The Bride Of Betelgeuse
Rigel Deetz didn't know much, for she wasn't exactly blessed with sharp intellect, but she did know this: her family were weird. But, she had to admit that she wouldn't of had it any other way – ever since she could remember, there had been ghosts around her and basically, she couldn't imagine life without Barbara and Adam Maitland. Rigel viewed them as a spare set of parents, ready and reserved just for her when her mother, Lydia, was unavailable.
Rigel and her brother had never met their father – the disgusting little low-life had slipped into the shadows and left town long before they had entered the world.
Well, good riddance to that scum bag. Life was just peachy without him, thank you very much...
Actually, no; the world of Deetz didn't exactly have a complete rose-tint : there was a bane to her existence, just one – but, hell, was it one big thorn in her side.
Rigel had a twin brother. His name was Aldebaran and he was the personification of chaos, evil and spitefulness. None could vex her like he, none could hurt her so, none could find so many ways to make her cry so violently.
When they were five, he'd pushed her into the river when they were playing so she'd nearly drowned; at seven years of age, he'd stamped her new pet hamster to death right in front of her eyes; at ten he'd pushed her down the stairs so she'd broken her leg and then blamed the mishap on the cat ..... and the list goes on.
There had always been a malicious gleam in his black eyes, there had always been a bestial smile on his thin, pale lips and she had always hated him. Always despised her own flesh and blood, her own brother.
But how could Rigel love the devil? How could she show compassion to a tyrant who seemed to derive pleasure from her pain? Twins have always been reputed to have a connection; a secret understanding – no such thing existed between. Only fear and loathing existed.
Something had to give.
And that something was Aldebaran – he had to leave, and soon. After sixteen years of living with a real demon, Rigel had finally snapped.
But how to do it? Although she hated to admit it, she had to acknowledge that Aldebaran seemed to have her share of intellect added to his own. There was no way of getting past him – he saw through all her tricks, he side-stepped all her traps and when she aimed to scare him, she was always the one that ended up lying spread-eagled on the floor, heart-fluttering nervously in her chest like a trapped bird.
There was no way to get past him. Well, it certainly seemed that way.
Yet the answer came to her in the school corridor, of all places. On the way to her locker, something had drawn her eyes to the whitewashed wall and a very large poster. But not just a simple school-themed poster, but an advertisement. A man wearing a pin-striped suit was giving her a leering, mad grin under a large headline: "Troubled by the living? You need a bio-exorcist! Call Betelgeuse for help. Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Remember – three time's the charm!"
Rigel paused and blinked in surprise – and just like that the image vanished so she was left staring at the plain white brick wall. She couldn't help but wonder whether she was going crazy. It was possible that Aldebaran had damaged her brain when he had hit her over the head with that baseball bat the other day.
So, she brushed it off and tried to continue with her barely perfect life. But that mysterious 'Betelgeuse' wasn't having any of that.
The second incident happened little over a week later. The family, ghosts and all, were gathered in watching some program about the stars – it was Aldebaran's choice, and he said the stars inspired his gothic poetry, or something. The constellation of Orion. The red-giant star Betelgeuse was mentioned and just like that, the images on the screen started to distort.
Rigel glanced nervously around, yet no one else gave any sign of noticing anything unusual; if anything they looked ... frozen. On the screen, the pin-pointed stars rearranged themselves and twisted into the man with the determined, if creepy, smile. Then, running under him words moved like a news bulletin: "Troubled by the living? You need a bio-exorcist! Call Betelgeuse for help. Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Remember – three time's the charm!"
Rigel blinked bemused, then shook her head violently to get rid of the image.
"Hey, honey, are you alright?" Her mother was giving her a calm yet anxious look. Although Rigel hadn't realised it, her head shaking had gotten so violent that it had started to resemble a fit.
The freaked out teen had turned her dark eyes back to the television, which showed nothing more incredible than the constellation. "Uhh... yeah, I'm fine." She replied, slowly. "I think I might go to bed, if that's okay."
