't take away how we feel. And barring some super amnesia," he smirked, "it won't take away our memories."
She looked at her beloved, and added, "I…suppose you've rubbed off on me all this time as well…in more ways than one," she smirked herself, though quite sultrily, making him shiver yet again. "After all we've been through, I've learned that maybe, just maybe, in the darkest of situations, there just MIGHT be a bright side to it in there somewhere…that while not everything is rose-coloured, that doesn't mean flat out that roses don't exist…that maybe not everything is hopeless…that maybe there is a solution, if one searches deep enough for it, after all, you…held out and never stopped hoping that one day you would find your parents, and you did, and I held out and never stopped hoping that one day you'd love me back, and now you do. But I do wonder," she raised part of her single eyebrow. "What would you have done if…um…well…you had found out that your parents…um…" she scratched the back of her head, "…didn't…make it?"
He raised an eyebrow too. "If I had found out that they had died?" he asked bluntly.
She flinched. "Well…yes…" He truly was becoming less and less naïve and dense now.
"Well, believe it or not, when I was preparing for the trip, that possibility did lurk in the back of my mind, and as much as I tried to ignore it, it wouldn't go away, no matter how much I hoped for the opposite. So, I decided that if I were to find out that my parents were dead, I would go to their graves, or as close as I possibly could, kneel on the ground, say a short…well…prayer, or something, and thank them for having me and for helping others to the very end, and for teaching me to help others. I would have been hurt, yes, and your dad would have been right in calling me 'orphan boy'," the girl flinched again, "but—heh—the 'bright side to that'," he rolled his eyes, not believing that he still would have found a bright side in a tragedy, "would have been that I wouldn't be plagued any more with the uncertainty of not knowing whether they were dead or alive. I would have let them rest, and moved on as best as I could…and I still would have continued to do whatever I could to help others, whenever the situation arose. After all, that's what they did. What better way would there have been to honour their memories?"
The whine of the helicopter turbines had died down, meaning that it had landed, so the others would be preparing to board it now.
Arnold led her back, but they still walked slowly, trying to prolong their final moments together as much as possible. "And as long as we're sharing, what would you have done if I had decided…" it was his turn to nervously rub the back of his head, "…that…I…that we…shouldn't be a couple?"
"If you had rejected my love and decided to not love me?" She could be as blunt as the best of them, and she knew that by the way her beloved flinched. "Well, I had my contingency plan too, Football Head. If you had flat out rejected me, or if you had fallen in love with another girl and that girl had returned your love," she sighed, "I would have accepted my loss and probably written five or ten poetry books filled with pain and heartbreak, but I would have accepted your decision and forced myself to be happy for you. I still would have continued writing poetry, and maybe I would have tried moving out of town in order to not torture myself every time I saw you, knowing you would never be mine."
"So nothing drastic? No climbing out on ledges saying you would jump if I didn't go out with you? No crazy revenge plots against whatever girl I was with? No attempts to seduce me into falling for you?" he smirked.
"Mmm, all tempting," she bopped his nose gently. "I'm sure I would have thought of all those and many more. But…no. I'd just work out my heartbreak on my own. After all, that would be the sophisticated thing to do, right?" She returned the smirk, squeezing his hand playfully.
"Yeah, I guess it would be. Though I have to admit, I'm almost disappointed," he tilted his head slightly.
"Oh? Well, perhaps I would have also thrown out everything pink that I have and chosen a new favourite colour. Maybe blue, like my eyes?" she fluttered at him.
"You don't have to have everything in pink, Helga. What I said to you that morning was just a random observation from a three-year-old; I never said that pink was my favourite colour," they both chuckled. "Still, you could try other colours anyway. I mean, pink is nice, but I would still love you if your clothes were blue, green, orange…or plaid," he chuckled, and his girlfriend couldn't help but laugh as well.
"You know, something, Football Head?" she pondered. "I just might try that. Speaking of pink, though, I know that you'll never forget me, and I certainly won't forget you, but I'd still like to leave you with the object that started it all, because now that we have each other, I won't be needing it any longer…"
Arnold wondered what she was talking about, but then he saw her reach behind her and untie her pink bow from her hair, letting her locks flow loosely behind her. She then folded the cloth neatly, and placed it in his hands. He blinked before closing his hands around the precious treasure, his oldest link to Helga Pataki that until very recently he had never even known that he had. Helga's ribbon was as precious to him as his own hat—and he could literally feel the significance of it as it rested in his unworthy hands.
"Maybe…when I get home, I'll try a blue one. It will go with my eyes," she sighed.
The boy stopped and looked at the priceless bow in his hands. He also sighed, closed his eyes, and said, "It…it will. I'm sure you'll look beautiful with it." But then, he took off his tiny blue cap, and placed it in her hands. "The only reason I held on to this was because my parents gave it to me when I was a baby, and it was the only connection I had of them for all these years. But now that I found them at last…I…won't be needing this anymore, either. I want you to keep this…because for a long time it was part of me…so now you'll be able to keep a part of me wherever you go."
