The Heart of Everything
Part I: Pale
Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley
Rating: PG-13 or T
Pairing/s: Edward/Bella
Category: Angst/Romance
Warnings: Attempted suicide
Spoilers: New Moon
Summary: The night Edward leaves her, Bella believes she has nothing left to live for.
A/N: Inspired by a song from the band Within Temptation.
"Oh this night is too long, have no strength to go on
No more pain, I'm floating away
Through the mist see the face of an angel calls my name
I remember you're the reason I have to stay."
Within Temptation 'Pale'
The steady sound of my breathing was the only thing that filled the silence. I lay on my back; my eyes were glued to the ceiling without really seeing it. Not that it mattered, I couldn't see anything anyway, expect for the clock that cast a green glow in the darkness. It was three a.m., although I didn't sleep. I wasn't sure if I could. Everything, sleep...food...life, now meant nothing to me. Not without him.
I wanted to feel something, to know that I was still alive. My heart beat and I breathed, but I wasn't alive. Everything that I once felt, pain...sorrow...love, was gone. He took everything but my life when he left.
Maybe I wasn't alive. What was the definition of life, anyway? If it was just simply breathing, then, yes I was still alive. But if you defined life as living, than I wasn't. I had nothing left to live for.
I knew what I wanted to do. Some might think that taking my own life was a too rash decision. That I was being stupid and that I'd regret it as soon as I attempted it. The truth was though, was that everything I had ever wanted had been taken from me. There was nothing left for me. Nothing but death.
I rose my bed and went over to my desk. I didn't bother with the light, and picked up a pen in the darkness. Leaning down so I could see the paper, I wrote:
Dad, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me for what I'm about to do. Please don't blame yourself, it has nothing to with you. I can't live without him, you know that.
By the time you find this, it will already be too late. I'm sorry.
Love always, Bella.
I dropped the pen numbly and it clattered to the floor. I straightened, grabbing only my purse as I walked out of my room and down the stairs.
I wrenched the front door open, ignoring the rain as it splattered on my face. I went to my truck.
I drove through the deserted streets and out onto the highway. I headed north, driving until the pavement ended. The farther north I went, the lighter the rain became and eventually the clouds cleared and the moon shone, high in the black star-studded sky.
I shut the engine off and stared into the forest for what seemed like hours. I wanted to cry, to feel the pain and sorrow once again. Like I had earlier. But no matter how much I tried, I felt nothing. I was completely void inside.
I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath before reaching for my purse. I pulled out a bottle of Tylenol #3. It was half empty, but it didn't matter, there was more than enough. I unscrewed the lid and dumped the remaining pills into my hand. Reaching for the week old water bottle that sat on the seat, I shoved the pills into my mouth and swallowed.
Now all I had to do was wait. It would all be over in twenty minutes or less.
Ten minutes passed before I felt anything. I began to feel extremely dizzy and nauseous. I opened the door of my truck and leaned over, puking. As I heaved, a cold sweat broke out on my skin and I felt weak. My grip slackened on the door and I fell to the ground.
"Bella??" I was hallucinating, I knew it. My dying brain was making one last ditch attempt to make me stay conscious.
I fought the darkness. As much as I didn't want to, still I couldn't resist that velvet voice. "Bella!" The sweet angelic voice called my name again. It was a bittersweet torture.
What shocked me most about this hallucination was that I now felt a cold hand brush the sweat from my forehead. Then I knew I was dead for I saw his beautiful face through the mist that clouded my senses. "Bella! Please, stay with me, love," his voice was anxious and he fought back a sob.
What had I done? I knew now that I wasn't hallucinating and that Edward had come to save me. But it was too late; I was slowly losing the battle to stay conscious.
"Edward?" I choked out. I wasn't sure that I had said his name at all, it didn't sound like it to me.
"Oh yes, Bella. I'm so sorry, I won't leave you again. I promise," he sobbed as he held me to his chest. "Just stay with me please. Hold on for just one more minute and Carlisle will be here."
"I'm sorry, Edward," I whispered, my head swimming. The pain was starting to fade, I wasn't sure if I could hold on for another minute.
"Shh," he said, as he gently pushed my hair off my face.
"Bella?" I heard Carlisle's anxious voice above me.
"Yes?" I wasn't sure how I managed to form the words on my lips.
"I'm going to give something to counteract the effect of the drugs, but I need you to stay with me, and then we're going to take you to the hospital." I didn't reply, I couldn't. I grabbed Edward's arm as I finally slipped into unconsciousness.