A/N: Hey guys. Look, it's a songfic. Don't have enough of those around here, so I decided to do one. Eventually, I may just make this an archive of songfics, but for the moment it's it's own thing. Call it tiding you over between my sparse story updates.
Anyway, follow, fave, review, let me know if it's junk or if you want me to do more, let me know where I can improve, stuff like that.
'When the Fog Rolls In' is owned by Train, California 37 copyright 2012. In case any of you thought I actually owned this song. And we all know who PMMM belongs to.
Driving over the bridge to give you my keys
I know you don't love me
I know it ain't easy
Friends become lovers
And lovers lose friends
That's when the fog rolls in
"Uungh." A pained groan emanated from tangled pastel bedsheets in a darkened room, a sure sign that someone was present, but no indication as to whom it was.
The room itself smelled of vanilla and slightly of cinnamon, with a pleasantly cool air, it was medium sized and suited for a single inhabitant, decorated with mementos, souvenirs, chinaware, and more, all with a careful regard to taste and flavor. Sunlight peeked through closed blinds, the only source of illumination for the bedroom.
Another groan, and crusted over eyelids pried themselves open through spikes of pain so ruby irises could stare dumbly at the blurred ceiling, as the current inhabitant of the bed awoke.
"Oww, did anyone get the number of the truck that hit me," Kyoko said weakly to no one in particular.
She, at the moment, was tired in spite of the rest she had just gotten, and her head was spinning from wooziness. It was a situation she wasn't totally unfamiliar with, but it wasn't one she enjoyed by a long shot.
As her vision resolved into clarity at last, she craned her neck to look around, frowning in the process. "Hm? Where am I?"
There was nothing for a few seconds, a maddening nothingness that just as suddenly resolved itself as her brain kicked in, causing strained eyes to widen in understanding. "Oh. Right." She was at Mami's place. Again.
The memories came flooding back in a rush. She and Sayaka had had another fight, started for some dumb reason she couldn't remember. This wasn't one of their 'fun' fights though. No, this was the latest in a sequence of escalating shouting matches that were all too serious in their intensity. It had ended with harsh words, slammed doors, and Kyoko arriving at Mami's apartment in the middle of the night, to a tired but accepting hostess and a cup of warm tea.
Muscles and bones gave brief, but ignored, protests as she freed herself from the covers and rose from the bed to her feet, stretching to get the blood flow going again. The clock said it was about 9 am, but she didn't hear any activity from downstairs, so Mami probably wasn't up yet, wherever she was. She didn't have a change of clothes either, but Kyoko didn't worry about that too much. It was just an extra day after all, nothing to get in a fuss about.
Descending the stairs to the living room, Kyoko found the shades drawn there as well and Mami sleeping on the couch, head propped up by a pillow as she rested on her side. Looking at the peacefully sleeping blond only accentuated the restless sleep Kyoko had gotten, and at the same time while she felt bad mentally, she also did regret her imposition here. Mami had done enough for her over the years that she didn't need to be adding to that burden of debt.
She didn't go about waking her up though, but rather headed to the kitchen to rummage up some food. Unsurprisingly, she saw eating as the best way to cope with her current state by giving herself something other to focus on, and she was able to quickly retrieve some items from the pantry and fridge. It wasn't too hard, since it seemed Mami hadn't had time to shuffle where everything was since her last visit.
Food in hand, she sat down at the counter and ate away, staring blankly at the covered window and pointedly not thinking about last night. She was not going to think about how worked up she had gotten, with anger, disbelief, indignation, and what she had said in return, thoughtless words that had aimed to hurt as she had been hurt. Teeth clicked as she gnashed on the apple, focused as she was on not thinking.
Oo oo oo, I'm losing you
Oo oo oo, you're losing me, too
Finished, the apple core she had left flew away, landing flawlessly with a thud in the nearby garbage can. At the same moment Mami stirred, head rising and peeking up over the back of the couch to see the redhead in her kitchen availing herself of her food stores. "Oh, good morning Kyoko," she said with a repressed yawn as she rose from the couch. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were awake."
"It's fine," Kyoko replied with a dismissive wave and shrug. "Actually, I should be the one apologizing, you know, for kicking you out of your bed and all."
"Oh, it's no problem, honestly." Mami smiled brightly as she moved to the kitchen and, without asking, began to cook, rapidly assaulting Kyoko's senses with sounds, sights, and smells, all getting her taste buds watering. "I'm always glad to help a friend when they need it." And wasn't that the truth, as both could attest from the increasing frequency of Kyoko's late night and overnight visits.