The girl stared at the treasured cap, and couldn't help but shiver, and then her shiver turned to trembling, which led to her lips quivering out of control, which led to yet another bout of anguished weeping.
"OH, ARNOLD…!"
She crushed him in yet another passionate embrace, and planted a lip-lock on him that easily outdid the kiss that she gave him on top of the FTI building.
He, too, cried bitterly, and returned the kiss with just as much passion.
The two blondes would have continued kissing indefinitely, and perhaps collapsed on the ground and continued there, but then they heard the voices of their friends as they called out to one another, indicating that they were boarding the helicopter.
Reluctantly, the two pulled away, with Arnold giving her one final peck on the right corner of her mouth.
"You…should go now," he said, wiping his eyes. "Ph…Phoebe is waiting for you. She still needs you, you know. It…it wouldn't be right to leave her alone…I guess…"
Damn you, Football Head, for being right!
"You…you're right…my beloved Football Head…there are things that…that girl still needs help with. Maybe…by helping Phoebe…it…it will help ease the pain…"
Here, their words failed.
There was nothing left to say.
They couldn't even bear to say good-bye.
It felt so final, so terminal, so concluding, so…terminating…
"I'll do everything I can to try to see you again," she finally succeeded in coming up with proper departing words.
"I will, too. This…this can't be the end. This will never be the end," he said boldly, holding her hand and resuming their walk out of the jungle and toward the Green-Eyed People's village. "I want you to…live as best as you can, Helga. Don't let the fact that I'm not with you hold you back. Don't grow soft, either. You're one tough girl, and I love that about you…but…now that you've allowed me to get close…don't be afraid to make new friends and let them get a bit closer, too. After all, if Phoebe knows you're a great friend, others might find out about that…and they will want to be friends with you as well…and…things will be better for you…even if it's just a little bit."
She squeezed his hand and added, "You're one big softie, and I love that about you. Others will still try to use you for a doormat or a throw-pillow, but don't let that harden you to the point where you won't want to help anyone anymore…it's…not a nice life, I should know," she sniffed. "I'm…sure you'll be able to find the right balance…and you'll become an even more lovable and awesome and passionate boy than what you are now. Let your parents love you and fuss over you…they have a lot to catch up on, you know. You may not always agree with how they do things with you, but…give them a break; it's not as if they've spent a lot of time with you learning how to be the perfect parents…but…just know that everything they do is because they love you, and they'll never stop loving you, much less forget your name or pass out drunk on the couch or care more about their store's commercials or forget to buy groceries or make your school lunch—"
His right index finger silenced her gently.
"If…if you ever need a break from your family…stop by Sunset Arms any time you need to. They will understand…and my grandma really likes having you around…I guess with only Mrs. Kokoshka there, it's hard to live in a house where the rest of the boarders are men," he chuckled. "I don't know if you can stay with Phoebe but…things…just might work out."
She raised her single eyebrow again. "Are you serious, Football Head? Don't you mean 'things WILL work out'?"
"Hey, not everything in Real Life is rose-coloured," he smirked.
"Maybe, but that doesn't mean that roses don't exist," she repeated, kissing his cheek. "I love you, my most beloved Football Head."
He smiled and blushed, "I thought I knew what love was when I was chasing other girls, but I was so wrong. Thanks to you, I now know what True Love is. And it's with that love that I love you now, my beloved Helga."
The two had stopped again, right on the treeline, and embraced for the final time. Then, they looked at each other's eyes, and decided to go for one last kiss, too.
"Thanks," Helga whispered tearfully, trying to find the strength to let go of everything she'd ever dreamed. "For…for everything."
"Thank you." Arnold returned her gratitude. "For showing me all the possibilities."
Struggling to not start bawling again, but still with quivering lips and reddened eyes, they separated, and Helga walked toward the helicopter that had landed in the clearing on the opposite edge of the village, while Arnold shuffled off, head down and hands in his pockets, toward the hut where he and his parents were staying.
The blonde girl also shuffled away, fruitlessly prolonging her time here by whatever means possible, or even hopelessly buying time in case a last-minute miracle happened. She couldn't hear the final words Arnold had whispered under his breath to her departing form, but then, she might not have been able to go on if she had:
"Have a good life."
Her hopes were dashed when she heard the turbines start again, and saw the blades start rotating.
That seemed to give the coup de grâce to her spirit, her heart, and her hope for a miracle; and she felt them almost being physically torn from inside her and crushed with despair, anger, and heartbreak.
Almost, it seemed, as if she had just died.
