A/N: I've been working on this a while...honestly I was surprised that, as far as I know, no one has touched upon this yet. I found it really interesting in Destined...and actually I kinda like the way it was handled.
Anyway, the bolded lyrics are from the song 'It Will Rain' by Bruno Mars (mostly Erin).
The italicized lyrics are from 'Set Fire to the Rain' by Adele (mostly Shaunee).
Both means that it's applying to both girls, not both songs.
Disclaimer: I don't own the House of Night…wish I did, but oh well. I don't own either of the songs either, that's Bruno Mars and Adele. The compilation is by Sam Tsui…so I don't own that either (but by all means listen to it, the mash-up is amazing!). Admittedly, I kinda wish I owned Sam (more his friend Kurt)…but I don't, and let's not get into why or how there. Basically, I'm just a sad, poor soul who owns absolutely nothing.
Both were sitting in their respective rooms in the tunnels, and ironically enough both were having similar thoughts. Shaunee was lying on her bed, staring at the rock ceiling above her. Lonely, it was how she described what this was. She was alone every time she stepped into her room now, and it was both depressing and liberating at the same time.
On the other hand, there was Erin. After giving up on trying to find any way to get comfortable in her room, she resorted to pacing around her room. It was lonely now. There was no one else with her now. It didn't matter who she befriended during the day, after school when she was in her room in the tunnels, no one else was there…and that was all that counted. Erin had lost her best friend, her soul sister, and nothing could be worse. The lonely, the emptiness, nothing could compare to that.
If you ever leave me baby
Leave some morphine at my door
'Cause it'll take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have, we don't have it anymore
She didn't even see it coming. Shaunee had always been by her side for everything and she never complained, not once! Well, if Erin wanted to be truthful to herself, that wasn't the case. After they first met, Shaunee would occasionally mention her parents and some of what happened. But she would always brush it off; to her, there was no point in living in the past when they had the rest of their vampyre lives ahead of them, together.
Looking back, Erin realized maybe she shouldn't have done that. Maybe she should have actually taken those feelings Shaunee expressed seriously and maybe she should have been a bit more understanding. Maybe then she wouldn't be sitting in her room alone in an amount of pain that not even the alcohol Aphrodikey had would heal.
There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making
To keep you by my side and keep you from walking out the door
Really, Erin didn't feel like anything could help her. She didn't know if she sent a prayer to Nyx that it would be responded to. Honestly, she didn't know if she sent a prayer to Nyx that she had the right to have it responded to. Like she had told the others at the revealing ritual, the ice cube represented her…she was cold, had no emotions. How could someone like that deserve help from Nyx, even if they did pray on a daily basis for hours on end?
And though she knew the majority of this was her fault, Erin couldn't help but feel a bit of anger towards her former Twin. Didn't Shaunee know what she gave up for her? Didn't Shaunee know that everyone had their problems, and that she was honestly just trying to her cope with her parents? In a way, Erin lost her own individuality trying to help Shaunee deal with life like she thought her Twin needed.
But…in reality, did she do it for Shaunee or herself? And did it really even matter? It hurt to think about, and the only good it was doing now was to give Erin a headache.
But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you'd say they were never true, never true
And the games you'd play you would always win, always win
Shaunee let out a sigh and closed her eyes. She didn't want to cut her Twin-ship with Erin off, but something had to be done. She was beginning to see a side to the blonde that she never knew existed. And in a sense, she was showing a side that Erin never knew existed, or claimed she never knew existed.
Yeah, Erin meant well with all the things she did. She was trying to help, but it didn't really do anything. They would go shopping, they would party, they would date…but in the end of the day those things weren't real. It wasn't that Erin was lying to her, but what they did, they weren't the truth and they didn't matter, not really.
And the only way to not let those lies, those material things win was to break away, no matter how much it hurt. They wouldn't win anymore.
Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you baby
(But I set fire to the rain)
And there'll be no clear skies if I lose you baby
(Watched it pour as I touched your face)
Just like the clouds my eyes will do the same
(Well it burned while I cried 'cause I heard it)
If you walk away everyday it'll rain, rain, rain!
(Screaming out your name)
No matter the conflicting emotions, Erin still didn't feel right. She was saddened that Shaunee had left and that was all that counted. She didn't think she would ever have to prepare for the day when they would separate…apparently she was wrong. And now, all she could do was cry her pain out in the night and try to show the emotionless girl to put on her brave face. Happiness wasn't existent when she was alone like that.
Shaunee had started it, and she would admit it. She was the one who pushed her feelings into their friendship and that's what ignited the fire. Now, she sat back and watched it burn to the ground with a heavy heart. She loved being Erin's Twin and her BFF, but she couldn't hold those emotions in anymore. And as all of those memories passed by, coming up in those flames, Shaunee couldn't help but feel the pain and at the same time…the liberation.
And I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Well it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well I felt something died
And I knew that that was the last time, the last time
That liberation came at a price, and now she had to weigh that. Her individualism meant a lot, especially now in the time of war, but friendship was just important. She had hoped Erin could still be her best friend, but that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. The wounds that were accidentally inflected were still too fresh. Eventually, it could happen again…but there was one thing Shaunee knew.
Even if they became best friends again, never again would they be Twins. And never again would she have that connection with anyone else.
Sometimes I wake up by the door
That heart you caught must be waiting for 'ya
Even now when it's already over
I can't help myself from looking for 'ya
Yeah, yeah, the games you played you would always win, always win
And even though it was over, and she ended, Shaunee was still sitting in her room alone thinking about what they had…and hoped they could have some type of close friendship again. Erin had caught a place in her heart, had become a sister to her, and nothing was going to replace that. Erin had a part of her, and Shaunee knew it was just how she had a part of Erin.
Even though she promised those games, those materials, those lies wouldn't win anymore and get in her way, they did in a sense. They were the reason Erin and Shaunee connected in the start and became soul sisters, and they were what tore them apart in the end and hurt them both.
But I set fire to the rain
(There'll be no sunlight if I lose you baby)
Watched it pour as I touched your face
(There'll be no clear skies if I lose you baby)
Well it burned while I cried
(Just like the clouds my eyes will do the same)
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
(Everyday it'll rain!)
Let it burn
Let it burn
Let it burn!
Erin had lost the most important person to her now, and it hurt like hell. But in some sadistic, twisted sense, she wanted the pain. She wanted to feel the burn of the loss, it proved to her that she wasn't entirely deprived of emotion. It proved to her that maybe there was hope for her beyond that ice cube she said represented her.
Shaunee had let their friendship go, and it hurt like hell. But through the pain, she knew that she would come out stronger from it. She knew she would be able to get through it, and in the end she would show the world the true her…not the Twin everyone believed her to be. It cost her Erin, but the pain she felt over that would be beneficial to her in the end.
It's the last time, the last time
'Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you baby
And there'll be no clear skies if I lose you baby
Just like the clouds my eyes will do the same if you walk away
But despite the pain, Erin knew she had to move on. She had to keep fighting because, there really was just no other choice. They were in a war with Neferet and Darkness. Zoey needed her, the circle needed her, and though they were separate, Shaunee needed her too. It hurt, it was painful, and she would cry and feel that loneliness for many more nights because her Twin left, but it would have to be something to get over. It had to be the last time she was like this, and she knew it would be the last time she had a connection like that with someone else ever again. Once you find your soul sister, no one else will take that place.
And Shaunee knew that too.
Baby I set fire, fire, fire to the rain
