CHAPTER the FIRST: In which dressing up proves to be surreptitiously enjoyable to everyone.
"You have to promise not to laugh," Joxer pleaded from his position behind one of the more sturdy trees on the outskirts of the city.
"Yeah right," Gabrielle exclaimed, "When have I ever avoided laughing at your expense?" she called back to him as she lifted up the skirt of her flouncy dress and grimaced. It wasn't that she didn't like the color pink… it was just, well, not really her first choice. At least it flared nicely when she turned. Glancing around first for unwanted spectators, she twirled experimentally and grinned with pleasure as the layers of the skirt fluttered out wider and wider with each turn.
Joxer sighed quietly to himself. "Yeah,yeah, okay, good point Gabby, thanks." He peeked around the tree just in time to see her twirling around with a quiet, silly grin on her face. He quickly hid behind the tree again, and leaning his back against the trunk, grinned also. He couldn't help it. She was just so cute. He sighed again and rolled his eyes at himself. He stood up straight and exhaled fiercely in preparation for the mockery that was most assuredly coming his way shortly. "Alright, I'm coming out now."
Gabrielle stopped her giddy twirling mid twirl. If SHE had to look this ridiculous, she didn't want to be the only one. "'Bout time," She grumbled, "I swear, for someone so obnoxiously confident, that boy sure chooses to be self-conscious at the weirdest…" She stopped short as Joxer came out from the trees in a classic black tuxedo with tails. Her eyes widened. Of its own accord, her hand went to her mouth as she gasped with undisguised and completely unexpected pleasure.
"I knew it. You're laughing at me aren't you?" Joxer sighed as he looked down, cross-eyed, and attempted to adjust his collar so it wasn't cutting off quite as much circulation as it currently was. "How do people even breathe in these things?" he muttered.
Gabrielle clasped her hands in front of her heart and struggled to find her voice. "No…it's just… you look, well, handsome!" Gabrielle said with honesty and pleasant surprise in her voice. And it was true. Without all of his misshapen and cumbersome armor, and that ridiculous helmet, Joxer actually looked quite well, normal, even attractive, in his tuxedo.
Joxer cleared his throat self-consciously and blushed faintly. Then his toe hit a rock and he nearly fell on his face at her feet. As he found his balance, he said, "Thanks, Gabby. You too. I mean," he cleared his throat, "you look really pretty, I mean, well, beautiful actually." He felt his face flush more deeply and looked away, gulping like a beached fish. Well really, the truth was that he always thought she looked beautiful, no matter what she was wearing. Even when she had messy hair and bedroll creases he thought she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. But tonight she looked like more than a dream. She looked like a fairy princess. The way the frothy pink dress floated around her compactly feminine body created a look that was very much at odds with her everyday, comfortable warrior attire but very true to how Joxer always saw her. He looked back at her face and the corners of his lips slowly curved up into a hopelessly endearing, if a little lopsided, smile.
Gabrielle felt an unfamiliar bubbling feeling inside her stomach at his clumsy, yet obviously sincere compliment. She grinned back at him, feeling oddly more flattered by his compliment then she had expected. As she pondered why she suddenly felt so much prettier now than she had the moment before, she realized that her eyes were still locked on Joxer's. She held his gaze a moment too long and their smiles faded simultaneously to mirrored expressions of seriousness. It was Joxer who broke the increasingly awkward moment first, looking down and clearing his throat. He took a deep breath and looked up at Gabrielle who was still looking at him, an increasingly ponderous expression on her normally open and cheerful face.
"Hope I'm not interrupting anything," a familiarly sultry voice casually interjected from behind the pair.
They turned, each faintly flushed. "Of course not Xena, we were just…" Gabrielle stopped talking when she saw Xena. Joxer whistled his approval and earned himself a stern glance from Xena. The dress she had found was a form-fitting black satin number; clinging to every curve, both the front and the back of the dress were threatening to reveal certain areas of flesh that could potentially stun someone into a coma. And of course, Xena herself could produce the same effect with her battle skills if anyone were to choose to comment about that fact. As she walked toward them from the stable, Gabrielle noticed the slits on each side up to her thighs and smiled. How perfectly like Xena. "Wow, Xena, you'll definitely be breaking hearts tonight!" She said teasingly, her previous cheerful mood returning to her after her brief moment of flurried confusion. "You look stunning."
"You have already broken my heart, fair lady, into a thousand bruised pieces, each one only hoping to be lucky enough to be stomped on and trampled by the breathtaking warrior princess!" Joxer quipped light-heartedly as he playfully clasped her hand in his and kneeled dramatically at her feet.
Xena looked down at him. "Don't make me hurt you," she threatened in a low voice as she grabbed his arm and twisted it farther back than was natural for a human, pulling him to his feet.
"Okay, okay!" Joxer nearly squealed. He winced up at her and said in a normal voice, "But you do look nice."
Xena released his arm with a satisfied, catlike smile. "Thanks." Joxer rubbed his arm tenderly, pursing his lips together and muttering, "Sheesh…"
"Yeah, I'll take leather armor and my trusty round killing thing any day, although I do agree that for a dress, this one rather suits me doesn't it? And plain convenient, isn't it?" Xena proclaimed, having difficulty disguising her suppressed joy in wearing a gown that pre-supplied mobility. "Now I won't have to bother with destroying it myself later in the middle of a fight!" she remarked, showing off the revealing, yet for her, functional slits.
