I'm literally high when I thought of this earlier. Enjoy the pure randomness of this fic!
Disclaimer: I don't Captain Levi or SnK/AoT. They purely belong to their rightful owners.
My Fabulous Sassy Kick
My name is Levi and I have the most fabulous kick endangered mankind ever seen.
Nothing can ever compare to my fabulous sassy kicks.
Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
My fabulous kick is so famous, I have back-up kickers made up from my unit.
I love using my most fabulous kicks on my 'puppy,' Eren.
It gives me great pleasure.
I give my hips a little shake for an extra oomph of my fabulous kicks.
Fear the greatness of my fabulous sassy kicks.
It's a wonderful thing.
Never underestimated these fabulous sassy kicks of mine.
I feel like a princess using my fabulous sassy kicks.
I will marry my prince who appreciates my royal fabulous sassy kicks.
I do motherfucking kick like boss that I am.
These fabulous kicks will always be the most charming and intimidating thing you'll see.
Adore it.
Everyone is prey for my fabulous sassy kicks.
Let my fabulous sassy kicks become your new God.
Worship it.
You pathetic dogs will understand the beauty of my fabulous sassy kicks.
This fabulous kick of mine is copyrighted by me.
I'll fucking kill anyone who tries to use it without my permission.
Now good day to you all.
Sincerely, Captain Levi.
A/N - I blame my friend, AngelDono-chan for giving me an idea for the following lines: "I feel like a princess using my fabulous sassy kicks. I will marry my prince who appreciates my royal fabulous sassy kicks." The idea is based of a picture where Levi was doing some cleaning in episode 15 of the anime.