Silence fell as Mami cooked and Kyoko ate while watching, both ignoring the elephant in the room. Splinters of light continued to weave about the edges of the fabric curtains and casting a slight glow that caught the both of them, the only sound that of their own actions, and neither speaking.
At last Mami finished preparing meals for the two of them, presenting eggs, sausage, and pancakes to Kyoko before laying out her own food. Naturally, Kyoko dug straight in, while Mami ate more sedately, restrained.
At last, Mami spoke as she was taking a break, to end the silence between the two of them. "Are you and Sayaka alright? This sort of event seems to be happening more frequently nowadays, and I'm concerned for the both of you. If there's anything I can do to help you know I will. Just let me know."
Kyoko frowned, going through the motions as she listened to Mami, as if this wasn't something she'd heard before. For example, every time she ended up here. "We're fine," she said evasively, much to Mami's displeasure. "Nothing that doesn't usually happen, you know?"
"That's true, but you don't usually end up at my apartment afterwards," Mami pointed out quietly, referring to earlier months when that had indeed been the case. Though that was a fact that Kyoko would just as soon rather forget. She refused to believe that this was becoming a common state of affairs, and not just some fluke.
"Look, I said it's nothing alright, don't worry about it," she reiterated, more emphatically this time before standing up. "Thanks for the food," she added as she moved for the door, food either eaten or just left there. For some reason, she wasn't hungry anymore.
As she neared the entrance, Mami's eyes fell, sad to see her friend so obviously in pain and yet not doing anything about it. "Please Kyoko, let me help you," she called after her junior, only to be answered by the closing door, leaving a lonely, disturbed blond behind as a determined redhead returned home.
In through the kitchen,
Where we used to laugh
Smells of your cooking
Sounds of the past
Somehow we got older
The air just got colder
That's when the fog rolls in
'Home' was about half an hour away on foot, giving Kyoko plenty of time to think, or not think, as she moved along city streets to the bright sunlight and rising sounds of day. With a struggle and grit teeth, she forced back memories, forced her mind to calm, and held back anticipations of what would happen on her return.
"Sanctimonious know-it-all!" "At least I'm not some freeloading hobo that has to steal and live in a run down church! At least I have a life!" "Yeah, that's right. You don't know what it was like for me. You think I wanted to live like that!"
Kyoko shook her head with a growl, driving those thoughts away as she turned the street corner to see her current dwelling, even if the time she actually spent there seemed to be decreasing. It was a small cottage by the sea, with a beach some distance away and yet easily accessible. The house itself was two stories, light blue with yellow trim, wooden stairs, and a deck in back as well. A comfy place if she did say so herself, but then again she didn't exactly have the highest of standards. Still, Sayaka lived there too, so it had to have some virtue in there somewhere.
Without hesitation, Kyoko made her way along the small path around back, fishing out the spare key from where it was hidden, since she had left her own here when she had left in a rage last night. Hand on the doorknob, she paused to listen for any noise beyond the glass door, but she heard no activity inside the house, and found herself wondering whether Sayaka was even here right now. Not that it mattered either way, but she would prefer to get settled back in here before facing what had happened earlier.
The lights were off when she stepped inside, and she closed the door quietly behind herself as she was embraced in the warm and welcoming atmosphere of the kitchen. Her preoccupation was swept away by tasty aromas, and old memories came to the fore of her mind, of the two of them cooking together (with accompanying successes and disasters), entertaining guests, laughing, and enjoying each others company, like before this recent string of arguments. Red eyes looked over the room that showed it's frequent use, and she cracked a smile, her heart lifted just by being here and the act of remembering.
Oo oo oo, I'm losing you
Oo oo oo, you're losing me too
Through the kitchen into the living room she went, each step seeming to bring forth more memories of them sitting together and watching tv, or reading, or playing video games. And at the same time she cursed her mind. Why was she thinking of this stuff now? It wasn't like this was it or something. There were still plenty of memories waiting to be made, and if one thing could be said about her, it was that she would live her life to the utmost, and she wasn't done doing that yet.
Through the living room then, up the stairs to the second floor, to at last find Sayaka resting in their study, a place where they (and by they it usually meant Sayaka when possible) could work with some semblance of quiet and free of distractions. Theoretically. When one lived with Kyoko, 'quiet' was never a certainty anywhere. At the moment she was just sitting there in a wooden chair, looking out the window to the sea and the waves, not acknowledging if she knew Kyoko was there.
