Hey guys! It would be great if you would critique this for me. I am going to submit this for my final grade, and I would like some honest opinions. No flames though. I want to improve the piece and negativity doesn't help. Thanks!
Definition of Loyalty
Blue eyes bore into black
A whispered plea
resounds
Only two understand.
Bitterly, he grinds his teeth
but stands his ground.
Anger uncoils in his stomach.
Slithering upward;
hardening his heart.
He knows he's damned,
knows that his mentor
has stopped caring about
his soul.
He loves Him,
like a dog does his master.
He trusts Him
to know what is right.
He raises his arm
against the frail old man
and barely stops the sob.
He does not want
to kill him.
But he thinks
his heart
is too rigid, that his
soul
is too tainted
to question his orders.
He does not have that right.
Still,
he would never have
guessed
that his mentor
thought him expendable.
That is search for
acceptance
was too mundane
to be
protected.
He is betrayed,
yet he is still follows
It's all he knows.