Disclaimer: All your base are belong to us.
ThumbNaild
What, you may ask, does "ThumbNaild" mean? And where's the author's ability to spell got to? Well, a "thumbnail" is a smaller version of an image, and spelling "thumbnailed" without the E is a silly thing to do. So this is a smaller, sillier version of ... MegaMan X6!
Opening Narrator: Three weeks ago, Eurasia crashed, even though X5 ends "three years later". Also, Zero's missing, even though X5 ends with him dead. And Dynamo is still the Idiotic Recurring Villain, even though -- oh screw it.
Gate: Oops, Eurasia crashed. Wait, what's this??? It's ... part of a computer! UWEE HEE HEE HEE! I'm going mad and it is so ... liberating!
Voice: Wake up, you dumbass!
X: Huh?? I just had a nightmare about Zero! I'd better go kill some Mavericks.
Alia: Hey, X, when I fixed your Falcon Armor, I broke the flying function.
X: Thanks for telling me. Now excuse me whilst I go through a pair of doors, which has separated Mega Men from boss rooms since the beginning of the series.
Maverick Hunters: Waaaaa~!
X: Hoo boy. We're slipping. Now we're being beaten by an intro stage boss. Might as well kill it. [blam, blam]
Giant Mechanoid: Duh, Louie. [crash]
X: And now to kill it!
Nightmare Zero: Yoink! [slice]
X: Zero??
Alia: Zero??
High Max: Zero??
X: Who the hell are you??
High Max: High Max ... I am called ... I'm going to jump to the conclusion that Zero's a bad guy and that you are too since you're a friend of his.
X: Crap. I need a Special Weapon to beat you.
High Max: So long, sucker.
Isoc: Everything's the Nightmare's fault! And somehow by extension it's Zero's fault! We're sending eight Robot Masters -- er, Investigators to search for info about the Nightmare, even though none of them is qualified for actual investigation and all of them are dead.
X: How dare he talk of Zero that way! I'll go investigate the Investigators.
Signas: Good luck.
Alia: X ... I love you!
X: Alia, stick to the script. It plainly says that you're supposed to say "never mind."
Alia: Dammit, I hate being stuck in a franchise where the most romance the main character can aspire to is that the only female character of any consequence apparently has a crush on him!
Commander Yammark
X: Something weird's going on!
Alia: It must be the Nightmare! Kill it!
X: Uh, okay. [slice] Done. What's that blue thing?
Alia: Let's call 'em Nightmare Souls.
Dr. Light: Okay, by this time you know the drill: I give you an armor part and you can't use it until you get the rest of 'em.
X: Why not?
Dr. Light: "For security reason."
X: Right, now here's a blue portal thingy ... Hey, I've lost radio contact!
Nightmare Zero: Chicken, chicken, chicken, colorful chicken!
X: You're just a cheesy fake! [blam, blam]
Nightmare Zero: Nutbunnies. [kaboom]
Real Zero: Hmm ... my reputation was damaged while away ...
X: Yay! You aren't dead!
Zero: I guessed that. Time to go kick some Maverick aft.
Alia: Fight, Zero! For everlasting peace!
Commander Yammark
X: Here we go again.
Zero: Rar.
Yammark: It's about time you got here.
X: I got distracted.
Zero: DIE, BIZZATCH! [slice]
Yammark: D'OH! [kaboom]
X: That was quick.
Alia: Hmm ... would it be quicker to tell you about the guy you have to fight in this game whose backstory doesn't involve having gotten killed prior to your fighting him?
X: Sure. This it?
Alia: 'Fraid not. He was disposed of by making it look like an accident.
Zero: Okay, what were the translators on when they worked on this game??
Ground Scaravich
Zero: Hey, what's that holographic totem pole doing here??
Alia: I can't see it! It must be the Nightmare! Kill it!
Zero: Uh, okay. [slice] Whoaa!! [zip] Hmm ... I got teleported somewhere that rapidly fills up with obstacles that are all trying to kill me.
Dr. Light: Hi, Zero.
Zero: I'm not dead.
Dr. Light: Figures. First rule of the Mega Man franchise: Never assume any robot is dead, even if you personally saw the guy's body explode, or at least get dismembered.
Zero: Yeah. I'm not convinced even MegaMan Juno is gone for good, and he got his backup programming deleted.
Ground Scaravich: Hi there! I think I'll take a look at your DNA.
Zero: Eww! Get AWAY from me!
Ground Scaravich: Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir! Yay sir!
Zero: I think I'll try the Yammar Option. [zap]
Ground Scaravich: D'ha d'ha d'ha d'ha d'ha d'ha d'ha d'haaa~!
Zero: It's official: he's insane. [blam, blam]
Ground Scaravich: D'HAAAAAAA~! [kaboom]
Zero: Say, Alia, is this the guy who didn't get killed before we meet him?
