I don't own the Boosh the lovely Noel and Julian do! If you likey I will do more xxx

Chapter 1

Howard was having his weekly phone conference of Jazz with Lester Corncrake. They were supposed to play original pressings of Jazz classics to each other over the phone then discuss at great length why that record changed the face of jazz. Unfortunately, Lester had his girlfriend Eleanor over.

"Heelloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

"It's Howard, where's Lester? It's jazz club night"

"He's recovering from my original pressing" purred Eleanor "Hang on, I'll just get him for you"

Howard wrinkled his nose at the thought of Eleanor and Lester together.

"Yeah, on second thought Jazz club is cancelled tonight, if you could just let him know…."

"Will do, Tiger. Ciaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Howard shuddered and replaced the handset.

At that moment, the door burst open and ten people who weighed no more than a photograph swept in, all angular cheekbones and black suits. They stationed themselves at various points on the shop floor, posing frantically.

"Whoa there! The shops closed, didn't you see the sign?"

They appeared not to hear him. They swept aside again to reveal Vince dressed in a hot pink sequinned jumpsuit.

"Alright Howard" he grinned

"What are those burks doing in here?" hissed Howard

"They're my entourage. I can't take the fashion world by storm with an entourage; no one would take me seriously." Vince snorted, "I thought everyone knew that"

"Have you forgotten? It's meant to be Jazz club night."

"Oh yeah. Lester asked me to give you a note; he said it was a kind of will…"

Vince handed the note over to Howard:

"Howdy Howard. Eleanor has moved in with me. Hope this is cool with you-she mentioned you guys had a thing once. Anywho, I'm pretty tired most of the time what with being old and Eleanor being somewhat relentless in the bedroom. What I am trying to say is if I die in the middle of the naughty times, you can have my jazz albums seeing as how never get laid. Your friend, Lester Corncrake."

"Classic Lester" mumbled Howard "Why did he give this to you?"

"'He asked for my help with his wardrobe. He said he wanted to be fighting the ladies off with a stick. So, I dressed him in my new label"

"Your new label?"

"Yeah, I'm calling the label 'electro ponce'. It was genius, I dressed him in electro ponce took him down the Velvet Onion he met Eleanor and most importantly of all, he looks good. On that basis, I've decided to become a world famous fashion designer."

Howard glared

"By the way, where did you pickup an entourage dressed in identical outfits between Lester's place and here? At one in the morning?"

Vince looked confused

"I dunno they just sort of flocked to me."

"It's all so easy for you isn't it, little man?" Howard complained, "Girls practically throw themselves at you and what do I get? Molested by a demented merman AND Eleanor!"

Vince bit hard on his lip trying not to laugh.

"If Eleanor and Old Gregg fell for your northern charms you can't be entirely hopeless…." Vince trailed off fighting back his giggles

"Shut it." Howard sighed and draped himself into a chair in the corner.

"If you just worked on your look you'd be sorted!"

Howard looked at his cardigan in his favourite shade of perplexed nutmeg

"Ok, don't be dissing the cardigan. I'm bringing that back"

"You should get your northern pins out on the catwalk; I bet the girls would love it"

Vince's eyes widened. He grinned and looked at Howard expectantly. The moment he said that Howard sat bolt upright

"Oh no no no! I am not modelling!"