What He Left Behind
summary: After becoming a vampire, the human memories become fuzzy and eventually begin to fade. But what does Edward remember of his human life? What did he forget? Edward/Bella, normal pairings, plus one original character.
Chapter 1
It was another new and exciting day in the Cullen household. For me at least. Every time I woke up here still felt like a wonderful dream that picked up every night exactly where it had left of the night before. I felt a cool, granite arm draped over my waist. I rubbed my hand on the corner of my mouth, praying I hadn't drooled in my sleep, before rolling over to stare into the eyes of my own greek god.
"Morning, love. Did you sleep well?" he asked me the voice he used only when I was just waking up. I reminded me of the mornings Renee had woken me up for present-giving holidays. She always woke me with extra care on those mornings, softly so as not to make the day move faster than it had to, making the specialness of it last a little longer.
"Who doesn't sleep well next to an angel?"
"I honestly can't see how that applies to me," he stated too honestly. His eyes were smiling- he did find humor in it. But there was a great sadness in them as well. That was simply unacceptable.
I leaned forward slowly and pressed a feather-light kiss on his lips. His eyes butterscotch eyes brightened instantly. I sighed in contentment. If I had my way I would spend all day right here in this gold be with Edward, but he kept reminding me that I needed as many human memories as possible before we got, um, married. I was still having trouble with the thought of me getting married. Of course, anything that ensures my time with Edward is a welcome thing, but still, the term marriage terrifies me.
Dad had been talked in to letting me have yet another "Girl's Night" with Alice. Really, he turned to absolute mush when it came to Alice- he just couldn't say 'no' to her. Not that I blamed him, I also struggled with telling her 'no'. She was much too persuasive for her own good. Maybe after I became beautiful and strong like the rest of the Cullens I will be able to resist her all-too-innocent vampire charm. But at the moment I seriously doubted it.
Edward evaluated my expression very carefully, probably wondering what I was thinking. Again. "Would you care for some breakfast?"
Just then my stomach growled. Ugh, sometimes I hate being human. We waste so much time eating food. Not that I didn't like food, it's just, again, I would rather be doing something with Edward rather than wasting his time with my pitiful human needs. Edward chuckled quietly. At least he wasn't repulsed by my "human-ness". Actually he told me once that he thought it was "rather adorable". I snorted at the memory. Edward eyed me curiously. I shook my head as if to tell him it was nothing.
"Can I have a human minute?"
"Of course. Breakfast will be waiting for you downstairs."
Yes, I had snagged myself the perfect vampire boy- er, fiance. I slid carefully out of the cocoon of gold satin sheets, my feet hitting a shock of cold wood floor. I noticed they used the heat in the winter when I was over. Now that it was summer, they started to use the air conditioning. Darn overly thoughtful vampire family! I'm sure I've cost them a fortune in their electric bills. I'll have to talk to Esme later about it. I did not want them wasting money on me. I have Edward- what more do I need?
After my human minute in Edward's bathroom I followed the scent of frying bacon downstairs to the kitchen. Esme always kept the kitchen fully stocked just for me. I used to feel really guilty that she felt she had to feed me when I came over, but Edward had explained to me that Esme had always loved to cook and was overjoyed that she now had an excuse to do so regularly. And for a vampire who hadn't eaten in over eighty years, she made the most wonderful food.
As I walked into the kitchen I was bombarded with scrambled eggs, bacon, milk, homemade biscuits with warm honey and fresh strawberries- all my favorite breakfast foods laid out before me on Esme's elegant white china with silver trim. Knowing I would only be chastised if I was too polite I dug into plate of eggs and bacon almost immediately, wondering how I could not have noticed how hungry I was. But then again, who would care if they were hungry if they got to hang out all day with their gorgeous vampire bo-fiance?
Esme laughed quietly as she began to wash the dishes at a human pace. The first time I saw her do this I had told her she didn't need to keep up the human act around me. She had smiled and didn't say anything for a good minute or so. After my cheeks had returned to their normal colorless state she explained that she took pleasure in doing 'human' things the 'human' way- it made her appreciate life so much more, to take pride in working and still doing the little everyday things. It took me a while before I was able to appreciate what she had said and I don't think I'll ever fully understand it until I've been a vampire a while myself.
Edward was sitting next to me at the kitchen table, absentmindedly playing with my hair. It was getting so long now- it reached my waist. I made the mistake of mentioning a haircut in front of Edward one day. Well, it wasn't really 'in front' of Edward. More like I was in the bathroom trying to tame my hair while he waited for me in my room. Damn his vampire hearing! He nearly freaked out on me- he liked my hair long. He especially liked to play with it. Thinking about this and not really paying attention to what was coming out of my mouth I asked Edward if he knew how to braid hair between mouthfulls of my breakfast.
He raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow and smiled crookedly. My heart skipped a beat. "I'm pretty sure I remember how... it's one thing from my days as a human that I do remember. It's not very clear, though. Like everything else I remember it's like trying to see someone's face through a dark veil."
"Whose hair would you have braided?"
Edward had stopped playing with my hair now. Instead his hand settled gently on my waist, his free hand resting on the table. I popped a strawberry in my mouth, waiting patiently for Edward to answer. He held perfectly still like a marble statue, a frown on his perfectly chiseled lips, his brows drawn down in frustration. I knew it was hard for him to remember anything at all from his human days, but it had never seemed to upset him... until now.
I finished my breakfast in silence. As I swallowed my last bit of milk I noticed Edward close his eyes and bow his head. It was the smallest of movements. I would not have noticed it had I not been watching him so closely. I was about to take my dishes to the sink, but something in Edward's expression glued me to my chair. The hand that was on the table slowly clenched into a fist. Edward's face contorted into a pained expression.