She'd pretty much run up the stairs and buried herself under the bed-covers, clothes still on, to try and quickly sleep of the image. She really was going crazy.
The next morning was her Grandfather Charles' birthday. So, she decided to go and visit him to pay her respects: he had died of a stress-related heart attack five years ago. But it seemed that his ghost had returned to New York, for he never returned to the Maitland's house. Delia had followed him. Or maybe she had just wanted to get back to her home city – she never really had completely embraced Winter Rivers.
It was a beautiful summer day, the sun shone so bright that it hurt her eyes, but it's warmth was pleasant and the smell of freshly-cut grass blowing on the breeze really lifted her spirits. Despite that, she couldn't quite get the Betelgeuse incidents off of her mind. She was almost detracted by it, more than once walking blindly into the road, and nearly turning the corner of the street before realizing that she'd completely neglected to stop in the stop and buy flowers for her grandfather's grave.
What exactly was a bio-exorcist? What did they do exactly?
Troubled by the living? You need a bio-exorcist! Call Betelgeuse for help. Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Remember – three time's the charm!
'Troubled by the living?' Yes, she certainly was. Aldebaran needed to go, maybe this Betelgeuse fellow could help her achieve her goal.
She soon found herself in the town graveyard. That place had always freaked her out – her brother simply loved it, but she was his complete opposite – in looks, no but in style indeed. Her pale, pastel pink dress fluttered lightly in the breeze as her eyes scanned her surroundings. The gravestones jutted awkwardly out of the ground, the older ones leaning at precarious angles toward the dry, dead grass. Despite the warm weather, a cold shutter ran it's way through Rigel.
Everything was dead here. Even the trees.
Although Rigel knew it was only in her imagination, she always felt as though the dead in their graves were listening jealously to her movements above. Not everyone turned into ghosts, obviously, or in every house she entered she would see them. But she didn't; so where did the others go? Were they trapped six feet underground? Where they hammering on their coffin lids; were they scratching at the wood, peeling in under their fingernails; were they screaming to be let out, screaming until their throats bled?
Poor souls.
She was sure there was something about it in the Handbook for the Recently Deceased, but Rigel could never bring herself to read that thing. It read like stereo instructions.
Feeling a little unpleasant tingle run up her spine, Rigel moved on to her grandfather's grave. She lay her red roses on the grassy bank of earth that marked where he lay. It was a simple little stone, with a small and simple inscription on it; just like all the other graves in the graveyard. Well, bar one.
Looking up, her dark eyes danced over something she'd never seen before. The tombstone that lay directly behind her grandfather's wasn't small and humble like the clusters that surrounded it – it was a hulking great thing, inscribed with bright red foot-tall letters: HERE LIES BETELGEUSE.
The strange advertisements came back to her in an instant. He was real. She wasn't going crazy. And her thoughts turned back to her newly spun plan: her tyrant of a brother was troubling her a great deal, and he was very much alive. She frowned, considering her choices for a second – but then her mind flashed back to her dear hamster Nibbles and she made up her mind. She needed a bio-exorcist.
Yet, another difficult question poised itself before her: how?
At that moment, her sparkling dark eyes fell on the gravedigger's spade lent up against the monumental tombstone. How had she not noticed that before? Then, slowly due to her less-than-sharp wits, it occurred to her; to ask for his help, Rigel was going to have to dig him up.
"Oh no."
She checked over her shoulder. No, she surely couldn't – someone would catch her. How awful would that be, people would think that she was a grave robber or something. Something Aldebaran would absolutely love – he'd never let her live it down, he'd spread a million rumours to make sure it was never forgotten.
Aldebaran. Her blood heated angrily. Aldebaran.
She marched forwards and grabbed the spade defiantly. It was heavier than she imagined it would be. Her arms ached just when she held it up. But she wanted to get rid of Aldebaran for good, didn't she?
Hell, yes.
She stabbed the spade clumsily into the earth and began to dig. No one disturbed her; that was the great thing about living in a small town like Winter Rivers, when you wanted to be alone, you were generally left that way.
