Disclaimer: The Mentalist is owned by CBS and it's affiliates. Back in Black is owned and copyrighted by AC/DC. iPod is owned by Apple. Just borrowing the characters for fun creative purposes
This is a short little one-shot about why I think Grace won't go out with Wayne. There is minor swearing, incase that offends anyone, y'all have been warned
It was a half hour before the SCU team was scheduled to show up for the day, but Rigsby was in early today. Some new computer equipment he'd ordered had arrived in the mail yesterday, and he knew the boss lady wouldn't approve of him setting up any "new toys" during regular hours.
He was laying on his back under his desk rocking out to AC/DC on his iPod, about half way through untangling the spaghetti bowl of cables when he was startled to hear the heavy clack of footsteps stomping into the office. It sounded like women's heels. He paused his iPod and pulled out one earphone.
"Jane, enough already. You're wrong. I know that seems impossible, but you are." It was Grace Van Pelt and she sounded mighty irritated. Rigsby unwedged his shoulders so he could wiggle out from under his desk.
"Not impossible, only highly improbable. I've been wrong before. But I'm not this time. You still haven't talked to Rigsby yet have you?" Patrick Jane followed after Grace and flopped down on his couch.
Rigsby froze when he heard his name. This couldn't possibly be good. His grandmamma had told him about eavesdropping. She said one never heard anything good about themselves and considering it was Grace he was listening in on, this could be doubly bad.
"You don't have a patent on paying attention, and you have missed a couple of very important details that I have not." Grace shot back. Shit, they were definitely talking about him, no doubt about it.
"Come on Grace, we can't all be wrong. He loves you. Everyone can see it. You're interested. There is no reason you shouldn't follow through with him. You'd be great for each other." Jane almost pleaded with Grace. He might be kinda annoying some times, but right at that moment, Rigsby couldn't really find any argument with Jane's logic, as embarrassing as it was for him. And what was that part about Grace being interested?
"No." Grace was way too definitive, and any hope that might have just barely fluttered to life in Rigsby was shot down by an Uzi.
"Why not? And don't give me that dumb answer about department policy and Junior agent stuff. It's all crap anyways." Yeah, Rigsby thought from his hidie-hole, why not?
"Because, for the fifth time already, Rigsby Does. Not. Love. Me. You can't seem to notice that, though I have no idea why, when it's staring ME plain in the face."
Oh now Rigsby had to hear this. There was gonna be hell to pay later, and he would need to pull the best acting job ever if he didn't want to be killed. Damn straight he was in love with her.
"Oh? Then do tell, my lovely Grace. What exactly did I miss?" Rigsby could hear the smug look on Jane's face. Rigsby took a deep breath and held it. This was going to hurt and he knew it, but in for a penny, in for a pound right?
"You know he told me that he loves me right? When he was in the hospital, after he got burned, and he was all wacked out on pain killers. Started snoring like a pig right afterwards when I was talking to him."
"Come on Grace, you can't hold him account…" Jane started in Rigsbys' defense but Grace cut him off.
"No. Rigsby knows what he said. He's very well aware. Was he drugged? Yes, but he was still in full possession of his faculties at the time. Playing it off like he was senseless so he could slip that in and see how I'd react. He started snoring when he didn't like what I had to say." Shit, she was right. How the hell did he get caught? Rigsby hoped Jane had some good defense in store for him. He usually did.
"You can't know that. People don't always plan what they say when under the influence of heavy drugs. The truth just comes out. They can't think enough to lie, at least I don't think Rigsby can think enough to lie while drugged." Rigsby didn't know whether to be flattered or not by Janes assessment. Jane obviously hadn't figured out what a Frat boy Rigsby was in college. He could hold his intoxicants, alcohol or otherwise.
"Bull. Cho gets on him to talk to me almost as much as you do, and every time he does, Rigsby tightens up his shoulders and his jaw, and shoots a guilty look my way. But you know as well as I do he wouldn't confess to either of you that he's already said something." Well damn. If Grace could read him so well, no wonder he always lost at poker.
Jane was silent for longer than Rigsby was comfortable with. That could only mean Grace had put a dent in his argument. But it didn't take long for him to come back. "Being embarrassed by your co-workers ribbing does not mean-"
Grace cut him off again. "There's more. Rigsby also knows damn good and well that he kissed me while he was hypnotized." Double damn. Right again.
