January 1, 2007 12:30 a.m.
As we head out to the car, I cannot help but dwell on what I just did with Eric. It was amazing. He was amazing, but it was wrong, so, so wrong--yet, oh so right. Now when I think of Eric, I get a sensation that makes me want to touch myself. My hands slide their way up my dress to my waist, moving toward my breasts, over my cleavage to the curve of my shoulder. I can still feel his breath there.
I stifle a moan as I think about him moving within me. I cross my legs to rein in the clenching between my thighs, which brings to mind every stroke, every thrust...ungh… He made me feel like a woman again, as if I deserved to be worshipped and cherished. I lay my head against the window, the coolness of the glass soothing my heated skin. I close my eyes, inhale deeply and settle further into my seat.
Bill is quiet the entire ride home. Maybe it's for the best. I don't think I can put together a coherent sentence anyway. The silence is deafening but I let my thoughts drift to happier things. My mind plays back Eric's last words to me. "Jag kommer att stanna om du frågar mig."
I shiver at the memory of his breath against my lips. The warmth of his body radiating against mine, how my skin felt on fire from his touch. I will definitely have to learn Swedish as soon as possible.
The door slamming shut shakes me from my reverie and I climb out of the car. Fuck! He has my panties. How will I explain that to Bill if he sees me get undressed? I think fast and realize it won't be unusual if I change in the bathroom, so that is what I plan to do. I walk into the house ready to head straight upstairs when Bill grabs my hand.
"Sookie, we need to talk." He couldn't possibly know, could he?
"What is it Bill? Did I embarrass you in front of your family again?"
"No, I wanted to apologize for being such a shit to you tonight. You look amazing and I was, well, I wanted to keep you all to myself. I was being selfish and instead of telling you that, I reacted negatively towards you. Can you forgive me?" What. The. Fuck?
"Are you being serious or is this the alcohol talking?"
"I'm serious Sookie. My mother pulled me aside and chastised me for my behavior. I recognize that I shouldn't have reacted the way I did with you tonight and for that I am truly sorry." I didn't know what to say. His apology is so unexpected that I am at a loss for words.
"Sookie? Can you forgive me?" He looks at me, pleading with his dark brown eyes.
"Yes, Bill. I guess I can."
"Good because it's a new year and I want things to be better between us. I love you Sookie. I just wanted you to know that. I won't keep you any longer. Good night."
"Okay."
I hear him I do but do I care? No. He's apologizing to me because his mother pointed out his behavior to him. Hello? Why would he not apologize to me because he knew he was wrong? I am supposed to accept this and move on, thinking what exactly? I can't bear to ponder it anymore so I head to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed.
The water hits my body like little massaging beads, easing the tension from my aching muscles. I've never had sex in an upright position before, and I have to say, it was hard work. Eric held most of my weight but I had such a tight grip on him that I think I used muscles I've never used before. I get wet at the thought of him touching me, kissing me, fucking me…I wish he were here right now in the shower with me. I think of how it would be to get each other "clean."
The shower curtain pulls back, cold air rushes in sending shivers through my body. I feel the presence of a warm body behind me and lean into it. His arms wrap around my waist, holding me close, while he kisses down my neck to my shoulder. The water beating down on my breasts stimulates my nipples, making them taut. He quickly turns me around to face him, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth with his teeth. He backs me into the shower wall, lifting my leg, hitching it to his hip. He lifts me slightly, my back arching as he pulls me to him.
I feel his tip at my center and he looks at me, wanting to keep eye contact. He pushes forward, and I groan at the feel of his throbbing erection penetrating my sex. He enters me fully until our centers connect. He drives into me, over and over again, groaning, and grunting my name with each thrust. I tremble and jerk as my orgasm takes me. I hold him tighter as I reach my peak, not wanting to lose the connection between us. He thrusts into me one final time before he comes shouting my name. He places a lone finger under my chin, lifting my mouth to his, kissing me gently.
The cold water spraying from the showerhead shocks me from my fantasy. I remove my fingers from my center, shutting the water off. I grab a towel and quickly dry off, throwing on my camisole and sleep shorts, and brush my teeth. I know I will sleep well tonight. I climb into bed, Bill greeting me with a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek. I drift off to la-la-land anxiously awaiting the face of the man of my dreams.
The next day Bill brings home flowers. Bill has never bought me flowers. Not for Valentine's Day, my birthday, or our anniversary. I am shocked to say the least. Maybe he is turning over a new leaf. We are into our second day of the New Year and he's being more attentive and sensitive to my needs.
