50 Things You Can't Do In SVU

by The Sarcastic Polar Bear

There's 50 things that you can't do in SVU. These laws are very serious, and strict. Those who break them are considered especially heinous. Sequel to 40 Things. Co-written with obsessedwithstabler.

Hi, people. A lot of you liked 40 Things You Can't Do In SVU, so obsessedwithstabler and I present to you... 50 Things You Can't Do In SVU! I did the odd and number 50, obsessedwithstabler did the even numbers. We don't own SVU or it's characters.

1. Thou shalt not pelt Kathy and Dani with tuna, then unleash angry cats.

2. Thou shalt not replace Kathy's tea leaves with poison ivy.

3. Thou shalt not strand a meat covered Kathy in bear country.

4. Thou shalt not encase Dani Beck in solid gold and sell her to Tiger Woods.

5. Thou shalt not stab Dean Porter repeatedly with a rusty shower rod.

6. Thou shalt not buy a python, name him Strangles, and lock him in a room with Kathy.

7. Thou shalt not drive a recreational vehicle over Dale Stuckey.

8. Thou shalt not lock Kathy in a room with a rabid porcupine.

9. Thou shalt not inspire Cragen to become a hippie.

10. Thou shalt not hire a small child named Damien to push Kathy off of a balcony.

11. Thou shalt not chop Dani Beck with a machete and toss her into a raging river.

12. Thou shalt not run Kathy over with a four wheeler whilst screaming, "VICTORY IS MINE!"

13. Thou shalt not toss Kathy into the shark exhibit at SeaWorld

14. Thou shalt not lock Dani Beck in the back of a car owned by a mafia don.

15. Thou shalt not strike Dani Beck in the head with a jar of peanut butter whilst singing, "It's peanut butter jelly time!"

16. Thou shalt not inject thyself with a potion that turns thou into a giant, then step on Kathy and scream, "Eww, dad, it's a roach!"

17. Thou shalt not lock Kathy in a closet with ten rattlesnakes.

18. Thou shalt not crush Dani Beck with a giant jelly fish net while yelling, "I'M READY!"

19. Thou shalt not sell Elliot and Olivia condoms and birth control. Thou shalt only sell them fertility treatment

20. Thou shalt not hit Dani Beck repeatedly with a can of beef stew, whilst yelling, "BEEF! IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER, BITCH!"

21. Thou shalt not hold Kathy hostage whilst demanding Eli's true paternity

22. Thou shalt not hit Kathy with a horse whilst yelling, "It's the other white meat!"

23. Thou shalt not name a drunken cow Victor and trample Kathy with him

24. Thou shalt not pay a large woman to abduct Kathy, then pay her more to place a wooden brick between Kathy's ankles and snap her ankles with a large mallet.

25. Thou shalt not throw a box of rusty nails and screws at Dani Beck and then hammer them into her eyes.

26. Thou shalt not hit Kathy with a car, then get out and say, "Ooops. I thought it was a dog."

27. Thou shalt not allow Munch to give his recipe to Starbuck's.

28. Thou shalt not lynch Kathy, no matter how much it may pleaseth the EO masses.

29. Thou shalt not hang Dani Beck and shoot her with 22-caliber bullets until thou runneth out of ammo

30. Thou shalt not drown Kathy with printer ink. This may be costly to thine wallet.

31. Thou shalt not put Dani on a stick and roast her over a bonfire whilst chanting, "A bit of frizzy hair, a bit of bitch!

32. Thou shalt not place Kathy in the path of a tornado while saying, "You'll so be blown away by this!"

33. Thou shalt not glue computer parts to Dani Beck and attempt to recycle her at Staple's

34. Thou shalt not place a sticker on Kathy and attempt to sell her at a garage sale. Thine customers may demand their money back

35. Thou shalt not swap Dean Porter's Hawaii plane ticket with one to take him to Iraq.

36. Thou shalt not place Kathy in a microwave, turn it on, then rub thine hands together and purr, "Excellent..."

37. Thou shalt not replace Kathy's birth control with pill-shaped marijuana. Doing so will land you in jail.

38. Thou shalt not shove Dani Beck into a video case that says Backdoor Sluts 9 and attempt to return her to Blockbusters

39. Thou shalt not leave bleeding wounds on Kathy and Dani Beck and then shove them into a pool of great white sharks.

40. Thou shalt not push Kathy off of a skyscraper whilst chanting, "I believe you can fly!"

41. Thou shalt not toss Kathy into a cage with a 40-foot long boa constrictor

42. Thou shalt not tie Kathy to the back of a commercial airliner whilst shouting, "But I thought you WANTED to see the world!"

43. Thou shalt not tie a rope around Dale Stuckey's neck and attach it to a four wheeler, whilst driving at 100 miles per hour

44. Thou shalt not send Kathy into the stratosphere, then point and shout, "It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a flying bitch!"

45. Thou shalt not strike Kathy with a cake pan whilst singing, "Patty Cake."

46. Thou shalt not grind Kathy into meat, then make hamburgers and feed them to the starving

47. Thou shalt not fly a helicopter and drop Kathy into the aggressive hurricane many miles below

48. Thou shalt not cut Kathy with a rusty blade whilst singing, "The first cut is the deepest..."

49. Thou shalt not lock Dani Beck in a huge freezer whilst she has a cold.

50. Thou shalt lock a drunken Elliot and Olivia in a closet together with fertility treatment

Review as always, my little lovelies :)