Because we need more Tom/Sasha fics! ;) This is set 4 months after the season finale! Thanks V for beta-ing again, giving me ideas and listing every day to my crazy Tom/Sasha fangirling!
Feedback as always is highly appreciated!
For the second time of the day Sasha found herself standing by the Green's living room window. It had become some sort of routine to her since she had gotten back to St. Louis and Kara had kindly offered her to let her stay at her home, at least until Danny would return from the east coast. She pulled one of the white curtains to the side and looked out of the window. Her eyes ran over the white fence to the street and then she tilted her head slightly to the left as as if by doing so she could see past the trees and the houses that blocked her view of the house she wanted to see. she had come back to St. Louis with her best intentions to keep the promise that she had given Captain Slattery and check in on Tom, but then when she had found out that Tom was living down the street of the Green's house Sasha's courage to face him again after so many months had vanished. Her eyes were focused on to the left side of the street as her mind slowly drifted back to the moment where she walked in to his cabin and found him packing his belongings. After she had spent the night with Kathleen, she had heard some rumors that Tom had resigned his commission again. Her plan to change his mind and make him realize that he can't just walk away and to remind him that the crew still needed him got ripped into piece the moment she had seen him. That spark that used to be in his eyes whenever they were on a mission got replaced by emptiness and she knew that he had already made up his mind.
…Cruz, Chung…, Frankie, Ravit…, Rachel...
I wasn't there for her when she needed me.
I wasn't there for Darien,
I wasn't there for my kids, for my father.
She had seen him suffering before after one of his tours through Iraq where he had lost some of his closest crew members. She had seen him mourn the losses and dealing with the pain, but she had never seen him like this. Angry with himself for what he had done on that plane, mournful about the countless losses of crew members and hopeless because he knew that the world would never be the same again no matter how hard he tried to get it back into its old shape. But most of all Tom was angry with himself for not being there for the people that he valued the most, his sister, his wife and now his father. He wasn't there to protect his family from the virus and he wasn't there to protect them from Shaw's people. The men who took his pride in serving and protecting his country, who always knew the right words to say, who always came up with a plan, who always got back onto his feet no matter how hard he fell had lost his hope and faith.
Put on your uniform, Sasha closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she heard her own desperate order again and then she cursed herself for the emotional outburst she had back then. She had been trained to not betray her emotions, but with Tom it was different, it always had been different with him. Their gaze met and she knew that there was no way to change his mind, no matter how stubbornly she would order him to put on his uniform she wouldn't be able to make him stay. She recalled the moment where he had put on his cap and turned around to face her again. She wasn't prepared for this and she didn't want to say goodbye, but then she felt his hands on her skin and the next thing she knew was his lips on hers as she instinctively reached for the back of his neck to keep him place. Sasha wished that their kiss would never end so he would stay aboard the ship, but at the same time she could tell that this was his way to say goodbye, maybe it wasn't a goodbye forever, but it was a goodbye for now. As her lips lightly brushed over Tom's lips Sasha heart broke as she realized again that he would leave so she pushed his hand away and took a step back.
"Hey look who is over there staring out of the window again, Frankie." Kara's soft voice brought Sasha back to reality as Kara entered the living room with Frankie in her arms. "Auntie Sasha." Kara added once she had walked over to the windows.
"Hey little sailor." Sasha smiled as took Frankie's small hand. "Did you have a good nap?" "Say yes and now I'm looking for someone to entertain me while my Mommy is doing laundry and cooking dinner." Kara replied in a childlike voice as Frankie wrapped his fingers around Sasha's slender index finger. "Can you take him? I promise it won't be long and I can watch him again while I'm cooking." She asked even though she knew that Sasha would take care of Frankie regardless.
"Kara, you know that you don't have to ask because I love spending time with this little heartbreaker." Sasha said as she brought her other hand up to tickle Frankie's tummy. "Who is a little heartbreaker? Say I am." Sasha giggled as Frankie started to gurgle happily while he tried to catch Sasha's other hand.
"And he likes to spent time with you. By the way you look like you could use some distraction from the…" Kara trailed off, knowing that Sasha had spent the last few day staring out of the window. "Yeah." Sasha sighed as turned her head slightly to look out of the window. "You still don't know what to do with Chandler?"
