A/N: As you can tell, this is just a loose spin off piece based on my headcanons to Aleycat4eva's 'Of the River and the Sea' Naruto S/I fic. My poor romantic heart couldn't take the ship teasing. Somehow that turned into whatever this is. Hopefully it isn't too painful to read!
The girl is just two when she realises that her mother disappears for weeks or even months at a time, leaving her in her father's care. She stands silently in the apartment's doorway, clinging to a calloused hand far larger than her own as her kaa-chan drops down on a knee to meet her gaze. Identical coal eyes stare directly at each other and the child wonders why kaa-chan is leaving her again. Kaa-chan brushes a hand over the dusting of freckles on the bridge of the girl's nose and flashes her trademark snaggletoothed smile.
"Hey baby girl. You're going to be good for your tou-chan, aren't you?" Ryuishi murmurs, pressing a kiss on her daughter's forehead.
The child nods solemnly, and with her free hand tugs anxiously at the ribbon holding the shock of long, spiky hair away from her face, before stepping forward away from her tou-chan and hugging the kunoichi as best she can with her short arms. Muscled (and oh so scarred) arms return the embrace and envelop the toddler in warmth and the scent of the river and the sea of which the child has come to known as being unique to her kaa-chan.
"I p'omise, kaa-chan," the child whispers in return, still stumbling over her words slightly, and the embarrassing burn of tears at the back of her eyes forces her to blink rapidly.
"There's a good girl," Ryuishi leans back with her strong hands resting on her toddler's shoulders and a flash of some unnamed emotion passes over her face. "Don't cry. I'll be back before you know it."
She doesn't know it but she decides to be the best girl she can be. Maybe it'll bring kaa-chan home quicker. Maybe it'll make certain kaa-chan stays with her longer next time. Maybe, maybe, maybe. She scrunches up her nose and blows a flyaway lock of silver hair out of her face.
"Bye bye, kaa-chan. Love you." She chooses to say instead and plants an awkward, sloppy, baby kiss on Ryuishi's cheek.
Ryuishi smiles briefly at her, before standing up and exchanging a quick few words with the shinobi who has taken hold of their daughter's hand once more. After a few moments, Ryuishi slings her worn, battered backpack over her shoulders and races out into the night. The child stares at her retreating form until it is rendered invisible as yet another shadow. She then tilts her head up to gaze at her tou-chan who crinkles his visible eye into a smile. She isn't sure if it is genuine or not, and is too tired to ponder it.
"Mah, Tsukiko-chan, you must be ready to sleep now. Let's get you to bed, huh, pup?" Kakashi says, and lifts his daughter up to hold her at his hip, before locking the door and re trapping it swiftly.
As he gently tucks her into bed, Tsukiko wonders if she has to become as strong and capable a ninja as tou-chan in order to keep her kaa-chan with her.
A prodigy, the village whispers as at age two and a half Tsukiko is the youngest to be entered into the ninja Academy during peacetime.
Just a child, the (former, first) Lucky Dragon snarls in reply, cloaked in the disguise of a civilian woman.
She is, after all, still involved in many illegal activities and has a high price on her head. Perhaps she will be granted some sort of political immunity when her sunshine child becomes Hokage, but as of now she keeps her head down, training and completing missions outside of Leaf with her own unit (although only Zabuza, who is yet to see her only daughter, deigns to assist her with the underground side of things: Kisame simply rolls his eyes).
It had never been Ryuishi's wish for her child to be pushed into ninja training so early – or ever, some would suspect. Rather, Kakashi had felt it was the best option. Tsukiko had quietly watched the argument that had spanned months between her parents regarding her enrolment. Tou-chan had insisted that kaa-chan was trying to shelter her and instil a civilian softness in her, and that she would benefit from a couple of extra years training and studying in the Academy. After all, she would still only be graduating at twelve. There was no rush to train fodder for the battlefield, and they should take advantage of such peace. In any case, he said, she would be bored by the time she was five – the ordinary age to enter the Academy – if she simply played and helped out with chores all day long.
Kaa-chan had cursed and spat, hissing that she would not accept the way Leaf shinobi treated so called geniuses. Look at where that got you! she would bellow at Kakashi, a low blow to him and a reference that Tsukiko didn't understand but had known must be bad judging by the way tou-chan's face had tightened and his gaze had become ice. Kaa-chan ranted and raved about how she would not throw her child into the deep end like Kiri nin would, that she needed to experience some sort of childhood.
