When she first started as a young misthios, Kassandra wanted adventure. To leave behind her dull life at Kephallonia, to go out in the world and find new goals, glory, destiny, a greater purpose.
Once she achieved that, all she wanted was family. Glory in battle didn't fill the emptiness she felt when she tried to sleep at night under a blanket of stars. She tried to meditate to ease her aching heart and be thankful for her other family: Phobos, Ikaros, Phoibe, Markos, Barnabas… But her mater's voice always haunted her in her dreams.
Finally, when she had her family back (her pater, her mater, her two stubborn but surprisingly lovable little brothers), Kassandra realized she would never have peace. She had killed hundreds to achieve her goals. She had been selfish, she had manipulated people to suit her needs, she had fucked her way into women's hearts only to leave them behind because no one, ever, could fill the void. She'd lost Phoibe. She was beyond redemption. Happiness was at last bitter wine in her mouth with a taste of poison.
So she sailed out to the sea again and drowned her sorrow in blood.
The stupidest of tasks would do:
"Kill these bandits for me, misthios, they stole my favorite amphora!"
"Misthios! My wife needs these very rare gems that you can only find in a giant lion's lair… it's very important, it's for her beauty routine, will you fetch them for me?"
"Eagle Bearer! We've enraged Zeus by skipping our monthly sacrifice! Will you climb to the top of that mountain with a goat on your back and kill it while you hop on one leg and chant our village's name dressed in this old purple dress that really suits you and doesn't look ridiculous at all? It's the only thing that will save us!"
One day, after months and months of lame missions and nights of wine, women and senseless bar fights, Barnabas asked her a question:
"What are you doing to yourself, Kassandra? What are you searching for?"
Peace, she thought to herself, but I will never have it. I'm Ares' slave. I'm Hades' prey dog. I'm Death itself.
She remained silent and Barnabas just threw a concerned look at her, not daring to push her more than he usually did. But his question did remove something within Kassandra.
"Where are we going next?" her old friend asked, sensing the darkness taking over her, trying to change the subject.
"Mykonos."
The answer was immediate, visceral. As if she had always known, but only now did the Gods allow her to speak a sacred truth.
Perhaps it was a mistake. The final straw that would break the misthios' back. It had been almost six years since she had left Mykonos, never looking back. Behind her, she left her usual path of destruction, only crueler: Kyra, yelling at her, hating her, crying, unable to enjoy the peace she had always craved – and Thaletas' body, lifeless on the beach, sealing in blood her destiny as nothing more than a killer. She had come to Mykonos to help the people break free from a tyrant, but her name wouldn't appear in history scrolls and no statues would be raised to praise her. Her legacy to the island was the broken heart of their leader, the one woman she had thought she could – love?
Kassandra wasn't even worthy of that word. She shouldn't even try to speak it in her mind. Aphrodite should have Hephaistos burn her instantly for such sacrilege. The daughter of chaos shouldn't even think about it.
I'm Ares' slave, she recited again in the solitude of her darkest thoughts, even as the Adrestia turned to show her the white beaches of gorgeous Mykonos. I'm Hades' prey dog. I'm Death itself.
If this was supposed to be the end, so be it. If Kyra threw soldiers at her the moment she set foot on the island, she wouldn't fight them. It all felt just, fitting, almost… peaceful. Almost.
But there was no welcoming party when they docked the Adrestia. Mykonos had thrived after the rebellion, and its lively streets and its hospitable people seemed to welcome her with the same gracious anonymity they would show any other stranger. She should've felt grateful, but it felt like the island itself was mocking her. Then again, everything could change in six years, and the legend of the Eagle Bearer fighting Podarkes to the death could be just a myth now. And if that was the case, she was fine with it. Becoming a myth wouldn't change the past, but it would slowly erase her name from history, and that, she deserved.
She finally gave up and asked a stranger about Kyra.
"Oh, you mean the governor? Tallest house in the village. Can't miss it."
So Kyra had stepped up to rule. And now she lived in Podarkes' house and she had changed the destiny of her people for the best. Kassandra couldn't help but smile.
The walk to the leader's house was the most unnerving thing she'd ever done in her life, though. And that was quite something, considering she had killed the Minotaur. Different scenarios played out in her mind and all of them had something in common: Kyra enraged, turning rightfully violent the moment she'd see her, not missing Kassandra's throat with her knife this time.
It didn't play out like that.