It took her absolutely hours to get six feet down, and by the time she heard the metal scrape the wood surface of a coffin, her delicate hands were covered in blisters, her hair and dress were clotted with earth and the sun was setting, drenching the gloomy scene with orange. She threw the spade aside and cleaned the lid of loose earth with her sore hands. Then a another difficult problem confronted her.
How in hell was she supposed to open the casket?
A little bronze inscription glinted softly in the faded sunlight. Rigel had to bend closer to read it.
Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! (Remember – the third time's the charm!)
Rigel stared blankly for a moment. Then she cleared her throat.
"Betelgeuse!"
Wait, no – she was saying it wrong. How had the guy of that show pronounced it? Oh right, yeah...
"Beetlejuice?"
The earth beneath her tremored slightly. Rigel found her throat had suddenly grown very dry. She swallowed loudly.
"Beetlejuice!"
The coffin began to shake. A little frightened now, Rigel hoisted herself out of the jaggedly dug grave. She shook off the childish fear – what the hell was she scared about? She'd lived with ghost since the day she was born? Why should he be any different?
"Beetlejuice!"
The coffin lid popped right off the coffin hinges with a loud bang. Rigel couldn't stop herself from shrieking as it landed beside her. Then out he rose, like a hurricane – the scent of decay, tobacco and alcohol rushing past her. She coughed as the smell caught in her throat; she pressed her eyes closed – tears streamed out from under her lids as she choked.
Then it was silent. The graveyard was still.
"Hey babe."
Rigel screamed at his sudden appearance. He laughed and laughed, as if scaring her was the pinnacle of all possible hilarity. He was bandy-legged, with rotten teeth and a leering smile; he wore the same black and white pinstriped suit as in his advertisement.
Rigel scrambled to her feet, attempting to brush some of the dirt off of her dress. Her legs were shaking awfully, like they'd just been turned to jelly. "Are you Beet-"
His suddenly clamped his putrid-smelling hand over her mouth. "Nuh-uh, babe. There's no need to use the B word. But yeah, I'm the Ghost with the Most." He let her go. She spluttered for air. "So- what's the job? Haunting proving a headache? A happy new couple ruining your afterlife?"
"No, it's not that. It's just..." She trailed off. As much as she wanted Aldebaran gone, suddenly this didn't seem such a good idea.
"So c'mon, give me something to work with here." Betelgeuse said impatiently. "Why did you summon me? And a live 'un too. I'm just burning up with curiosity here kid."
Rigel swallowed. "It's my brother." She managed to say at last. "I kind of want him to be exorcised. Or something..." She trailed off.
He gave a wild laugh. "Not even dead and the living are giving you trouble! But, sure I can do that. BUT, I need you to do something for me in return. See, I hate being dead and all, it's creepy. So you need to marry me – hey it's not my rules; I don't have any rules."
He spoke so fast, that it took for a moment for what he said to sink in. "Marry you?" She repeated slowly. "Seriously?"
He nodded frantically. "So we have a deal?" He stretched out a hand to shake.
Rigel frowned. "No offence, but I can't see any attraction in being married to a dead guy."
Betelgeuse raised one finger, a grand gesture for silence. "Aha, but I won't be dead for long. I;ll be living again afterwards."
"Oh." Rigel considered this for a moment, weighing up the pluses and negatives. On one hand, she'd be married to a crazy guy, but on the other hand she'd be rid of Aldebaran forever. Hmm. Crazy brother, or crazy husband? "Okay then." She was way too gullible.
He did an odd sort of squeal-snort-cough thing that Rigel took to be an expression of joy. He was still holding out his hand, so she felt obligated to shake – afterwards she wished she hadn't, his hand was ice cold, but surprisingly slimy with sweat.
Still grasping her hand, he pulled her closer with a leering smile. "It's show time."
---
The household was almost still, with her mother out working the night-shift and the Maitlands retreated to their attic. Almost still, save the constant banging drone of Aldebaran's heavy-metal music. Even from down in the landing you could quite clearly hear the screaming lead singer – Lydia gave no objection to her son's vile music taste, but it wound down Rigel's fragile nerves.