Alia: No. In fact, I did it. Gate didn't care, though.
Zero: Who's Gate?
Alia: Well, we used to go out for a couple of years ...
Gate: Isoc, you idiot, two of the Robot Masters got killed already!
Isoc: Blame Zero. Or X. Whichever one got them first.
Gate: Bah. Just continue the "experiments," but the player must never know what they are!
Blaze Heatnix
X: What's that big red thing with the green, dome-shaped lights??
Alia: I can't see it! It must be the Nightmare! Kill it!
Zero: Wait, it was just me. [crunch]
X: No it wasn't. [blam, blam]
Zero: Hmm ... I don't remember X4 or X5 being this hard ...
X: Nah, Capcom's taken to filling up the screen with enemies that can only be hurt in a certain way, if at all, and saying "Chew on THIS."
Dr. Light: Hi.
X: Hi.
Zero: Dammit, I hate forced-scrolling stages! At least in this series there's none of those frickin' disappearing blocks.
X: Don't relax yet. The way this game is going, I'm sure we'll hit some sooner or later.
Blaze Heatnix: Uwee hee hee~! I'm difficult to beat because I follow the same philosophy as the levels: fill the screen up with bad stuff!
Zero: Yeah, not only that, but the move I use that you're weak against is a divebomb attack that requires holding up and jump.
X: I'll take over. When I use it, it involves hurling robotic dung.
Blaze Heatnix: Man, no wonder I'm killed by it! [kaboom]
Alia: It's the second time this guy's dead, too.
Blizzard Wolfang
X: I'd better be careful here ... Uh-oh, avalanche!
Alia: I can't see it! It must be the Nightmare! Kill it!
X: Not only that, but the vast majority of the walls are unclimbable, even though this has never happened in any of the previous ice-themed stages I've been to, which ruins the whole point. Uh-oh: we don't have disappearing blocks in this stage! We have falling blocks!
Blizzard Wolfang: Arooooooooooo~!
X: Ice-themed, so I use fire. [thwoom]
Blizzard Wolfang: YIP! [kaboom]
Alia: This guy's dead again.
Rainy Turtloid
Zero: This is so dumb. I mean, they didn't bother Americanizing the Maverick names this time. I mean, how hard is "Rain Turtle" to come up with?? And another thing ... ACK! ACID RAIN! Energy ... draining ...
Alia: It must be the Nightmare! Kill it!
Zero: Um, okay. I guess these shield generator things that are frickin' HARD to get at are the way to do it ... What the hell?? It's raining inside a tree! Not only that, but a bunch of items are on the other side of small areas with the floor and ceiling lined with spikes! Dammit, the creators must've been really pissed about the complaints about X5 being easy ...
Alia: At least I'm optional. Um ... Zero?
Zero: Yeah?
Alia: ... Nothing. Never mind.
Zero: I hate it when someone does that.
Rainy Turtloid: I'm gonna fight you just because I'm loyal, though it's far from clear who I'm loyal to.
Zero: Dammit, the weapon I have that you're weak against requires jumping onto the ceiling, which is too far away! I guess I'll go generic. [slice]
Rainy Turtloid: Nuts. [kaboom]
Alia: Not only does Rainy Turtloid's backstory involve having been killed already, I did it again.
Metal Shark Player
Zero: What the hell??
X: I thought "Blizzard Wolfang" and "Rainy Turtloid" were bad ... This guy has the worst name ever!
Alia: Hey, don't look at me. It must be the nightmare! Kill it!
Zero: Well, you're the only one we have to complain to besides each other, which in the actual game we can't do because it's one-player only.
X: Ooh, look, well-nigh impossible-to-pass-under trash compactors. Threepio! Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!
Zero: "At least I'm not bored."
Metal Shark Player: I'm going to recycle you!
X: That's Sigma's line.
Zero: Can we get this over with?? [slice]
X: By all means. [blam, blam]
Metal Shark Player: Crap. [kaboom]
Alia: I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that this guy wasn't dead when you met him. The bad news is that now I don't have anything witty or repetative to say now.
Infinity Mijinion
X: My god ... that is ONE BIG ROBOT.
Alia: It must be the nightmare! Kill it!
X: Yeah, well, I would if it wasn't for the fact that it's in the frickin' background and fires weapons at me constantly. Oh, good, here's a generator on the wall that conveniently kills it when it's destroyed. And look! It's another one of those blue portal things that makes me lose radio contact!
High Max: Hi there.
X: Hi, Max. Now that I have the right special weapons, I can kill you now. [fwoom, blam]
High Max: Crudmuffins. [kaboom]
Gate: High Max, you idiot! You can't do anything right!
X: What!? It was Gate the whole time!
Gate: That's right! And I would've got away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids and that dog!
Alia: I found his base.
X: Hmm ... Can I beat the other two Investigators first?
Alia: Fine.
Infinity Mijinion
Zero: Here we go again.