"Bella," he said softly, deliberately, "there is something... something I need to tell you."
"Okay," I said slowly. Something was bothering him, really really bothering him.
Before I knew what had happened I found myself in Edward's cold arms and halfway out the front door.
"I didn't put the dishes away-"
"Esme will get them."
"But..." I began, but with one look at Edward's face my words died in my throat.
He carried me to our meadow and set me down in the grass. Edward sat down next to me, cross-legged, with his hands folded beneath his chin. Again, I waited for the words to come to him. I glanced around the small clearing. It was still as beautiful as the first day we came. The grass had grown taller since last year so that now it reached my shoulders when I sat down in it. The last of the spring flowers were swaying gently in the warm breeze. I couldn't deny what a beautiful day it was. Originally we hadn't had anything planned for today, as I had given Alice full control of the wedding plans just the other day when I decided I wanted nothing more than to never see another invitation card ever again. Now I'm thinking Edward and I should just spend the day here... suddenly there were a pair of cold hands at the back of my neck. I smiled as Edward slowly gathered my hair and began to weave my locks in an out of each other. He did this very slowly, I imagine, to prolong the perfection of the moment.
"I do remember how to braid hair..." he paused for a long time, as if he didn't know exactly how to say what he wanted to say. "...because I used to braid my sister's hair every day."
The second part was spoken so softly I wondered for a moment if I had only heard the wind in the trees. Edward had never said anything about having a sister, other than Rosalie and Alice. Come to think of it, we never really talked about his human life. He didn't remember much so he guessed there was never much to remember. Or at the very least nothing important enough to notice in his memory.
I decided to play dumb- I might get more out of him that way. "Sister? Is there another Cullen I don't know about?" I played with a piece of grass as I listened to him.
"No, not exactly. You see, I had a little sister when I was human. She was.... thirteen, I think, when I was changed. She might have been twelve- I don't remember her very clearly.... but I remember enough to know that I loved her very much."
He was partly done with my French braid now. His cold hands were weaving my hair at the nape of my neck. I was wearing a new summer dress- courtesy of Alice- that bared my shoulders. It was a white eyelet-lace strapless dress that flowed gracefully down to mid-calf. It was simple enough that I liked it and expensive enough that I argued with her tirelessly for hours when she bought it for me. I had changed my mind at the last minuted to change clothes before going out with Renee and Esme to Port Angeles for dinner one night and I walked into Alice's closet just as she was putting away my new wardrobe, the one she had bought me for the honeymoon Edward had planned for us. She was hanging up the sun dress and I told her I loved it... until I saw the price tag. It was simply outrageous. Finally she had just shoved it in Edward's closet because she didn't want a spoiled surprise in my 'honeymoon suitcase'. And today seemed like the perfect day for a little white sun dress.
"I don't remember if I told you, but I played the piano while I was human, too. I remember spending most of my afternoons teaching her how to play. Bella, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her before, but, I guess.... she was fading from my memory, like the rest of my human life has faded," he said. His voice cracked twice and he spoke with so much pain and regret. I didn't know what to do to comfort him. Usually he got like this when he was trying to convince me I didn't want to be one of the 'eternally damned' or when he argued how selfish he was for marrying me- and I could handle that, most of the time. I hated seeing him in any sort of pain, but usually I was a pretty good antidote for it, seeing as I was also the poison. But I had never seen him mourn over another person. I simply didn't know what to do.
"But I remember that she was a very quiet child. She never did speak very much. She wasn't depressed or unintelligent, but she simply... preferred to be quiet. She liked the rain... her voice sounded like rain. It was musical and soft...."
He finished braiding my hair, knotting it at the end, and placed the long plait over my shoulder. His arms encircled my waist and he leaned the side of his face into the crook of my neck. Instinctively I leaned into him and my hands covered his.
He sounded so incredibly sad. I felt horrible for bringing it up. He was in so much pain right now and I had no idea what to do. Before I knew it I felt tears forming in my eyes.
"E-Edward? I'm so sorry for bringing it up. I-I didn't know...."
"Shh, love. Of course you didn't know. I think remembering her was so painful that I pushed it out of my mind... I know we don't talk about my human life much because there isn't much to remember, but I should have at least told you about her."
"What was her name?"
His answer came so quickly I was certain that this name had been on his mind since the day he turned. "Elizabeth Anne."
I mouthed the name to myself, testing the shape of the vowels in my mouth. It was such a perfect name. I tried to picture what she would have looked like, but I was having a difficult time of it, so I asked Edward to describe her instead.
"I.... I don't really- I mean I can't really... see.... it's been so long. I can't remember her face, Bella..." he managed to choke out. I turned around and took his face in my hands as I pressed my forehead to his.
"It's okay," I whispered. "It's okay."
I repeated those two words over and over and still his pain would not lessen. After a few more moments he was dry sobbing. I held him against me as best I could. How does one comfort a grieving vampire?
"Edward?"
He looked at me with mournful gold eyes.
"What happened to Elizabeth? Do you know?"
"No... I went on as if I had never even had any family at all after I was changed. I accepted my new life very quickly. But I do remember..... I remember when my father got sick- he caught the Spanish Influenza first- she was sent to live with some distant relatives outside of Chicago. The sickness hadn't spread there yet. We hoped she might have a better chance of escaping it there. Then my mother and I became ill soon afterward. I know nothing beyond that..."
"I'm so sorry, Edward..." I breathed. I had really started to cry, now.
"It's alright, love. It was a very long time ago."
He smiled and brushed his hand along the side of my face. But I knew it was still bothering him. I knew he was in agony beneath his smooth, beautiful mask. I could see plainly that he wanted to remember her face, but he couldn't because it was like trying to see a face through a black veil.