We have sex twice during the week and it's better than our usual Monday night sex. Although, I have to admit picturing Eric's face the entire time may have something to do with my increased pleasure. Bill thinks he is the cause of my enthusiasm, but I know the truth.
I am happy that Friday is right around the corner. I have two job interviews lined up and I'm sure that I will get one of them. Bill was not too happy about me looking for work but he didn't voice his opinion on my upcoming interviews. He looked at me as if I had three heads but he kept his mouth shut.
I awaken on Friday morning feeling confident. I am taking charge of my day because I need to do this. I will go into my interviews, answer all questions perfectly and score myself a J-O-B. I can do this! I hop out of the shower feeling energized and roam through my closet looking for the perfect interview outfit.
I find it not long after I begin my search. I pull out my navy blue pinstripe suit and a crisp white shirt. It says powerful, professional and put together. I polish my navy pumps, grab my little black briefcase and I'm ready to hit the road. I must have coffee before I can go anywhere and head downstairs in search of my lifeline.
Walking into the kitchen, I'm surprised by what I see. Bill is still here. He's always gone by the time I get up. Something must be wrong.
"Oh Sookie, good you're up. Why are you wearing a suit?"
"My job interviews are today. What are you still doing here?"
"My car wouldn't start this morning so I thought I'd work from home a bit before heading into the office. I'll need to take your car though."
"Bill, did you not just hear what I said. I have things to do today."
"Well, I have to work so that I can pay the bills and put food on the table and keep a roof over your head."
"I understand that, I do, but I need my car today."
"Sookie, I know it's an inconvenience for you not having a vehicle to gallivant around in all day while I'm at work killing myself for you. I guess your getting a job is more important than my keeping the job that I have. You know what, if your interviews are for jobs that will bring in six figures a year I will happily quit my job right now and you can go to work fulltime. How does that sound?"
"It sounds like you're being an asshole."
"There's my loving wife. I was wondering when she would appear." His sarcastic tone causes bile to rise in my throat.
"I can't believe you think your needs take precedence over mine."
"That's exactly what I think. If you were the breadwinner in this family, I expect you would do the same. At least I waited for you before leaving."
"Yeah, thanks for that. I mean, why did you even bother? You were going to take my car no matter what."
"I wanted to tell you that there's no more coffee. You'll need to pick some up."
"And how the hell am I supposed to do that if you have my car?"
"I don't know but you're a smart girl. Figure it out. I'll see you later."
And with that, he was gone. If I was standing in front of the mirror in the foyer, I'm sure I would see smoke billowing from my ears. That self-righteous son of a bitch thinks his job is more important than, than…Shit! I'm so pissed I can't even think straight.
I have to cancel my interviews because they're both scheduled within an hour of each other, and start in half an hour. I have no car and no one to borrow a car from, so I'm stranded. I cannot believe this. I feel so helpless, so utterly destroyed that I don't know what to do. I want to cry, scream, hit something, but I know it will do no good. I fall to my knees and send up a prayer to God asking Him to help me. I know I don't deserve it but it's worth a try.
One week. He could only play nice for one measly week. I don't know why I thought things would get better. I don't know why I thought I could stay here, with him. He's the same, will always be the same and won't ever change. In addition, here I stand alone, in my kitchen, where my loving husband has left me a sip of coffee. This is a real fuck my life moment if ever there was one.
****
Three weeks later
I managed to reschedule my interviews for the following week as I wasn't sure when I'd have access to my car again. I did think to ask Amelia for her car but she has a job of her own and it just wouldn't have worked out. I didn't get the jobs. I felt a little disheartened by it but I know it has to do with me being out of the workplace for over three years now.
Through all of this, I keep thinking about Eric.
I wonder where he is. Should I try to get in contact with him, how will I find out what he said to me? I am a mess trying to keep myself together and stay sane. I mean I cheated on my husband with his cousin. His six years younger than me, cousin. His sex on a stick, body like a god, makes me wet at the thought of his name, cousin. I need to go take a cold shower.
Emerging from my shower, I hear the phone ring. No one usually calls so I have no idea who it could be. I haven't really had a chance to catch up with Amelia since last month and we've been playing phone tag over the past few weeks. I look at the caller ID but don't recognize the number so I let it go to voicemail. If it's important, they'll leave a message.