In the end, Tsukiko supposed that tou-chan had won when he achieved backup from one of her nii-san. He had come over to talk to kaa-chan when she had come back home after a week away (she must still not be enough of a good girl), and had put forward his opinion at dinner.
"Nee-san, I think you should listen to what Kakashi-sensei is suggesting. Don'tcha think it would be better for Tsukiko-chan to attend the Academy early, even if just for stimulation and more structured socialising with the other kids? Obviously she'll still graduate alongside her peer group." Naruto had stated calmly, and then immediately spoiled his serious demeanour by waggling his chopsticks at Tsukiko and pulling a face.
Tou-chan had let out a deep sigh but Tsukiko giggled at his actions. However, when a fist smacked onto the table hard enough to crack it right along the middle, Tsukiko had flinched, drew her arms up around herself, and fixed her gaze firmly on her knees to avoid the fury that had surely been on kaa-chan's face.
"Fine," came the hoarse voice that had trembled with anger. "Shove the kid into the Academy. Do what you want. Clearly she's your daughter, not mine. See if I care."
Ryuishi had whirled off then, though Naruto had ran after her, shouting promises to them about retrieving her, and not to worry. Kakashi had ran a hand through his hair and pinched the bridge of his nose. Tsukiko simply concentrated on her breathing like kaa-chan had taught her.
Seven in, hold four, seven out.
When the sky had blackened into night, Kakashi had finished clearing up from dinner and crouched down next to his daughter who had been meditatively breathing for at least a couple of hours.
"You're okay, pup. Kaa-san will come back at some point. Maa…Let's go to bed, alright? You can sleep next to me if you'd like. I'm sure Pakkun would come as well."
She had paused in her breathing pattern, and nodded almost imperceptibly, and buried her head in the crook of his neck when he had lifted her.
True to his word, Pakkun did come and had even let her hold his paws. She'd cuddled up against her tou-chan who had thrown a protective arm over both of them. And although she knew that good girls shouldn't cry, a few tears had fought past her defences and spilled down her cheeks. Tou-chan didn't remark on the wet patch that soaked into his tank top, and she had been grateful for it.
Kaa-chan had come back a month later, but only two months before Tsukiko would be enrolled for the upcoming Academy year. It surprised her that she didn't feel delighted about the exotic gifts and affection kaa-chan showered on her upon her return, although she did throw on her widest smile. Tou-chan's eye had narrowed but he didn't say anything, and although there was still a slight strain between him and kaa-chan, they didn't argue again over the Academy. Instead, both had conversed for a couple of minutes in low voices before he had ambled away to allow mother and daughter the time to catch up.
Tsukiko sat, wearing a pretty civilian dress bought for her from Wind, and allowed kaa-chan to braid back her mane of hair which had fallen into disarray in her absence. She gasped and smiled at appropriate times as kaa-chan chatted away, and silently berated herself for being such a bad girl that she had both chased away her kaa-chan and then that she wasn't as happy as she should have been when kaa-chan returned.
She wished that tou-chan had stayed to help her know what to talk about with kaa-chan.
She wished that she had started the Academy today, if only so that she could escape the bubbling tension of things not said and actions that had spoken louder than any words ever could.
She wished that she could be a better daughter.
By the time she is five, Tsukiko is miles ahead of the majority of her age mates whose class she will join now as they are finally at the average age to enter the Academy. She had been either isolated or treated condescendingly in her first few years training but now…Well, she's hopeful that her peer group would be easier to get along with.
It was fairly easy for her to predict how she would fare when training with and against her peers. The Clan kids did, of course, have an advantage over the other ninja hopefuls. Tsukiko herself felt that she was at the stage where she could compete with the kids from the larger Clans and even be further ahead in some areas than, at least, the ones from smaller Clans. Tou-san provided her with extra training when he had time as the Hatake Clan did place particular emphasis on skills such as speed as well as the ability to work with ninken, but he was taking on more missions now that she had been in the Academy for a few years. She couldn't say that she wasn't hurt (Tou-ch…tou-san had always been a constant) but…she was older now. More mature. She had to understand that absences from parents in order to provide for her were a part of life and she was lucky. Other children didn't have such advantages in life. It was just…difficult sometimes. Like when she had had a particularly hard day at the Academy and she wanted a hug from kaa-chan but she had been away with one of her many oji-san that she had never met. Kaa-chan promised she would do so one day but the Leaf's Hokage was extremely particular about security. Kaa-chan had pursed her lips when Tsukiko asked why and so she hadn't pressed for any other information (Kaa-chan's reaction was telling in itself).