Betelgeuse made a disgusting noise as he cleared the flem from his throat. "That him?"
She nodded once, stomach knotting with a toxic mixture of excitement and fear. She thought she was going to throw up.
He gave her a flash of that awful smile. "Won't be a minute babe."
She blinked and he was gone. She distantly hear her brother say :Who the hell are you?" in his usual charming way. Then .... she didn't know what happened – there was a lot of banging, it almost sounded like they were rolling around up there; she heard a few items smash (that would be his framed band posters) and the music suddenly ended as the stereo fell from his desk on to the bare wood floor. She perceived she heard a muffled scream. Then silence.
Rigel closed her eyes – he was gone. And the silence seemed to last forever, pressing against her ear-drums with it's lonely sound.
Then there was a firm grip on her arm. "Shall we?" Rigel looked up in surprise, there stood Betelgeuse in some vile red and yellow suit: obviously his finest clothes. In confusion she suddenly felt her dress grow longer ..... into a bridal gown of a violent shade of red.
She swallowed. "Okay?"
Without moving her legs, she had the sensation of moving forward, her large black eyes were fixed on the old stone fireplace; it was distorting and growing longer, like a doorway. A bright green light issued from within, blinding her for a moment. A small shadowed creature waddled forward from within, it's small limbs struggling to carry it's weight. It was with incredulity that Rigel observed her wedding minister: it was a small, withered creature with puckered, browning skin; it's head was twice the size of it's body and bare sockets stared out where the eyes should have been.
Rigel swallowed back the bitter taste that was building in her throat.
The ..... preacher thing spoke in a low, gravelly voice. "Do you, Betel..."
But Betelgeuse cut him across. "Ah ah ah, no. No one says the B word. Remember?" He was jigging impatiently on the spot, his arm still linked with Rigel's. He was making her shoulder ache.
The preacher continued. "Do you __________ take this woman to be your wedded wife? To honor..." But Betelgeuse cut across him again. "You betcha!"
"And... you? Do you, Rigel, take this man? ... er, uh... man... to be your lawful wedded husband?
... In sickness..." She, being a polite girl, let the man finish the vows before giving her answer of : "I suppose so." Getting cold feet was too soft of a term to give at this point, her feet were practically falling off with frostbite, but a deal was a deal.
"Then, by the authority vested in me by..."
"Come on, c'mon, get on with it." Betelgeuse was practically jumping on the spot now.
"The ring?" The preacher turned his eye-less gaze on Betelgeuse, who drew a simple silver ring from his pocket, blew the lint off of it and pushed it quickly, and not a little roughly on Rigel's finger.
"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."
Betelgeuse grabbed her and pressed his cold, foul-tasting lips to hers.
And then she died. Her heart just stopped, just like that, and her body fell away from her, hitting the ground with a dull thud. The couple turned and looked at the corpse that now lay spread-eagled on the floor in a bemused silence for quite a long time.
Finally: "I'm dead."
"Well, yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that could happen. I mean it works both way – I could joined the living or you could of joined the dead. Seems it turned out for the worst though, huh?"
She turned to him, more angry than upset. "You forgot to mention it? You forgot to mention it?!" She repeated, her calm voice suddenly turning to a bellow.
Betelgeuse turned to the preacher with a smile. "Women, huh? Not even married five minutes and she's already nagging me." He snorted.
"I died. You killed me. And just because you forgot to mention it? I can't believe you! I just....uhhh!" Finding no other words that could possibly vent her anger further, the livid bride Rigel turned to beating her new husband with her bouquet of dead flowers.
-
Yeah, this is just a little something that came to me this morning. I watched Beetle Juice for the first time yesterday and I just had to write something for it – it has to be one of my new favourite films now.
Sorry if BJ seemed a little out of character at all, I'm still a little new to this fandom.
I don't expect many people will read this, but if you do, reviews are much appreciated.