"Hey, I'm back," Kyoko announced from where she stood leaning against the doorframe, in a slightly more subdued manner than normal. "You miss me?"
She was met by silence, Sayaka not even turning her head, a silence that seemed to stretch on between the two of them, until Kyoko couldn't stand it any more and moved forward. "Yo, Sayaka, you awake? Earth to Blue, you gonna say hi back or something?"
In the process of talking, she almost missed it as Sayaka seemed to get fed up, or at least realized she was being addressed, a low voice interjecting into her questions. "Leave..."
Surprised, not sure what she had just heard, Kyoko pulled up, confusion written across her face. "What?"
"Leave. Just...leave," was the answer she got, louder this time. Sayaka turned in her seat to look at her now, and Kyoko flinched in surprise. The gaze was pained, her eyes an unhealthy mix of red and black rings from tear tracks and lack of sleep "Please. Just...go."
For all this though, the redhead was quick on the rebound, and she advanced forward to stand beside the tall wooden chair, hoping to catch the blunette in a friendly embrace, speaking all the while. "Hey now, don't worry about it mermaid. It's just words, nothing I haven't hear before. You know the old saying about sticks and stones." Just the same, she found herself being shrugged away by her friend, if weakly at that.
Sayaka kept herself from meeting Kyoko's eyes, shying away from physical contact with the other girl. "Leave me alone Kyoko. We can't keep doing this. I, can't keep doing this. It's not fun anymore."
"Oh come on" Kyoko protested right back. "You just need some sleep, that's all. Get some rest and put your head back on straight, then we can talk this out like rational people, alright?" Once more she tried to embrace her companion, this time succeeding and bringing her to her feet as she walked them both towards the door.
So much for sewing up
So this is growing up
Everything's going up for sale
The fog kept on rolling in
Time came to sink or swim
They say it's better to try and fail
And we tried like hell
They made it only a few steps before Sayaka broke free, stumbling off to the side before rounding on her girlfriend with clenched fists. "Didn't you hear me," she said, voice picking up as life bled into her eyes. "I want you to leave. Now. We're done. Got it?"
Though there was an iron certainty in her tone, at least by appearances, Kyoko didn't believe it for a second. Refused to believe it. "Oh yeah? We argue all the time, unless you hadn't noticed. I'd like to think that's part of my charm. Hell, we've done it from the beginning, so I don't know why it's a deal breaker for you now..."
"That's why it's over," Sayaka interjected forcefully. "Before it was fun, yeah, but now we just argue all the time, over the stupidest things, and we both say things we'd rather not have. It's not fun anymore. Not for me anyway."
Kyoko sighed, resisting the urge to throw her hands up. "Fine, fine. If you want me to go then I will. But aren't the good times worth all those arguments? We never lost that, did we?" Mentally she winced, hating to sound like she was even close to begging or pleading. But she did care about Sayaka, enough to throw away her pride for the sake of what they had continuing.
Sayaka seemed to calm down a bit, looking away once more. "At first. But all the arguing, the fighting, and that fact that I'm the one who seems to be providing fr the both of us, it's just too much for me. So please, don't make it harder than it has to be."
As if it wasn't obvious enough in her words, Kyoko could see the sadness, the pain painted across her girlfriend's face, but also the stubbornness that was so similar to her own. They were a lot alike in that way, both stubborn, unwilling to back down when they thought they were right. Perhaps that was why she cared so much, because she saw so much of herself in her housemate.
She shook her head defiantly. "I'll make this as hard as I have to. I'm not one to give up like that, not even on this." Sure, they had their rough spots, but Sayaka was the closest thing to family she had, and she would never give up on family if she could help it.
Sayaka didn't seem to relish the notion either, but that didn't seem to stop her from escalation. "Alright then. Well, I'll just have to call Mami. I'm sure she'll be able to help straighten this out."
That there, that was something that Kyoko would be willing to cede on. She wasn't going to get her senior involved in her problems, not when she had done so much for her already. She could handle herself, and deal with her own problems.
Then she caught herself and shook her head. No. Mami or not, she was not going to give up like this, She was not going to give up on them."Come on Sayaka, you don't want to do this. We're buddies, roommates, friends. You gotta at least try and make this work, yeah?"
Sayaka fell silent as Kyoko went on, not caring if she sounded desperate. "You're the first person in a while to actually matter in my life, even more than Mami. I know we can make this work. You just have to try with me. C'mon Sayaka, we've done it before, and we can do it again."