In any case, Tsukiko is eager now, and she bounces on her toes as kaa-chan packs a bento for her. Her lengthy braid is looped and pinned into a bun to perch atop her head and her brightly coloured tunic dress and leggings are clean and presentable. They are what kaa-chan says are currently in style for girls and Tsukiko hadn't protested against kaa-chan's clothing choices for her, just as she still hasn't protested against her (albeit naturally choppy and spiky like tou-san's and so not as typically neat and pretty as other girls') waterfall of hair. She likes to make her kaa-chan smile. However, the one thing she hasn't budged on is her desire to wear a mask like tou-san's when she is outside. Kaa-chan had been irritated by it at first, and eventually simply made her promise to not wear it indoors when around family. Tsukiko had happily agreed and tou-san had laughed, and ruffled her hair.
"Here you are, baby," says kaa-chan, interrupting her thoughts as she hands the bento to Tsukiko.
"Thank you!" she chirps in return, simply breathing in the delectable scents for a moment before grinning at kaa-chan.
The kunoichi shoots her daughter a fond smile, "D'you want me to walk you over?"
That throws Tsukiko and she bites the corner of her lip, worrying at it with a sharp canine. On the one hand, she would be able to spend more time with kaa-chan and she rarely has the time to walk her to school. On the other hand, what if the other kids make fun of her? It's not as if she hasn't dealt with such things before (bitch has always been used as a pointed insult to her heritage, although she hadn't realised it was a bad word until she'd asked her parents what it meant: both had been furious) but she really did want to make a good impression on her new classmates. Still…She does suspect that many of her peers will be walked over for their first day. Maybe she'll fit in better if she has the same done for her. Decision made, she nods once to herself, and beams at kaa-chan.
"Yes please!"
Ryuishi snorts, and pats her daughter's head slightly, "Can't believe Kakashi managed to hammer that formal way of speaking into your head. I'm supposed to be the most influential." she remarks, and there is a loving underlying tone in her voice that makes Tsukiko feel more at ease with the comment that could have easily have been turned acidic.
She simply smiles at kaa-chan again, before slinging her messenger styled bag over her shoulder – naturally decorated with a liberal number of puppy and dog stickers, of course – and bounds over to the doorway to slip on her proper blue ninja sandals, not the girly pink ones with the wedge heel that kaa-chan had dithered over buying for her when they had gone shopping as a family before tou-chan had paled (from what she was able to see) and dragged his partner forcibly away. Tsukiko has to admit she's glad for that. She can tolerate the cutesy outfits and long hair well enough, but she does want to look at least somewhat sensible.
They hurry out and Ryuishi holds her hand loosely to prevent her from getting lost in the early morning bustle of Konoha. The former Kiri nin is once again disguised as a civilian and Tsukiko almost misses her kaa-chan's strange chakra that's unique to her. Not quite, however, because it does still give her goose bumps from time to time and even send involuntary shivers down her spine on occasion.
In any case, they make it to the Acdemy without incident, though Tsukiko doesn't miss the grimace that passes briefly over kaa-chan's face as she bends down to grin at her.
"You be good, 'kay? Show 'em what you got. If anyone hassles ya, punch 'em. Or kill 'em. I'm down for whatever."
Tsukiko opens her mouth to speak, pauses for a moment, and then silently closes it again.
"That...seems a little drastic, kaa-chan." she replies slowly after a moment, but then passes an anxious smile (though if Ryuishi was being truthful – which is more often now, she supposes – it looks far more like a frown. Just her kids with their stunted social skills) to her mother, and runs off through the Academy gates with a brief backwards glance.
Ryuishi pastes a smile on her lips, raises her hand in farewell, and when Tuskiko is out of sight she sighs and slouches. She hopes her baby will be okay with her peer group ad won't take after Kakashi too much (from what she remembers now from the 'old canon' of her previous life, Kakashi had been an arrogant, emotionally distant little shit. She wonders, once again, what made her think that their offspring could be any less fucked up. Yet she's trying. That's all she can do, really).
