Sober Me Up

by SoonerMagic

Can Gale sober me up? Could he bring me back down, and help set my feet on solid ground? Could he make me pour out the bottle and get on with my life because our children needed me now, more than ever. The best of his memories were getting the worst of me.

Okay, because I really like my story 'Best of Me' and you guys seem to as well, I've decided to rewrite the whole thing in Katniss's POV. And no, it's not gonna be exactly like 'Best of Me' it's Katniss's story, and how she copes with not having Gale. You gotta read 'Best of Me' to get this story, people!

Lyrics are in bold/italics and Katniss's thoughts are in italics. It's complicated.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games or Frankie Ballard's song 'Sober Me Up' although both are totally kickass and I wish I did! :)

SOBER ME UP by SOONERMAGIC

My name is Katniss Mellark. I am twenty-eight years old. I live in Distract 12 with my husband Peeta and my two wonderful children. I went to the 74TH Hunger Games and won. I started a rebellion. I used to be the Mockingjay. I miss Gale Hawthorne.

This crazy life can mess you up

It's like a bottle of wine

Too much can get you drunk and cloud up your mind

Repeating facts about myself in my mind stopped working eight years ago, thanks to the immeasurable amount of white liquor I've consumed since then. It finally quit aiding me when I sent that first letter to you, Gale. It took a lot of strength and willpower, being the big person and breaking the ice first. I don't regret doing it, though, Gale. Not one bit.

You didn't respond back, but I expected that. I hurt you by picking Peeta, and even by marrying him. And I knew I shouldn't have signed Katniss Mellark, but that's who I am. I am Peeta Mellark's wife, and there isn't anything you can do about it. Or anything I can do. And, trust me, I wish I could do something now.

But that note was true, Gale. All of it. I don't blame you for Prim's death anymore, and, like it states in the letter, I'm not sure I ever did. Peeta helped me get everything straight, and he even encouraged me to write you that letter. It was like he knew how much I missed you, and how much I so desperately wanted to be with you.

But you have probably already moved on, and are kissing another pair of lips. I didn't mean to make you sound like a total brute when I said that; that's just how I envisioned you at the time. You didn't come when I screamed your name, Gale, after I shot Coin. So I wasn't at all sure if I could rely on you anymore. Or if you even considered me your best friend anymore.

But I do miss you, Gale, so terribly bad that the only way I can deal with my grief is by drowning out my sorrows in white liquor. Haymitch doesn't mind me joining him; he was a new drinking buddy. He knows how I feel, Gale. I hope that doesn't upset you none. Haymitch says I'm stupid of thinking about you and wanting to be with you. Peeta loves me, I know he does. But you know what, Gale? I love you. Only you.

Chasing all these dreams down

Can sure keep you stoned

Sometimes, I feel like I'm chasing these dreams that actually turn out to be nightmares. One day I'll feel like I am going to tell Peeta how I really feel, that I don't love him anymore, and in the next I remember the circumstances in which you left. But I want you, Gale, I honestly do. I don't think I've ever been so certain about something in my life. But there in lies the problem.

Me and you, we're too much alike. We are two flames burning brightly in this saturated world. Peeta helps calm that fire down; he's my single dandelion fluttering in an open field, untouched while the world around it is seared and scarred from the fire of anger. I'm not sure if I love Peeta; but I do love you, Gale. I hope you know that.

Lately I've been stumbling around, been out of control

Well I been running running low and loving high on living

And baby I need you to come

And stop the room from spinning

I still remember that night, Gale, and I know you do too. Five years ago, I came to visit you, my excuse that Peeta and I were having trouble. But we weren't; we never have. I just needed to see you, let your face infiltrate my senses and burn yourself into my memory forever.

I appeared on your door step out of the blue, dressed in an oversized jacket and some denim pants. My boots were muddy and I was damp because it'd started to drizzle slightly as I walked from the train station to your small house. You opened the door and, upon seeing me standing there, your face broke out with surprise and shock. I could see it written clearly across your face; it mirrored my own. You saw me there, looking helpless in my too-big clothes, and you took me in like the good friend you are.

It was awkward for a few minutes, but when you poured us both a glass of white liquor, words came spilling from my lips and I couldn't restrain them. I'd needed to talk to you for so long, and I was bound and determined that you were going to listen. And you did just that. You listened without an ounce of anger or irritation. You were always a good person to talk to; that's one of the reasons I love you so much, Gale.