And, much to her surprise, her life flashed before her eyes; or more exactly, the events of the past month:
The essay contest…
Arnold's winning entry, and the announcement that the whole class was going to San Lorenzo…
Her forging of Miriam's signature, as she knew that her parents would never allow her to take such a trip…
Tricking Bob into thinking that Principal Wartz had recommended a finishing school for her, a boarding finishing school, too, and have him sign a few fake documents that would very much make him think that she would be out of the house for a while, and out of his thinning hair, too…
The flight to Central America…
The arrival at San Lorenzo, and the start of the field trip…
The "jungle" portion of the field trip, complete with camping in tents…
Following Arnold and Gerald as they snuck away in the middle of the night…
Witnessing Arnold and Gerald's capture by La Sombra…
Sneaking into La Sombra's compound and rescuing the two boys…
The three fleeing the compound in the middle of the night, and running off into the jungle without a map or a compass…
Running into Phoebe, who had been following Helga the moment she had snuck away from the class' camp, and was planning on getting them out of the compound if they couldn't do it themselves…
Deciding to return to the camp and get the authorities to help…
A mudslide separating the children, Arnold with Helga on one side, and Phoebe and Gerald on the other, losing their maps and compasses…
Arnold and Helga being hopelessly lost in the jungle in the middle of the night, both injured with sprains and cuts, her bow askew…
No help, no radios, no direction, and practically no knowledge of astronomy to help them guide their way…
Arnold despairing, completely losing hope of finding his parents, or even coming out of the jungle alive…
Helga desperately trying to console him, trying to find a solution, like she did back when she was Deep Voice…
Yelling and more yelling, from the both of them…
Her patience running out…
"GIVE ME ONE REASON TO EVEN FIND A BRIGHT SIDE TO THIS, HELGA!"
Her response being a repeat of the kiss on the top floor of the FTI building…
A struggle, with Helga unsure if Arnold wanted to deepen the kiss, or separate…
Her bow falling to the ground…
Her hair spilling over her face…
The two finally separating…
Arnold glaring at her with the biggest shock of his life…
"CECILE!"
Helga re-confessing everything, and telling him why she came along, and why she followed him and Gerald into the jungle…
Arnold suddenly kissing her…
The girl in total shock, but eventually kissing him back with abandon…
Arnold also confessing that he had hoped that her retraction after saving the neighbourhood was a lie…
That he didn't want to press for another confession…
That he had hoped for a long time that she didn't mean any part of her retraction…
Trying for so long to find a way to bring it back up…
And how the incident of April Fool's Day almost made him lose hope…
Helga being completely flabbergasted…
Arnold deciding earlier to give her a chance, but couldn't figure out how to tell her…
His own conflict because while he wanted to give Helga a chance, he still wanted to see how things could be with Cecile…
"I wanted to talk to you here in San Lorenzo…but now…you are Cecile…you…solved my problem…without me having to ask you…I knew I loved Cecile…and since you are Cecile, I now know for sure that I love you for who you are…and who you can be…"
Helga realizing something:
"Wait…you WANTED me to come to San Lorenzo with you?"
His nodding and blushing…
More kissing, and more confessing…
He learns of all the poetry books, the pink book, the final poem, and everything that happened with the parrot…
Forgiveness ensues, as well as more kissing…
Despite the pain, Helga is in bliss, now that her dreams have come true…
Arnold is in bliss, now that he has someone he can love without holding anything back…
Though while they had chosen to fall in love, that didn't solve the problem that they were lost, and there was no way of finding Gerald and Phoebe now, much less the class' camp…
A quick analysis showed that the mudslide had completely erased all tracks and nearby trails, and they were completely covered with mud and totally drenched, and they both had sprained ankles and other bruises and a few cuts…
Despite the bleakness, he suddenly said that it's not so bad, as long as they're together…
After resting a bit, they analysed their surroundings…
Both try walking while supporting each other, they don't get far…
They need to rest…
They stop, and there in front of them is a stream with clean water, which flowed into a clear lake, and several banana trees and other plants with edible berries nearby…
What do they do now? They can't call for help, they can't walk without hurting themselves further, they need to rest…
And their clothes are completely seeped with mud, they're filthy and itchy, their ankles need time to rest and heal…
Arnold has an idea…
Two days later…
Two very clean and very happy blondes with VERY big grins on their faces leave the lake, the pain of their sprained ankles has subsided almost completely …
As they follow the stream, they encounter the Green-Eyed People, who are all oddly malnourished and sickly…
The natives tell them that La Sombra had found El Corazón, and has prisoners: two doctors, that is, the two white adults who have been helping them for many years now…
La Sombra had left the villagers in the middle of an epidemic that had them all weak and feeble, and unable to help the doctors, or even go after them…
They mention that the blonde boy looks a lot like the adult woman…
After getting directions of where they went, Arnold and Helga search for La Sombra…
They find him in a cave, and in it is El Corazón, and Arnold's parents…
They confront La Sombra…