Not a minute later the phone rings again, same number. I really don't have time for telemarketers calling in the middle of the day so I let it go to voicemail. I towel off and dress comfortably in a pair of yoga pants and tee shirt.
My new hobby, as Bill likes to call it, is writing. I've been writing since high school but put it to the side once I started working. I've started up again because I find it helps to keep me grounded in the here and now. I write whatever comes to mind and it helps me vent some of my anger. Plus, I need something to keep my mind off Eric.
There I go again, thinking about him. I was in Target last week and actually picked up a copy of How to Learn Swedish in a Week. The most I can say is hello and I'm not sure if I'm saying that correctly. I keep at it though because I'm trying to piece together what Eric whispered to me. Jag means "I" and mig means "me." I know it's not much but every little bit counts.
I know now that Bill can be nice for a week at a time, and that's just not enough for me. I want more and damn it I deserve it. If I keep falling back into the same old rut, I'll never get out. I'm a good person, I'm loving and loyal and any man would be lucky to have me. I'm a great cook. I can count on one hand how many women I know that can cook. Here I am again, trying to convince myself why my husband should treat me better. I know why he should but I haven't told him. We just argue. I don't think we've ever sat down and talked it out.
The flashing red light on the phone is driving me crazy. I know there's a new voicemail and I'll get to it when I'm ready. I move to the living room to take my mind off the telephone.
I'm trying to get my all ducks in a row so that I can figure out my next move. I think I may need to call Gran. I don't want to burden her with this but she's my only hope at this point. Jason would be happy if I moved in with Gran, seeing as he hates Bill. I can look after her while I'm there; if she'll have me of course. Gran would be happy for my company because she's alone, and I could see Lafayette.
On second thought, I should just call Lafayette and see if he'll let me move in with him. I know he stays busy so we wouldn't get in each other's way. He's a big shot in the fashion industry so he'll have all the goods on the best parties. I cannot wait to go to a party. A real party, not just a family get together. I want to dance because I haven't danced in so long. Bill hates to dance. He says he has no rhythm. Another red flag I ignored.
It dawns on me that I should write this stuff down. I know I'll forget about it as soon as I get up from my perch here on the couch. I need to get dinner started soon and I have no idea how I'm going to initiate the talk we need to have tonight.
My sweet Sammie hops up onto the couch, snuggling into my thigh. He knows just what I need--comfort. Sammie reminds me that I will have to ask Lafayette if he wants a roommate. Gran can't be around pets with her emphysema, although the woman still smokes…No, I'll call Lafayette. No sense in worrying Gran when I don't have to. Back to my Bill talk…
I pull out my pad and pencil and start making an outline of bullet points I want to touch on.
Reasons for me to leave:
1. I hate you
2. I am no longer in love with you
3. You treat me like shit
4. Repeat 1 through 3 until he gets it
I think that about covers it. I fold the piece of paper into halves, putting it into my shirt pocket for safekeeping. I know it's not much of a list but Bill always has a way to pull me from my train of thought. He should have been a lawyer.
Bill usually gets home around eight so I sit in the dining room waiting patiently. Dinner is on the table, his wineglass is full, and I'm ready with my list. The door creaks open as Bill enters the house. I hear the usual sounds of him taking off his shoes, dropping them to the floor, walking his briefcase over to the desk and his footfalls as he heads toward the dining room. He pulls out his chair opposite me and sits down, diving right into dinner without a word.
"Hello Bill, how was your day?"
"Uh, it was fine. Yours?"
"Fantastic actually. I finally came to a decision today and I'm happy to share it with you." His fork halts in mid-air as he stops eating to look at me. I see I've gotten his full attention.
"Oh really, and what would that be?"
"I'm unhappy Bill. I have been for quite some time now and I've decided to leave you. I've had enough of this mundane existence as your cook, your maid, and your fuck-bot. I want more for my life and I won't get that if I stay here with you."
"Where will you go Sookie? You have no job, you have no money, and you have nothing without me." He continues eating.
"Actually Bill, I have family, I have friends who love me despite my shutting them out of my life. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."
"I won't let you leave."
"Like hell you won't. You can't stop me."
"That's what you think. See you forget Sookie, your credit cards, your bank account; I have access to all of those things. We're married, joint everything. If I wanted to, I could call and cancel your cards, empty your bank account and then where would you be?"
"You wouldn't?"
"I would. Would you like to test me? I dare you to." Well shit, this fucker has a pair on him doesn't he?
"Why wouldn't you let me leave? Why keep me here if you know I'm unhappy?"