More than once, I was tempted to bring up the letter, but I knew that if I had you would've gone crazy trying to explain yourself. I had so many question I wanted to ask you. Why hadn't you responded? Were you still angry? Could you ever forgive me? Do you still love me? But, the thing is, I knew the answers to all my questions right as I gazed into your eyes. Those silvery depths that could make my knees weak just from looking into them.

They said that you still love me, Gale. And I love you. And I did the most unsystematic, weirdest, inappropriate thing in the world when I received my answers. I started to cry. I was blubbering all over the place and complaining about how much I hated my marriage, and you took me in your arms and held me till I couldn't cry no more.

I pulled back slightly, my mind hazy with wanting and white liquor, and I realized that I was embracing you as if I was about to kiss you. And I wanted to. So I reached up and slanted my mouth tenderly across yours, knowing that this was what you wanted as well.

I never told Peeta about that kiss; as far as he's concerned, he thinks I went into the woods and spent the night. But that wasn't true. I was with you all the night, Gale. I knew that, if I told Peeta, I would hurt him immensely and he probably wouldn't ever recover from my betrayal.

My actions were partly caused by white liquor and my scrambled emotions, but the majority of it was my love toward you. I kissed you for several long, hot moments, but you just wouldn't react to anything. You wanted me – I knew you did by the bunching in your pants from where I was positioned on your lap – but you were still sober enough to remember that I was married. You'd never do that to a man's wife; you had too much pride, and you respected yourself too much to stoop to anything that low.

But I couldn't handle rejection from you again, and so I let the tip of my tongue slither along your closed lips. That was our undoing, Gale. You couldn't take no more of it. You sighed and gave in, picking me up and walking with me in your arms toward your bedroom. And that was where we made love well into the morning.

You weren't my first; Peeta was. But I'd only ever done anything this intimate with Peeta a limited number of times, and so I was unanimously inexperienced. But that was just fine, because you took your time and loved me like Peeta never had. I never told him about our lovemaking; he definitely couldn't handle that.

I fell asleep in your arms after endless hours of lovemaking, but was soon woken by damp droplets of water splashing against my cheeks and forehead. I didn't have to open my eyes to know you were crying; your shuddering body and hiccuping breaths was enough answer. And I knew why you were crying. Because you didn't think we'd last, and we wouldn't. I was married, and you no doubt had a fleet of girls following you around everywhere.

I fell back asleep after you were spent, and when I woke up we made love one more time before I had to go. I didn't want to; could you tell that I was reluctant? You blew up at me, Gale, and that hurt me. I knew you loved me, and you couldn't take the fact that I was going back to Peeta after spending a night – the most wonderful and precious night of my life – with you.

So you pushed me away and went into the bathroom, watching me with no remorse as I gathered my clothes, tears streaming down my cheeks at your angry rejection. I didn't want to leave, but I had to. It seems like Peeta always gets in between us, doesn't it, Gale? My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest and put on display for the whole world of Panem.

Once I'd gotten on all my scattered clothes, I looked back at you one more time before I left, and I saw you swiping away tears at your eyes as I stepped over empty liquor bottles and left.

I knew you were crying when I left, because I looked back, Gale. Just once.

Sober me up

Bring me back down

Help set my feet on solid ground

Settle my soul with just one touch

Clear my head

Baby let your sweet love

Sober me up

My ever flowing tears don't let up as I push angrily away from the table, Haymitch sitting across from me and sipping from a bottle of white liquor. My own empty bottle clatters somewhere in the floor, falling from the table when I pushed on it. I don't care, though. At this point in my life, miserable and feeling like I was worthless, I don't care about anything. Needing to quench my ever raging thirst for the abominable beverage, I grab another bottle from the cabinet and head toward the door without so much as a word to Haymitch. He's used to this by now, anyway.

And I run. I run as hard and as fast as I could toward the woods, the only place I can go to escape my demons. Peeta knows about my drinking problem, Gale, and he's starting to piece together certain aspects of history. He knows when I became pregnant with our children, Gale, and both those times were when I was away. And now he's starting to study Raina and Finnick closer than ever before. He'll realize the truth before long. I don't think I can handle that realization without you here by my side, Gale.

