Roland likes school. He likes wearing his backpack and he likes how soft his uniform sweater is and he likes riding the school bus with Henry. His teacher is nice and smells good and she always smiles at him whenever he answers a question right. He likes learning his letters and sounding out words because sometimes at home he can read stuff and then Papa and Regina get really excited and tell him that before he knows it he'll be reading books just like Henry.
He hopes he'll be as smart as Henry. Henry's really smart.
He likes music class because they sing songs and play instruments and clap their hands and it reminds him of singing with his uncles and Papa around the campfire (but his uncles and Papa aren't always the best singers. Sometimes they sing really loud and Uncle Tuck told him it was because they drank too much of the goldy brown stuff he's not allowed to try).
He likes art class because he gets to paint with bright happy colors and sometimes he gets to paint the forest and flowers and birds and other times he gets to paint Papa, Regina, Henry, and him in front of their house. Regina likes those paintings the best. She always hangs them on the 'frigerator. One time he painted a picture of Henry and him and Henry liked it so much he said he would hang it in his locker at his school. Roland felt pretty special after that.
He likes lunch because Regina always packs him peanut butter and jelly sandwiches cut into shapes like ducks and bears and hearts. Sometimes, she'll put marshmallow fluff on his sandwich instead of jelly and those are the lunches he likes the best.
One time, Papa packed his lunch and he remembered to cut the crusts off his sandwich, but he didn't cut it into a fun shape and the peanut butter and jelly weren't spread as perfectly and so Roland requested that only Regina pack his lunch from then on. He thought Papa might be upset about that, but he had only laughed and agreed that Regina was a much better lunch packer than he was. So Regina always packs his lunch.
Recess comes after lunch and normally Roland likes that too. He plays with his classmates and runs around with his friends and he teaches them how to play the games Uncle John and Uncle Will like to play with him back at the camp. Normally, it's fun. But today, Roland's not entirely sure he likes recess anymore. In fact, Roland's not entirely sure he likes school at all anymore.
He's sorting through a tangle of jump ropes, trying to find the perfect one to use as a lasso for Cowboys and Indians when he first hears the older boy. "Look, he's got no friends. I told you so," the taunting voice drifts across the playground.
Roland turns around, jump ropes still in hand, to see three older boys standing a few feet away from him, looking at him with funny smiles. They aren't nice smiles like the kind Regina always gives him; there's something strange about them. The boys are older than him, but not as old as Henry. They must be fourth graders. Uh oh.
Are they talking about him? That doesn't make sense because he has a lot of friends. They're across the playground waiting for him, he just has to get the right jump rope and then-
The older boys are walking toward him now and something flip flops in his stomach. His sandwich was shaped like a bunny today. Maybe it's hopping around in his belly-
"What are you looking at, freak?" the boy in front sneers, towering over the little kindergartner.
Roland feels his insides sink down into his shoes. He wonders if his voice slipped down with them because suddenly he can't talk.
The older boy yanks the jump rope from Roland's hands and leans in really close to his face. His eyes aren't nice. "I said, what are you looking at? Freak."
Roland swallows, wishing the bunny would stop hopping around his belly. His voice comes back up from his shoes. "I… I'm not a… a freak," he answers, his voice sounding very small. He wishes his voice would sound bigger, like Papa's or Regina's when she's angry at someone.
"Not a freak?" the boy repeats with raised eyebrows and wide eyes. He laughs a short, mean laugh. "Of course you're a freak. Your whole house is full of freaks."
Well that doesn't make sense. Papa's not a freak. And neither are Regina and Henry. This boy doesn't know what he's talking about obviously. "I don't live with freaks," Roland declares, his voice much bigger now.
"Sure about that?," the boy asks. "You live with the Evil Queen. You better watch out or she might poison your lunch with some weird potion."
Roland blinks. Regina would never do something like that! But his stomach is feeling a little funny…
"And her kid who has two moms and writes magic books," the boy is talking again and Roland scrunches his face up.
