Safety Net
by Lacrimula Falsa
Disclaimer: All praise the Great Bird of the Galaxy. I do not own any part of the StarTrek franchise/universe. Reviews are my profit.
Summary: Refusing the powers of the Q wasn't about being afraid of those powers and what they could do. It wasn't about fear of the unknown either. It was the knowledge that while he would be able to control almost everything…no one would be able to control him. One-shot. (Inspired by "He had all the Power of the World" by islashlove.)
A/N: This was inspired by "He had all the Power of the World", written by islashlove. My own take on why Riker refused the powers Q gave him in "Hide and Q".
After going over some reports and mission debriefs, the captain had invited Will Riker to "beverages and good conversation".
He liked to think that it was indeed something to be proud of and cherish that his first officer not only happily accepted but also immediately made himself at home with all the air of an old friend visiting another.
He was certain that not all starship commanders had a first officer that was comfortable enough with them to leave the uniform at the door every once in a while.
"So, Will. How is the trombone playing going? I heard you are still struggling with your favourite piece."
"Oh yes. Nightbird. I tell you, that song will put me in an early grave."
"It'd better not. I would loose a very fine officer. Who would write all those reports?"
Their chat drifted from topic to topic for a while. After some time, the conversation turned towards Q and his various interactions with the crew of the Enterprise.
"Q is certainly an…interesting character."
"Yes Will, he most certainly is." The captain leaned back in his seat. "However, at least in one instance I found someone's reaction to him and his actions far more interesting."
"I'm not following you here."
"You."
"Me?" Will looked up from his drink. "How am I more interesting than Q?" He grinned in typical 'Riker' fashion. "Not that I'm not flattered."
"Well you did turn down the powers Q gave you. I don't think I could have made that decision. It's a great temptation."
"You'd have done the same." There was absolute certainty in the first officer's voice.
"Would I? I am not so sure. To be able to do almost everything…I believe that would tempt better men."
"You would have turned them down." He smiled mysteriously into his beard. "You would have."
"Maybe. But regardless…Why? I am certain you have been asked often. But why? I admit I am at a loss to understand that decision."
"Actually, I was wondering when you would ask. Of all he people close to me that knew you are the last one to ask me that. I think it's a little…difficult to understand."
"I am willing to try."
"Alright then. I'm certain you figured that I don't remember everything from my experience.
That's an understatement. If being Q was the Sahara Desert, I remember maybe a tenth of a grain of sand. My mind just can't process it anymore. But I do remember some things. Like impressions, reasoning. Understanding and…thinking certain things.
And I remember that I was afraid."
"Perfectly understandable. I think anyone in that situation would be afraid of what they are suddenly able to do."
"Everyone said that." He sighed. "But that wasn't it. I wasn't afraid of what I could do. Because I knew exactly what I could do. In every detail. I wasn't worried about loss of control either. I could control my powers perfectly. It was like breathing, or close. I mean, no human would worry about forgetting to breath. And no Q would be afraid of having no control over their powers. It wasn't fear of the unknown either. For a Q very little is unknown."
"So what were you afraid of then?"
Will smiled wanly. "You see, as a human, if I was about to do something stupid or dangerous there'd be people to stop me. If I, say decided to kill someone, you'd interfere.
The crew, my friends. Hell, Worf would shoot me if it came down to it.
As a Q, there was no such "safety net". Okay, they took Q's powers when he went too far. But the continuum…
Q showed me things…things he had done or would do. Things that no one punished. I think he wanted to entice me. But he did the opposite. I saw him wipe out civilisations. He had reasons but…
One of the things I remember the best is that I had a moment when I suddenly understood something:
If I stayed a Q, I would be able to control almost everything. But no one would be able to control me. At least no one I trusted to do it.
There was no one to stop me if I went off the deep end. I could slaughter a race and maybe no one, no one would do anything.
I couldn't keep those powers knowing that. So I gave them back."
"I believe I understand. That would indeed weigh heavily on one's shoulders." The captain looked thoughtful for a while and then stood rather abruptly.
"It's gotten rather late. I believe I should try to honour Doctor Crusher's suggestion to rest a little more. Also, to be honest, I would like to have a little time to ruminate on this very enlightening conversation. Thank you for answering this rather personal question so openly. I appreciate it."
"No problem, sir. Maybe I should catch up on a little sleep too." Will stood up and stretched. "I'll see you on the bridge tomorrow."
"Certainly."
Will headed towards the door. Just before stepping trough, he turned around.
"If you want something else to ruminate on: You were wondering why I was so sure that you would have turned down Q's gift?"
The captain looked up. "Yes?"
"Well, you already did."
The End
A/N: The beginning's a little rough. I couldn't quite fix that.
On a completely different note: I have a poll on my profile page, maybe you want to pop over and vote. The question is: What do you think about cover images? Should a story have one? Every vote is appreciated.