"And because he won't admit to knowingly, and intentionally kissing you….what that means he doesn't love you? Grace, I'm not a cop and even I can tell that is awfully thin"
"Even a non-cop like you should know that if you add up enough circumstantial evidence, the proof gets pretty thick and pretty irrefutable."
"So there is more? Then do tell." Yes indeed, do tell. It sounded like Rigsby was about to be clinically diagnosed with…what did his sister call it?...Stupid Boy Syndrome.
"If he loves me so much, why won't he spend any time with me, without the Boss's express permission first"
"Ah ha. So when was he supposed to seize on this opportunity to be with you without jeopardizing his job in front of Lisbon?" No kidding, what the hell was Rigsby too stupid to see?
"Every time Cho orders Mexican food, which you know I don't like, I always, always ask him if he would like to get something different. At least what? Once a week maybe? I hand him the chance to say 'yeah, what do you feel like getting for lunch Grace' and going someplace with me. And every time, he turns me down. How is the boss, or anybody for that matter, going to write him up for walking down the street to get Greek food with me?
Nothing. No quick comeback from Jane. Rigsby must have really missed that one. His stomach started sinking somewhere to the level of his knees, though how that was possible laying on his back he really wasn't sure.
"Now, the icing on the cake, and the reason I'm not convinced no matter how much you are, is that he won't go to a yoga class with me."
"Grace" Jane said her name like he was taking to a teenager incapable of logic.
"Think this through just a little further Jane. You've seen yoga classes, you know the basics. So does he. But Rigsby not only passes up, he vehemently rejects the chance to see me, ready for this? Hot, sweaty, breathing hard, in skin tight, scantily clad gym clothes, with my legs spread and my butt in the air." Jane choked, but Rigsby couldn't really pay attention. Along with his stomach plummeting even further, he was pretty sure his balls had fallen off too. What red blooded man in his right mind would turn down a chance like that, and yet Grace was right. He had, repeatedly.
"So shall we start adding up all that thin circumstantial evidence? He will only make a move when He can't be held accountable for his actions, because he's drugged or hypnotized. So he's not willing to lay his pride, or ego on the line for the chance I might say yes. Doesn't much sound like love. He won't take the risk or the responsibility to spend any time with me on his own. Always has to wait for the boss to assign us together. So basically he doesn't want to spend time with me. He won't accept my invitations to spend more time together, and he does not want to see me at what is probably my enticingly best. "
"Wow Grace…I…" Jane couldn't possibly be at a loss for words. He was never at a loss for words. "You know he'd give his life for you." WTF? Rigsby scoffed. That had to be the weakest comeback he'd ever heard out of Jane.
"Rigsby is a cop. He is supposed to protect his partner. That's what he gets paid to do. That's what we do for each other. That doesn't show love. Look Patrick. I know you're a romantic, and you think we'd be good for each other. But all I see is that he won't get to know me. He doesn't want to be with me outside the boundaries of the job. Rigsby may love the idea of me, but he doesn't love me."
No. No, no, no, no, no. He was in love with her alright. Ass end over teakettle in love with her. He was also scared, that she'd reject his suit, and he'd have to look at her every day, the woman he wanted more than his next breath, and know that she didn't think he was good enough for her. Would he get over it eventually?, yeah. But in the mean time he couldn't think of anything more embarrassing or painful to have to live with and work through.
Through the floor, Rigsby felt the approaching vibration of another set of footsteps, Lisbon's, if the rabid clunk of her boots was any indicator. The door she used was right by his desk, and Lisbon would see his legs right away. Time to enact his cover-up. He fast forwarded six songs on his iPod so it would look like it had been playing for over thirty minutes and turned the volume way up. Thankfully, it landed on Back in Black, a justifiably loud song.
He could tell when Lisbon spotted his feet, as she stopped walking abruptly.
"Rigsby, what are you doing down there?" Lisbon asked as she approached his desk. He heard Grace gasp just before he slipped his earphone back over his ear.