Well, sure, Henry has two mommies and he likes to read a lot, but he's never seen him write a magic book before… he didn't think Henry knew how to do magic at all. Maybe Regina's been teaching him. But if she's teaching Henry why hasn't she been teaching him? Is it because mommies are supposed to teach their kids magic and he's not actually hers? But that doesn't matter right? She loves him, she tells him every night, but does she not love him enough to teach him magic? Roland feels a stinging, hurty feeling in his throat. His eyes start to feel funny, like they're trying to squeeze out of his head.
"And soon you're going to have a little sister whose mom is the Wicked Witch and then you'll have a really big freak in your house. She might turn you into a frog if you're not careful," the boy keeps going (why does he have so many words? Can't he stop talking for a minute?).
Oh yeah. Roland's little sister. The one that's going to show up in a few months. The one that he doesn't really know where she's coming from, but Papa said she'll be his sister and he guesses that's okay since he thinks it'll be fun being an older brother. But why would the Wicked Witch be her mommy? He doesn't think that would be too fun, having a little sister who's a witch. But Papa never told him she's going to be a witch. Why would Papa lie to him like that? Papa's never lied to him before. Everything is so confusing all of a sudden…
"But you're the biggest freak of them all. You know why?" the boy taunts, jabbing a chubby finger at Roland's chest. He shakes his head really small.
"Because even though the Evil Queen's kid has two moms and your sister's is the Wicked Witch, you don't have a mom at all."
But… but… well, that's… just… does it… Roland's mind tries to find some kind of explanation for that, but he keeps coming up with sentences that won't finish. He thinks he hears the bell for the end of recess, but he's not really sure. His thoughts are suddenly so loud and he can't hear much else beside them. He had a mommy at one point. He must have. Papa's told him about her before, but he just doesn't… he just can't… if only he could remember her. And Regina… she's… well, she's kind of like a mommy, but he guesses it's only pretend. Henry is her son, not him. Why would she need another one? Oh, but Regina would be such a great mommy. Henry is so lucky. Roland gets a little angry then. Why does Henry get to have Regina for a mommy and he doesn't? And why does his little sister get to a have mommy too, but he still doesn't? It's not fair! He wants a mommy so bad.
He can't think about much else the rest of the day. And the stinging, hurty feeling in his throat won't go away. He doesn't clap his hands in music class and he doesn't sing along. His mouth won't stop frowning and you can't sing with a frowning mouth. He paints in art class, but the colors aren't happy anymore and he doesn't paint Papa, Regina, Henry, and him because just thinking about any of them make his mouth frown even more and his eyes start to sting and he doesn't want to paint them anyway because they're not a family because Regina's not his mommy and Henry's not his brother and his little sister that's gonna show up soon just makes everything more confusing.
His mouth is still frowning when school is finally over and he just wants to go back to the camp with his uncles and play games with them and cook food over the fire and be far away from not-mommies and not-brothers and showing-up-little-sisters. But he can't do that because Regina's picking him up from school today.
She's standing with the other parents when his teacher leads his class outside, but why would she stand with the real mommies if she's not his? The thought makes his frown scrunch up into a pout and he feels his lips start to shake. She sees him and smiles, but then her eyebrows scrunch together like she's worried and why would she worry about him if he's not her son? The stinging in his eyes gets worse and suddenly he can't see very well because his eyes are watery and he doesn't want to cry but he doesn't think he can stop it. When his teacher tells him he can go, he walks toward Regina, sniffing and blinking hard trying to keep his tears in his eyes, but then she squats down so her face is right in front of his and she's smiling at him but her eyes are worried and she asks him what's the matter and isn't that what mommies are supposed to do? Why isn't she his mommy? Why, why, why? He shakes his head but then the tears are falling out of his eyes and he's crying and he can't stop.
Regina wraps her arms around him and pulls him close and she strokes his hair and tells him that it's alright, that she's got him. But she doesn't have him, he thinks. Because he's not hers. He feels her pick him up and he locks his arms behind her neck and tucks his legs around her waist and cries into her shoulder.
"Roland, sweetheart, what's the matter?" she asks him, her hand running through his curls.
He wants to answer, he wants to tell her how much he wishes she was his mother and Henry was his brother, but he can't find his voice again so he just shakes his head again and keeps crying. He feels her start to move and he realizes she's walking and then she stops and through his tears he can see the other parents behind them looking at him and looking at Regina and he can't tell why their faces look so strange but soon they're taking their own children and walking away.
