Hello everyone. I was supposed to post this one-shot around Christmas but I never had a chance to finish it so here it is now. I hope you like it and tell me what you think! I should warn you, though: a lot of agnst down here.
Baby, I'm not moving on
I'll love you long after you're gone
Christmas had never been a big deal for Zoe Hart, ever since her parents' divorce. After that, every holiday became less and less important and it was only a matter of time until Christmas didn't mean anything at all. But being in Bluebell, the place where she truly belonged, changed everything. She wanted Christmas. She wanted to watch the Christmas tree lightning, she wanted a Santa Claus in every corner shouting 'Merry Christmas' as loud as they could, she wanted a big Christmas tree in Lavon's living room, she wanted lights hanging around the windows at the Rammer Jammer, she wanted a big Christmas dinner with everyone that mattered to her.
This year, though, things had changed again. Zoe wasn't sure why or how but, as soon as she stepped foot in the mayor's house for the Christmas dinner, all she could feel was a sudden urge to disappear. Lavon sat by the fireplace with his parents, his arm was around his mother's shoulder as his father laughed about a joke Wade had told him. Wade. Him and Joel had been awfully close, lately. She had thought that if Joel concentrated on his book, maybe his friendship with Wade would be forgotten. But no. They had grown even closer, since then. They'd go on fishing trips, spend entire afternoons playing video games at Wade's house, late nights at the Rammer Jammer and she decided she had had enough of it when she woke up with Wade sitting next to her on bed as he waited for Joel to finish taking a shower.
"I'm gonna go talk to Wade now, okay, honey?" Joel mutters in her ear as he waves at Wade who answers with a nod.
Her mouth hung open. "We just got here."
"I know but Wade just bought this new game and I was wondering when we could try it." Zoe crossed her arms over her chest and sighed, dramatically. "I'll be right back, honey. Go talk to AB, or something."
And with a kiss on her cheek, he turned around and walked towards Wade before greeting him with their latest made up handshake. Zoe rolled her eyes; it was getting ridiculous. All she wanted to do was spend some quality time with her perfect boyfriend and, like always, Wade got in the way. She had dropped hints about it whenever she went to the Rammer Jammer, complaining to the bartender about how little she has been seeing of Joel and that he seems distant. But, eventually, after listening to her dramatic speech, all he does is shrug and then he leaves with a huge grin on his face because he knows he's the reason her relationship is going downhill.
"What's up, big Z?" Lavon's voice emerges from behind her and when she turns around to look at him he's narrowing his eyes at her, two glasses of wine on his hands.
She rolls her eyes, "This place is too crowded. Why did you invite so many people this year?" She complains, taking both glasses out of his hand.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you not want me to invite Joel?" Zoe fakes a laugh before drinking a whole glass of wine and setting it on the counter. "I had to invite Wade, Zoe." He mumbles, his head tilting to one side as he shakes it.
"I couldn't care less about Wade, Lavon." She lies.
"Really?" He asks, not believing her. "Because ever since he and Vivian started going out you've been weirder and angrier than usual."
"His relationship with my cousin doesn't make me weird or angry, it makes me sick to the stomach." Lavon chuckles. "I mean, he's my ex-boyfriend and she's my cousin. He shared things with me that he's now sharing with her. I shared things with him, things I haven't even shared with Joel, that I bet Vivian knows everything about, by now. What's he gonna do next? Date my mother?"
Lavon sighs, "That's just life, Z. People move on; you know he's been pinning for you ever since you stepped foot in town but you choose to be with someone else. He needed to move on. And you need to, too."
"I have moved on, Lavon." She says it like it is the most obvious thing ever.
"Stop fooling yourself, Zoe Hart." He argues, furrowing his brows. "Most importantly, stop fooling Joel 'cause the guy's too blind to see what's right in front of him."
When Lavon leaves, the second glass of wine is emptied as she stares at Joel and Wade; they're talking and laughing and all she wants to do is smack their hands against each other.
She doesn't get why things can't be easier as she allows herself to really think about her love life and how complicated it is. Wade always let her be herself, something she found so hard around Joel because it's like he wants her to be this perfect, happy person that she can't possibly be. So many things made her wonder if Joel saw the real her, the crazy, weird girl who, even if she tried to deny it, still carried a lot of heartache. And she worries that if he sees that side of her, that other imperfect girl, he might hate her as much as she hates herself sometimes.
Wade, suddenly, gets up from his place and Joel follows him meeting Zoe halfway as the bartender leaves through the front door. He kisses her cheek and she smiles, softly.
"Are you having fun?" He asks, clueless of what's going on in her mind.
She fakes a smile, "Yeah. You?"
"Me too. Wade just went to grab this new game he bought; I'm gonna drop by his place tomorrow morning so we can test it, if that's alright with you."
"Sure." She mutters, staring at the door Wade went through just moments ago and thinking about how he didn't even look at her.
"Zoe, is everything alright?" When she looks at him, he's studying her with a concerned expression following her gaze towards the door.
