Show: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Destiel, DeanCas
Rating: T for language
Warnings: Nothing too graphic, but there is a small reference to self harm.
Genre: Romance, and a little bit of angst
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the show, they belong to their rightful owners.
A/N: This is un-beta'd so excuse any typos and sorry for bad writing. Constructive criticism welcome.
Synopsis: When Dean accidentally tells Cas that he loves him it starts an interesting chain of events. Will Dean be able to come to terms with his feelings? Will the pair finally get together? Fallen!Cas. Destiel.
The Broken Man
Castiel had fallen. His grace ripped from him, he spent weeks fighting fatigue and his now human body to drag himself back to the Winchesters. In return, the Winchesters, of course, had been searching for him. It was difficult for them, to think of their best friend lost and alone, completely powerless. The eldest Winchester had found it the hardest, barely speaking unless in relation to finding Cas and forfeiting even more hours of sleep to his thoughts.
It was a rainy Thursday when Castiel found himself on the Winchesters' doorstep. He was bloody and broken, and upon the opening of the door he gave in to exhaustion and collapsed on the floor.
"Dean!" Sam called out, "DEAN!" He shouted, louder this time.
A few moment later, Dean arrived at the door, flustered and out of breath, "Oh God, Cas..." He breathed out, falling to his knees.
A few weeks after Castiel's return to the Winchesters and he was doing a lot better. Dean and Sam still had to remind him to eat and sleep etc. but compared to the broken man collapsed on their doorstep, he was a new man. But he wasn't the only person who was acting differently. Sam had noticed, recently, that Dean was being rather...protective of Cas. It wasn't anything dramatic, just a few changes in his behaviour. Now he would stand arguably a bit too close to Cas at all times, clearly disregarding his old 'personal space' rule. Dean was also showing more physical affection towards him. No big gestures, just light touches every so often. Perhaps a gentle hand to his back as he passed him.
A month or so after Castiel's return, he was now more able to do things independently. He even offered to do the supply runs when things were running low.
"Dean, here is your pie" He said, in his usual monotone, passing him a small plastic box.
"Wow you didn't forget the pie, unlike Sammy here! I freaking love you man!" Dean replied enthusiastically as he ripped open the packaging and shovelled a forkful into his mouth.
"I love you too" Cas said very matter-of-factly with a small tilt of his head. Sam almost choked on the water he had been drinking at Cas's words.
"You say something?" Dean attempted to say through the mouthful of pie muffling his speech.
"Just that it is no problem" Cas said in a deflated voice. He gave a small smile to the boys before excusing himself to his room.
Dean was mildly panicking about what just happened. Okay, okay - he was having a full on freak out. So he just told Cas he loved him and he has pretty much never said that in his life. For god's sake he doesn't even say that to Sam! And to make matters worse, he didn't even mean to say it. Oh and to add to the whole horrific ordeal Cas just brushed it off!
"Okay, I'm sure he thought I meant it in a bro sort of way" Dean tried to calmly tell himself, "Yeah and if Sam asks, that's my story!"
Knock knock
"Hey Cas, can I come in?" Sam asked gently. Castiel stood from his position on the bed, and opened the door. He averted his eyes from Sam's worried stare.
"Cas, do you have a minute to talk?"
"Of course, Sam" Cas smiled weakly and gestured for Sam to enter.
"So .. you have feelings for Dean huh?" Sam started awkwardly.
"Ah, I was afraid that this is what you wanted to talk about. I understand that this will make things awkward and difficult so yes I shall leave as soon as I have made alternate arrangements and no there is no hard feelings" Cas said quickly.
"What are you talking about? You thought we wanted you to leave because you're in love with Dean?" Sam chuckled, "That's actually pretty funny"
"I don't see the joke?" Cas questioned, squinting his eyes.
"Dude we don't want you to leave! Dean didn't even hear what you said, I just came in here to talk to you about it" Sam explained.
