So, I'm a LWD writer who ships Dasey and has had some success doing it. With that said, I've fallen in love with this show and have finally decided that I need to expand my horizons.
This is a long drabble concerning Amy and Ben and my take on the real reason she can't say those "Three Little Words" to him.
Let me know what you think!
Why did she find it so incredibly hard to say those three little words? He said them so effortlessly, so easily, but her? No matter how hard she tried, a lame 'me too' was all that would ever come out.
The first time he told her, that night on the phone, she had to admit that it freaked her out. It was sudden and strange and just plain totally weird. But she had said it back anyway, though of course, she hadn't really meant it. But her friend's dumb little plan of trapping him and making him think that he was the baby's father, was still swirling in her head at the time, so she had thought that she needed to say it back and it had actually came out surprisingly easy.
She soon began to look forward to hearing it, because it didn't take her long to figure out that he truly meant it. And she wanted to say it back, she really did, but instead, every time she just returned his 'I love you' with a 'Me too', those three simple little words getting stuck in her throat every time.
And bless his soul; he never pushed her to say it back. How amazing is that? She knew he must want to hear her utter those three little words more than anything in the world, but he didn't pressure, he didn't pry. Instead, he just kept reassuring her that he loved her and that he wanted to be there for her forever.
In a life full of turmoil he was her calm. He was the sane to her crazy, which seemed ironic, considering that to most; it would seem crazy that a fifteen-year-old boy would be declaring his undying love and devotion to a pregnant girl who's not even carrying his baby, but not so with him. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he believed every word he told her, or at least he thought he did.
She wondered sometimes how much of it was love and how much of it was deciding that he wanted to ride in on a white horse and save the day. The loss of his mother had impacted his life greatly and maybe it was just the fact that he couldn't save his mom, but he could try and save her.
And then she would remind herself that she was thinking crazy, because he had professed his love for her before he had even known about her situation. But that's just how it worked in her head, because she couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be with her, anyone loving her, because frankly, she couldn't love herself.
And there in lay the problem. She hadn't forgiven herself for being so naive and stupid. How in the world could she have let this happen to her? She hated herself for the predicament she found herself in and now, she had the sweetest guy in the world trying to make everything better, but it was useless. This wasn't something you could make better. This was horrible and scary and terrifying and embarrassing and any other word you could think of to go along with those things.
She would give anything to go back to that time, before it all happened, to know what she knew now and to be able to apply it to her life at that moment. If she'd only known that he was going to come into her life and make her feel the way she did, she would have had more resolve, more courage. Or at least she liked to tell herself that, because somehow, it made her feel better.
She hated the fact that she allowed herself to be taken in so easily. He had been a sweet talker, a charmer. He knew the perfect thing to say and the perfect way to do it and she had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. She hated that too. She hated that she allowed herself to be so easily manipulated. She hated that she was so stupid and careless and thoughtless. She hated…She hated….
She hated herself. And therein lay the real problem. How can you really love someone if you can't love yourself, even someone as totally amazing as he was to her? She loved the way he made her smile. She loved the way that he knew exactly what to say, even if he did have to stammer through the words to get there.
She loved the way he fought for her honor. She loved how he wasn't ashamed to walk down the hall, holding her hand, or the way he would kiss her in front of everyone and not think a thing about it.
She loved every sweet, silly, geeky, awkward, funny, loveable thing about him. She loved him, she really did.
But she couldn't tell him, at least not yet, because first, she had to find a way to love herself again. Until then, it wouldn't be fair to him, because if she did it now, she would be bringing with it all the baggage that she wasn't ready to get rid of. Because holding onto it, somehow seemed like the punishment she felt she deserved.
But she loved him, there was no doubt that she loved him. And somehow, she hoped she showed him that, because she wanted him to feel loved, the way he made her feel loved. And hopefully that would be enough for him, until that time when she could utter those three little words.
Well?