"No, every time I think I will finally walk up to his house it feels like something is holding me back." Sasha said.
"Then why don't take a walk with Frankie, clear your head and if you make it to his house check in on him." Kara's suggestion made it sound like it would be the easiest thing in the world and Sasha even considered it for a split second but then she shook her head again.
"No, Kara. It's not that easy after the way he left. I mean what am I supposed to say if I see him? I can't walk up to his front door and act like nothing had happened. I'm not even sure if he is still the man that he used to be before he left the service." And the man that I still love, Sasha added quietly. "What if he has changed and moved on and I'll be the reason that will bring up all those feelings again. Maybe he doesn't want to see me? What then?"
"First of all you told me that you made a promise to Captain Slattery and by the way you will never find out if you keep on staring out of the window instead of facing him." Kara replied firmly, she liked Sasha a lot, but after a week of seeing her battling with her options about Chandler she had started to lose her patience. "I know." Sasha lowered her head and looked down on to the wooden floor as she thought about what Kara had just said. She knew that Kara was right and that the only way to find out if had changed would be to walk up to his house and see him
"And by the way it's pretty easy. Come follow me." Kara motioned her head for Sasha to follow her and Frankie out of the living room. "First we put out little sailor into his stroller." Kara started once they made it into the small hall of her house. "Auntie Sasha will take you out for a little trip." She said as she focused on tugging her son in. "And then you'll put on your shoes and jacket and maybe grab your purse and then you open the door and leave the house."
"Kara…" Sasha tried to stop her even though she knew that she could be as stubborn as she could be, but then she realized that she had no choice but to put on her shoes and take a walk with Frankie.
"What if Frankie gets fuzzy and starts to cry?" Sasha asked and Kara rolled her eyes. "I just fed him 15 minutes ago and I changed his diaper so there will be no reason for him to cry and if he still does then you'll sooth him like you did yesterday and the days before."
"And if I walk into the other direction and end up at the diner with him?" Sasha replied
"Do you want me to personally drag you down to his house?" Kara asked getting a little frustrated.
"Look, Sasha. I like you as a friend, but you have to seriously sort your issues with Tom out, because if I'll see you staring out of the window again I might lose it and we both don't want it." For a few seconds the two women just looked at each other until Frankie's voice brought them back to reality.
"You'll keep an eye on your Auntie and promise me to drag her to Chandler's house if she takes another direction, okay?" She asked as she leaned into the stroller and placed a soft kiss on to his forehead. "Mommy loves you." Kara whispered against his skin before she turned her attention back to Sasha.
"So are you ready to go?" Kara asked
"Honestly?" Sasha asked as she slipped into her shoes. "Fine I go but if we won't come back…"
"You will come back. Dinner is at 6:30." Kara replied firmly while she opened the front door for Sasha and Frankie. "Okay and Kara…" Sasha stopped as she pushed the stroller out of the door.
"Thank you. I guess I needed that kick in the ass…" She added as she hugged her friend. "I would call it a friendly push, but yep you needed it." Kara couldn't help but giggle at Sasha's description as she hugged her back. "Now go or my next push won't be that friendly." Kara warned her as she let her out of the hug.
A few minutes later Sasha felt her heart starting to race as she got closer and closer to Tom's house. She was sure that if she wouldn't be pushing the stroller she would probably playing with her fingers or twisting her hair, because she was way too nervous for her usual calm self-controlled attitude. She had just checked on Frankie who was happily playing with his stuffed ring when suddenly all of her worries hit her like a bolt again, causing her to slow down.
What if he doesn't let me in and rejects me?
What if he is still too wounded from the events of the past year and refuses to let me in to help?
What if my return reopens those wounds again if he had already moved on?
What if he has moved on from everything that is related to the Navy?
What if his kiss was an actually goodbye kiss and I just imagined things?
Sasha took a few deep breaths while she once again tried to ignore her feelings. "Your Aunt Sasha is overthinking, right? I mean what could go wrong..." she told Frankie and then she looked up again and stopped on her track. Tom, Sasha felt like her heart stopped for a moment when she saw him a couple of feet away throwing something into the garbage bin.
