Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts
A/N: And here we have a sequel for Philophobia and Autophobia. I'm not sure how I feel about the beginning, oh well. C'est la vie. If anyone has any criticisms, suggestions, prompts or whatever, let me know.
As soon as he stepped into the club, Leon regretted it. Aerith had convinced him he needed to go out and enjoy himself for one night. And since a new club was opening up in the downtown core, she figured that would be the place to go. Begrudgingly, he agreed to meet her there with the promise she'd back off. If only for a little while.
It had been two months since Cloud walked out on him and Leon hadn't been faring too well. He had managed to pretend like everything was fine for the first two weeks or so, but one day Aerith innocently asked him how he'd been holding up. And like that, the dam broke and Leon crumbled. She told him in her no-nonsense way that had Leon been anyone else she would have personally kicked him into next week for what he put Cloud through.
The berating he got from Aerith was the reality check he needed. He spent the next month working to better himself so he'd be someone Cloud could forgive. And then he spent several weeks working up the courage to talk to the blond. But every time he glimpsed Cloud down the street he'd freeze. All his rehearsed words forgotten as painful memories crashed over him fuelled by Cloud's now hollow eyes.
Leon ran fingers through his hair cursing the flower girl. She was supposed to have been here already, meeting him at the front entrance. With a quick glance around, Leon noticed the silhouette of the last person he ever expected to see at a club. Cloud was leaning against the rail of a balcony, overlooking the dance floor while casually passing a beer bottle between his hands.
Leon looked down the stairs to his left which lead to the spacious dance floor and bar. Then glanced back up the stairs to his right which lead to the balcony and Cloud. Before he was even aware a decision had been made, Leon found himself standing just feet from Cloud.
Cloud had drained the last of his beer and slumped against the railing. Somehow, he had let Yuffie drag him to this obnoxious club because he needed to 'loosen up'. After leaving Leon, Cloud took up residence on Tifa's couch and stubbornly dug his heels into the ground refusing to move on. Two months later and he was still sleeping on her couch being woken up at whatever ungodly hour she'd arrive home after closing her bar, 7th Heaven.
He thought he had handled the breakup well until he blew up at Aerith for mentioning Leon. She had come by for a visit and hinted that Leon had wanted to talk to him and Cloud responded by yelling at her to get out. He didn't want to hear about the brunette. And if that was Aerith's intention, he didn't want to see her either. The flower girl didn't seem fazed by his reaction at all. Instead, she left mumbling something about cutting off one's nose to spite their face.
It was only a week later that Yuffie walked into Tifa's flat announcing her decision to take Cloud clubbing. In her words: he needed to loosen up and Gods willing, get laid. Choking on his coffee, he had sputtered out his objections only for Tifa to take Yuffie's side and threaten to kick him out otherwise. So there he was, standing awkwardly in an overcrowded club with an empty beer bottle waiting until an appropriate amount of time had passed so he could leave.
The amount of people in the club and the level of noise was wreaking havoc on his heightened senses. He'd never been a fan of crowds, and with his nerves shot everything felt that much more amplified. He stopped playing with his empty bottle so he could grip the railing tight. His knuckles turning white as he also scrunched his eyes shut to block out some of the incessant pounding.
He could feel someone approach him, their hovering presence setting him on edge. If one more glassy-eyed female was going to tell him they'd decided to allow him the pleasure of buying them a drink he was going to-
"Leon?"
Gritting his teeth, Cloud had turned to face the stranger and as politely as possible tell them he wasn't interested. Instead, his blue eyes opened wide taking in the surprising appearance of the scarred brunette he was there to forget.
"What are you doing here?"
"Aerith. I was about to ask you the same thing." Relieved that Cloud's initial response wasn't to hit him, Leon stuffed his hands in his pants pockets shooting the blond a sheepish smile.
"Oh. Um…Yuffie. She figured I needed to…uh…live a little." Cloud replied with a half shrug, deciding it was a good idea to leave out the 'get laid' bit.
"Of course she would." Leon smiled fondly at thoughts of the energetic ninja. "Where is she?"