Cas breathed a sigh of relief and turned his attention back to Sam, with a sad smile he said "While I am relieved that I do not have to leave, I still don't know how to proceed"
"Tell him how you feel, he totally feels the same way!" Sam smiled enthusiastically, "Did you not notice how he just said that he loved you like it's no big deal?"
"I assumed he meant as brothers?"
"As brothers? Dude, any time I try and talk about feelings with Dean it's all 'no chick flick moments Sam!' " Sam said, imitating Dean's voice, "Just tell him it will be fine Cas"
"Yes but Sam, how do you know for sure?" Cas questioned, still not convinced.
"Okay so basically about three-four months back we were on this little case in Arkansas..."
"So get this" I said, "6 suicides in the past two weeks, and they go into a three day coma beforehand"
"What all of them?" Dean replied
"Yeah for no reason, well at least no reason doctors could find, they just pass out for three days. When they finally wake up they blow their brains out"
"So what are we dealing with? Some kind of mass demon possession?" Dean asked, clearly as lost as I was.
"That's the thing, none of the usual omens are about. And I went to the houses of the victims. Zero EMF."
After some digging it turned out it was this weird pagan thing that takes humans as sacrifice. The way it did it was to poke about in their heads, bring up all the crap in their life and hope it was enough to push 'em to suicide. Okay so while we were researching, Dean passed out and I just knew it was it. So I had to find the way to waste this thing fast. As it turned out, you had to beat it in the coma. You take your worst nightmares and flip them around. We still had some African dream root from a case a few years back so I went into Dean's head to help him out. I mean, I've done that before.
It was dark, man, like really dark. Dean was curled up on the floor as his nightmares played around him.
"What the hell are these?!" Dad shouted down at a 8 year old Dean, grabbing his wrists, "I never want to see these marks again you understand me? These are for the weak!"
"Yes, Sir" The young Dean said solemnly.
The image changed, Dean was now around 17 and he was sat in the bathroom. He was hunched over and crying over a bloody wrist. It was horrible, I had no idea. I couldn't help but watch for a few more minutes. There were a lot of hallucinations of Dad telling him that he was weak and useless. Shouting at him that he died for him and that is was a waste. That it should have been him. There were a few of me telling him that he had let me down so much and failed at protecting me. But the surprise was that there were loads of, well, Dean. They were just shouting at him telling him he was worthless, that he was a terrible person. Suddenly the images of himself disappeared and you were standing there, right.
"Ha! Who could ever love you, Dean?" You snarled, "You disgust me, you're just a human. I chose to love Meg over you. A demon. Just like your brother I chose a demon over worthless you. Don't you understand, Dean? You're worse than a demon"
That's where I jumped in "Dean! It's Sam! You can end this, you just have to change the images to what you want them to be!" I screamed.
"Sam?" He trembled, looking up at me with tears in his eyes. I have never seen him so vulnerable in my life.
"It's just a dream! Focus!" I cried.
And then, Dean was concentrating real hard on the images swirling around him.
"I'm so proud of you" Dad smiled.
"You can beat this" The hallucination of himself said, "You're better than this"
"I love you so much" You said, walking up to him. You cupped his face with your hand, gently wiped away the tears and kissed him lightly on the mouth.
And then we were back in the motel room. He stared blankly at me and before I could ever breathe, Dean put his hand up and snapped "Don't. Say. Anything".
"So he dreamed that I loved him?" Cas asked, hope rising in his gut and a smile ghosting over his lips.
"Yeah" Sam smiled back, "He did"
Dean sat on the sofa, furiously tapping his feet. He was still freaking out about what happened. Oh man, he needed a drink. Hell, he needed to get drunk. He could pick up a nice girl too, to forget about this whole Cas rejecting him business.
"Dean I need to spea-" Cas asserted.
"Ah perfect timing! Let's go out tonight, yeah? All of us, we'll go for a drink" Dean interrupted, trying to avoid the conversation he was worried Cas would start.