Her heart almost jumped out of the misthios' chest the moment she heard Kyra's voice. And it was calling out her name from inside the house.
"Kassandra! Kassandra, where the Hades are you?"
The misthios quickly understood Kyra was referring to someone else.
"Kassy, you little gorgon, go change clothes, dinner is almost ready!"
"In a minute, ma!"
The exchange made Kassandra's stomach twitch.
Ma? As in mater? Did Kyra have a child? Did Kyra have a child named after her?
She finally stepped inside the court of the house to find a little girl, no older than six years old, playing around with a wooden sword and a tin helmet far too big for her head. The girl was making (cute) battle noises and striking down invisible enemies, unaware of Kassandra's presence. She turned around to swing her sword in the air, finally colliding against the misthios' imposing body. Kassandra (the older one) couldn't, wouldn't dare to move, staring wide-eyed at the girl who had to comically lift up her helmet a little to meet the stranger's eyes.
"Who are you?," the child asked scanning Kassandra up and down and making so many faces within seconds as she took notice of every piece of the adult's armor.
"Uh…I, uh…" Kassandra didn't know what to say, but her namesake didn't give her a chance.
"It doesn't matter, stranger, because I am Kassandra, the Eagle Bearer, and this is my house! Everybody plays with me in this house! So come forth and meet your destiny in my legendary spear!"
The girl ran around the court swinging her sword and readying herself for battle, contentedly assuming the stranger was going to play with her.
"Wait a minute…" the misthios whispered to herself, then asked the girl, quite astonished, "I'm the Eagle Bearer, who the Hades are you?"
And that was when the sound of a breaking amphora startled both Eagle Bearers, who turned to watch as Kyra was gasping at the presence of Kassandra, the misthios, in her own house. She was carrying water to have dinner with her daughter in the gardens, but the water was no more and she stood there, white as a spirit, her trembling hands covering her mouth and no words coming out of it.
"Ma? Mater, what's wrong?"
The little girl approached Kyra with worrying eyes. She removed her helmet and Kassandra could see now her long light-brown hair, knotted in a braid, much like Kassandra's but on the opposite side of her head. She had Thaletas' eyes, undeniably, but the rest of her was the spitting image of Kyra. The misthios forgot how to breath for long seconds, as realization and shame choked her pounding heart.
"I'm sorry, Kyra, I– I…" Kassandra said the words, but she didn't know where she was going with them. "I didn't know," she finally blurted out with shortness of breath. "I'm so sorry. I'll go."
And the misthios turned around to leave, her legs trembling like they did after days and nights of non-stop battle.
"Kassandra, wait!"
The misthios turned around then, very slowly. When she made eye-contact with Kyra, her long-lost lover had tears in her eyes. They weren't tears of rage or hate, like the ones Kassandra had imagined. They were witnesses to all kinds of words Kassandra could see dancing in Kyra's face: surprise, guilt, heartbreak, regret, love?
No, Angel of Death, her own personal Deimos spoke in her mind. Not that word again. You don't deserve it.
Kassandra, the child, took her mater's hand in hers and regarded Kassandra, the real Eagle Bearer, with a mixture of fear, awe and incredulity.
Kyra held on to her daughter's hand as if she was afraid to lose her, but she never took her eyes off Kassandra as she spoke again
"I found out the night we buried my father. I wanted to tell you, but–"
"Kyra," Kassandra gently interrupted, her voice filled with emotion at the sound of that name falling from her lips again, "you don't have to explain anything to me…"
"But I want to," Kyra replied with determination. She sniffed a little and dedicated her daughter a bittersweet smile, trying to reassure her. Then, she looked back to Kassandra and shook her head, reliving the memories.
"I wanted to talk to Thaletas first, it was only right," Kyra began again, determination renewed. "I was sure I didn't want him anymore, but one thing is telling someone you don't have feelings for them and another that you're going to have their child but you don't want them involved. I– I was foolish enough to entertain the idea that you would stay with me to raise my child, together. To build a home with me. To have a family with me."
"Kyra…" Kassandra's heart was breaking, right there. She closed her eyes to try and stop the scene playing out in her mind, but all she did was shed tears that mirrored Kyra's. The misthios thought she knew pain and that, no matter what, she could endure any kind of blow. But this? This kind of pain? She would rather switch places with Prometheus and have Zeus send an eagle to eat her liver, every night for eternity.