Peeta never let's our children see me in my drunken state. Most of the time, I either go to Haymitch's to drink late at night or sneak off into the woods. I'm still in control of my problem enough to know that I can't let our children see me. I still love and care about them beyond belief, Gale. Never forget that; know that I am the perfect mother to our children.

As I run, I am aware that tears are streaming down my cheeks. I don't care; don't even make a move to wipe at them as my vision goes blurry and I speed up. In some ways, I hope I'll fall or have a accident; maybe the physical pain will take away from the mental. Maybe I could completely destroy myself with just one fall. It wouldn't be that hard.

The white liquor helps me a lot. It reminds me that, no matter how battered and broken I am, I am still capable of feeling emotions. And the only thing I feel at this very moment is love and need for you, Gale.

Well I can get carried away

I can take things too far

Try to find myself an easy fix with bandaids on scares

I'm broken, Gale. So broken that I could be beyond repair. I need you to help me. I need you to help me snap out of the state that I'm in.

As I slink under the fence, a stray wire grabs at my bare shoulder and rips my skin. I sunk in a sharp breath, but I like the feeling of pain. I even relish in it. It helps me remember that I am still alive and that I am still breathing, with blood running through my veins.

I stand up and start walking through the brambles, watching the blood ooze from the narrow gash on my shoulder. I know where I'm headed, and I've been there so many times that I don't have to look ahead to see. I'm heading toward the rock that you and I used to meet at all those years ago.

I am standing in front of the hunk of rock in no time, and I can't help myself as I sink to the ground, littered with the dead leaves of fall. I have no control over my body, but I am slightly aware of the bottle of white liquor making its way to my lips and sliding down my throat, searing a painful path that makes me sob even louder than before.

I lay there, crying, for I don't know how long. I think I pass out for a short amount of time, since I don't recall much of what happens next. But I know I wake up and start gulping down the liquor, hoping against hope that it would keep me awake so I could gaze at your image in my mind. Shaggy black hair, shining silver eyes, full lips, olive skin, and your beautiful, lean body.

I can still feel the way you made my body respond you yours that night so long ago, Gale. You kissed every part of my body, not leaving a single crevice untouched, and then, when I was about to explode with heat and wanting, you gave me what we've both wanted for so long. You bound us together, not just in mind but in body as well.

I shiver violently, remembering the devious grin you gave me when I exploded with pleasure beneath you, and how your moans echoed after mine as you released yourself in me. I miss you, Gale. So much that it hurts to even think about you. But I do it anyway, because I like the feeling of pain, even though it was mental.

A loud, choking sob erupts from my lips, and I roll over onto my stomach and bury my head in the high grass – which used to be kept short since we walked over it everyday – and I scream. I scream as loud and as hard and as long as I possibly can without vomiting. And when I feel like I'm about to die of thirst, I take a long sip of white liquor and then start all over.

I need you so very badly to help get me out of this state that I'm in.

I need to snap out of this state that I'm in

Remember what matters and think straight again

I came to visit again after that night, Gale, three months exactly. I'd told Peeta that I was going to visit Johanna and Annie, because I hadn't seen either of them since the war. And I did plan on going to Distract 4, but I couldn't help myself, and so I got off in Distract 2 instead.

I needed to see you one more time, Gale, to let you know that I was carrying your baby. Our baby. My stomach was a little thicker than before, and I know you noticed because you stared pointedly at me for several moments. I wonder if you figured it out before I told you. I didn't guess you did, because you didn't say anything.

I knew you were happy to see me; the complete joy and utter happiness that flashed through your eyes told me so. I was happy too – ecstatic, really. Because I felt alive with you, like I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. You knew me, Gale, and I couldn't help but be drawn to you even though I was married to Peeta.

You took me into the woods of Distract 2, bypassing the tree that held your bow – I caught a glimpse of it – and leading me toward a large stream. You found us a large rock to relax on, and when you sat down I laid my head on your lap. You probably thought I was doing it to be comfortable. I was really doing it so I could look up at you, and let your handsome features fill my deprived senses. I fell for you all over again, Gale, right at that moment when I was staring, mesmerizing the planes of your face. I gave you a small smile, remembering that night, and you blushed because you knew what that smile meant.