"Around somewhere." Cloud turned his gaze back to the dance floor below scanning the crowd. "She went to find Tifa who I'm pretty sure is at the bar staking out the competition."
"Ah." Leon shoved his hands deeper in his pockets chewing on his bottom lip; a nervous habit he picked up from the blond. "So… How are you doing?" Mentally kicking himself he continued, "Sorry. That was a stupid question. You don't have to answer-"
"It's alright. But if one more little old lady pinches my cheeks and tells me their grandson would be perfect for me, it won't be." Cloud absently rubbed at his cheek, where he was certain a bruise should be.
"Those must be the same grandmothers who slap me then tell me to stay away from their grandchildren."
Picturing the shock on Leon's face as he was being attacked by some old woman, Cloud threw his head back and laughed. It was the first genuine laugh he let out in months. It had been long before he walked out on Leon that he found anything funny enough to actually laugh.
Leon smiled at Cloud, watching the way his eyes lit up and sparkled as he laughed. It was beautiful. The laughter seemed to loosen the blond up as tension left his shoulders and he stood just a bit taller.
"What?" Cloud noticed Leon staring and tried to repress the laughter bubbling up in his chest.
"Nothing. I- I've missed hearing you laugh."
At those words Cloud's laughter died on his lips. Leon's confession a sobering reminder of just how different things were now. "Right." Tension flooded back into the blond as he turned away from Leon mumbling, "I miss a lot of things."
"Can I buy you a beer? And we can maybe talk?"
Cloud looked down at the empty bottle still tightly clutched in his hand. How bad could it be? They were in a public place making it harder to cause a scene and easier to walk away if need be. And this night was definitely calling for more alcohol.
"Sure. Lead the way." Cloud pushed himself off the rail and indicated for Leon to move down the stairs and into the throng of people.
Leon skilfully manoeuvred his way across the club, checking back every now and again to make sure Cloud was keeping up. While waiting patiently for his two beers, Leon noticed Aerith had finally arrived meeting up with Yuffie and Tifa on the other side of the bar. All three girls were watching him and Cloud with matching Cheshire grins.
Rolling his eyes, Leon accepted the beers before offering one to Cloud. Cloud hadn't noticed the girls and gratefully swapped the full bottle with his empty one. His heart hammering hard in his chest while he tried to maintain a calm exterior. Two months wasn't nearly enough time for this. Cloud had barely started putting himself together; his fractured walls being held up with the emotional equivalent of duct tape. Without waiting for Leon he pushed his way towards the door just off the side of the bar, his new beer already a third of the way down.
The door led to the club's designated smoking area. It was a well-kept fenced-in garden with several picnic tables spread throughout. The noise from the club seemed to fade to a dull thrum as the cool night air filled with the sounds of traffic and buzzing neon lights instead. A couple of smokers were gathered around the doorway so Cloud set off for the table on the far side of the enclosure.
Pulling out a carton of cigarettes from his pocket, Cloud sat on the tabletop with his boot-clad feet firmly planted on the bench. He was cupping his lighter to protect the flame while waiting for his cigarette to light by the time Leon arrived.
"You know I hate it when you smoke." Leon reprimanded as he approached the blond.
Cloud pocketed his lighter before blowing a puff of tobacco smoke purposefully in Leon's direction. "Good thing it doesn't matter what you think."
Leon scowled but kept any further comments to himself, choosing instead to take a swig of his beer. Cloud's beer already almost drained.
"You wanted to talk. Talk." Cloud looked down at the cigarette held firmly between his fingers. "You've got until I've finished this smoke."
"You look good."
Cloud let out a snort with a roll of his eyes "Is that all you wanted?"
"No. I just- I don't know where to start."
"Well you better figure it out quick. This cigarette isn't going to last all night."
"You've got every right to hate me."
Cloud let out a harsh laugh. "You're giving me permission to hate you? That's rich. I don't need permission to hate the person who lied to me, cheated on me. And insinuated that I was nothing more than a needy, idiot, whore." He took a drag of his cigarette shaking his head in disbelief. "You never change."
