Title: The Visit

Short Summary:
Takes place after Darkside of the Moon. What would happen if our two favorite ghosts show up at Privet Drive 4 to have a small chat with The Dursley's? One shot, a little language.

Pairings:
Lilly/James, Vernon/Petunia, Dudley

Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter characters.

A/N: This is about Lily and James visiting the Dursley's as ghosts. Should be funny. Just think about what will happen. This is a one shot fanfic though.

~The Visit~

Petunia Dursely was merrily humming a tune to herself as she was cooking dinner for the Dursely house hold. Both, Vernon and Dudley was in the front room watching the telly as they waited impatiently for supper to be ready. Petunia was wearing a light pink dress and an apron that said "Missus Clean! The only happy house is a clean house."

As she finished setting the table, placing the plates and silverware on the table in their proper places, and a pot of tea in the center for her and Vernon for their evening tea, the stove timer went off. She hurried over and opened the door to smell the delicious smell of meatloaf. She took it out of the oven and placed it down on the counter and then went on to stirring the deep brown gravy on the stove. All the while, she continued to hum Greensleeves, though very poorly. She was entirely off tune.

As she continued to very poorly hum, there was a loud frustrated sigh from behind her. "Please, Petunia, stop humming. If you're going to hum the song, then please, do it right." Someone said from behind her.

Petunia jumped a little and turned around to see who was in the kitchen, only to end up as a bloodcurdling scream.

From the living room, both Vernon and Dudley jumped hearing Petunia screaming and hurried into the kitchen to find out what was the matter. When they arrived, they froze in alarm to see a deathly pale and transparent woman sitting there. Petunia was still screaming at the sight of her. Vernon screamed himself, before he grabbed his wife and son.

Together, the three Dursleys began running as fast as they could towards the front door only to find a deathly pale and transparent man standing there smiling cheerfully at them. "Vernon! Petunia! How are you doing?" He asked happily.

"Ahhhhhh!" Again Petunia screamed and the Dursleys turned away and started running up the stairs.

It was a very strange sight to watch Dudley skip several stairs as he ran up and crying. "Run! Run, Dudley! There are crazy people in our house!" Vernon yelled. The Dursley's ran into the master bedroom and slammed the door and locked it.

"What's going on, mum and dad! Who are they!" Dudley cried.

Vernon started pushing things to block the door. "We don't know, Dudley! What the blooming hell was that?!" He exclaimed. Petunia squeaked several times trying to find her words.

"Oh, Vernon. You shouldn't say such words in front of the boy. He'll start saying them." Someone said.

The Dursley's jumped and spun around and there sitting on the corner of the bed was the woman and the man standing next to her. Again with Petunia screaming with Dudley and Vernon quickly pushed the dresser aside and they ran out the door and towards the stairs.

The two spirits looked at each other and sighed. "This is harder than we though, James, dear." The woman said.

The man sighed and nodded. "I think your right, Lily. I've got the front door." He said and vanished in thin air.

The Durleys were at the door and trying to pull it open but it was locked. Vernon stumbled with the lock trying to open it when a face went right through it and grinned.

"Boo!" The Ghostly James exclaimed with an amused grin on his face.

"Ahhhh!" Petunia and Vernon screamed again before they both grabbed Dudley and dragged him back into the kitchen only to find the Ghostly Lily there again.

"Petunia, stop screaming! Please!"

Vernon grabbed a plate and cocked it back to throw it when someone snatched it out of his hand. "Oh, Vernon. Don't do that. This is such a nice plate." James said placing it back on the shelf.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" Petunia screamed even shriller. Dudley fell back into a faint. And Vernon grabbed the broom and began swinging it at James, who just stood there folding his arms. The broom went right though him and smashed against the wall but Vernon kept swinging trying to hit James. "Stay back! I'm warning you!" He yelled.

James rolled his eyes and looked at Lily. "Lily, tell your sister to shut up now."

Lily nodded and looked at Petunia. "Petunia Shirley Evans Dursley! Will you please stop screaming!" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

Petunia slowly stopped screaming and squeaked while looking at Lily. Vernon continued to swing at James who just stood there letting the broom go right through with a dull look on his face. A mock of surprise and hurt look appeared on his face. "Ow! You know that really does hurt!" He lied.

Vernon stopped looking surprised. "Really?" He asked.

James snatched the broom away and threw it to the ground. "No, not really." He said sarcastically. Vernon quickly backed away and wrapped his fat arms around Petunia hugging her.

Petunia stared wide eyed at Lily and her mouth hanging open. "L-Lily?!" She cried out.

Lily sat down and smiled sweetly. "Hello, Petunia. I see you still recognize me."

Vernon's eyes grew very wide. "What in blooming hell is going on here!" He exclaimed.

James walked over towards his wife walking through the table just to stand beside her. The Dursley's, who hadn't fainted yet, looked wide eyed at each other. "What does it look like? We're coming to see you. After all, you are my sister in law and her husband." James said grinning.