More silence, a dead look in her eyes, but Kyoko would not give in to despair as she stood before her girlfriend. "Trust me, you're just not thinking clearly. Get some rest before you make a decision like this. Actually, you know what, call Mami. She can help us work this out. The arguments are worth the good times we've had, you and me. Right? You know we're both too stubborn to let what we've got die." Beads of moisture glistened in the corners of her eyes, infuriated by the blunettes silence.
"Come on, say something," she continued, stepping closer to try and get in Sayaka's face. "Don't just stand there! We've done so much together, lived together, I'm not going to give up on this and what it means to me. So why wont you say something or fight, or just do something? Do you just hate me that much now?"
Grit teeth and rapidly blinking orbs, pain and anger, a tinge of sadness. Kyoko made a striking figure, if she wasn't verging on an emotional breakdown, a growl issuing from her throat.
"No," Sayaka said at last, her tone dead of emotions, and Kyoko froze. "No. Just...no. I'm sorry Kyoko, but it's over. It's been over for a while now, but we were just too stupid and blind to notice."
She straightened up to Kyoko, steel resurfacing in her gaze as she met Kyoko's stunned look, yet with also a sad certainty. "We had a good run, and it's time to let it go while we can still stand to be in the same room as each other. Please Kyoko, it's for the best."
"No! I won't...I won't accept this," Kyoko objected, emphatically shaking her head as her voice cracked, tears threatening to spill forth, while clenched fists trembled.
"Look, you know it's true, deep down. We shouldn't be fighting to the point where we aren't even sleeping in the same building." Sayaka laid a hand on Kyoko's shoulder, steadying it against it's trembling. "We had fun, yeah, but it's time to let it go while we still have good memories. We don't have to stop meeting or anything like that, but this..." She gestured to their surroundings, "isn't working anymore. You know it as well as I do."
Kyoko deflated, crestfallen, her facade of bravado shattered as reality came crashing in, and her resistance crumbled. It was happening again, what had happened with her parents, her sister, what had happened with Mami was happening again, but it was all the more painful in the process.
I take a deep breath with my hand on the door
Afraid 'cause I'm not gonna see you anymore
These were our tender years, this was our street
All of our stoplights and all our concrete
Now it's all somebody else's to take
Until the fog rolls in
Now she was the one who broke, stepping away and out the door. "Fine. I'll go," she said over her shoulder as she turned, and walked the few steps it would take to reach their bedroom.
Once there, she was quick to pack up all her stuff in a satchel she had purchased a while ago. It was sad actually, how quick it was, since she didn't have a lot of stuff to pack up, almost as if she had subconsciously predicted that this would, or might happen. Perhaps she had known it was too good to be true, but she had always hoped. Only this time hope hadn't been enough in the end.
Her belongings slung over her shoulder, Kyoko was led by Sayaka down the stairs and to the living room, where the blunette took up position in the center of the room. Kyoko paused, the two of them standing and looking at each other, seeking some sign of weakness, forgiveness, but only seeing pain and sadness.
"...Where did we go wrong," asked Kyoko.
Sayaka looked away, unable to meet her once girlfriends gaze. "I don't know," she admitted. "Maybe it was always going to end like this."
"Maybe," Kyoko echoed, stepping forward and up to the front door, laying a hand on the knob as she looked over her shoulder, too drained to decry this determinism of fate. "I won't regret it though."
They met one last time, a million emotions, thoughts exchanged in a few brief moments. "Me too," Sayaka agreed. "But I don't love you anymore."
That was it, there was nothing more to say, and Kyoko stepped out the door, letting it swing shut behind her as she left Sayaka and the house behind. Slow steps took her further away by slow increments as she headed into the city, no destination in mind.
She sighed as she neared the street corner, mind struggling to cope with what had just happened. Where to go, what to do, for the first time in a while she didn't have a plan, or any idea how she should move forward now that she was, in effect, cut loose. She supposed she should go back to Mami's house and let her know what happened, or something like that.
Still, she couldn't bring herself to be angry. Her emotional reserves had been drained dry, locked away with those other painful memories, with her first time with Mami, with her family, to be touched only when she was certain she could handle the pain involved. No, she wouldn't look back. It was easier that way.
And in spite of that declaration, she did look back over her shoulder, to the house, Sayaka having moved away from the window and not visible. "I don't know what's gonna happen next," she commented to herself, as if Sayaka was there. "But I'm sure it'll be interesting. And whatever it is, I'll never forget you."
She turned and walked off into the future, alone.
Oo oo oo and now we're through