Author's Note: It's been a loooong time since I've written anything and it's my first story in this fandom so apologies for the wonkiness (and general lack of medical proficiency). But I was challenged, cajoled, and otherwise harassed to write this, and it was fun even if I'm rusty. Prompt: Claire's mom being terrible to her + Melendez being supportive/general shippiness.
Note that there's some short but intense verbal abuse in the first part as Claire's mom isn't great in this story. I'm always open to suggestions, so feel free to offer feedback.
Chapter One
Claire walked through the deserted lobby, regretting the late hour. There'd been more than a few interruptions trying to leave, not all of them bad, though none welcome given her terrible mood. Thankfully, her shift the next day fell on the later side given the scheduled surgeries on the roster. She'd need as much rest as she could get.
Rubbing her neck, she made a mental note to schedule a massage next week. One of the best pieces of advice she learned in med school was to find a regular person and tip them well. She did not want to be overdue with her usual masseuse who'd nag her for months over it. Thinking better of it, she pulled out her phoned and typed "call Lilly" into her morning reminders. Checking her messages one last time, she stowed her phone in her pocket before leaving the building.
She slowed her pace as she situated her coat and scarf, frowning at the storm clouds above. It would probably start raining soon by Shaun's estimate—he'd dutifully summarized The Weather Channel's latest coverage earlier. Hopefully, she'd get home quickly enough to avoid the worst of it. The gloomy night seemed appropriate, though, to match her weariness. The only items on her agenda for the next couple of hours were dinner, a bath, maybe enjoying a glass of wine. It would go a long way toward blocking out the last few days; flush them entirely from her memory.
Just the usual sentiment for any situation involving her mother.
Claire's mom had a tendency to leave an emotional destruction in her wake, this week being no different. Anger and resentment about it never made a difference or helped her feel better, so she refused to waste the energy dwelling on it.
And it certainly wouldn't change the fact that, right now, her mother lay inside this very hospital recovering from a long surgery that had a significant risk of impairment and death.
Not that she expected any adverse complications with Dr. Melendez overseeing her care. He was excellent, the best surgeon she could hope to learn from. Between him and the other surgeons she trained under, Claire considered herself lucky for the experience that would make her a competitive surgeon at any hospital in the country. Closing her eyes for a moment, Claire savored the pride in that, held it dear as a sign that she'd survived the week, this life, and all the cards she'd been dealt, including her mother. She'd learned that taking time to feel good about these sorts of milestones mattered the most.
Yesterday, the morning had started like normal. Yoga then a yogurt and granola breakfast with a side of coffee; reviewing charts before rounds and figuring out who'd be on which rotation for the day. It was Reznick and Shaun's turn in the ER with Lim, so Claire figured she'd use the light surgical schedule to dig into some research for a paper she planned to submit at the end of the month. And Park had been assigned with her, and he was generally good company. There had even been the hope of squeezing in some time at the gym after her shift if the schedule and her patients remained stable.
Except a couple of hours in, Shaun had wandered up to report that security had discovered her mom wandering around the hospital asking for her. She was in bad shape, off her meds, and some sort of infection inhibiting liver function. They were running tests to narrow down the potential causes and treatment. Shaun being Shaun, he didn't question her neutral response to keep her posted as she continued down the hall to check on her patient's OR prep.
The tests came back showing her mom approaching total hepatic failure. Apparently, she'd been living with chronic liver disease and self-medicating. They could do surgery to reverse some of the damage, but the risks were serious and the prognosis complicated given her medical history and poor mental health. That's when they'd transferred her to Melendez's surgery roster for the following day since he had more experience with the type of procedure she needed. It'd conveniently coincided with Claire's rotation in the trauma unit, a detail everyone agreed was for the best since Claire would have been prohibited from participating anyway.
First things first, they'd needed to stabilize her, which meant more time in the hospital. Claire hadn't been pleased despite understanding the necessity of it. She had built something good in San Jose, and the more her mom saw of it, the more resentful she'd be. That's what made her mother such a wildcard, especially when she wasn't stable. There was no telling what kind of trouble she'd stir up in her ever-desperate quest for attention.