Rigsby make a point of startling dramatically and bonking his head on the underside of his desk when Lisbon nudged him on the ankle. He crawled out from under his desk, component boxes and twist ties in hand and looked at Lisbon expectantly. Grace was standing just behind her, glaring at him hard enough to set his hair of fire. "GOOD MORNING BOSS." He yelled for effect.
Grace yanked off his headphones. "How long have you been here?" She growled.
Attempting to keep up appearances, he stuck his finger in his ear, as if to stop the ringing, "HUH?"
"Geez, Rigsby, what are you listening to? I can hear it from here." Lisbon scolded him.
"Oh, uh, Back in Black"
"What?" Lisbon looked at him blankly.
"You know, AC/DC. Back in Black." He hoped he was projecting the image of innocence. If he could just avoid looking at Grace, maybe the tell tale 'I'm lying' blush would stay down.
"Do you have to have it so loud?" Lisbon was talking to him like he was a recalcitrant teenager.
Playing along, "AC/DC only comes in one volume, and that's deafening. It's almost a requirement."
Lisbon rolled her eyes and walked away, leaving him alone to face Grace's wrath.
"How long have you been here?" Grace repeated through clenched teeth.
"Half hour, forty minutes maybe? Why?" God, he hoped that sounded nonchalant.
Grace took a deep breath. "And what were you doing here forty minutes early?" He could tell she was putting in serious effort not to jump to the worst conclusion, and he appreciated it.
"I was hooking up my new wireless keyboard and mouse, new speakers, and a bigger firewire drive." And he was, he'd just finished pretty quickly and had eavesdropped the rest of the time.
"You have to hide under your desk to do all that?" Her nostrils were starting to flare. He needed a quick escape.
"Well, yeah. I did have to plug it all in to the back of the tower and run the wires and such."
"Right, of course." Grace visibly relaxed, a bit chagrined that she hadn't put that together. But she wasn't finished yet. "So why didn't you say good morning when Jane and I got here?"
Oh boy, time to pull out the real acting. "I didn't know anybody was here till Lisbon kicked me." His iPod was still blaring music from the earphone Grace hadn't let go of, he hoped adding weight to his story.
She tilted the squeaking earphones in her hand and shook her head. "You'll go deaf listening to music that loud." Grace handed his earphones back, and walked away, her hand on her forehead to cover her embarrassed blush.
Just as Rigsby was ready to let out a sigh of relief, she pinned him in her sights again. "If you were rooting around under your desk with the cables, why didn't Jane and I hear you?"
Think fast, think fast, think fast. "I couldn't even hear me, so I don't think I can help you with that."
Grace gave him a long, considering look, which he held, praying that she wouldn't see through him. "OK." She finally let him off the hook, and turned on her computer.
As soon as he was free, Rigsby fled to the men's room with carefully measured steps. It wouldn't do to be caught running away. Once there, he locked himself in one of the stalls, knowing Jane wouldn't be too far behind him. It was much better to be caught hiding than sweating.
It only took three minutes for Jane to appear. Rigsby was washing his hands when Jane gave him that ever present knowing grin.
"Good job Rigsby. You almost…almost… had me convinced. You have her convinced, and Grace is really the only one that matters. I am proud of you."
"Um…OK?"
"Oh come on. No need to pretend with me. You heard every word. I almost thought you were telling the truth, you had your props very well set up. That's the best way to lie, having ninety percent of your lie be the truth. But you get a deep crease between your eyebrows when you are genuinely confused, which you didn't have. And you always let out a long measured breath after you lie, which you did. "
"Jane, I didn't…" Rigsby didn't quite know what he was trying to say.
"I know you didn't. I'm glad you overheard. You needed to hear that. But more importantly, you allowed Grace to save face. She will never respond to you otherwise." Jane gave Rigsby a knowing grin. "Go get her tiger" He threw over his shoulder as he left the mens room.
Yeah, he planned to.
It was three weeks before a golden opportunity landed in Rigsby's lap. After Grace's vivid description of her yoga class, he was dying to go, but it had to be right. He couldn't give himself away or Grace would be bust him to hell and back, and then to hell again just for good measure. But when his opportunity came, boy was it a good one.