"I wasn't giving permission, I was just saying I understand-"
Ignoring Leon's words Cloud continued speaking, cigarette held loose between his lips. "The stupid thing is, I don't hate you. I wanted to hate you. So many times I wanted to hate you. But-" Cloud sighed, the tobacco smoke oddly relaxing as it filled his lungs. He pulled an ashtray close before removing the cigarette from his mouth. Cloud watched the ash fall from the cancer stick as he gently tapped it over the tray. "What a pathetic loser, huh? Can't even hate the bastard who fucked me over."
"Cloud. You're not pathetic. You're-"
"Stupid? Worthless? Pitiful?"
"No Cloud. You're none of that."
"Whatever." An uneasy silence descended upon them; disrupted by the occasional squeal of delight from drunken dancers and the rhythmic pounding of club music that filtered outside. Cloud took another puff of his cigarette, tension ebbing out of his body with each exhale. Leon watched the blond hypnotized by the tendrils of smoke escaping from Cloud's mouth. He shifted uneasy on his feet, afraid that any sound would break whatever spell was keeping the blond there.
"You said you kept taking me back because you were afraid of being alone. Was that all it was, or did you have feelings for me?" An overwhelming need to know brought Leon to break the austere silence.
"Of course I had feelings for you. It wouldn't have hurt so much if I didn't." Cloud shifted on the table to better look at Leon. He wanted to watch the brunette's reaction to his next words. "Did you ever have feelings for me? Or was I nothing more than a convenient shag?"
Leon stared at Cloud with wide-eyed disbelief. The blond's face was void of any expression, his blue eyes were cold as they scrutinized Leon, watching for some sort of sign. With a sad smile Leon answered, "I still have feelings for you."
With slight hesitation Leon stepped closer to Cloud so he was standing between the blond's legs. Cloud looked up at him, arching his eyebrow quizzically. Without warning Leon surged forward, cupping Cloud's face in his hands before crashing their lips together. Cloud could do nothing but sit there frozen in shock as Leon moved to deepen the kiss.
The brunette shifted closer until his legs were tightly pressed up against the bench. Leon's tongue darted out to lick along Cloud's bottom lip causing the blond to melt into the kiss. His eyes fluttered shut as his cigarette-free hand came up to tightly grip one of the lapels of Leon's trademark leather jacket. Leon moved a hand to tangle in Cloud's spikes, tilting his head for better access to the warm cavern of the blond's mouth.
Cloud let out a low moan as Leon's tongue snaked into his mouth. He pulled down on Leon's jacket trying to force the brunette closer as he sat up straighter, blindly searching out for more. He was so lost in the kiss he had forgotten about all the past heartache. All of Leon's lies and affairs faded away until they felt like nothing more than bad dreams or someone else's memories.
That was until the familiar scent of cheap floral perfume wafted out from the club. It was potent. Sickly sweet as it filled the air strong enough Cloud could taste its bitter notes. All of the painful memories flooded back, crashing against Cloud until he was sure he'd drown. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut as the air emptied from his lungs at an alarming rate. His stomach churned violently and he felt dirty as Leon's lips pressed against his, cheapening whatever they had before.
Cloud jerked his head back, breaking contact with Leon's mouth. The hand that had been tangled in Leon's jacket broke free, shoving the brunette while he was caught off guard. Leon stumbled back looking at Cloud in surprise. He wasn't sure what prompted him to kiss Cloud, and he was less sure of why Cloud returned the kiss. His brain had short-circuited the moment his chapped lips met Cloud's soft ones and all he knew was he wanted to do it again.
"You asshole." Cloud seethed. He could still taste Leon on his lips. And he wanted more. Scrambling off the bench, Cloud took one last drag of his cigarette frantically attempting to mask Leon's taste. He dropped the butt on the floor before grinding it out with his boot cursing the brunette the whole time.
"You don't get to do that. You don't get to put me through hell then kiss me like- Like that!"
The kiss had his head spinning more than the beers. Every fibre of his being craved more of Leon. More of his touch and his taste. But he couldn't give in. Not again. Giving in would show how weak he was. How truly powerless he was when faced with Leon. The only logical course of action was to get far away as fast as possible. So he turned back into the club, determined to make it to the exit.