Still, at the end of her shift last night, she'd visited her mom to make sure she was resting comfortably and to wish her luck. Her mom had been anxious, understandably, so Claire tried to assure her she was in good hands.
The plan today had been to have her mother prepped by mid-morning with the surgery finished by noon. But not even an hour into her morning shift, Reznick had wandered down to the ER asking if Claire would could come talk to her mom again, calm her down. She suspected that Morgan was angling for something with the request; maybe hoping the interaction with her mom would rattle her. It both irritated and amused her—what a waste of energy rooting around for a completely off-base advantage. Claire had long stopped letting her mother get to her. Besides, she'd seen her mom in worse shape than this; taken care of her on her own while in worse shape than this.
Thus, Claire assured Reznick that between her and Shaun, they were more than capable of taking care of their patient and went back to what she was doing. With that kind of brush-off, Claire figured that would be the end of it.
Yet twenty minutes later, Dr. Melendez stood at her station making the same request directly; appealing for a few minutes of her time on her mom's and Reznick's behalf. He'd given her that stern Melendez stare as if Claire was the one being unreasonable.
It angered her, the overstepping of her boundaries. The managing her like one of their patient's difficult family members. But what could she do? Refusing made her seem petty. Claire resented them for it.
"She's agitated. Asking for you," Melendez told her. "I know you've been clear about your relationship with her, but it's still a dangerous surgery, and she's scared."
Claire crossed her arms and looked away, annoyed and disappointed. If Melendez really understood how she felt about it then why come down here demanding she disrupt her day for another one of her mom's manipulations? Even if all her mom wanted was to talk sunshine and rainbows to her, it'd still be Claire upending her own needs to accommodate someone who damn well didn't deserve her attention. Shaun had to have told them this was a terrible idea. How did she so quickly become the bad guy in this situation?
In her darkest thoughts, she wondered whether Melendez cared about her fears at all or just what's convenient for his surgery or, god forbid, what was helpful to Morgan? What about doing what was best for Claire? Did that not matter enough? Morgan asking was one thing. She didn't care about Claire's well-being given how caustic she insisted on making their working relationship. But Dr. Melendez she respected, even when he frustrated her, like now. She thought they had a good relationship and that he cared about her, professionally at least, despite their clashes and setbacks. Maybe they weren't on the same page after all.
It hurt.
Yet she forced herself to admit what else might be going on with him to justify requesting this of her. And of course, she'd relent, they both knew it. It was wrong of him to ask, but she could be the bigger person.
Dr. Melendez waited as Claire and the nurse next to her exchanged paperwork, Claire giving instructions to page her if there were any changes to the patient's condition.
"Okay," she said, finally. "I'll be up in a few minutes."
He'd held her gaze, making sure it was really alright and nodded. For a moment, it seemed as if he wanted to say more, a sheepish expression flashing across his face before he stopped himself. Instead, he turned and walked back to the elevators.
It took a full 15 minutes for Claire to prepare herself and tell Lim and Park that she'd been summoned and why. Having an idea of what she'd be in for, they both wished her luck.
When she arrived at her mother's room, the surgical team surrounded her bed, doing their last-minute examination before the pre-op protocols began, mainly to answer questions and confirm the details of the procedure. Her mother asked Reznick how long the surgery would take, probably for the millionth time. Melendez acknowledged Claire's arrival and returned to his exam. Shaun ignored her and Reznick looked relieved.
"Mom."
Her mother snapped her head toward the entrance at hearing Claire's voice. She did seem a bit frightened and apprehensive, yet happy enough to see her daughter had arrived.
"Hi, baby. What took you so long? I've been asking and asking for you. I wanted to see you one last time before we started."
Claire moved a stool over to sit by the bed. "I'm busy. I'm working. You'll be fine. Like I said before, you're in excellent hands."