We talked for several moments, mostly you telling me about your job, but I did catch you up on Haymitch's wild antics too. You laughed at them, and I didn't have the heart to tell you that I'd been with him through it all. When I'd gotten back from that night, I started to slowly begin drinking, but quit immediately when I discovered I was pregnant. I only found out a few days ago, Gale. I wanted you to be the first to know.

This felt so right, not like anything with Peeta. You see, whenever I'm with you, Gale, I don't have to act. I feel like our feelings for one another and all the lovemaking we've done weren't fake like they felt with Peeta. I knew I wasn't being videoed when I'd given my innocence to Peeta, but I couldn't keep myself from acting like I had been. Old habits die hard, Gale. But you already knew that, didn't you?

And so I leaned up and kissed you, right on the lips. I knew that's what you wanted, because I wanted it too. And that's what happened by the stream; us kissing with me laying in your lap and you leaning over me, turing your head every which way so you could get closer. This kiss was different; gentler and kinder than the ones from the night, which were desperate and filled with longing. This wasn't our last kiss, Gale, and I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure it wasn't.

But then Raina, barely three months, decided she wanted to say hello to her daddy, and she kicked me. I was scared – I'd never felt anything like that before in my life – and I jerked back, holding my stomach as if I was in pain. And right at that moment, you figured it out. You knew that I was pregnant with our baby.

I looked up at you, with tears cresting my eyelashes and a halfhearted smile tugging at my lips, and I announced the already known, "Gale, the baby's yours. Not Peeta's."

But baby when you kiss me

All the demons seem to disappear

And girl it's scaring me to think where I'd be without you here

But the look you gave me wasn't of joy or excitement; it was one of pure shock and disbelief, like you weren't happy that I was carrying your baby. Your look is what pushed the threatening tears over, and I jumped up and ran away crying. I didn't even care that I was probably hurting the child; you didn't want her, anyway. You made that clear in the look you gave me.

I knew I should've called or something before I came. For all I knew, you could've moved on and been in a serious relationship with another girl, one that was as feminine as they come and very beautiful. Both of which weren't me.

But then your arms flew around my waist and you picked me up against your chest, stopping my forward progress. You spun me around, saw the tears rolling relentlessly down my cheeks and your face softened into one of love. But that didn't stop the scream that was coming up, and the way my fists pounded against your lean chest. I hated you, Gale; I honestly did at that moment.

But then you stopped my objections by smashing your lips against mine, demanding that I return the kiss. And I did, because I can't say no to you, not when we were in this lovely predicament. My hands found their way to your cheeks and I cupped your face, pulling me closer as you did the same. I know you love me too, Gale. You are just too afraid to say it. I am too, though.

We kissed lovingly for a while, but then I pulled back from the lack of air and I gave you one of my genuine grins, and I could feel your heart fluttering underneath my fingertips. I like the affect I have on you; I know that no other woman has ever done to you what I do. You kissed me gently on the nose, wrapped your arms around my shoulders, and walked back toward your house. And there, we made love just one time before I had to go visit Annie and Johanna.

But when it was time for me to leave, I told you that you couldn't come to Distract 12 to watch our baby girl being born. My excuse was that Peeta might think something was up. I know my reason angered you severely, and you told me that that was a stupid excuse. But I got mad right back at you and didn't attempt to visit or even contact you till the day our baby girl, weighing 8 pounds and 7 ounces, entered the world.

Sober me up

Bring me back down

Help set my feet on solid ground

Settle my soul with just one touch

Clear my head

Baby let your sweet love

Sober me up

I sent you a later six months after that day, with a picture of our beautiful baby girl, Raina Primrose Gail Hawthorne. Peeta was the one to suggest that I name her Gail, after you, but I didn't spell it the same. I didn't want to, because I am still married to Peeta.

I remember looking down at Raina, cuddling her to my chest. She has our hair and skin color – black and olive. But her hair is straight like yours and thick, unlike my thin, curly hair. Peeta noticed that; his hair is wavy. But she didn't get her eyes from either of us; they're a bright sky blue, just like Prim's used to be. Raina's eyes are what Peeta is using for an excuse to say that the baby is his, but I think he's itching at the truth about Raina's real father. You, Gale.

But that wasn't all that was in that envelope. There was also a letter, saying that me and you cannot continue our relationship any longer. It absolutely killed me to write that letter, but I had too. It felt like Peeta was ripping my heart out and throwing it on a platter for you to it. Not very pleasant, huh?