"Erm, okay" Cas said, averting his eyes, "I will inform, Sam"
Somehow they had ended up in an old rundown bar on the other side of town and things for Dean were definitely going to plan. He had been chatting to a smoking hot model at the bar for fifteen minutes and she was all over him; touching his biceps and standing way too close. Cas and Sam were sat nearby in silence. Sam had attempted to make conversation, but Cas just replied with a non-committal grunt or ignored him completely. His eyes were fixed on the woman at the bar, draping herself all over Dean. Cas sat with his hands clenched into tight fists, his knuckles going white. Suddenly, her lips were on his and Dean's hands were curled around her waist pulling her closer. Cas refused to sit there any longer, he abruptly stood and stormed out of the entrance of the bar. The last thing he saw was Dean being dragged towards the restroom. Classy.
"Cas! Cas!" Sam called out, following him immediately.
"Sam you were mistaken" Cas said quietly, trying to cover the crack in his voice.
"No, Dean's just being Dean. Trying to shove away his feelings because meaningless sex is easier for him" Sam said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Well, it's too difficult for me to watch" Cas sighed, defeated, "I am going to go back, maybe I'll just have a drink at home"
"Cas..."
"I will see you later Sam" Cas smiled sadly, before walking off.
Sam was furious, absolutely furious. It was one thing to avoid his feelings, but to completely disregard Cas's... he couldn't stand seeing Cas so upset. He marched back into the bar and resumed drinking his beer, waiting on Dean's return. When he finally did, and had parted with the woman Sam was ready to blow.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Sam hissed at him.
"What? Don't tell me you've never gotten freaky in public place" Dean laughed with a wink.
"That is not what I'm talking about! Do you have any idea what that did to Cas?" Sam's voice was rising.
"What the hell does Cas care who I sleep with?"
"Because the poor guy's in love with you and he was basically in tears over here!"
"Go to hell Sam" Dean said after a long pause, storming out of the bar.
Cas was drunk, full-on wasted. He had found some whiskey in one of the cupboards and had been knocking it back like water. It was helping to dull the pain of seeing Dean with someone wrapped around him like that. Cas was still new to these feelings. He was familiar with love, but this was new. It was intense and consuming, but most of all it just hurt. Feeling jealousy was new and Cas decided that he did not like this emotion at all. Jealousy hurt even worse than being in love.
The clash of keys in the door rang loudly in the bunker. Cas stumbled over to see who had entered.
"Dean!" Cas slurred, "You're back from fucking that whore!"
"Did you just say 'fucking that whore'... are you drunk?!" Dean said in disbelief, hearing such profanity from Cas just didn't sound right.
"No.. well yes... but what does it matter to you?" Cas replied, stumbling towards Dean, "You only care about women with... breasts and...legs! Is that why you don't love me?"
Dean pulled Cas into a tight embrace and pressed a light kiss to the top of his head. "Don't say that" He whispered, "I love you so much".
"Th-then why?" Cas said pulling away to look Dean in the face.
"I thought you didn't.. I never thought you would.. fuck I'm so bad at this" He chuckled softly, "You won't remember this tomorrow anyway"
"Then make me remember" Cas said innocently.
"Never change" Dean smiled softly, before leaning in and pressing his lips to Castiel's. The kiss was soft and gentle, yet full of passion and unspoken promises of love. Dean brought his hands up to Cas's face, lightly stroking his skin. Like Dean had done earlier, Cas wrapped his hands around his waist to bring him closer. It was like he couldn't get close enough, he needed to feel more of him.
Dean slowly pulled away, keeping their arms around each other and looked Cas straight in his eyes, "I love you, okay? And it's crazy but man I just want it all. I'm talking romantic comedy cliché love. I never thought I'd ever say those words, you know, and it scares me that I'm so okay with this. But Cas I love you so much"
"I love you too" Cas smiled.
"No chick flick moments my ass" The two jumped apart and turned around to see Sam with a wide smirk on his face.