"I know that's what you said. Can't you see I'm still agitated about all of this? Not all of us can be superhuman like you." She must have noticed the annoyance in Claire's expression. "I meant that as a compliment. You know I don't always say things the right way when I'm sick."
Or at all, Claire thought, but bit back the snide comment and also the observation that, for as long as she'd known her, everything agitated her mother. Now wasn't the time to make things worse by picking old fights.
"There's nothing to worry about," she replied calmly, hoping her tone would soothe her mother's nerves. She even took her mother's hand, briefly squeezing to ease the anxiousness. "Doctors Melendez, Murphy, and Reznick explained what they were going to do?" Her mother nodded. "Do you have any other questions for them that I can help you understand?"
"I'm not stupid, Claire," she responded shortly. "It's just why can't you do the surgery? I mean, we're family." She looked at each of the other doctors in turn, pleading with them.
"Mom, as I explained before, that's precisely why I can't do the surgery. It's against hospital policy. Family members are too emotionally involved and it could complicate things."
Her mother scoffed. "Too emotionally involved? You?" Claire heard Morgan snicker in the corner and both Claire and Melendez flashed her a stern look. Shaun continued to write down her vitals, though she could tell he was listening.
"I just mean, that there's no risk of being emotionally compromised when it comes to me, seeing as how you've cut me out of your life for the last seven years. I could die and you act like you don't care at all." Her mother snatched her hand away from where it rested loosely under her daughter's. Claire rolled her eyes.
"Stop being dramatic." Claire got up from the stool. "Of course, I care. And you'll be fine."
"You don't know that. I have to beg to get you to come up here and even then you'd only do it when he asked you to," she said pointing at Dr. Melendez. A familiar glare of scorn appeared in her eyes. "I'm sure I can guess what that's about: the handsome surgeon and his pretty little co-worker."
Dr. Melendez turned his attention to her mother, annoyance and a question in his expression. Everyone could feel the discomfort in the room at the accusation. it was possible that her mother didn't know Dr. Melendez was essentially her boss, even though she and her fellow residents were more autonomous than not in the final months of their program.
"Good luck." Claire didn't bother clarifying whether she was directing that at her mother or her co-workers, though her irritation came through loud and clear. The situation had turned out precisely how she'd predicted. The pettier part of her hoped they felt bad about it.
She heard sniffling as her mother deflated back into her hospital bed. "It wasn't supposed to end up like this," she murmured, tears in her eyes. "Not dying in some hospital while my own daughter walks away from me." Claire stopped, her back still to her mother.
"I was going to make it big," she said to her three-person audience of Murphy, Melendez, and Reznick. "I'm not talking about Whitney Houston big or anything like that but maybe a working singer in Vegas or L.A. and have a modest career doing what I loved."
Claire turned back around, saw her co-workers listening intently. They certainly seemed eager to have a front row seat to hearing juicy details like this of her life. Claire had an inkling of the sob story that would come next and hoped things didn't get too out of hand.
"But then I found out I was pregnant with you," she smiled bitterly. "So I readjusted, not perfectly, but I did enough to get you here."
Claire shook her head, angry at having to listen to the same excuses yet again, her mother never taking responsibility. "Is that what you were telling yourself when you'd disappear for days with no food in the house? Or when you stole from me or demanded I clean up after your messes when you were too sick to take care of either of us? I begged you to get help, but that was never enough for you." Her mother looked away, silent. Claire sighed. "You can tell whatever story you want, but I don't owe you anything. I don't want you to die, and that's why I'm making sure you're in good hands. I'd appreciate it if you didn't waste my time or my colleagues' with your need to … punish me for having my shit together like you never could."
Her mother turned on her angrily. "I could have done it you know. I went through all the motions. The paperwork and counseling and waiting periods. I showed up that day and lay down in a hospital bed just like this one. I was sad, but I was ready. And then I remembered all those people yelling at me outside the clinic when I came in and I got even sadder and thought maybe I was making a mistake. So I stopped it. And I went home and decided to do my best instead."
You could hear a pin drop in the room now. No one moved, all seemingly holding their breath over what these last words revealed.