But I couldn't keep that promise to stay away from you. I came back again two years after Raina was born, using the same excuse of visiting Annie and Johanna, but I came straight to you. And this time I brought our daughter. You needed to meet her, because she was growing up not knowing who her father was.

You fell in love with her, Gale. You told me that Peeta was a fool to think your baby girl could ever be his, and I just laughed because I agreed with you. I saw the look in your eyes, the one that said you'd never let me or Raina out of your sight as long as you live, and knew that it would be hard to take Raina away from you.. But I knew I could bear the pain, because I had you right there next to me. Like you always were, always are. You've never left my side, Gale, even on the weakest moments in my life. You stayed right next to me. You're my soul mate, Gale, and I will love you till the day I die.

You asked me so many questions, Gale, and I was happy to answer every one of them. You were just curious and worried about your daughter, and you had every right to be. I answered all of your bombarding questions without a single ounce of hesitation, and watched as you played with our daughter. I am happy with you, Gale, and Raina is too. She even told me so.

And when, after hours of talking, we finally got Raina to sleep, me and you snuck off to your room down the hall and made love like we'd been deprived of each other for years. Which, in a way, was true. It was just like that night two years ago, but so much better somehow. We'd get up several times at night and check on Raina to make sure she was sleeping soundly, and then we'd go back to your room and make endless love.

That week was the best of my life. You spent loads of time with Raina, getting to know her, and we even decided to tell her that you were her real father because she never talks around Peeta. You showed us around Distract 2, and I got to meet all your friends, and I noticed that I received several glares from the women, jealous of me because I have you and brought your baby into this world. And then we'd go back to your place and you'd cook because I still can't, and then when Raina was sleeping we'd make love into the morning.

Our son, Finnick Bryant Hawthorne, was conceived that week I spent with you. Our little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, healthy baby boy – weighing 9 pounds and 2 ounces – came into the world nine months later. Peeta is getting suspicious, and he'll figure it all out before too long. I want to tell him before he finds out himself, though.

And I want you right by my side when I break the news to him.

Sober me up

Bring me back down

Help set my feet on solid ground

Settle my soul with just one touch

Clear my head

Baby let your sweet love

Sober me up

I stay in the woods all night, alternating between crying, staring up at the starry sky, screaming, and thinking about you. This is what your memory does to me; I can't control myself, and I have mood swings like no other. I need you, in person, to save me. I need you to let your sweet love sober me up. But I know that I'll never have the luxury of holding you in my arms again if I don't contact you somehow.

The sun is shining when I heave myself from the ground, staggering terribly from my painful hangover, and I head home. I can smell the white liquor occupying my exhausted and riddled body, and I vow to take a shower as soon as I am home. This would be the first time in months I actually clean myself up without being told to.

Though I am reluctant, a small smile spreads across my lips. I feel carefree; as if I'd just shrugged off the heavy burdens that were lounging on my slouched shoulders. But I know this lightless feeling won't last, because by nightfall you'll push your way back into my mind, and depression would wash over my body. Again.

I am smart, though. I know to leave my house when I go into my drunken state, and I refuse to let our beautiful children see me so weak and helpless, being mentally assaulted by your fading memory. I hope you are prideful in that fact. Our babies have never once seem me intoxicated, and they never will, Gale. Peeta helps me stay away, and I am forever indebted to him for it.

In a few minutes, I am at my home, standing in the middle of the gravel path that runs up to the yard. I'm happy to be home, and can't wait to see our babies. They'll be up soon, being early risers like you and me, and I wanted to be there to put a smile on their faces. But just as I start up the cement path leading to the porch, I see that the mailbox lid is hanging open.

Curiously, I amble over and reach into the box, feeling around for any mail. I find a letter and bring it out, flipping it over so I could see who it was from. The address sounds weird, not from around here, but then I see the name written in spiky letters across the front. And I can't stop the huge smile that lightens up my dirty face.

Wrote in dark, bold letters is a single name. And that name is Gale Hawthorne.

Baby let your sweet love

Sober me up

Well, hope you liked this little story, although it is pretty freaking long. But hey, it was GOOD. Well I hope it was. Gimme a review and tell me what you thought. Oh, and also it wouldn't hurt to let me know what you think about me writing a longer story.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to review!

~ SoonerMagic

lmL