"Why are you unhappy? You have everything you could ever want or dream of. You live in a beautiful huge home, you have a brand new car, designer clothes, a husband who provides for you. What more could you need?"
"How about companionship, love, empathy, compassion, trust, understanding, support…"
"I don't give you those things?"
"Fuck no!"
"Sookie, please. Must you use such language?"
"Yes, because I want you to understand how serious this is. In order for you to feel the severity of the situation I feel I must use fuck. You do not support me Bill. You don't trust me and I can't say that I feel you love me at all anymore. I'm just here as your beat up doll. You put me down to make yourself feel better."
"Now you're just being ridiculous. I won't sit here and listen to this nonsense. Just know one thing; I won't make this easy for you. I will not sit back and allow you to collect alimony from me. I will not let you take a chunk of my hard-earned money so that you can sit at home on your ass all day. I will not give you anything. If you leave, you'll be leaving with the clothes on your back. So, you take all the time you need to think about it and we can finish discussing this later. I'll be in my office if you need me." He collects his dinner plate and wineglass then leaves the room.
I am flabbergasted. I have no words. I can't hold back the tears that are dying to flow freely down my face. He's threatening me to keep me here. I didn't think he could be so low, so vindictive. I wipe my face with the back of my hands and get up from the table. I walk quietly to the bedroom where that damned red light is still flickering to get my attention. I figure I may as well deal with it now, as it will be a distraction. I pick up the receiver, press in the code to retrieve messages, and sit back to listen.
You have one new message. First new message:
"Um, hi, this message is for Sookie. Sookie this is Eric. I have something of yours that I need to return to you. The book you lent me over the holiday. I'm in Sweden but I thought I could mail it to you. Funny thing is I don't know your address. Um, so if you could get me your address that would be great. Thanks. Bye. (Long pause) I really wish… Jag saknar dig och jag kan inte vänta med att knulla dig igen."
My mouth is still agape as I listen to the message again, and again. I cannot believe I missed his call earlier. And what is with the Swedish? Maybe he wanted to tell me something he couldn't say in English. I have to learn Swedish, like now!
I can't think. I have no idea what to do so I go to the bathroom and go through the process of filling the tub. A bath will be relaxing and soothing and I can figure out what I'm going to do. I take the telephone with me just in case Eric decides to call back. Sitting in the warm water I think there's no time like the present, and redial the number listed on the Caller ID. It rings twice.
"Hej?"
"Um, hi, this is Sookie Compton calling for Eric. I'm sorry I don't…"
"Sookie?! This is Eric. I'm so glad you called. Hold on for one moment. I want to go somewhere a little more private." I wait with baited breath until he breathes into the phone again. "So, I guess you're calling about my message from earlier?"
"Yes. How are you?"
"I'm missing you. Where are you? It sounds like you're far away."
"Oh, I'm in the bathtub." Shit, did I really just tell him that?
"Wow! Really? You're not just saying that are you because it wouldn't be right to tease me like that. God I miss your body."
"I'm not teasing; I really am in the tub. You shouldn't say things like that to me."
"But it's the truth. I do miss your body. I miss you. Don't you miss me?"
"Of course I do but I shouldn't." He clears his throat.
"So, you decide to call me while you're naked and wet?" I can hear the smile on his face.
"Um…" Earth to brain, come in brain.
"Sookie? Would you do something for me?"
"S-sure, Eric. What do you want me to do?" He proceeds to tell me all the things he wants me to do, pretending he is doing them to me, of course.
I have to say this is probably the best bath I've ever had. My shower the other morning does not compare, at all. Eric and I never get around to doing much talking--unless you count my calling his name repeatedly as talking.
Bill knocks on the door a while later startling me. I drop the phone and it crashes to the floor. I hear Eric's frantic voice calling my name. I scramble to pick up the phone before Bill can enter the room. I quickly tell Eric that I'll call him later before hanging up the phone. Bill doesn't look too happy and I know he's going to put a kibosh on my pleasant evening.
A/N: Translation - I miss you and I can't wait to fuck you again.
Thanks for reading folks. You don't know how much I appreciate you liking my story. I have to thank hearttorn, my beta, for her help and being there to bounce ideas off of. She's my lovie and I loves her. : ) Please, review and let me know what you think. I love reading your reviews and replying. Yes, I always reply. Some of you give me inspiration and it's important for me to let you know that. Thanks again for the love and support! xoxo Elle