Guilt-1st of 50 one- word Hellsing one-shots.
Guilt
Integra Wingate Fairbrook Hellsing was no stranger to guilt. But she never let her guilt get to her. There were things that needed to be done that only she could do. Peopled who fancied themselves close to Integra often wondered what Integra had to feel guilty about. People who actually, really knew Integra could easily tell what she has to feel guilty for. Every day Integra sent her men, her troops, her family, out to die. And they do. They die because of her, for her. And every time they die so does Integra, just a little bit more. That's why every time one of her men does die it is always Integra who calls her solders family, telling them their son, husband or father has died under her service. And every time the inevitable, yet painful question of how they died comes at her, Integra says unflinchingly, "I sent him out to die". And every tear that was shed for Integra's man by their grandfather, grandmother, father, mother, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, wife or child, goes straight to the pile of Integra's bottled up guilt.
Seras Victoria was never one to hide her emotions. And since she had become a child of the Night-fully-it had become painfully obvious to everyone within a 10 mile radius of her that she had been feeling a lot of guilt. She would sulk around the manor wallowing and re-living every mistake she'd ever made in her short 22 years. Seras was one of those goal oriented people, always waiting for the next order, the next mission, the next hurdle. So when left to her own devices Seras was a mess. Guilt was literally ripping the petite girl up. Guilt for killing, guilt for liking it, guilt for being a rubbish vampire, guilt for not being enough for making her master proud, guilt for not embracing the "gift" of immortality, but most of all she felt guilt for not being strong enough to die that night in Cheddar with her comrades. That would never go away.
Walter C. Dornelz was often driven into Alucard levels of insanity from the guilt. But Walter worked long and hard for that guilt and damn it he wouldn't change a second of it. He had tricked, betrayed, lied to, and screwed people over for 54 years for that guilt and it was well worth it. As he burned in the deepest layer of hell reserved for traitors and the damned, Walter thought as he was sifting through his guilt the only thing he would have done different, is he wouldn't have died.
Alucard felt no guilt. Or so he thought. Dracula had felt some guilt and that was his downfall. But before Alucard, before even Dracula, Vlad Tepes, he felt very much guilt. Guilt for killing, guilt for sinning, guilt for having such bad taste in women, also he felt guilt for not enjoying the simple pleasures of life one can't enoy until there dead. The feeling of giving of your own heat, the feeling of your pulse racing, your heart beating, breathing unconsciously. But the main thing Vlad Tepes felt guilt for was not dieing. So maybe he was wrong. Maybe Alucard did feel guilt, he felt guilty for not being able to stay sane enough to feel guilty for all the things he should feel guilty for. The No-Life king realized that this was a lot of guilt for him. And guilt always came with a downfall. Looking around his small cell where he would spend the next several decades a way from his guns and his fledgling until Hellsing needed him to clean up their messes once again Alucard thought maybe guilt and a downfall wouldn't be so bad after all.