Tahnks 2 all the pplz hoo giv me gud revows u r real twilight fans omg edward is sooooo hawt TWILIGHT RULEZ
And tanks 2 alice swan hoo hilped me 2 do dis it cam out rilly gud cuz she can spill and she tiped it 4 me and edtided it so it wud b kool
Love Edwards grilfriend!!
WARNING: Best read with a lisp.
The day I moved from Phoenix to Porks was the day my life changed.
Since I was attacked by my mothers wild boar leaving my poor rump mutilated, I have been terrible afraid of pigs. She often tied me to the clothes line and smothered me in bacon and gruel while laughing as her pig chased me around and around while I howled in sorrow. If you haven't guessed, my mother was inbred.
So this is the reason I am now moving to live with my pig farming, police man, transvestite father in the most pig infested state in America… Porks.
The rain streams the windows of my fathers pig truck, the conversation as dead as the pig he just ran over, and so I'm like… maybe I should say something…
"Yo Daddyo, what's hanginnnn??"
"Us simple folk in the country, we don't git yer hip new slang, yer gonna hafta speak in American my little Piglet."
"Yes Dad. So wasssuuuup?" I scream, making the international peace sign with my fingers and smacking him in his heavily painted eye ball.
"Well, Piglet,"
"My names Smella, dad, yo dig?"
"Right. Isasmella, there's been some trouble with wild boars recently, I believe the same type that mauled your bum cheeks."
"Does not compute, error, error, error…" I whimper, secluding into my memories to relive the horrors of that fateful day.
It was a dark and stormy morning…
"Oh I see we're home already, and what a lovely place it is!" I say, admiring the lone cardboard box the path led up too.
"Don't be silly darling, that's not our house!" He chuckles, shaking his head at me and gesturing towards our real home, what looks like a collection of stolen birds nests in a tree.
"Oh I see we're home already, and what a lovely place it is!" I say, my father promptly hitting me over the head with a stick.
"Smella, you're on repeat again!" He scolds.
"Error… Home… lovely… It is… lovely home…" I gaze into space, forgetting myself.
"Er… I've signed you up to the local school, you're starting tomorrow Piglet!"
"Lovely…" Is all I can say as I freeze up at the thought of starting a new school… thoughts frantically scramble themselves around my spinal cord, what if they notice my missing buttock? What if… what if…
TEH END OF CHAPTR 1 LOLOL IF U DONT LIEK IT UR EMO