La Sombra punches Arnold, almost knocking him out, and tries to knock Helga out too…
Helga fights fiercely, but a blow to her chin floors her, and she drifts in and out of consciousness…
"I knew my good luck couldn't last…" she mutters…
Arnold almost despairs again, but after seeing Helga down, he goes berserk…
The boy attacks the villain with the karate moves that he had sworn to never use again to hurt others…
La Sombra is forced to defend himself with a staff…
Arnold doesn't back down, and manages to get plenty of good hits…
La Sombra has enough and pulls out a gun…
Arnold sees it, and jumps on the man…
The two wrestle for control of the gun…
The firearm goes off…
Both man and boy fall limp…
Helga, Miles, and Stella yell the boy's name in despair…and heartbreak…
Arnold untangles himself from the villain…
La Sombra is dead…
Helga rushes to kiss Arnold…
He gets lost in the kiss, but suddenly remembers his parents…
He runs to free them, and as the family is reunited, Helga notices something…
They're no longer paying attention to her…
Helga fights feelings of jealousy…
FINALLY, Arnold introduces her to his parents…
The return to the Green-Eyed People's village…
The Shortmans assess the situation, the villagers need them more than ever…
But this time, Arnold will stay to help…
La Sombra had brought a disease that he hoped would wipe out the natives, but he, Miles, and Stella were immune…
Arnold is immune as well…
Arnold is needed to provide more antibodies and more diversification of the villagers' immunity…
Arnold has to stay…
She has to go back to Hillwood…
Arnold has to stay…
She has to tear herself from him…
Arnold has to stay…
She has to go back to that hell that others call her home and family…
Arnold has to stay…
Helga has to leave…
Arnold has to stay…
ARNOLD HAS TO STAY…
Helga stopped.
She was about to step into the clearing that served as a landing pad, and there she saw the old military helicopter that was waiting for her. From its size, it was a personnel carrier, with twin rotors, though from its lack of doors, it had obviously seen better days.
Most of the other students, and Mr. Simmons, had already boarded, and she saw Gerald and Phoebe walking ahead of her, carrying their camping bags, and Phoebe also carrying Helga's pink bag. She only carried it for a little while, because Gerald decided to be a gentleman and took the bags from Phoebe's hands and carried them himself.
Reluctantly, the blond girl resumed her walk, not bothering to look back, because she didn't want her last look of her beloved be one of his heartbroken face, much less one of him in his parents' loving embrace.
She would board the helicopter, it would take them to the airport in the capital, and there they would board the plane that would take them back to the United States.
Back to Hillwood.
Back to her neighbourhood.
Back to the house she lived in with Bob and Miriam.
Back to that sorry excuse of a family she had.
Because while they weren't exactly Parents of the Year, they were her parents, right?
She needed her parents, right? Just like Arnold needed his…
And not only that, the Green-Eyed People also needed Arnold, and they needed him badly, with his additional diverse antibodies that would help them fight that epidemic…
…additional diverse antibodies …
… diverse antibodies …
…diverse…
…diversity…
Helga didn't stop walking, but her eyes widened as she suddenly conjured an idea.
Quickly, she pulled out her ever-present notepad and pen, and frantically jotted down the plan as it came to her. It was completely crazy and improvised, but given the desperate situation she was in, she was willing to bet her life that it would work, one way or another.
After all, she would be carrying it out with the help of all of her friends, including Gerald.
She didn't stop writing or even bother looking up until she reached the skids, practically ignoring completely the harsh downdraft of the helicopter's blades as it whipped her long blond hair behind her. Hurriedly, she put away her pen, and hoisted herself onto the aircraft's left side. Inside, everyone was sitting on the floor and grabbing the handholds that had been welded to the helicopter bed, for the old aircraft had lost its seats long ago. So, she sat on the floor right next to the missing door, and next to Phoebe, who was holding Gerald's left arm very tightly.
Back at the entrance of their hut, Arnold tightly squeezed his parents' hands when he saw his girlfriend climb on the helicopter.
She didn't even bother to wave good-bye, or even to turn around…
Heartbroken, he looked down for a moment, and then turned to his right to see the helicopter's turbulence blow waves on a nearby lake.
The helicopter slowly arose…
Helga suddenly tore the page from her notepad, and stuffed it in Phoebe's hand.
"Helga, what—"
The tiny brunette was silenced when the blond girl suddenly hugged her unusually tightly, and even more unusually lovingly. To make herself heard over the roar of the blades, she leaned into her short friend's ear, and spoke loudly, "Just follow the plan, and everything will turn out right! I love you, Phoebe, so make sure Hair Boy here treats you right, because if I hear that he isn't, I will suddenly show up and Old Betsy and the Five Avengers will beat his face into the ground!"
Before Phoebe could ask what she was talking about, Helga looked out the door, watching the tropical landscape roll by beneath her, and spoke to herself, "Not yet…not yet…not yet…now!"
The entire class suddenly heard someone shout with Phoebe's voice, "HEY, LOOK! THE GOODYEAR BLIMP!" while a finger pointed away from Gerald, Phoebe…
…and Helga…
Being the "mindless sheep" Helga considered them to be, everyone turned away from her and leaned toward the opposite side to try to find the dirigible in question, but much to their disappointment, it wasn't there.