As she has grown older, her parents have picked up more and more missions. Tou-san tells her it's because they couldn't afford her kaa-san's extravagant tastes otherwise (which may be truthful n and of itself, she thinks), but Tsukiko feels that they just don't seem to understand that it's peacetime among the Great Shinobi Villages, and that's why they don't feel able to relax. However, they do continue to try to alternate mission days between themselves, and even if they don't want to, her nii-san forces them to take downtime (as Hokage, he has that power. Tou-san had been basically forced and manipulated into holding the title and duties for a brief few years but that...really hadn't gone well). And she is almost always there to train with tou-san, or to just go a walk with him and his nin-ken on his off days, and she is ready to cook or shop with her kaa-san when she's home. (or as home as the Leaf will ever be for her mother. Tsukiko is not oblivious enough to miss the longing in kaa-san's voice when she speaks of her team, or the house she once had on a faraway beach. Tsukiko knows she's still not enough).
And Tsukiko has made sure to rid herself of the title 'prodigy' in the vast majority of eyes. Every year she has been made to take the test (because surely Kakashi's daughter is ready, why wouldn't she be?), she has deliberately failed it. Perhaps one year she fumbled with her hands during her ninjutsu handsigns, the other her 'cold grace' (her sensei note that although she has technicalities down, and codes memorised, she's not able to play a...warmer role) during the kunoichi exam became clumsiness, and for most times she has been limp and unfailingly weak throughout the taijutsu examination (Kunoichi are still underestimated. Tsukiko will prove them wrong), and has come home with bruises and scrapes that she could have avoided. Combine that with short answers which don't contain enough information and more than often miss the point entirely on the paper, and, well, she would say she's devised a formula to fail (she's not stupid enough to believe she has fooled the sensei who have taught her, but people would cry favouritism if she graduated despite failing, no matter if it was purposefully or not). Never let it be said that she isn't as stubborn as the Lucky Dragon, or indeed, any Kiri nin for that matter.
She's incredibly bored at the Academy the majority of the time by now, but she does have a couple of friends, which she guesses makes it worth it. There's a fierce Inuzuka girl, who's all claws and temper and steadfast loyalty, who Tsukiko's kaa-san appears very fond of, despite their...differing fashion choices. And there's her other patient, kind, and book-smart friend with an underlying almost manipulative streak, as well as a sheet of beautiful cherry blossom coloured hair, which is always tied back neatly with a pretty ribbon. Their mothers are friends. Tsukiko sometimes gets a feeling of butterflies in her stomach when she talks to them (and only that one person, which is certainly a curious thing for her to consider).
Due to those friendships, she has decided to stick with the class of her age mates, because although she may not be placed on a team with her friends, it remains nice to be able to have people to sit with, to chat to, and to just do things with if she feels like it. She's fairly certain her kaa-san almost cried when she realised that she had made friends (and she never feels the need to mention that she only has them because they weren't put off by her supposed talent, or her aloofness or even coldness towards the rest of the class, and towards them at first, too. And she had been almost glad, she thinks, when San had snarled insults straight back to the girls giggling about the state of both their hair (it is kaa-san's impossible challenge to tame the unruly shock), and when Haru decided to draw her into a discussion of the merits and disadvantages of having at least one shinobi competent in medic jutsu on each squad. They, in turn, will not tell Tsukiko their reasons for befriending her – San simply liked her scent of dogs and something akin to pack, and Haru was fed up with trying to debate people just disinterested in such matters), and at the very least San's family seem to have a sixth sense for when she has no one at home, and always make sure she comes to theirs for dinner and generally a sleepover as well. (San's idea of a proper sleepover doesn't involve braiding hair or painting nails – she and Tsukiko instead muck out the kennels, bathe the nin-ken, and play fight, though Tsukiko still insists on calling it sparring, even when they're just rolling around on the floor giggling. San's tou-san laughs at the sight of them, and remarks how glad he is that his pup isn't one of his nee-san's, Hana's, troublemaker that she is, because she would not be suited for future Clan Head duties at all).
And so, Tsukiko continues in this pattern of daily life, and makes the most of the limited time she has with her parents. Tou-san is busy with both normal shinobi missions, but also with 'advising' the Hokage, and accompanying him for diplomatic reasons. Kaa-san, having been officially pardoned, picks up on other diplomatic missions, and is on the regular roster of nin sent to places like Oto and Kiri, although when she's at home she almost smothers her daughter with...love, she supposes. As well as gifts, as if to make up for the time she doesn't spend in the village.