"Did something happen?" he hears Regina ask.
"I'm really not sure," his teacher's voice answers. "He was fine this morning, but then he just seemed upset all afternoon. I couldn't get anything from him."
He feels Regina nod and then his teacher tells him that she hopes he feels better and she'll see him tomorrow. Regina walks to the car and she sets him down on the ground in front of her. She smooths out his hair and runs a hand across his cheek and jaw. "So do you want to tell me what's wrong now?" she asks, her voice soft and smooth. She uses one of her thumbs to brush away the tears still running down his cheeks and it just makes more tears come out because Roland doesn't think he can stop crying if she keeps doing that- mommies are supposed to do that.
"No," he manages to say and he closes his eyes so he can't see her worried face and the loving way she's looking at him and the mommyness of her. "Can we just go home?"
He hears her sigh and he thinks she sounds sad but then she's opening the car door and helping him into his car seat and buckling him in. He doesn't look at her when she gets into the car. He just stares out the window at his school, a place he's pretty sure he doesn't like anymore.
Regina has seen Roland cry exactly two times. Once when he woke from a nightmare so horrible he didn't sleep again for two days, even with her and Robin's combined presence in his room. Another time when he had overheard a particularly heated exchange between her and his father in the kitchen after they thought he had long past fallen asleep.
"You don't get to tell me what to do!" she had shouted, knuckles white in her grip of the counter top.
"Of course I don't, but damn it, Regina, I've lost you before and I am not losing you again!" he had yelled back, his face growing red with frustration.
"I could say the exact same thing to you!" she had cried, feeling traitorous tears stinging the back of her eyes. It was then that she had heard someone actually crying and they had both turned to see Roland standing in
the doorway, pajama-clad and hair sticking out every which way. Tears were steadily flowing over his plump cheeks and he was looking at them with such fear that she hated herself for drawing such awful emotions out of such a little boy.
"Why are you fighting?" he had asked, his voice so quiet and small. "Do you guys not love each other anymore?"
And then there had been tears on her part and Robin's as well except he had stayed dry-eyed through putting Roland back to bed with plenty of reassurances that yes, they indeed still love each other and that they were just having an argument because sometimes grownups do that. No, her thief broke down after his son was peacefully asleep once more and they had retired to their room and were alone with their respective worries. And then she had cried again and he had cried with her, both so filled with emotions too strong for them to fully comprehend.
So it is safe to say Regina isn't entirely familiar with a crying Roland. And especially not when he cries for this long. Tears are still flowing down his cheeks when she pulls into the driveway of the mansion, all attempts she had made during the ride over to calm him falling flat. She unbuckles him from his car seat without a word, analyzing the way he won't meet her eyes. Her mind has been reeling ever since she saw his forlorn expression standing in line with his classmates. What could have possibly happened to her sweet boy to not only make him inconsolable but to also make him unwilling to tell her what was troubling him?
She slings his backpack over her one shoulder and holds out her hand for him to take, feeling a slight flicker of relief when he wraps his tiny fingers around hers. But that flicker fades when he runs away from her as soon as she unlocks the front door. He doesn't even take off his shoes by the door before he's scurrying up the steps.
"Roland-" she starts, following him to the bottom of the stairs, but she's cut off by the slamming of his bedroom door, the silence of the house her only reply.
She suddenly is bombarded with memories of Henry behaving the same way, of him pushing her away and not talking to her because he said she was evil. But Roland knew who she was before, they had met in the Enchanted Forest when her title seemed to still follow her everywhere. He wasn't afraid of her then and he's not afraid of her now. Or at least, she doesn't think he's afraid of her. But children on the playground can say cruel things and the thought of one of them saying wicked things about her to one of her strongest believers has her blood boiling and her stomach churning. She went through this once with Henry. She's not sure she can do it again with Roland.
A fleeting wish for Robin's calming presence runs through her before she remembers it's only half past three and he won't be home for a few more hours. Henry, though, should be home soon, after he's done visiting his grandparents and uncle. She takes a deep breath and prays he doesn't take too long at the Charmings. If her little knight is troubled, maybe her little prince can help her fix whatever she fears is breaking.