"I wish to speak with the manager of this department," Luigi said gruffly to the Toad at the front desk.
The Toad began to sweat. He had never been in such an intense situation. The green fluid leaked from Luigi's olfactory orifice and commanded an audience to gather. Ten Yoshi's had emerged from behind the clothes racks and pointed their pistols at the clerk's giant noggin.
"Hurry up before I change my mind about showing any mercy, punk…" Luigi snorted.
The Toad grabbed the phone and called up his boss. A fat green reptile rushed down the stairs. "I'm Mr. Spike. What seems to be all the commotion?"
Luigi grabbed Mr. Spike by his nonexistent neck and shoved him up his right nostril. He blew hard and formed a slimy emerald bubble in which he entrapped his prey with. Moments later, one of the Yoshis took out a large pair of scissors and snipped the bubble free of Luigi's nose. Mr. Spike flew out the window and into the heavens above.
"Gosh!" cried the Toad. "Why would you do such a heinous crime, Luigi?"
Luigi cocked his head towards his squad, a gesture to start taking all the booty, the Crystal Coconut too.
"BANANA SLAMMA!" roared Donkey Kong as he soared in through the window via vine. He shot his little buddie out of his little buddie and flexed his wholesome monkey glutes for the camera.
"DK!" growled Luigi, he pulled out his laser blaster and fired away with radiant passion.
"Luigi, cease this madness!" said DK. He took his out his CG (Coconut Gun) and fired in spurts. One hit the blaster fire, another smacked a Yoshi hard until his guts died.
"Shame on you, DK!" cried Luigi. He discarded the blaster and revealed his trap card. "Now I get 4,000 life points1"
DK gasped at this notion because he had no idea that Luigi had such studly charisma. It was like watching Baywatch except everyone was Professor Kukui with Will Arnett's voice.
"You must trust in the heart of the cards, DK!" called Diddy.
DK did trust and then he made nanners come out of his sleeves. He shot them at Luigi's nose and clogged the portals to the Green and Sticky Zone.
"I don't endorse this hatred!" DK said sagely.
"What a Solomonic deity!" Toad noted, wiping away a tear of gratitude and glory.
"I want all goodness dead and out of my sight until at least next Thursday…" Luigi rasped hunkily. He took a piece of string, tied it around his bottom left canine and pulled hard until he revealed the Infinity Gauntlet he had hidden.
DK gasped again and then took out a pumpkin. He smashed it over Luigi's head in order to quell disaster.
But it was too late. Luigi finally snapped.
DK wept bitterly as he reminisced over snapping himself that one fateful day. He had deeply regretted the heroic sacrifice he had selfishly instilled upon his former rival King K. Rool.
Luigi sneered and took his nose off. He put it on Diddy and Diddy was killed.
DK screamed and held his dead little buddie. "Wake up!" he yelled into Diddy's precious chimp ear.
"That man has had his daisies pushed up," said the evil one. "My Daisy is pushed into girlfriend status just so long as Wario doesn't get the coffee creamer…"
"This is so tookish!" roared DK. He slapped Luigi upside the head and Luigi's head transformed into the next Drew Barrymore.
DK gasped a third time.
The third time was the charm.
A portal opened above DK in response to the fright-filled inhalations and Larry Koopa dropped down with a magic staff.
"Larry! You have come!" said DK with glee.
"Aye, now I must end this tyrant's reign…" Larry said as he stabbed Luigi's cheeses with the staff.
Luigi shrieked and exploded into ten of thousands of teeny tiny pieces. It was official, Luigi's Spotify premium had finally expired.
"Dang," said DK. "Luigi has just lost his spoofy poof. I almost feel sorry for the fella."
Larry Koopa nodded. He put a magic spell on Diddy's body and brought him back to life. "Now go forth and bring fruitful goodness to the land."
"What a kindhearted gentleman you are, Larry," said DK.
Larry then ascended into the skies and DK and Diddy went back to Kongo Bongo Island to get more sick squad wins on Fortnite.
But Luigi's nose still lived on in the hearts of great disdain…
THE END?