Phoebe, meanwhile, gasped when she saw her best friend toss her camping bag overboard, and then jump out of the helicopter…
…and she never bothered to look back…
Arnold, meanwhile, was on the verge of tears yet again as he saw the helicopter slowly rise from the ground. It continued ascending as it drifted slowly across the landing pad and over the nearby lake.
And then he saw two things fall from the helicopter toward the water.
A pink camping bag…
…AND HELGA…
Since she fell feet first from a height of ten metres, the wind of the fall caused Helga's jumper to ride up, exposing her underwear and bare stomach to whoever had seen her jump. And she felt it, too, but given everything that had happened until now, and the decision she had just taken, she was surprised when she realised that she honestly no longer cared who saw.
Of course, Arnold and his parents gasped when they saw her throw out her bag and jump from the helicopter, before making an unceremonious splash in the middle of the lake.
"HELGA!" yelled the blond boy. He detached himself from his parents and ran to the water.
"What is that girl doing?" asked Miles. "It will take weeks to call in another helicopter to take her back!"
The boy, meanwhile, didn't bother taking off his shoes, and dove into the water as the aircraft sped off into the distance, sans one blond girl in a pink jumper.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, however, he couldn't help but have a few flashbacks of his own, especially when he realised that he had just seen Helga's underwear.
From a distance, at least.
He swam as fast as he could toward the girl who was slowly floating toward the surface, and with a big smile on her face, too.
Her smile became even wider when her beloved grabbed her arms and helped her swim up the last three meters, and once at the surface, the two gasped for air. Treading water, they looked toward the jungle, and saw the helicopter's tail disappear over the trees while the racket of the turbines and rotors slowly faded away.
Arnold suddenly turned to his girlfriend and yelled, "HELGA, ARE YOU CRAZY!"
Before he could say that she could have seriously hurt herself, she only embraced him and replied with unrestrained joy, "Of course I am, Football Head! I'm crazy for YOU!"
"But…what are we going to do now? It was a real hassle to get a helicopter here, so there's no telling when my dad will be able to get another one in! Now it's gonna take forever to take you to the airport so you can return to your f—"
It was her turn to silence him with a gentle finger. "I'm not leaving you, my sultry preteen. You said you never had any luck in solving your problems? Well, that's because you never had ME to help you out with them! And I have just solved your problem now, too! And do you know why? Because it was not only YOUR problem, but OUR mutual problem, Football Head! So from now on, whether you like it or not, if anyone is going to solve YOUR problems, it's gonna be ME! You got that?"
Her rant had caused her to regress to her aggressive personality, so when they both looked down, they were surprised to see that she was threatening him with a very tight fist.
Blushing, she opened her hand, and gently held his face. "S…sorry, force of habit. But as much as we need each other, believe it or not, the Green-Eyed People need me as well! And do you know why?"
Much to his ever-increasing surprise, he found it odd that she was actually waiting for an answer. "N…no. What do the Green-Eyed People have to do with you, Helga?"
"They need your parents' immunity to help come up with a vaccine, and they also need your immunity as well, because of…well…you have your parents' DNA, I suppose. But I never caught their disease, either, despite all the time I interacted with them, which means that one way or another, I'm immune as well, so they need MY immunity to help them out even more!" She took a deep breath, and resumed, "Arnold, you need your parents more than ever. You say that I need my parents too, but your parents, and the Green-Eyed People, need me much more than my parents ever could. If I leave, it would seriously hinder all the work your parents have done up to now, even with you around. If anyone asks, I'm making a 'sacrifice' for these people…" she smirked and held him closer, "…and I just happen to get to keep you on the side, isn't that great?"
She was about to kiss him again, but was cut short when he asked, "But what about Mr. Simmons? He's gonna know that the number of kids who are going home won't be the same as the number of kids who came here in the first place! Sooner or later, SOMEONE is going to come looking for you!"
"Oh, please, you worry too much, Football Head! Do you honestly think that I didn't consider Simmons in all of this? Even Phoebe can take care of that old throw-pillow!"
Back in the helicopter, the teacher in question, and the other children, were fruitlessly trying to find the blimp that "Phoebe" had pointed out. "What 'Goodyear blimp', Phoebe?!" he yelled over the noise of the rotors.
"Uh…sorry, Mr. Simmons! I guess it was just a cloud!"
The teacher shrugged, but then asked, "Did something fall overboard?! I thought I heard something splash!"
"Uh…I…threw out some random debris so we would be more comfortable, sir! It's nothing to worry about!"
The adult looked at her, glanced at the children, shrugged, and enjoyed the view of the jungle. He had already done a head count just before they took off, and some of the kids were up front, so everything was proceeding as planned.
The only child who was staying behind was Arnold Shortman, and he was happy for him, for he had found his parents, but sad, because he would no longer have the privilege of teaching him.
