"Hey Harry."

It was said softly. With almost the hint of sweetness. Almost being the key word, my friend. Or enemy. I don't really care about who you are to me. All I know is you are reading this so that means I have to entertain you. Oh heavenly joy.

My name's I don't give a damn about you. The damn is sounded out like Go-To-Hell. But it's up to you on how you pronounce it. Anyway, I'm getting off topic! Ehem. I'm your master and you are my slave. Better yet! You are my Harry Potter and I'm Lord Voldemort! Yes. Much better. Call me Tom, I like it better.

Back to my tale! Harry turned to me, a small smile playing across his lips. Damn bugger. "Yes, My Lord?"

I scowled. I knew that he knew that I knew that he stole my treasure. "You took something of mine. I want it back."

"You can get it back. But," I hate pauses almost as much as I hate Mudbloods, "You'll have to wait awhile."

I let out a slithering sigh. Ha ha get it? Slithering? ...No? Fine then. Don't get my jokes. "I don't wait. You know that by now."

He skipped about my thrown room as if he owned it. It was mine dammit! He hummed a silent tune as he tumbled and twisted in and out of my eye line. For being my enemy he knew me too well.

After the war had ended and I had won with the help of my little wolf in sheep's clothing, more like snake in lion's clothing but you get the metaphor, I had taken to being king of all. Yea, you heard me right. I said all. As in everything! I was like legit. No I don't get down with the homeys on Tuesday nights…its on Fridays… Shut up! I do to have a social life! Urgh… I'm moving on, with or without you. Yea I'm that evil.

I had conquered all and so I had taken to boredom. I mean I hadn't really planned of anything besides taking over the world. So, I spent my time baking pastries and cakes and I know without a doubt that he had stolen my soufflé! It had taken me so much time to get that perfect! …damn brat.

"Hey Voldie," Don't call me that! I'm Lord Voldemort to you. And everyone else. Except for that little baker on the side of London Boulevard…he gave me a discount. "I think we need a new thing to conquer." His eyes flashed dangerously and I knew he was thinking of something very evil.

"Go on," I said sinisterly from my thrown as I went over the possible cupcake recipes for tomorrows Death Eater council. They wanted me to teach them a very evil recipe to make the other pure bloods quake in their undies.

He stood from where he had sat on his little chair (Note to reader: it was huge. With diamonds and emeralds and a little cup holder on the side just in case. But mine had a mini oven underneath! Keeping me warm and not hungry. Cause I'm that evil.) "I was thinking of conquering the…" Dammit. He found out my weakness for pauses. "Fashion industry." He shoved magazines from every fashion industry possible into my face, showing me half naked pictures of men and women alike.

"Just think!" Harry practically purred into my ear, "We could rule what people wear."

I thought about it. It sounded nice. I smirked evilly. Now I knew why I liked to keep him around. Even if he did steal my soufflé.

Possible Side-Effects of reading this:

You may…

…want to conquer the fashion industry.

…want to make a soufflé (I know I did :P).

…love me, cause I'm legit (I meet up with thee homey's on Tuesdays. Just so ya know.).

…want to attend a Death Eater meeting to make people quiver in their undies and other various under garments.

I SHALL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF THESE! I ALSO DO NOT WON HARRY POTTER. I do however own those soufflés and jokes. Cause I'm that evil.