Cloud pushed his way across the crowded dance floor. Drunken, sweaty bodies jostled all around slowing his departure. It had taken Leon several seconds to kick-start his brain before he chased after the blond. The packed club assisting Leon in catching up to Cloud through the thick mass.
"Cloud! Please wait. Just let me explain!"
"I don't want to hear it, Leon. I've listened to enough of your pathetic excuses and half-assed apologies. Me leaving means I don't have to listen to your shit again." Cloud shot back over his shoulder.
"Cloud-"
Cloud halted his steps whipping around to glare at Leon. "No Leonhart! All I keep hearing from you is how you don't want me. Being with me scares you. So guess what? You don't have to worry about that anymore."
By now, the club patrons nearby had stopped their dancing to watch the argument. Many knew who they were -Leon being the unofficial leader of the Radiant Garden Restoration Committee and Cloud by mere association- but they only knew some of what happened between them. Most from twisted rumours embellished with each retelling. Curiosity getting the better of them, the onlookers slowed in their dancing hoping for a first-hand account of what would be the latest gossip.
"Can we go back outside and finish this? People are staring."
"So now you care what people think? You weren't all that bothered when you were going out every week screwing some new chick."
"I want to talk, Cloud. Not put on a show."
"Too fucking late for that."
"Fine. You want an audience, you've got an audience. Now please shut up and listen!" Cloud opened his mouth to retaliate before deciding against it. He didn't really want to have it out with Leon in the middle of a packed dance floor. He shot Leon a heated glare before turning his attention to the wall of people blocking his exit. His anger was rolling off in waves causing many of the spectators to step back sensing their own imitate doom if they continued their gawking.
"I know I screwed up!" Leon called after Cloud while forcing his own way across the club. "I screwed up a lot, but I want to fix this. I want to make it up to you. But you're being so damn stubborn." Leon had managed to catch up to the blond, reaching out to grab an arm holding Cloud back.
"Stubborn? I'm stubborn because I won't forgive you again? Are you fucking kidding me?!" Cloud wrenched his arm from Leon's grasp fixing him with an incredulous stare. "You're the one in the wrong Leon. You fucked up time after time and I forgave you until I couldn't anymore. I told you I couldn't do it again. I warned you. Fuck!" Cloud ran fingers through his hair in agitation, his already messy spikes turning even more unruly. "I was perfectly fine with being alone until you showed up. You came crashing into my life and turned everything on its side. I don't know which way is up anymore."
"I get that you're scared. It scared me too-"
"Don't start you with your 'fear of abandonment' bullshit! I wouldn't have left you. You never gave me a chance to prove it."
"Cloud I'm sorry-"
"And stop saying you're sorry! You're not sorry. You've never been fucking sorry. If you were sorry all this shit would never have happened. If you ever gave a damn, you wouldn't have cheated. You wouldn't have cheated multiple fucking times! I don't want to hear that you're sorry." Cloud turned his back to Leon and with one last shove made his way back out into the cool night. Leon close on his heels.
"What do you want? Name it. Anything, and I'll do it."
"I want you to leave me the hell alone." Cloud closed his eyes tilting his head back as a light breeze licked at his exposed skin. The club was too hot with its lights, the crowd, and Leon. It was suffocating.
It wasn't that long ago that he was finally able to breathe again. Then Leon had to show up at the club. Had to start pushing. Had to kiss him. And like that he was suffocating again. Fighting to stay afloat as every part of him wanted to cave in. He wanted to turn around and melt into Leon. He wanted to beg for forgiveness. For what he wasn't sure. He just wanted Leon.
"You asked me 'why' once, and I never answered. I did it because I was so scared that I'd let you in and you'd mess me up. I thought if I fell in love with you, if I gave you that power, you'd destroy me. Not that you'd mean to, but that it would happen." Leon took several steps closer, a small spark of hope igniting in him when Cloud didn't move away.
"That last time," he ran fingers through his hair as a renewed sense of guilt washed over him. He said so many things he wished he could take back. "The last time I had scared myself so bad. I woke up that morning with you asleep next to me and I wanted to spend the rest of my life like that. I scared myself because I don't know when that happened. I don't know when friends-with-benefits turned into the rest of my life. I didn't want to fall in love with you but I did. And it terrified me. Haven't you ever been afraid of letting someone in?" Leon pleaded. He didn't expect Cloud to understand, he wasn't even sure if he did.