Once she saw that the "throw-pillow" had fallen for the ruse—hook, line, and sinker—Phoebe sighed with relief, and she hugged Gerald's left arm even tighter. The dark-skinned boy was surprised at that, so he turned slightly to look at her curiously.
Looking into his near-black eyes, she smiled.
If Arnold and Helga can do it, then so can we.
Making sure that the other kids kept their eyes on the jungle, and blushing furiously, Phoebe leaned up and kissed Gerald on the cheek, near the ear.
"H…huh?" he stuttered, now blushing furiously himself. "Ph…Phoebe…what…?"
Not wanting to shout, she just smiled and mouthed, "I'll explain everything later…boyfriend," and winked provocatively at him.
The tall-haired boy's eyes widened at that, and his skin turned even darker as he blushed even more furiously.
The short girl, meanwhile, wondered how she was going to do everything that Helga asked of her, so she pulled out the note again to start the planning and logistics.
After all, she was the brains of the class now.
The note read:
Dearest Phoebe, my Best Friend Forever!
I decided that I'm NOT going to risk losing the boyfriend I've sought after for seven years, not when I finally have him, so I'm ditching this ride and I'm going to live with him and his parents in San Lorenzo. It turns out that I'm also immune to the Green-Eyed People's disease, so they kinda need my antibodies in order to survive, so I'm kinda needed here anyway to stop them from dying in an epidemic.
Anyway, I need you to go to my house, go in my room, and get me a few things. Don't worry about Bob and Miriam. Barring any freak circumstances, they won't notice I'm gone until September or October, and if we play our cards right with a "finishing school" I mentioned, they won't notice for maybe two or three years. You, and maybe with Hair Boy's help, can go in my house right after Bob leaves for work. Don't worry about Miriam; she should be stone drunk at the time. If she isn't, just say you're looking for 'Cecile', but got the wrong address, and try again a day or two later. You'll find her drunk eventually, don't worry. Once you're in, get my clothes, my poetry books, my toiletries, and everything that's inside my drawers. I guess you should include my shoes and socks, but I'm not sure if I'll be needing them here. Still, make sure you TAKE THE RED SHOE. It's only the left one of the pair, and don't worry about the right one; Arnold will help me get it later. Send all my sweaters, jackets, coats, and bedsheets to a homeless shelter. It's so hot here that I won't be needing them anymore. Make sure that the shelter is one that's WAY on the other side of town, or in another town entirely. We don't want Bob and Miriam to see a complete stranger wearing my clothes, do we?
Get my documents, too. My birth certificate, school records, and everything else, are in a folder on top of my closet. Stupid Bob and Miriam; they originally had them in a bookshelf, next to some old vinyl records, right in the open, geez. You'd think they'd care enough about me to keep them somewhere safer!
Take your time and don't try to rush things. I'd like to have my stuff here, but there's no real hurry for it. I have my beloved Arnold here, after all, nudge-nudge-wink-wink, ha ha ha!
Once you get everything, keep an eye out in Sunset Arms. Arnold's parents are going to send a large package to his grandparents, and will ask them to mail some of his stuff here. In the Shortmans' mail, I will be sending Phil and Gertie a note that they will give to you, and you only, Phoebe. It will have the address where you are to send my stuff, and don't worry, I'll see if I can include some money for the shipping and handling. Once we have our correspondence started, I'll tell you everything I did to trick Bob and Miriam into pulling me out of P.S. 118 and have them think they signed me up in a finishing school, and what you'll need to do to keep up the ruse.
This was a very hard decision that I had to make, my Best Friend Forever, but it's one that I HAD to make, otherwise I was going to regret it for the rest of my life.
Yes, I'm going to miss you terribly, and I know you're going to miss me terribly, too. Arnold was worried that leaving you alone would bring problems for you at school, but I've noticed the way Hair Boy looks at you, AND I've noticed how you've been looking at him as well. Criminey, Pheebs, you've been staring holes in his face and his butt! And I thought Ihad it bad with Arnold!"
Here, Phoebe's face, neck, and ears turned completely red.
"But I digress. I've been looking out for you for all this time, so maybe it's time for you to spread your wings and fly out of my shadow and be the girl you want to be. And if anyone is going to look out for you, it's going to be Hair Boy. If Arnold found it worthwhile to consider him a best friend, I'm sure he has SOME good qualities that you'll enjoy in a boyfriend. Don't hide under his shadow, but fly at his side, like I'll be doing with Arnold.
Oh, drat, I forgot about Olga.
Well, she's in Alaska teaching the Eskimo kids there, so it's going to be a while before she shows her annoying face again. If she does show up, make sure that Lila receives her and that they do EVERYTHING together; with luck, even Olga will forget that I exist. If she DOES ask for me, tell her "I'm in the boarding school Bob put me in", and "I miss her terribly" (ugh), and that I'll be writing to her once I get her address. We'll then figure out how to send her a letter so that it will LOOK like I'm at that school.
