Author's Note: My first fic for Chronicles of Narnia! Yay! So I decided to experiment a little with a more cynical and bitter side of Lucy we don't get to see often, because seriously, having grown up once and having to be a child before growing up again would certainly leave Lucy a little bitter, even if she never lost her faith. The fic is mostly book-verse, but obviously a little AU, since Caspian and Lucy were never canon. A little of the movie element was used, i.e. the watery portal the Pevensies and Eustace went through. Also, one sentence in the fic was inspired by Taylor Swift's 'Begin Again', see if you can spot it. So be kind, read, review and enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Chronicles of Narnia, nor any character mentioned. They all belong to C.S Lewis. I also do not own that particular lyric that belongs to Taylor Swift.
Lucy had never fallen in love before, not once. Not even when the Pevensies were Kings and Queens of Narnia and when she was tall, beautiful, graceful; not a child.
The one time she did fall in love, well, perhaps even Aslan knew they were not meant to be. And after that, if you asked Lucy what love was, she'd tell you solemnly that all love ever did was make people hope foolishly, then break, then burn and finally end. And you'd be startled by the cynical answer dear little Lucy, who was only eleven, gave. But you'd laugh it off, for what did an eleven year old child know of love?
You'd never have known that she was once a queen in a beautiful and wild land; you'd never have known that she once lost her heart to a man older than her (at least, in outward appearances) and you'd never have known that she had to walk away from him, the chance to tell him the three little words 'I love you' lost.
She had never fallen in love before, so when she did fall in love, she didn't realize it, at least, not until it was too late.
Lucy loved freely and whole-heartedly, heavens she loved nearly all of Narnia! But if she was honest, the reason why Lucy never gave her heart away was because she was afraid. Yes, Queen Lucy the Valiant was afraid of being hurt.
It was on the Dawn Treader when she lost her heart to Caspian. It was on the rolling waves of the sea and feeling the rough gale sweep past her and being once again an adult in the body of a child that she finally fell in love.
But since Lucy had never fallen in love before, she didn't know what it felt like. Didn't know why her heart raced and why color rushed to her cheeks every time he smiled at her.
She blamed it on the heat.
When she finally realized that she had fallen in love, for the first time, Lucy knew that she was too late. Caspian had already met Ramandu's daughter.
Lucy used to harbor some resentment towards Susan, as Susan was always so beautiful, so poised and just so perfect. And she felt even more like a child next to the Gentle Queen.
But it was worse, standing next to Caspian, facing Ramandu's daughter. For how could a girl, even a girl who had once been Queen during the Golden Age of Narnia and was loved by all her people could even begin to compare to a star? If Lucy had felt like a child next to Susan, she felt absolutely miniscule and plain and horrid next to the pale perfection of the star.
Maybe Caspian had felt something for her before. Surely, surely those intense gazes directed at her that Lucy had dismissed as protective before must have meant something? But whatever little they had, it was gone; positively paled next to the fairy tale love that Caspian and Ramandu's daughter must share.
And Lucy accepted it. In a detached, almost numb manner, she had hugged Caspian goodbye without tears and without lingering a moment longer when it was time to leave, only vaguely aware that Caspian had told her that he would miss her with tears in his eyes and of the almost pitying stare dear Edmund had directed towards her and the grave, sad way her beloved Aslan had nuzzled her hair when she hugged the great Lion goodbye.
Lucy stepped through the watery portal that Aslan had created, walked forward, and disappeared.
And Lucy, in her short young life that ended in that tragic train accident, never fell in love again.
AN: Thank you very much to all those who reviewed, I appreciated each of them very much. Thanks to Starbrow who alerted me to the 'Caspian' typo in the third last paragraph. Hope you enjoyed it!