Infinity Mijinion: Oh my god! You killed Illumina! You bastard!
Zero: Pardon?
Infinity Mijinion: I fell in love with that twenty-foot Reploid, and then you killed her before I could -- heh heh -- perform some more "tests" on her.
Zero: Who would want to build a twenty-foot Reploid??
Infinity Mijinion: Me. I was going to use her to get rid of all the idiots!
Zero: ... Okay, I guess a "mijinion" must be a Dogbert.
Infinity Mijinion: Okay, that's it! Now you die!
Zero: Ouch time. [slice]
Infinity Mijinion: Or I die, anyway. [kaboom]
Alia: Seven down, one to go.
Shield Shelldon
X: Well, here we are.
Zero: Hey, look, a Metool!
X: Huh?? Where??
Zero: It's standing on top of ... ARRGHHH! DISAPPEARING BLOCKS!!
Alia: It must be the Nightmare! Kill it!
X: [blam-blam] Done. And now we must make our merry little way through this almost-invincible-robot-infested stage, solving puzzles that involve ... inflecting lasers? What the hell??
Alia: Yes. If you position the mirrors light, the lasers will be inflected at the target.
Zero: Those wacky translators.
X: And here we are, going down the tunnels, through a hole in the floor, across a spike-infested passage ... oops.
Zero: D'OH! We went the wrong way. Now we've found another of those blue portal thingies.
X: Well, let's go then.
Dynamo: Hi there!
Zero: Oh, no, not him again!
Dynamo: Yep. S'me. I'm here to make hilarious remarks, annoy the hell out of the characters, fight a half-assed battle, and then run away when you beat me. Speaking of which, I'm after the Nightmare Souls because it's fashionable. Give my regards to Broadway!
X: Can I kill him?
Zero: Sure.
X: 'Kay. [blam, blam]
Dynamo: Ta-ta, cretins!
Zero: You know what?
X: What?
Zero: Let's give Shield Shelldon a miss. His weapon is useless, anyway.
Alia: So, now onto Gate?
X: Yeah. I'll handle him ...
Zero: And I'll take on High Max.
Alia: Radio failage. [khrrrt]
X: See ya.
Zero: G'bye. Now ... through a horrendous stage that, once again, fills up the screen with obstacles trying to kill me!
High Max: Ho ho ho ho ho.
Zero: It's you!
High Max: How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us! Hey, don't attack me! [kaboom]
Gate: D'OH! I wanted to make greatest and the strongest Reploids!
Zero: That was just a carbon copy you made using a "piece of Zero."
X: And now on through another fill-up-screen-with-badness stage.
Gate: Fufufufufufu ... I am the baddest, I am, I am! And I say "fu" at odd points!
X: And now to stop you! [blam]
Gate: Ha! I fill up the screen with obstacles, as well, fu! What's more, this boss room has disappearing blocks!
X: Curses! My only hope is to deflect your own attacks back at you!
Gate: Ouch! I pity the fu who [kaboom]
Zero: Yay, we beat him!
X: Great. So, what now?
Zero: You know.
X: Ah, of course. Gate?
Gate: Yeah, I know. I revived Sigma for no readily apparent reason.
Sigma: No you didn't. [zappo]
Gate: Insert most earsplitting scream here. [kaboom]
X: Drat. It's him again.
Zero: You act like you aren't surprised.
X: Of COURSE I'm not surprised. It's ALWAYS him.
Alia: Last call for sidequests.
Zero: This is a Mega Man X game. There AREN'T any sidequests.
X: Sigma! I'm going to delete you!
Zero: You're MINE!
Sigma: Whoever you are, you're a pitiful Reploid and I'll destroy you, even with this half-completed body!
X: No you won't. [blam, blam]
Sigma: D'oops. [kaboom]
Zero: Hey! The screen turned black! Show yourself, Sigma!
X: Could I beat him? I don't think so.
Sigma: BHA HA HA! NOT YET! THE BADDLE HAZ JUSD BEGUNN! DIE, ZERO! JUSDIE! ZEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOO!
X: What is he talking about??
Zero: His mind is gone.
Sigma: Yeah, and as usual, you have to fight this huge, immobile version of me. And this time ... I fill the screen up with obstacles! [kaboom] Not only that, but when you beat me, I don't even pretend that I'm not coming back!
X: And so the series continues.
Zero: The player's intelligence notwithstanding.
X: Yeah. So ... you gonna be there, too?
Zero: No, I have to shut myself up in a capsule for a hundred years, setting the stage for my own damn series.
X: Okay, then, Alia and I will angst about Gate.
Alia: Whilst completely ignoring the fact that the mystery of why Isoc's soul got erased never really got resolved.
[Closing Credits]
Message: You beat the game in however many hours, minutes, and seconds. Now here's a cheat code for getting the Ultimate Armor for X or the Dark Zero armor.