"It was the biggest mistake of my life," her mother sobbed. "I should have gone through with it and none of this would be happening. Everything would be better for me without you. If only I'd been strong enough to get rid of you then this would all go away. All of it."
Claire closed her eyes, steeling herself against her mother's regrets. Part of her knew that her mother's fear guided such a hurtful outburst. The most natural thing in the world for her mother to do when she was at rock bottom still involved tearing Claire down to make herself feel better. The thing was, she also knew her mother meant every word.
And her mother hadn't finished with her either. "All you've ever been is ungrateful and judgmental, but you'd have done no better than me."
Phasing out of his shock, Dr. Melendez attempted to deescalate the situation, stepping between Claire and her mother. Claire had rarely seen him try so hard to reel in his anger. "This isn't help—"
"Don't defend her," her mother replied. "You don't know her like I do. Yes, she plays at being all sweetness and purity to anyone who'll look her way with those innocent doe eyes and smiling face. But she knows how to hurt me too." Turning back to Claire, "You owe me everything."
Claire laughed bitterly. Noting her colleagues' reactions, she couldn't help feeling embarrassed at their discomfort and pity, even from Shaun. "Cool, Mom. You feel better now?" she asked, throwing up her arms. "That 'Claire should have been an abortion' story must get more and more comforting over the years. How many times have you told that to anyone who would listen? Two, three hundred by now? I remember my seventh grade teacher had quite the response. My prom date too. And I'm sure all my friends from high school can recite it by heart, even now."
From the corner of her eye, she noticed Dr. Melendez's clenched jaw and Morgan's pained expression, almost at tears. Shaun was more fidgety than usual. Claire should have felt satisfied, yet the only thing another round with her mother accomplished was to tire her out.
"I told you this was a bad idea," Shaun murmured into the uncomfortable silence.
"Yes, it was," Claire agreed, now glaring at her mother. This had gone on long enough. "Have your surgery. Get better. And stay away from me. Good bye, Mom." This time when she turned, she didn't stop, just headed straight out of the room. From behind her she could still hear her mom sobbing, "You're not better than me, Claire. You're not," over and over again. Claire kept walking.
Heading back to the ER, she briefly considered how shocked her colleagues probably were right now. Well, probably not Shaun who had warned them against the whole thing. Maybe they believed her mother on some level, that Claire was cold and heartless for not wanting anything to do with the woman who birthed her. It bothered her a little, but Claire knew what was best for herself and let it go.
Back in the ER, Park was looking over the tests they'd been waiting on and gestured for her to walk with him to check in with Lim. He handed the tablet to her so she could review the results as well.
"How'd it go?" he asked.
"About as well as I expected," she replied skimming the numbers and confirming Park's recommendations. She handed the tablet back to him as they approached Lim at one of the computer consoles filling out paperwork. "It's a lesson in how meddling can backfire." Shrugging, she turned her attention to her attending as Park briefed both of them on the situation. All the rest, she put out of her mind.
She went about her day, distancing herself farther and farther from all the drama. Melendez sent her updates, which she acknowledged accordingly, and she carried on being a great doctor.
And now she got to go home to think about anything other than her mother or nosy colleagues or doubts about how far she'd come since living in that misery-filled trailer.
Turning toward the parking garage, Claire slowed as she approached a familiar figure sitting on a bench in front of the building. A flutter of emotion began to throb in her chest, feelings she couldn't quite put her finger on, his presence so unexpected.
Dr. Melendez.
He was waiting for her; it's the best explanation for what him being in such an odd spot in this weather at this time of night. He looked about as dour as she felt, hair tousled and his normally tailored blazer and impeccably fitted dress shirt looking more distressed than usual.
It was very considerate of him to seek her out. And very Neil Melendez. She thought so despite how annoyed with him she was and her not quite knowing what to make of him right now. Only one way to figure things out.
It seemed she had one more situation to reckon with before putting the day behind her. But she'd be okay. The question was whether her colleagues could get past it.
TBC...