Gabrielle's eyes turned serious. "So you really think that there's no other way out of this?"
"'Fraid not," Xena said regretfully, bending to strap a knife to her inner thigh, "Ares has what we need and there's absolutely no way to get it from him without some sort of fight."
"Well, he is the God of War," Joxer reasoned, tugging at his jacket sleeves, "So with any interaction with him, violence is sort of a requirement. Yeah –I mean, it's practically part of his job description!"
"Right up there with pissing off a certain warrior princess as often as possible," Xena agreed and sighed in irritation.
Gabrielle frowned a tiny frown. "Still, I'd rather avoid conflict if we can. Can't you reason with him Xena? If he'll listen to anyone, he'll listen to you right? You're probably his favorite mortal." Joxer looked away. Even her frowns are cute! Stop it! Pay attention man. Ares... right…ok.
Xena sighed, "Of course Gabrielle. I'll do my best, but you know Ares. Even when I've outwitted him before, there were still some…" she cleared her throat, "incidents." She looked away, frowning, and then said, "I'm going to go see if I can rustle up some sort of wagon or cart to get us to this fancy shindig."
Joxer and Gabrielle glanced at each other and rolled their eyes. "Incident" for Xena pretty much meant "bloodbath" for anyone else.
As Xena made her way farther into town, Joxer returned to fiddling with his bowtie. Somehow he seemed to be making it worse. "Stupid thing just won't even stay straight… just my luck. I'll still be the idiotic one, even in this fancy getup," he gestured awkwardly at the tux. He groaned in exasperation as he somehow managed to completely untie the entire thing with his fidgeting.
Gabrielle grinned to herself at the idea that anyone could mistake Joxer for an idiot tonight, well, she considered, before he spoke that is, and turned to face him. "Here Joxer, let me get that for you." She stepped closer to him and reached up to help him with his bowtie.
Joxer could hardly breathe as she leaned in close and put her hands on the mangled tie and began to retie it. He looked down at her face and she glanced up and gave him a distracted, but still friendly and reassuring smile. He didn't want to move at all, so deeply was her sudden proximity affecting him. He gulped and looked resolutely upwards and away from her face, pursing his lips together to keep from blurting out his love for her. If he looked at her face, he knew she would see in his eyes the truth about how deeply he was in love with her, and he wasn't sure he wanted her to know that yet.
"Um… Joxer" Gabrielle breathed as she removed her hands from the disagreeable bowtie and placed them gently on his chest, feeling his heartbeat thrumming through the tips of her fingers and the pads of her palms. Joxer's breath caught, and both could feel his heartbeat accelerate noticeably. "Yeah?" He whispered encouragingly, hoping she didn't notice that his voice seemed to have gained roughly an octave in pitch. Her dazed blue eyes looked up suddenly from where they had been focused, on her hands, up into his eyes, his mouth, then darted back again to her hands. "You know," she hesitated and softly cleared her throat, "I think maybe you should have Xena help you with this. I suddenly realized… I, uh, I don't actually know how to tie a bowtie."
She stepped carefully backwards, letting her hands fall to her sides, then, without giving Joxer a second glance, her emotions a flurry of confusion, she turned to walk abruptly and stiffly towards the stable, where she then set about giving Argo an extremely thorough brushing.
Joxer remained where he was, motionless, lost in thought, until suddenly Xena stood in front of him. She waved her hand in front of his face. "Joxer. Hey! Joxer?"
"Eh? What?"
"Thank goodness," Xena sighed. Then she smiled, "I was afraid I was going to have to literally slap you out of it."
He gave her a half smile and looked back at the stables distractedly. Xena followed his glance.
"So… Gabrielle said you could use some grooming help." When he looked confused, she continued, "Your tie?"
"Oh, yeah…" He frowned down at the irksome item in question.
"You know, Joxer," Xena started as her nimble fingers expertly began the motions of tying a bowtie, "Gabrielle really cares about you, I think more than she may even realize. Just give her time to figure out what her true feelings are."
Joxer blew out his breath in a huff. He was tired of being patient. And what if Gabrielle's true feelings turned out to be just as he expected them to be: less than encouraging. Every day he spent with her, his love for her grew stronger, and his pain at the fact that she seemed to neither notice, nor return his love, grew deeper as well. He had to do something. Maybe he should tell her, should let the truth shine out of his eyes and heart. At least then that would ease some of his discomfort, right? But he didn't want to trade his own discomfort for the discomfort she would probably feel in knowing his feelings. He was so engrossed with his internal dilemma, he didn't even notice that Xena had completed tying his tie and was now headed back to the stable.
"Hey! Wait just a second!" Joxer called after her, finally coming out of his speechless daze, "How is it you know how to tie a bowtie anyway Xena? They teach you that in warrior princess school?"
Only pausing for a fraction of a moment, and without turning around, Xena cocked her head to one side and answered simply: "I have many skills." She smiled to herself and walked on.