As Leon continued talking, he slowly made his way closer to Cloud. The blond hadn't moved, he just stood there with his eyes closed and head tilted back. Leon wasn't sure if Cloud had even heard him. The air was filled with the sounds of nightlife; club goers chatting with excitement as they formed queues outside the various clubs and bars while thumping dance beats spilled out onto the cobbled streets. A siren was heard in the distance while some drunk let out a whoop of delight and dozens of cars navigated their way down the busy roads. But all those sounds faded to the background as Leon waited for Cloud's response.
Cloud shifted on his feet folding his arms across his chest as his head drooped forward. He let out a shaky breath before replying, "Yes I have Leon. But I let you in anyways."
"I never wanted to hurt you."
"But you did!" Cloud rounded on Leon fighting the staggering urge to hit him. "Over and over. You hurt me until I had nothing left. You made me weak. And I hate it!" Losing to temptation, Cloud lashed out at Leon shoving him up against the brick wall next to the club's exit. "I don't deserve this Leon. I deserve a lot of shit, but not this."
"I know." Leon let himself be pinned against the wall putting up no resistance. Cloud's forearm was pressed tightly into his chest restricting his breathing as the blond continued to glower. "Please just give me one more chance. I'll make it up to you, I swear."
"You've promised me before Leon. What's to say you won't break this promise too?" Cloud maintained his stance, not letting up on Leon's chest even as he watched the brunette struggle to take in air. He was so close to giving in; one more cleverly spun tale from Leon's silver tongue and he'd concede.
"I'm not afraid anymore. I love you Cloud, and that doesn't scare me."
Cloud crumbled under those words, moving his arm so he could bury his face in Leon's chest, his hands tightly tangled in the soft leather of Leon's jacket. Leon wrapped his arms around Cloud pulling him into a warm embrace. He gently rested his cheek in Cloud's spikes whispering soothing words to the now shaking blond. Cloud burrowed deeper into Leon, trying to stifle his broken sobs. He was so confused. Being held by the brunette felt so right, but a part of his brain kept whispering that this was wrong. That Leon would only break him again.
"Please Cloud. It would kill me to hurt you like this again."
"It would kill me too," came Cloud's muffled reply.
Leon tightened his hold on Cloud. His own heart aching more and more with each of Cloud's sobs. "Why was I so stupid? Hurting you in the first place?"
Cloud pulled back slightly from Leon's chest so he could look the brunette in the eye. "Well. You've never really been known for your high intellect." Cloud managed to choke out with a small smile.
Leon let out a soft chuckle bending his neck so he could place a chaste kiss on Cloud's forehead. "No. I guess not. So what now?"
The smile slipped from Cloud's lips as he rested his head back on Leon's chest. He stayed like that for several minutes just listening to Leon's calming heartbeat.
"I don't know," Cloud mumbled before pushing himself away from Leon, stepping out of the brunette's embrace. "But I should be going home now."
"Cloud?" Leon took a step forward baffled by the sudden change in the blond's demeanour. The night had been a roller coaster from start to finish and he was more than ready to get off.
"Seven o'clock." Cloud nervously scratched the back of his neck avoiding Leon's questioning gaze. "Pick me up at seven tomorrow and buy me dinner. I can't promise more than that. Not yet."
"Dinner would be great." Leon smiled at the nervous blond. "I'll see you at seven."
Cloud gave a short nod of his head before turning on his heel heading down the street, disappearing around a corner.
Leon leaned back against the wall watching as Cloud walked away, an uncharacteristic grin plastered to his face. He'd feel foolish at the display if he wasn't preoccupied with thoughts of Cloud. It wasn't going to be smooth sailing from here on out; most likely the opposite. But in that moment Leon knew that this was the start of the rest of his life. And he was ready to spend every second of it making up for all his asinine decisions.
A/N2: Apologies for the course language. It's pretty much how I talk when incredibly pissed. Or if I'm watching hockey. If I should up the rating, let know. Thanks.