"B-b-but your dead! Your not...you're not s-s-suppose to be here!" Petunia cried out.

James dramatically slammed his fist into his chest and pretended to be dying. He gasped and choked while pretending to pull out a knife. He then smiled and held out his invisible knife. "Oh, dear. Is this yours, Petunia?" He asked.

Lily rolled her eyes and pushed her ghost of a husband over making him crash noiselessly to the floor. "James, get real." She said wearily and stood up. She stepped on his stomach, making him grunt and went over to Petunia who shivered. "Actually we're here to talk to you about Harry."

James climbed to his feet dusting himself off. "Yeah, about Harry."

The Dursely's looked at each other fearfully again. "What about the boy?" Vernon asked harshly.

James gave Vernon a dark look. "Why do you insist on calling him the boy? You don't see me calling your son the boy, now do you?" He looked down at the unconscious boy and winced. "If you can call that a boy. It looks more like a pig with blonde hair." He said.

Lily slapped him in the gut. "James, stop it! You're not making this any easier."

She looked back at the outraged looking faces. "Look, Petunia. We got along just fine when we were kids, that is until I got my letter. Why did it have to change like that! We are sisters, even in death, we are sisters! I understand completely that you are terrified that you think that wizards and witches would come after you. But they're not!" She said angrily. She pointed at the chairs. "Now sit down and listen to what we have to say! Because we are not leaving until we've had a talk!"

The two Dursley's shivered with fear and quickly did as the angry ghost told them.

James and Lily's ghosts just stood there. They watched the two Dursley's shiver with fear. "Alright. Now where should we start." Lily asked thinking for a minute.

But James just jumped right to it. "For the past sixteen years, we have watched you torture our son, treat him like dirt and smack him around! And surely we've had enough of it! Why in the blooming hell did you treat him so poorly! We wouldn't have done it to Dudley if you were in our position!" he exclaimed, his arms folding moodily across his chest.

Vernon growled. "Your son is a menace! Just like you! We do not want your sort in our home!" He roared.

James looked offended. "Our sort! For god's sakes! The only difference between us is that we have magical heritages and you don't!" He roared right back.

Lily jabbed James sharply in the side to shush him. She knew that his sharp attitude was not helping the situation at all. It might only provoke her sister and her family even more and that was not what they wanted. "James Potter, for goodness sakes." She looked at Petunia. "Petunia, James is right, though. We have had enough of watching you treat Harry so poorly. For goodness sakes, he's your nephew not some stranger of the street and you have been treating him like a criminal. He has done nothing wrong." She told her.

Vernon narrowed his piggy eyes. "He blew up my sister!" He exclaimed.

James snorted. "Ye-ah, because she was talking crack about us. Why is that?" He asked angrily.

"Because you deserved it!" Vernon growled.

James' eyes darkened again and a dark aura started swirl around his ghostly form. He was obviously not amused by Vernon's answer at all. "We did? Why is that? Because we died and Harry got stuck your sort?"

Vernon stood quickly knocking the chair back. "What's that suppose to mean?!" He demanded.

James rested his palms on the table leaning forward. "What I mean is, you're his uncle and that's not going to change! Why the hell do you insist in treating him so poorly! And don't tell me it is because he is one of our sort! You better give me a real reason! Because that's just rude!"

Petunia and Lily looked wide eyed at their outraged husbands. "He's threatened my son with that thing!" Vernon barked.

James narrowed his eyes. "Harry is a good boy unlike that little cretin you call a son! Do you even know that he has been smoking pot" He exclaimed.

Vernon and Petunia looked shocked. "Y-you lie! My Dudders would never do that sort!" She cried out.

"Yes, he does! Just check his pockets! He probably has some now!" James shouted right back at her.

Both Vernon and Petunia shook their heads, looking outraged at their ghostly brother-in-law's accusations about their son. They refused, absolutely refused to believe such words about him. "We don't need to look in his pockets! We trust our Dudley! He would never....!" The large pudgy man roared, his face nearly turning purple.

Lily sighed as she pinched her nose and folded and arm across her stomach. She knew that this wasn't helping at all. She even lightly smacked James when he shook her shoulder lightly to get her to pitch in. But with a sigh, she looked at her still alive sister. "Petunia, he really does smoke pot. Check his pockets, if you don't believe me."

Petunia shivered as she stood up sharply and shook a finger at her ghostly sister. She was furious, yet terrified at the accusations. "I trust my Dudders! You're lying to me, Lily!" She screeched.

Lily gave her sister a sympathetic look. She felt really sympathetic for Petunia right now. She knew that this was very hard for her to believe. After all, every mother wanted to believe that their child was a saint and not doing anything wrong. So she couldn't blame her for her disbelief. "Have I ever lied to you before?"

There was a long silence as the two sisters stared at one another. But taking several gulps of air, and tears were starting to form in Petunia's eyes. She heaved a few frustrated sighs before she turned her head a little towards Vernon but kept her eyes on Lily. "Vernon?" And when Vernon looked at her, she shook her head. "Look in his pockets."