This plan should work for a few years. If anyone catches on and decides to try to take me away from Arnold, well, we'll see what happens when everyone finds out that Bob and Miriam never noticed I was gone all this time. I've got plenty of dirt on them and their negligence that will have them reconsider doing anything against me.
Phoebe, I know that this plan has a lot of holes in it, but if anyone is smart enough to accomplish it, it's you. And I know that Arnold trusts Hair Boy to help you, and if he can trust him, I guess I can bring myself to trust your new boyfriend as well. We will triumph, dearest Phoebe, and no one will separate me from Arnold.
EVER.
I will miss you terribly, but maybe later on we'll find a way to communicate with portable computers or something.
XOXOXOXO
I love you, Dearest Best Friend Forever.
Your own Best Friend Forever,
Helga Geraldine Pataki [she scratched "Pataki" and wrote] Shortman (nudge-nudge-wink-wink, ha ha ha!)
P.S.: Don't be afraid to let loose with Hair Boy once in a while. I know you're shy, but hey, it's worth it, I should know ;)
P.S.S.: I mean it: If Hair Boy treats you badly, just tell me, and I'll fly over there and beat him to a pulp.
P.S.S.S.: And Arnold will help, too!
P.S.S.S.S.: Thank you for being my one true friend when I needed one!
P.S.S.S.S.S.: Until we talk again!
P.S.S.S.S.S.S.: Bye!
With a tear in her eye, the Asian girl carefully folded the letter and tucked it away in her camping bag.
It was certainly a bittersweet departure, for she would miss Helga just as much as Helga would miss her.
Not to mention that she felt scared, because the blonde girl would no longer be there to look after her in school, or anywhere else for that matter, not to mention that they had a HUGE plan to prepare that would have to fool several adults for several years.
But still, she was happy for Helga. Her bullying days were over, she was finally with the love of her life who loved her just as much as she did, and she finally had a real family who would never neglect her, nor ignore her, much less miss out on her birthdays from now on.
As for her…
She looked up into Gerald's handsome eyes…
Well, she had a new protector now.
Perhaps, just perhaps, she would be very happy from now on, too.
Once more, she lovingly squeezed his arm.
And surprisingly, the boy pulled away from her. She was about to panic, thinking that he was rejecting her, but then realised that he did that only so that he could put his arm around her and pull her close. Phoebe embraced him as well, and leaned her head on his solid chest.
Both the African-American and the Asian smiled, not caring who saw.
They both certainly would be very happy together…
The helicopter flew off into the horizon, toward the capital of San Lorenzo…
Back in the lake, the two blondes were still treading water, and the racket of the turbines had finally faded into oblivion.
"But…what about Phoebe? You know, the VERY shy girl who is your best friend?" he asked angrily. "Do you really think that she'll be okay without you?"
She thought for a moment, and replied, "Well, I think Hair Boy will be able to take care of her, maybe even better than I did. They should be declaring their undying love toward each other right about now, you know," she chuckled.
"What?"
"I'm serious, Football Head. It was about time those two got together, and they should be together without any interference from me."
"And what about your parents? AND OLGA!" he exclaimed.
She splashed some water about as she brushed off his worries, "Oh, please, Football Head. It will be AGES before my parents notice I'm gone. They never noticed when I, as a three-year-old, went to preschool, by myself, in the middle of a storm. They never noticed when my birthdays came up, and they certainly never noticed that I went on this trip, so we don't have to worry about them for a long time. As for Olga, well, she has Lila now as her new 'baby sister'. If the plan I sent Phoebe plays out correctly, Olga won't miss me, either."
Arnold stared at her.
And stared at her.
And stared at her.
Helga wondered what his problem was, but before she could ask, he suddenly laughed and said, "I…this is incredible. With everything we've done together, I can't believe that it actually took me ten seconds to remember who Lila was!"
Her mouth dropped. "WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS, FOOTBALL HEAD?" she blurted, though with a very wide smile.
"Yeah! I mean, I was about to ask you, 'Lila who?'!"
The two kids looked at each other, and then laughed and splashed at each other for a while.
The splashing became more and more aggressive and wild, but it suddenly stopped when Arnold grabbed Helga's hands and held them tightly.
He looked into her eyes, and softly said, "With…everything that happened…everything that we've done together…I…guess I'll be removing all the girls from my life who aren't you."
She felt her love for him stir once more. Sultrily, she raised her eyebrow, and smirked, "Oh, really? Well, Football Head, if that's the case, maybe we should get lost in the jungle more often…"
He didn't flinch, but only swam closer, "And have a day or two…or three or four…with only each other's company?"
"Hey, why not make it a whole week? After all, I can't get enough of you…and you can't get enough of me, either, Football Head."
At that, both blondes blushed very furiously.
In order to break the tension, the girl resumed their splashing game, and naturally, he returned fire, or water, in this case.