"So I - I told him, and of course, he was furious. I broke his heart in the cruelest of ways. But eventually he calmed down, and he promised me it would be all right. I should've known… I should've known it was just a scheme to go after you."
Kassandra relived the fight with Thaletas in her mind. She finally put all the pieces together.
"That's why he was livid. He wouldn't attend to reason… he - he was out of his mind," Kassandra whispered out loud.
"And it was all my fault," Kyra lamented. "I was going to tell you that night, after the victory party, but then… you told me what happened and… I lost it, Kassandra. I was mad at myself, not you. I had ruined both of your lives. Thaletas' death was on me. And so I pushed you away… and I knew I'd lost you forever."
Kassandra couldn't help but smile, the saddest, most hopeless, most longing smile she had ever crafted for anyone.
"No, no you didn't," Kassandra muttered, barely loud enough for Kyra to hear.
A tiny sob made both women break eye-contact for the first time.
"Ma?"
Kyra's daughter was pouting, her eyes red and confused. Her mater kneeled down in front of her and cupped her face lovingly.
"Oh, dove, don't cry. Don't cry, my darling, everything's fine, listen…" Kyra took a deep breath to try and compose herself. Kassandra also took the opportunity to wipe at her own tears and try to channel her misthios persona again. Kyra took her daughter's hands in hers and smiled at her, now more collected. "Listen, Kassy, this is the real Eagle Bearer, your namesake, Kassandra of Sparta."
Kyra nodded her head in Kassandra's direction, and her daughter just stared at the mighty misthios, comically wide eyed.
"Kassandra," Kyra stood up to properly introduce her daughter, lovingly holding her little girl's shoulders, "meet Kassandra of Mykonos, my child."
The misthios took a few tentative steps towards them and when she was at arm's reach, she kneeled in front of the girl, gently reaching out her hand to salute her.
"Chaire, Kassandra. It's an honor to meet you."
The little girl took the misthios' hand in hers, that appeared comically tiny in between Kassandra's calloused fingers.
"Are you… are you the real Eagle Bearer?" Little Kassy didn't even blink.
Kassandra smiled, "In the flesh, yes."
Little Kassy let go of the warrior's hand to point with her index finger at the weapon poking out from Kassandra's back.
"Is that– is that the spear of Leonidas?" The little girl asked, her voice almost a whisper.
Kassandra stood up and nodded.
"It is."
Little Kassandra gasped and her initial shock gave way to utter anxiety. She began clapping her hands together, bouncing on the spot and practically riddling Kassandra with questions.
"And the Adrestia? Where is it? And Ikaros? Is Ikaros with you? Are you really a demi-god? Who is your father? Zeus? Poseidon? Ares?"
Kyra was about to intervene but the misthios just laughed, genuinely surprised by the girls' curiosity and obvious knowledge of her life, even if most of the bards just got it all wrong.
"Ok, ok, so many questions…" Kassandra raised her hands up in the air, still laughing. "The Adrestia is docked at the port and I believe Ikaros is circling over us right now, he's hunting for his dinner. He's always with me, even when I cannot see him," Kassandra explained, empathetically indulging the little girl, "and I'm very human, believe me."
"Will you take me to the Adrestia? Can I pet Ikaros? Is it true that you spit fire and that you're stronger than Herakles?" Kassandra wondered if Kyra had already taught the girl how to swim and dive because she certainly could hold her breath for a very long time. Little Kassy kept at it, unmerciful. "Can I touch the spear? Will you let me wear your armor? Are you staying for dinner?" Then, Kassy turned to her mater and pulled at her robe. "Ma, is she staying for dinner?"
Kyra was rendered speechless by her daughter's sudden question and Kassandra's smile grew wider.
"If your mater wants me to stay for dinner," Kassandra made sure to emphasize the proper words to give Kyra an easy way out, in case she needed it, "it would be my honor to be your guest, little Kassandra."
"Say yes, ma, say yes, say yes, yes, yes!"
Kyra sighed, and nodded, "Kassy, ok, yes, but –"
"Yes! I'm gonna go change! We're going to have dinner with the Eagle Bearer! Woohoo!"
The little girl was gone in the blink of an eye, running up the stairs with her arms in the air as if she had just won the Olympics.
"I've never seen her run so fast to change into proper clothes…" Kyra murmured, more to herself than anything else.
Once the two women were alone, an awkward silence installed between them, but Kassandra broke it with one of her not-so-smooth smirks and crossing of arms over her chest.