Vernon blinked. "B-but..." he was saying.

"Now, dear. Lily is right. She has never lied to me before. Even if we didn't get along very well at all in our childhood. She has never been dishonest with me at all." Petunia said. Vernon went over to his unconscious son and bent over him. He ran his hand over his pockets before getting into them and pulling out a small bag full of greens. Petunia closed her eyes as a tear ran down her face.

Vernon looked stricken as he stood straight. "My Dudley...is a druggie? No!" He exclaimed. He turned his eyes on the ghosts. "You have something to do with this don't you!" He demanded.

Petunia opened her eyes. "Vernon, please. Do remember that they are dead and have no way of committing such things." She said. Vernon fell silent. He lowered his head.

James sighed standing straight. "We've come to ask you to start treating Harry with respect. If you don't..." He was saying.

Vernon shot him a look. "You'll do what?! What can you possibly do to us?! You are dead! Spirits, ghosts! You can't do anything at all!" He growled at James.

James smirked devilishly at him and folded his arms as he started to look around the room. "You don't and we'll be moving in. This is quite a nice home you have here. Just think about it." He got a distant dreamy look in his eyes as he waved his hands in the air as if showing off an extravagant sign above them. "The Dursley's and the Potters living under one roof." He said grinning.

Petunia squeaked. She didn't think she could bear the thought of having the Potters living in her home, especially the dead Potters. "You can stay here if you want! We'll just move!" Vernon growled.

James grinned wickedly. "We'll just move with you. We'll follow you to the ends of the earth if we have to." He said. The Dursley's looked pale at the very idea of there being ghosts living with them. That would be horrible for their social standing.

Lily stepped closer to her sister. "Petunia, please. Just start being an aunt to Harry for once." She turned towards her husband. "We must leave now. But if you don't start being nice to him, we will be back." She said sharply. She held out her hand to James who took it. They turned and walked out the back door to the backyard.

As they walked away from the house, James leaned in. "Do you think they believe us?" He whispered to his beautiful wife.

Lily looked over her shoulder at the shocked Dursley's. She smirked. "Oh yeah. They believe us." They walked out and then vanished.

Vernon and Petunia stared wide eyed at the spot where the Potters had disappeared. They then looked at each other. "The boy has to go." Vernon said fearfully. Petunia nodded looking at him.

At the end of the Year

Harry was still standing on the platform looking around. Sirius was standing next to him looking puzzled. They were waiting for the Dursley's to come get Harry. But they had news for them. Harry wanted to move out and live with Sirius, now that he was a free man and they were going to live at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. After waiting for nearly two hours, they took a cab to Privet Drive. As soon as they got there, Harry and Sirius got out of the cab and walked up the sidewalk to the door. They didn't bother knocking. They just went in. They found the Dursley's in the front room.

As soon as they walked into the room, Vernon stood and pointed a fat finger at him. "You! Pack your things right now! You are no longer living here! Not after sicing your dead parents on us!" He roared.

Both Harry and Sirius stared with wide eyes. "What?" Harry asked.

Petunia squeaked fearfully seeing Sirius. "Vernon…." She whispered. Vernon looked at Sirius and his face went deadly pale. He recognized him from the news three years ago.

"What do you mean I siced my dead parents on you?" Harry asked.

Vernon stammered with his words a little fearing if he said anything worst Sirius would kill him. Sirius just stared. "Don't t-toy with me boy." He said nervously.

Harry narrowed his eyes. "I'm not." He said simply.

Petunia folded her arms. "Lily and James Potter showed up here only a few months ago. They came back from the dead just to deliver us a message." She said sternly.

Harry and Sirius looked at each other. "What sort of message?" Sirius asked, a smile starting to curl on his face. He was liking the sound of this. He could only trust James Potter showing up and scaring the bejesus out of these people. He knew that they would too.

Vernon and Petunia shivered. "It doesn't matter! Just get out! Get out now, you criminal!" Vernon growled.

Sirius gave him a dark look but Harry snorted as if something was funny. "Fine, I will. I came to tell you I was moving out anyway." He turned and dragged Sirius up to his room.

Only a half an hour later, Harry and Sirius were waltzing out the door with Harry's bags. They didn't look back until they heard a slam of the front door. They stopped to look at Number 4. "I am so glad to be Dursley-free forever." Harry said with a smile.

Sirius put his arm around Harry's shoulders. "Does the Dursley's ever get into that hall closet?"

Harry looked up at him as they began walking down the street pulling Harry's trunk. "Yeah, why?" He asked.

Sirius grinned. "Because if they open up their hall closet, they're going to find a boggart that I put in there." He said.

And at that moment there was a blood curling scream. Both Harry and Sirius laughed and stuck out their wands only to hear a loud bang and the Knight Bus came and picked them up to take them home.

The End