Another day another murder, but this time it was caught on tape. Problem was, when the suspect realized a poor unwitting teenager had caught him in the background of his home rollerblade stunt video, the suspect snatched the digital camera and ran. Police chase through a construction site, up a flight of stairs, and one desperately hopeful toss later, the fateful camera was lodged between some ducting and rafters. Rigsby could have gotten it. He should have gotten it. But where it was wedged required him to bend in directions he just wasn't used to, so the lovely Grace Van Pelt had to climb up and do his job for him.
He stared, dumbstruck as she deftly climbed through the rafters, at time almost doing the splits to get close to the camera. His mouth went dry when she hooked her toes on a steel girder to stabilize herself, and stretched, back arched, breasts thrust out, to reach the camera.
As he helped her down he began apologizing profusely. "I'm sorry I had to send you up there. I should have been able to get it. I didn't want you to ruin your shirt climbing through the rust."
"really it's fine Rigsby. You couldn't fit." She tried to reassure him, brushing cobwebs and dust bunnies off her clothes.
"But I could have. I did fit. I do fit. I should have been able to reach the camera."
"you're a big guy, you're not that flexible. It's OK." Grace was a little startled by his reaction, he didn't usually have such qualms about sending her into tight spots. But he was right, he could have fit.
" No, it's not OK. I should be flexible enough to climb through rafters and reach a camera."
"Wayne, don't beat yourself up. We got the camera and the suspect. It was a good close."
"I guess." Rigsby said, not sounding very satisfied.
After the suspect was packaged up for delivery to the CBI headquarters, Rigsby waited by the car, holding open Grace's door for her. "How were you even able to do that anyways?" He asked, carefully watching Jane buckle himself into the back seat, so as to not giveaway his master plan.
"Do what, exactly?"
"Ah, you know, get the camera."
Grace cocked her head to the side. "I reached for it."
"No, I meant the toe hook and the lean and…" Rigsby reached his arm over his head in a pathetically pale imitation of the stretch Grace did to grab the camera.
"Oh, that. We do stuff kinda like that in my yoga class all the time. It's really more a matter of balancing than anything I guess."
"Yoga?" Rigsby tried to infuse all the disdain he previously felt into that one word, and it appeared it work by the way her hands went to her hips.
"Yeah, yoga." She practically dared him to argue with her, she was so definitive in her answer.
Rigsby forced a pained bashful expression on his face, which wasn't that hard considering what he was about to do. "The class you go to….it's not full is it? "
He wouldn't meet her eye as she examined him for his sincerity. He was afraid she'd see the blatant lust in his eyes.
She was almost crowing with triumph. "So…now you want to go to yoga with me?"
"Well I don't want you showing me up again." Rigsby argued in his defense.
Grace was grinning ear to ear as she pulled the seatbelt across and clicked it in. "Class is right after work on Tuesdays and Fridays at the studio behind the greek place. Bring gym clothes to work and you can get started tomorrow hotshot."
Rigsby furiously contained his smile as he walked around the car and got in the drivers' seat.
Friday night at 6:30 Rigsby was dripping sweat from pores he didn't know he had, and begging for mercy. Glory be he was out of shape. But all the pain and embarrassment was one hundred percent worth it to see Grace exactly as she promised. Hot. Sweaty. Breathing Hard. Wearing gym shorts and a sports bra that barely qualified as clothing. Legs spread wide and her ass in the air.
After a fast shower in the miniscule mens locker room, Rigsby met Grace at the door, ostensibly to walk her back to her car. He was still breathing hard, while she was glowing spectacularly. With a hard swallow he found his voice.
"You hungry?"
"Not just yet, but I will be." He didn't know what kind of answer that was, so he forged ahead anyways.
"Well then you mind keeping me company while I eat some restaurant completely out of food?"
Grace giggled, and Rigsby's stomach fluttered at the welcome he saw in her face. " In danger of eating your car upholstery there?"
"something like that." Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, he silently pleaded.
"what are you in the mood for? Mexican, Italian, Chinese?"
"how about we get something different. Greek sounds good."
"Yeah, it does." Grace smiled up at him, causing his heart, his pride, and something else to swell. This beautiful woman had just agreed to have dinner with him.
Inconspicuously watching from the end of the CBI parking lot across the street, Patrick Jane grinned with unrestrained delight. "Go get her tiger" he sent Rigsby for luck.