My name is Pimpy. Ho McSlutface gets the next chapter. Enjoy.

"Hey, Mole, be careful."

"Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb?"

"Man, that kid is fucked up!"

Kendall busted up laughing next to James, who couldn't help but do the same. The two were sitting in the living room of none other than their very own lovely Apartment 2J. It was well past ten o'clock, which was the designated bedtime Kendall's mom had set them, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. They were watching the South Park movie together, because what better way to celebrate their two month anniversary than by watching the greatest thing ever invented (besides bandanas and hockey, of course)?

"I swear," Kendall said breathlessly to James. "Matt and Trey: comic geniuses."

"Yeah," James agreed. "But genius or not, we need to be quiet; if your mom finds-"

"Yeah, yeah," Kendall waved off, eyes on the screen again. When James just stared at him, unimpressed with being cut off like that. Kendall laughed again and leaned in for a quick kiss. "Sorry."

"'S okay," James replied. All was forgiven. Now James' only problem was trying to keep himself from throwing himself on top of Kendall and swallowing him whole. But he knew that this was Kendall's favorite movie of all time and didn't want to get the shit beat out of him for trying to interrupt it. Frowning, he decided he would just have to wait. Besides, it was an insanely funny movie. Just. Its title wasn't helping his problem at all.

He firmly decided to just ignore his stupid hormones and instead focused on the movie. That little fucker Cartman hadn't pulled the switch to shut off the alarm and now Christophe was being chased by guard dogs.

"Sheet sheet sheet sheet sheet sheet!" he cried in his French accent as he hopped into the hole, the dogs hot on his trail. Kendall was cracking up next to James and James was trying his hardest to keep quiet, but it was impossible. But then Christophe came out of the tunnel on the end where Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman were, totally beat up and dying. Both Kendall and James were on the edge of the couch, watching wide-eyed. Christophe cursed God and coughed weakly, and when James looked over there were tears in Kendall's eyes. James felt a little choked up himself, but he was not going to allow himself to tear up. That would be gay on so many levels. Kendall could cry all he wanted but James was not the chick in this relationship.

Just when Christophe was breathing his last words with difficulty and Kendall was on the verge of tears, there was a loud crack from outside and both James and Kendall jumped in surprise, minds taken off of the comic genius before them. Kendall paused the movie while James' head snapped around to where the sound had come from.

"What was that?" Kendall hissed.

"I don't know. It came from outside." They both got up to investigate. James pulled up the blinds and hefted the window open, peering down at the darkness of the blacktop below, Kendall at his side. He squinted. There was very dim light coming from the windows further down, but it still took him a second to recognize the round, groaning form struggling to stand.

"Gustavo?" Kendall called down in surprise, coming to the same conclusion as James. Gustavo was sprawled on the ground, a broken tree branch lying splintered next to him. James' eyes found the tree next to the window he and Kendall were staring out of, and sure enough, he saw the last remaining fragments of the same branch clinging desperately to the tree. He sighed.

"What were you doing in the tree?" he demanded, glaring down at the vague form of the record producer.

"What tree?" Gustavo asked innocently. It wasn't even close.

"You know. The one you just broke?" James emphasized.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Gustavo denied firmly.

"Gustavo." Kendall broke in firmly.

"Fine. I was- I just need to talk to James." Kendall and James exchanged glances.

"Through the window?" James asked, raising his right eyebrow.

"Well- I didn't want to pay Bitters for going through his lobby this late or anything," Gustavo rushed out. He was very obviously lying, but James and Kendall waited patiently. "That fag's been trying to get money out of me ever since that video we shot in your goddamn apartment," he muttered, still resenting the fact that the boys had tricked him into letting them keep the apartment. And Kelly. Fucking Kelly. She was too nice for her own good.

"Whatever," Kendall brushed off. "You have our attention now. What do you want?"

"I have to talk to him alone," Gustavo emphasized clearly. James rolled his eyes. "As in back at the studio."

"Gustavo, it's ten forty-five at night, I'm not going to Rocque Records now."

"Hey, I gave you dogs the day off today." It was true. Normally they would have been getting back from a long day of work right about now, but for the occasion of Kendall and James' anniversary (anniversary was such a gay word, James wished there were something more masculine they could use) they had persuaded Gustavo to let them spend the day with rest and relaxation, but he only relented because they had promised to spend the next day training extra hard by doing everything he said with no questions or backtalk. It was gonna be hard, but it was worth it.

James sighed heavily. "Fine. But you're gonna pay for this later."

"James, don't. Come on, whatever he wants I'm sure can wait until tomorrow. I mean, it's only a few hours away," he muttered resentfully.

"No, it can't!" Gustavo yelled up at them. Kendall glared down at him.

"I'll just go see what he wants, it'll probably only take a second," James promised Kendall. "Be down in a second!" he called to Gustavo, closing the window and the blinds. Kendall looked angry, but James just tried a lazy smile and planted a swift kiss to his lips. "See you in a bit, babe," he said reassuringly. Kendall finally relented, nodding.

"Okay," he agreed reluctantly. Then his eyes turned hard and his expression firm. "But forty-five minutes and I'm calling the cops."

James laughed. "Relax; I'll be fine." He headed out of the apartment, closing the door softly behind him and leaving Kendall behind, trying not to think of how this was totally ruining their anniversary- for lack of a better word, of course.

...

James stumbled out of Gustavo Rocque's office with a sore ass and bile rising in his throat.

He'd tried to fend him off, he really had. The second Gustavo's intentions had become clear, the sick, rotten bastard, James had pulled out his trusty Barracuda Mangerine Spray, all but drowning the larger man in a dangerously thick cloud of orange, but to his dismay, it hadn't worked.

Despite all the confusion and trauma he'd been put through, James knew one thing for sure: he did not like taking it up the ass. He would have to let Kendall know so that James could always be the pitcher, no exceptions. He didn't think he'd ever be able to live through something like... that ever again. He shuddered and began mentally preparing himself for his next encounter with his boyfriend.

This was not going to be easy.

Review or the crows will eat you alive. This story is gonna be fucking epic. TAKE IT AWAY, HO MCSLUTFACE.