For a couple of seconds Sasha stood there and watched him as she debated with herself if she should turn around and head back. Maybe I'll tell Kara that he wasn't at home… Sasha thought but then she saw him turning his head towards her and stopped with whatever he was still doing. It was then when she realized that she won't be able to get out of this anymore.
"Ok, let's do this." Sasha told herself while she took a deep breath to calm herself down and then she started to walk towards him. As she closer she noticed that he was looking at her and she could tell that he was surprised to see her again. She although noticed that grey shades in his hair got more and she noticed that despite the fact that he had left the Navy he was still having a classic naval haircut. As she was only a couple of feet away from him and she noticed the dark circles under his clear blue eyes.
"Tom." Sasha nodded as she stopped right in front of him.
"Sasha. What are you doing here? I thought you would be…" Tom stopped not wanting to say the name of the ship that would remind him of all the pain that he had suffered in the past year.
"I'm on leave, but the word is the president wants me to stay in St. Louis and rebuild our Intelligence department apparently I'm qualified." Sasha trailed off as she quickly checked on Frankie who was entertaining himself by playing with his hands. When she turned her head back to face Tom she noticed his curious look.
"And I'm staying with Kara until Danny is back and I have found a place on my own and according to Kara I'm his favorite aunt now." Sasha explained quickly.
"So Aunt Sasha it is now?" Tom asked with an amused look on his face and Sasha nodded.
"Can I see him? I never really had a chance to before." Tom asked as he remembered that before he had left for Asia he never had a chance to meet little Frankie before.
"Of course. Do you want me to take him out for you?" "Well it's been a while and he doesn't know me." Tom shrugged as he watched Sasha leaning forward to get him out of his stroller.
"Hey little sailor, come here. I have someone that wants to meet you." She spoke softly as she carefully lifted him out of his stroller and once she had him secured in her arms she turned back to face Tom again. "Frankie meet Tom Chandler another one of your uncles from the Navy." Sasha smiled as she looked from Frankie up to Tom and she noticed the frown on his face when she mentioned the Navy.
"Hi Frankie, it's nice to meet you." Tom smiled as he tried his best to ignore the pain that hat hit him the moment Sasha had mentioned the Navy. "Does your Auntie Sasha take good care of you?" He asked as he reached up to take his hand, but Frankie was a lot faster than Tom had thought, because the second Tom's index finger was within his reach Frankie grabbed it and wrapped his tiny fingers around it tightly as he gurgled happily. Sasha was watching Tom's face as Frankie started to babble happily in her arms and she saw a soft smile appearing on his lips while his eyes were focused on the little boy. She could've sworn that she saw a sparkle in his eyes, the sparkle that she was missing since he had made decision to leave the Navy.
"I guess he likes you." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she broke the silence between them. "Uncle Tom."
"Boys have to stick together." Tom simply replied. "Right, Buddy?" Tom asked as he splayed his fingers and tickled Frankie's tummy. "See, he agrees." Tom added when Frankie started gurgle in joy and then he looked up and met Sasha's gaze. They both starred into each other eyes and for a moment neither of them said a word as they both enjoyed the moment of simply being together again even though neither of them knew where this would go.
"I'm glad you're back." Tom's voice was soft as he smiled at her and for the first time in months she kew that his smile wasn't a fake one just to please her. "DAD! Where is my sleeping bag?" Sam's voice broke their peaceful moment and Tom turned around to see his son standing by the front door. "In your closet!" Tom called back.
"But I can't find it!" the little boy wailed.
"I'll help you search. Just give me a minute here." Tom yelled back and then he turned back to face Sasha who was already putting Frankie back into his stroller.
"Listen Sasha, I would love to catch up with you, so uhm… how about you come over for dinner? The kids will leave at 6:00 for their sleepover so how about you come over we have dinner and I don't know... talk?" Tom shrugged as he silently prayed that she would agree.
"I can't, I promised Kara to be home for dinner but how about after dinner. Let's say 7:30?" she asked as he hoped that he would take her offer.
"Okay. Then I'll see you tonight." He nodded as the smile that she loved so much appeared on his lips again. "I'm looking forward to it." She replied as she turned around to head back to Kara's house while Tom got inside and to help Sam finding his sleeping bag.