WHERE WILL YOU GO?
Chapter 1
Leia had observed that during the flight to Carida, Han had been unusually quiet. It didn't surprise her; they were on their way to attend Jaina's graduation from the Naval Academy. It had been the Imperial Academy when Han had graduated more than three decades ago. Leia was certain that the upcoming event was fraught with emotion for her husband. He hadn't even exchanged barbs with Chewie on the trip, and that was normally a travel staple.
The Falcon was crammed with passengers-Han and Leia's three sons, Jacen's wife Tenel Ka and their infant daughter Allana; Luke and Mara with their son Ben, Lando, Artoo and Threepio, who all of whom were considered family, and Brendahl, who'd served as the kids' nanny for many years. She was still in their employ, as Jarik was only ten, but her rheumatoid arthritis had worsened no matter what treatment they tried. It would not be long before she had to retire. She still played sabacc, but off-world tournament play was now too demanding for her.
At the moment, Chewie was playing with Jarik and Ben, and Luke was in the copilot's seat. Luke knew that Han was in turmoil, but past experience had told him to let it go; Han would speak if and when he chose to. Luke was proud of his niece's accomplishments, both in the Force and as a military pilot. He was excited to see her graduate.
Leia and Mara were seated at the holotable in the galley, sipping Asteria waters and chatting amiably.
"Han's really taking this hard," Mara commented.
"Remember, this is where he graduated from the Imperial Academy. I think he's very proud of Jaina-I know he is-but he's worried about what happens to her now. And to be honest, so am I," Leia said soberly. "There's been a lot of unrest on some worlds." The troubles varied in scale and depth, but they shared an undercurrent of economic woes. For some worlds, it had been an intractable problem since before the New Republic had been established; for some of the more wealthy worlds, it was a rude shock. There was a loss of confidence in the GFFA to varying degrees. Leia was no longer in government service, preferring to grow the next generations of diplomats, but she'd gone on some missions as a consultant. She was not as optimistic about the future as she'd once been. Many of those who'd formed the galactic government were retired or dead, and there were power grabs all over the place.
"You probably know that I was raised by the Emperor," Mara said quietly.
Leia was well aware of it, and it had initially made her suspicious of Luke's choice for a love interest. That Mara had been sent to kill her twin brother might have had something to do with it. But that was in the past. How she viewed Mara now was as a family member, a loving aunt and caring mother, a wonderful wife to her twin brother. She was an outstanding teacher and the Force was extremely strong in her.
"I was the Emperor's Hand," she added, even more quietly. Leia simply nodded. It was still extraordinarily painful for her to talk about. She'd been fond of Palpatine. But as time went by, she'd become increasingly fond of Luke and had fallen in love with him, she began to see the Rebellion with and the New Republic with different eyes.
"I guess this is my roundabout way of saying that I fear an Imperial takeover."
"Their ranks are small, but we'd be stupid to ignore them," Leia agreed. "It's so easy for politicians to be corrupted, and while our goal was to have a system free of corruption, well, beings what they are, it's an uphill battle at times."
"I worry about Jaina," Mara said, giving voice to Leia's fears. "She's a strong Jedi, and an excellent pilot, but with all the unrest, I worry about what the future holds for her."
She had spoken the words Leia had dared not, especially when Han was in earshot.
Leia measured her words carefully. "It's not what I would have chosen for Jaina. But it wasn't my choice to make."
"I don't think Palpatine would have seen it that way," Mara said, a touch of sadness in her voice. "But I realized that it wasn't his choice. It was mine."
"Choices. Our lives are full of them," Leia agreed. "We only hope we make the best ones, and sometimes, it's pretty hard to know what those are. "My father made my choices for me for so long that it took a while for me to make one that I absolutely felt was the most important one I could make. And that was falling in love with Han Solo." A wide smile curved Leia's lips. "And at the time I didn't realize just how right that was." And the odd thing is, I think while he might have initially been upset or angry or at least surprised, I think he would have supported me. It's ironic. He raised me to be independent, but the first independence I really felt was when I realized I had to follow my heart."
"I came to the same conclusion about Luke. For the longest time, I felt the need to resist my heart. I felt love made one vulnerable."
"It does."
"Yes, that it does, and I'm still not totally comfortable at times with it," Mara said. "But now I can't imagine my life without him. Or without Ben. I never thought I was mother material, but once Ben was born, I was totally in love with him. I want him to do what he wants, but I have to admit that I want him to do something safe."
"Don't we all?" Leia agreed, and laughed. "But our kids? Who are we kidding?"
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The landing on Carida was smooth and easy. Han hadn't been there since he'd been cashiered, and despite the ease of touching down, his stomach was in knots. Luke had been respectfully quiet throughout the flight, which Han knew it wasn't easy for the loquacious younger man, and he appreciated it greatly. He'd buy Luke a drink later. Probably more than one drink, he mused. He, Han, was going to need plenty of intoxicants to get through the day.
He was proud of his only daughter. But the image of Daddy's Little Girl and Lieutenant Jaina Solo weren't meshing well.
It wasn't just the idea that his baby girl could die in combat. That was always a worry, especially at this point in time, when things had become destabilized. But he was most concerned about how his acerbic, quick-witted and daring daughter, who had a healthy mistrust of authority, would fare in the military. Jaina did not suffer fools gladly, and she was more than slightly outspoken when she came into contact with one. And in her estimation, there were plenty of fools to go around.
She was absolutely his daughter.
Today, she was graduating and fulfilling her dream. Han would congratulate her, and hug her, and pretend he was happy; as her father, he owed her that. But he'd never been, and was not now, happy that she'd chosen a military career. Jaina was well aware of that. But she knew her father had her back, no matter what.
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Luke remembered when he'd joined the Rebel Forces. It was one had been of the proudest moments of his life. He could barely remember the kid he'd been on Tatooine. While living there, his greatest longing had been to attend the Imperial Academy and never see his home planet again.
Well, he'd gotten one of his wishes.
The other wish, well, he'd gotten something better. He smiled at the thought. He'd found his purpose in life. He'd fought for something better than himself, bigger than himself.
But the last thing Luke wished for his niece was that she end up embroiled in war. While Luke was grateful to be able to have contributed to something he still believed in, he knew the reality of war-lost sleep, lost friends, lost innocence. It had forced him to grow up quickly, something he'd needed, but he believed there were easier ways to do it.
Han wasn't always talkative, but when Luke had flown with him in the past, he'd traded barbs and jokes and cast aspersions each other's' sports teams. They'd kid each other about nearly everything and anything. People's initial reaction to Luke was that he was solemn, almost frightfully so, but Han knew that 'the kid,' as Han still referred to him, had a rollicking sense of humor.
Luke wished Han would share his concerns, but experience had taught him that that was not the way of Han Solo. They'd probably end up getting drunk later, but even when intoxicated, Han was not into self-revelation. His jokes were cruder, but that was about it. At least he'd (mostly) given up bar fights when he'd gotten together with Leia.
Luke wondered what it would be like for him if Ben chose a career in the military. His son hadn't shown any interest in going in that direction, but the boy was only six. A million things could happen along the way, and as Yoda had taught him long ago, 'always in motion, the future.'
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