She doesn't have much time to mope around in their house alone, but when she does, she likes to draw. She can admit, up to a certain point, that she's not exactly good at it in any sense of the word, but she does have a fondness of it. She tries to capture her kaa-san's tales on paper, of children with too much heart and no way in which to show it, of children cast aside as monsters for being just too different, of people simply trying to make their own mark in a world traditionally dominated by those with far too much power. Of children who have the world in their hands, and a million choices to make and regret.
And she tries, too, to capture the something that she can tell her kaa-san deeply misses. She knows they must be a family member, blood or not, but she doesn't know who. If it's a child before her who did not survive, or a sibling, or an aunt or uncle. Whoever it is lurks in the dark recesses of her mother's mind, and is present in the edges of her tales of her Kiri family, like Keiko, the prostitute that Tsukiko presumed she was named, at least in part, after. She can tell that the someone was there when her mother weaved bedtime stories when she was a child, as naturally as if she had done it a hundred, a million times before. And sometimes, just sometimes, when her kaa-san has collapsed in a light, shaky sleep on the sofa after a tougher mission than the norm, while she and tou-san play cards or he brushes her hair throughout their vigil over her (kaa-san has awful, terrible nightmares sometimes, but they can be broken if she's woken up early enough. And Tsukiko knows that she can't always stay up that late, and sometimes tou-san sacrifices his sleep instead because he's a veteran shinobi, and is used to it, and kaa-san trembles ever so slightly in those mornings after while tou-san cooks, instead, and Tsukiko feels particularly useless – and self-pitying, she supposes – those days), Tsukiko has come to recognise the way her mother's lips form letters and shape into a foreign word – or name, as it is likelier.
It looks like a longer variation of 'Sen', and has left Tsukiko with more questions than answers.
It is the day before her first out of village C-rank mission, and Tsukiko finally works up the nerve to ask her mother about the scrap of paper she had found while doing laundry. It was a smudged, but clearly lovingly drawn picture of a civilian looking child with curly hair and freckles, holding the hand of an older teenager that Tsukiko guesses could be an impression of her mother as a farmhand civilian, or the like. It's the little girl who caught her attention though. It feels...strange, but in some way it is as if she holds the answers, or just more questions.
When she silently hands the shred of paper to kaa-san, Ryuishi pauses moulding onigiri, and when she looks at the drawing, something about her expression...shatters. Her breath catches in her throat, ad she raises painfully wide eyes to meet Tsukiko's. Tsukiko allows herself a sharp moment of regret, before fixing her familiar blank mask into place, and nods slightly at the paper.
"Kaa-san. Who is she...?"
Ryuishi pauses, and then sinks down to the floor. Tsukiko wonders for a split second if she's managed to break her mother, when a toned arm grabs her hand to pull her down too. She clumsily, tentatively embraces the kunoichi when she sees the spill of tears, and Ryuishi hugs her back fiercely.
"Selene. She was...my light. My life. She still is, in some ways...Many ways. I...fuck, she was my baby girl. She's the reason I got through the hellhole my childhood was in Kiri. You deserve to know the truth. The...whole truth. Or what I think is the truth. Shit. I wanted to tell you when you were older. Sake works wonders. I guess I need to do it now, though..."
And it is with rambling, and half formed sentences, and sobbing, and it takes the whole evening, but...Tsukiko learns the truth. Or what her mother thinks is the truth, she supposes. And why she got her name. A reminder, a promise, a second chance.
She gets up and leaves.
The next day, she asks an older kunoichi to help her cut her hair so short it only just grazes her chin. She supposes it's more of a mess now. She tells the other shinobi – Mirai, she believes her name is – that it's just so enemy nin don't have such obvious leverage during the mission. Mirai laughs, and tells her to buck up, that genin are always such dramatics about their love lives, and sends her on her way. Tsukiko gives her a faint smile of gratitude in return.
She meets her team at the gate, and sighs as her sensei ruffles her shorn hair with a surprised chuckle. Her teammates grin at her, and ask whose attention she's vying for. She shrugs a shoulder, and gives a half smile.
Her kaa-san doesn't come to see her off. But...that's okay. They'll be okay.
They just need time apart.