I Do Know How You Feel
Douglass Carter breathed, before passing Ste Hay the cup of tea.
"Yesterday, you said I don't know how it feels, I do actually" Doug was not referring to Ste; he was in fact referring to Becks.
"You don't have a clue Doug, so don't sit there and pretend that you do; I lost the love of my life" Steven wiped away tears.
"You remember Becks?" Doug asked him.
Ste just nodded.
"Well I loved her, I may be gay but what I felt for her was love; maybe I'm bisexual because how can a gay man love a woman? Look, I'm not confused any-more I just know I loved her and now she is gone, gone forever" Doug was filling up with tears thinking about her.
"It's not the same thing, though it is" Ste sniffed.
"Why? Because she is a woman?" Doug asked.
"No because you know there was nothing you could have done to prevent it" Ste told him.
"That is not true, there were a loads of things I could have done, made her stay with me, deleted her account by accident, went with her to the date; I think about her every day and Lindsey" Doug wiped away more tears.
"They were your mates" Ste told him.
"Yeah and Becks was my girlfriend" Doug said, turning up the volume in his voice.
"I'm sorry, but I love Brendan; he is the only person I'm ever going to love and I mean really love" Ste said, he was hurting Doug a bit. Doug did not want him back, though it still hurt. Ste will always have a place in his heart, like Becks.
"Yeah, no need to rub it in; I'm trying to help you" Doug told him.
"Nobody can help me" Ste sniffed.
"I nearly killed myself, I thought that I never find anyone after Becks; but you know what; I did; I found you, and now I'm with John-Paul and its going great you know" Doug was being more sensitive than Ste.
"How can you say you love her? You don't even visit her grave" Ste was cut of.
"Yes I do!" Doug shouted by accident, he got offended more than he thought then.
"Not when we were together" Ste was cut of again.
"Yes I did, I just didn't tell you because it be a bit weird telling my boyfriend at the time I'm going to visit my ex girlfriends grave" Doug breathed.
"You didn't seem to care when Silas escaped; you were more concerned about Brendan and me being kept apart" Ste did not want to argue.
"I did care, I cared a damn lot; he killed Becks, he killed my friend India, he killed Rae and he killed my best friends mum; of cause I cared; I just did not mention it because I didn't want you to get upset over Rae" Doug wiped away more tears.
Ste put his head down, thinking about Rae. He still does think of Rae, but never mentions it for the same reason as Doug. He does not want to upset anyone.
"Why did you help Walker? Why did you trust him?" Ste asked, going back to old arguments.
"Really? You want to ask me that?" Doug asked.
"No, I want to ask you; How did you cope when Becks died?" Ste asked.
"I coped by meeting new people, helping people like I helped Lindsey; I tried really hard to get a job, I made a new friend, you; and I worked really hard on the deli; that is how I coped, but Ste remember Brendan is not dead" Doug said.
"He won't let me see him" Steven cried.
"For most people, that be great" Doug tried to joke, he got nothing in return. Expected really. Ste loves Brendan.
"Please don't" Ste sniffed.
"Sorry, look just keep trying and trying; if you love him, than you wait forever" Doug nodded.
"Yeah" Ste nodded.
Fin