"So, her name… I'm honored, really. But…" Kassandra didn't know how to follow that train of thought. Luckily, Kyra knew what she was wondering.
"During the pregnancy, all I could think of was you. And when she was born…" Kyra closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, stopping the emotion of the memories from taking over her. "I knew I had pushed you away, that you were never coming back, so I thought if I couldn't have you, at least I'd hold on to a part of you." Kyra smiled, bitterly, and shook her head, "I know it's kind of sad but… I never thought of her as Thaletas' child. I always treated her like she was yours. Her infatuation with you came naturally to her, though, she never wanted to hear Achilles or Odysseus stories as a baby, only the Eagle Bearer would do…"
Kassandra was speechless for a few seconds and even though Kyra tried to cover up the meaning of her words with a gentle chuckle, Kassandra was still hung up by the thought of Kyra thinking about this child as theirs.
Unable to process all the things she was feeling, she focused on Kyra again, just trying to wrap her mind around everything that had happened.
"You could've…" Kassandra hesitated, then shyly muttered, "I don't know, sent out a letter?"
Kyra swallowed hard and sighed.
"Each time I gathered the courage to do that, some aspiring poet arrived from Korinthia, or Lesbos or Makedonia, singing your victories, your adventures and your… love conquests."
Kassandra closed her eyes, frustrated. Not like all that couldn't be true, but she never slept with anyone just to brag about it. It was the only way she could try to forget, if only for a few hours.
"Most of the things they say about me are not even true, Kyra…"
"But I know you," Kyra smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I couldn't bring myself to take you away from all that. That was your destiny. Not us."
For some inexplicable reason, that phrase didn't sit right with Kassandra and she felt the utter urge to rebel, but Kyra's pain reflecting in her eyes prevented her from correcting her. "The more time passed, the harder it was. And there came a time I simply stopped fantasizing about you, about the life that we never had and just focused on my daughter and my people. You wouldn't have come back anyway, would you? Six years and… I never heard of the Adrestia sailing towards Mykonos, not even close to our waters." Kyra's voice didn't sound resentful, just sad, and that enraged Kassandra with herself even more.
"Because I thought you hated me," the misthios confessed, defeated. "Because you said… you said I only brought you sorrow."
Something in Kassandra's voice made Kyra shiver, and the rebel warrior turned leader and mother couldn't help but reach out to the misthios, cupping her face in her hands, trying to wipe the sadness from those beautiful, haunting hazel eyes.
"No, Kassandra," Kyra whispered, and when Kassandra pressed her hands with hers, putting Kyra's palms even closer to her skin, Kyra rested her foreheads together, even though she had to stand in the tip of her toes. Then, she planted a kiss to Kassandra's temple, and she spoke her truth. "You gave me the greatest of joys, Eagle Bearer."
Kassandra gave in and she held Kyra in her arms, feeling the void slowly filling up, the darkness giving way to warmth, the self-loathe and the hatred transforming into gratitude.
Kyra whispered something against the misthios' chest. Kassandra had to step back to look at Kyra's face and asked her to repeat it again.
"Can you ever forgive me?" Kyra whispered, crying freely now, for the first time, letting herself go now that her daughter wasn't present.
Kassandra smiled, a smile of disbelief and wonder.
"Forgive you, Kyra?" The mighty misthios asked, in the sweetest of voices. Then, a pause, and then, a smile that could take the Olympus down. "I love you," Kassandra whispered, and Kyra was disarmed.
The former rebel's eyes went wide with shock as she stepped away from Kassandra, throwing her arms in the air.
"You…? By the gods, Kassandra! Tell me this is not a cruel dream, tell me Morpheus is not playing games with me again, please…"
As if to prove a point, Kassandra took the other woman back in her arms and put one of Kyra's hands over her chest plate, right above her heart.
"This is not a dream. I'm here. I came back."
"Why?" Kyra whispered, shaking her hand, as if not understanding why the Moirai would give her a second chance she didn't deserve.
Kassandra didn't answer until she locked eyes with the love of her life.
"Because… because you were the only peace I knew in a lifetime of war."
Their mouths melt halfway, and the kiss tasted like ambrosia, and it was more powerful than Apollo, who gave life to everything under its reign, and it was more healing than a blessing from Asclepius himself. Tongues danced in each other's mouths as if they had done it forever, as if six years of Aegean sea between them had never happened. Kassandra put one arm around Kyra's waist and with the other, she pulled her head impossibly closer to her, and soon, Kyra was moaning in her arms, and all Kassandra wanted, all Kassandra needed was to hear that sound again, to worship Kyra forever as the sole high priestess of the woman she loved.