Helga splashed and splashed, but then stopped when she saw that Arnold had stopped playing yet again, and was obviously deep in thought, from the way he looked ahead of him pensively. "What?" she asked.
"I just realised something," he said, turning to her. "For a long time, I was the eternal optimist, while you were the skeptical one. And now, with this cockamamie plan you just hatched, suddenly I'm the skeptical one while you're the eternal optimist! We really are rubbing off on each other!"
She raised her eyebrow again, thought for a moment, and replied, "Or we may be evening each other out. But I don't mind, do you?" she asked alluringly.
His response was only to laugh and splash her, and naturally, she re-joined the game quite eagerly.
This continued for a while, but eventually, the splash fight died down, and they closed the short gap that separated them.
Their expressions softened, she leaned closer, and whispered, "I love you, Arnold."
"I love you, Helga," he whispered in return. "And I will love you even more—"
Anything else he was about to say was cut off when she kissed him, and the two got so caught up in that kiss that they stopped treading water and sank into the clear depths of the lake.
Unlike their earlier time alone in the jungle, there were others looking on at them, namely, Miles and Stella. They weren't watching from the shore, but from the entrance of their hut, where they had stayed when they saw their son run off and jump in the lake after Helga had fallen in.
"You know, dear, it seems that our little boy has grown more than what we originally thought," said the man.
"You mean more emotionally than physically? That does seem to be the case here."
"Oh, yes. And…Stella…" Miles turned to his wife, "Do you think we made a mistake in leaving him surrounded by adults who, more often than not, refused to behave as such, forcing him to mature emotionally?"
She turned to the lake for a moment, placed her arms around her husband's shoulders, and leaned into his muscled chest, "Well, he seems to have found the love of his life. I doubt he'll trade that for anything, don't you think?"
They lovingly looked at each other's eyes for a moment, turned to the lake again, and saw that the children in question still had not come up for air.
Miles raised an eyebrow, "I wonder how they learned to hold their breath for so long, though."
She looked into his eyes, "Maybe…we should leave them alone…for now," she emphasised. "And maybe we can be…by ourselves for a while, perhaps?" she asked, her sultry tone communicating her obvious desires and intentions.
Miles smiled with just as much desire, "Oh? Don't tell me you want another 'hottest night the jungle had ever known…and I'm not talking "Centigrade"'?"
The two adults laughed.
"How about a hottest 'several weeks'?" she suggested, holding Miles closer. "It's been quite a while since you and I have been able to…relax together…"
"Oh, and relax we will, my love," he replied, picking her up, bridal style, and taking her back into the hut.
Meanwhile, in the middle of the lake, a few bubbles appeared on the surface, followed by a whole flurry of them, before Arnold and Helga burst through, gasping for air, laughing, and smiling.
As they treaded water and caught their breaths, and making some adjustments underwater, Arnold suddenly realised something else. "Oh, great," he said with obviously fake sarcasm, from the way he never stopped smiling. "Now we have to dry our clothes again!"
"Really?" she replied with a mischievous smile, "And what do you suggest we do? Hang them out to dry?"
"Well, how else are they supposed to get dry?"
"Ooh, you naughty boy, you," she chuckled, splashing him.
The boy then swam to where the pink camping bag was floating, and he pulled it toward his girlfriend. Then, hand in hand, they began swimming back to the shore, towing the bag behind them.
As they did, the girl pondered, "Seriously, though, I wonder if any of the girls of the village will have something that they can lend to me in the meantime, and maybe a boy can lend you something, too."
He looked at her with an inquisitive eyebrow. "You mean you actually want to go native?"
She raised her own single eyebrow once again, "You have objections to that, Football Head?"
"Uh…Helga…you do know what they usually wear, right?" he asked slightly nervously.
She only limited herself to repeat, "You naughty boy, you…" and splashed him again.
THE END / DAS ENDE / DIE EINDE / EINDE / EL FIN / O FIN / LE FIN / IL FINE / SFÂRŞIT / KONIEC / КОНЕЦ / BEIGAS / LOPPU / ΤΈΛΟΣ / סוף / TAMAT / LIAU LIAU / DANEH O' / 剧 终 / おわり / UXUL / TLAMILIZTLI
And what do YOU think happened in those two days? Write your own story about those events!
All characters and places are © Nickelodeon/Craig Bartlett. Used without permission.
Special thanks:
Craig Bartlett
Michelle Lamoreaux
Joseph Purdy
Extra special thanks:
Небo Freire
DeepVoice '06
Azure129
Heyarnoldforeverandever
Lord Malachite
José Ramiro Acosta Pérez
NintendoGal55
BrokenRose24 a.k.a. YourEveryDayMia
Thanks for the goading and the inspiration (you all know who did what ;) ).
¡Zacatepóngolas!
Until next time, remember:
I
AM
THE
J.A.M. (a.k.a. Numbuh i: "Just because I'm imaginary doesn't mean I don't exist")
Good evening.
[WARP!]