Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Nor do I own Mr. Met, the mascot of the New York Mets.
Poor Tesla nearly lost consciousness when he stepped into his room one day to find his beloved Nnoitra-sama lying on his bed, going through his BL doujin collection without a care in the world.
"Hmm...this is quite a...unique...set of porn you got stashed here, Tesla," Nnoitra grumbled under his breath to the blonde arrancar.
Tesla blushed. "N...Nnoitra-sama...I...I...I CAN EXPLAIN-"
"What you like is of no interest to me, so I don't give a flying fuck if you like yaoi or not," Nnoitra suddenly spoke up again, flipping through the pages of a NnoiTes doujin, "What really burns my perfectly-toned ass is...the shitty drawing style these perverted little girls use to depict me in all of my gloriousness!!!"
"E...Eh?!" Tesla was dumbstruck.
"I mean...why do they always draw me so lean and slim and girly?! I'm a manly man, dammit! Plus...where's the hair on my balls in these pictures?! I got alotta hair on my balls, for Christ's sake! More than their damn daddies, I bet! Fuck!!! Can these idiot humans draw nothing but ridiculously anorexic women with tits bigger than Mr. Met's head, pretty young men with dicks as long as your arm, and hairless balls so tiny that Tiger Woods could mistake them for golf balls?!!"
Tesla shrugged, replying, "I'm not really sure, Nnoitra-sama, but I can say this, though: they certainly have gotten better at it."
Nnoitra peered closely at the page, and then nodded. "Yeah, you're right...this is deemed worthy enough to be fapped to in my eyes!"
"Uh-huh..."
"...Well, Tesla?"
"Sir?"
"Go away. I am going to fap, and I'd rather not having you watch me...as much as I know that arouses you...so leave."
"But...but this is my room-"
"OUT!"
Sighing, Tesla stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. He heard the faint sound of jeans unzipping, and then Nnoitra letting out a series of tiny grunts. A shiver crawled up the blonde's spine.
'I should probably get those sheets washed later today...'
"Oi! Tesla! Be a good boy and bring me some goddamn viagra!! FUCK!!!"
Tesla shuddered; he was DEFINITELY going to get his sheets washed later today.