A peal of happy, shaky laughter startled them both and hastily ended the kiss.
"Mater, you're kissing the Eagle Bearer!"
Little Kassandra stood at the stairs, holding her belly while she laughed innocently at the scene. Despite the first few seconds of panic, both women finally relaxed when it was clear the little girl wasn't freaked out at all, in fact, she was more than amused.
Kyra was the one that resumed contact again, caressing Kassandra's cheek and planting a quick kiss to her lips.
"Yes I am, dove, yes I am," Kyra whispered, almost losing herself again in Kassandra's eyes, now charged with desire.
But all that would have to wait, sadly. Kyra turned around, managing (barely) to compose herself and smile widely at her daughter.
"Ready for dinner?"
"No, mater! I don't wanna have dinner! I wanna play with the Eagle Bearer!"
"She has a name, Kassandra."
"But it's weird, because it's my name!"
"I know, dove, but it was her name way before it was yours…"
Sensing that this could go on forever, Kassandra kneeled in front of the little girl and presented a solution.
"Ok, lamb, listen, you can call me anything you want, but, how about… we have dinner and then we play together? We can even ask Ikaros if he wants to play with us?"
Kassy's eyes went wide with enthusiasm.
"Yes!" Then, the little girl frowned, and Kassandra had to refrain herself from melting right there, it was by far the cutest thing she'd ever seen. "But wait – what did you call me?"
Kassandra blushed, just slightly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I called you lamb."
Kassy blinked and kept on staring.
"Why?"
"It's uh – what my mater calls me. Does it bother you?"
"No… It's nice. You have a mater too? Can I meet her?"
Now it was Kyra's turn to intervene.
"Easy, Kassandra…"
The misthios raised a hand to let Kyra know there was no problem.
"It's alright. You can meet her if you want to, lamb."
Kassy enthusiastically nodded her head.
"I want to! But wait." She paused again, and the frown got even cuter this time. This child was going to be the end of the Eagle Bearer, who would have thought? "Ma calls me dove. I can't be a dove and a lamb, right?"
Both adults chuckled softly and Kyra ruffled her little girls' hair.
"You can be anything you want, my darling."
"Good! I'm hungry now. Let's eat dinner very quickly so we can play!"
Kassandra sighed, watching little Kassy ran towards the gardens as if she was about to invade Troy.
"She's… something, uh?" Kassandra thought aloud, a small awestruck smile slowly forming in her face.
"Yes, she is. But nothing an athletic and unbeaten misthios can't handle, right?"
"Right."
"But… seriously. This is your last chance, if you want out…"
Kassandra buried Kyra's fears by getting a hold of her waist again, planting a kiss to her neck and inhaling her essence, whispering comforting words against soft, tanned skin.
"I'm glad I'm here. I'm staying."
Kyra nervously played with Kassandra's braid as she tried to say something else.
"So, will you… would you like to stay and… uh… spend the night? Or is there anywhere you have to be…?"
Kassandra pulled the other woman even closer as she met dark brown eyes filled with hope.
"I'm staying for as long as you want me to, Kyra."
The warrior kissed her again, and Kyra blushed, looking stunning in Kassandra's eyes.
"Careful, misthios, I might ask for a lifetime," Kyra sighed.
Kassandra's brow went high to ask a playful question that hid expectations and truth.
"A lifetime of happiness?"
Kyra didn't even blink.
"Yes, please."
Kassandra understood immediately that this was a promise, a vow.
"I love you, Kyra. Always."
They kissed, and when they parted, Kyra's eyes contained all the colors in the Elysian Fields.
"I love you, Kassandra, the Peacemaker, Aphrodite's daughter, Goddess of my Heart."
Kassandra laughed, slightly embarrassed as if Sappho herself had praised her.
"Where the Hades did that come from?"
Kyra just smiled as she kissed her misthios again.
"It's just what you are, love, it's just what you are."
Love.
Just a word.
But it took hearing it from Kyra's lips for Kassandra to finally understand she deserved it.
In the years to come, Kassandra didn't always remember this, but Kyra was there to remind her, and so was their daughter's laughter, and the peacefulness of their home.
And there was no doubt that they were blessed.
Love. Never just a word.