Zoe nods, "Yeah, would you just excuse me for a second?"
She doesn't even wait for him to answer before she's out the door, her high heels clicking against the floor crossing the path she'd crossed so many times before.
...
She's at his door. She peers inside, looking for a glimpse of him and takes a deep breath when she realizes she's not even breathing. If you ask her, she doesn't know why she's there; there was something about Wade, something that made her keep coming back over and over again.
The wicker chair is still on his porch and she smiles at the sight. That night had changed everything; she sometimes found herself remembering it. The way he looked at her when she said she liked him, how he grabbed her in his arms in a sudden act of happiness, how he kissed her. But it was wrong. She couldn't keep doing this. Which was why she was there.
Her fist was aimed to knock when she realized the door was unlocked. She swung it open and stepped inside. Wade was kneeling down in front of his TV, going through his collection of video games and she can see that he doesn't notice her presence. But he does; her perfume was still too engraved on his mind not to notice.
"Hi." Her voice is small when she speaks and his back straightens.
He stands up and looks at the floor before turning around because he knew what was about to happen. She had finally came to beg him for closure.
"Hey."
"Can we talk?" Zoe asked, watching him carefully.
"Sure." He takes a deep breath, letting a hand drag behind his neck. "What do you want to talk about?"
"I just came here to tell you that your... friendship or whatever it is you have with Joel, it needs to end." She tries to sound tough but her voice fails her.
He laughs, shaking his head. "What do you care whether or not I'm friends with Joel? You're always too busy with your own little dramas, anyway. I'm surprised that you even noticed that the poor guy's still your boyfriend."
"First of all, I care about Joel being friends with you because I know that no good can come out of it. You clearly have a hidden agenda. And second of all-" He interrupted her.
"What are you suggesting? That I'm friends with Joel just to get you back? News flash, Zoe Hart, the world does not revolve around you. But I guess that's not really new, is it? You've always been selfish." He replied angrily and turned his back on her as he starting walking towards the door.
"You can't just say all those things to me and then walk away." Zoe shouts, trying to hold back her tears, telling herself that she had to be strong.
Wade stops walking and turns around, walking towards her but keeping his space. "Yeah, 'cause that's your job, right? You walk away. You say you need time, distance and then you run off to New York leaving behind everyone who ever gave a crap about you."
"Do you think it was easy for me to leave everything? Do you think it was easy for me to leave you? It wasn't, okay? It wasn't! I cried for an entire month; I couldn't stop thinking about you or what you said to me before I left. I bought three plane tickets to see you. Three! But I was scared, Wade. You hurt me so much, I... I walked away because I had to." Zoe shouts at him, the tears she had so desperately trying to hold back, defiantly beginning to fall.
"You walked away because it was easier. You have no idea what I went through in those five months; I opened up to you, I told you I loved you and you WALKED AWAY." Her eyes shut as he yells. "How is that fair? You say you're gonna leave for three months and then you never come back. You sent me an e-mail saying that you're never coming back to Bluebell, that I'm never gonna get to see your face again and it... it killed me. You destroyed me."
She sobs, tears still falling from her eyes. "And how is it fair that you cheated on me? How is it fair that you say you love me but your actions show everything but love? I was happy, Wade. You can't... imagine how happy I was with you. So don't try to blame this on me because it is your, and only your, fault our relationship failed. The worst part is I really think I could have loved you." His eyes meet the floor. "Maybe I did." Silence. Her voice is calm when she speaks again. "Why did you do it?"
"We were destined to go wrong." Wade tells her, after turning his back on her.
"Maybe that's the problem. You're so convinced that everything will go wrong that everything does go wrong." He turns around again. "You can't keep destroying everything that brings you any happiness just because you think you're not worth it! We had everything to be great together. EVERYTHING! And you ruined it." Zoe yells. "You need to start fighting for what you want, Wade!"
"Oh, so now I don't fight for what I want. What about driving all the way through freakin' Alabama to find you? What about telling you I loved you? What about telling you I would be there for you in every way? And what do I get in return for fighting for what I want? You go to New York, come back five months later with a new boyfriend who's the copy of stupid George Tucker. How do you think that makes me feel? It makes me feel like I was a freakin' placeholder for someone better through our entire relationship, all over again."
"Can't you see that that's all in your head, you idiot? I cared about you. I wanted to be with you, not George!" Zoe yells, not breaking eye contact. "There was only one thing, one thing you could do that would make me stop caring for you. And you did it! You were the most important person in my life and you ruined me. You broke my heart. You cheated on me; you left the bar with some slut that I'm sure you didn't even know the name of and you cheated on me. How am I supposed to act after that? How am I supposed to..." She shakes her head and takes a deep breath as he sits down on the couch refusing to look at her. "Finding someone else wasn't in my plans when I went to New York, Wade. I meant what I said when I told you I needed space. The only thing I wanted was to clear my mind, get things straight but then... Joel showed up. I liked him and... things just happened. I was going to build a life with him back in New York before realizing... I don't belong there anymore."
He keeps quiet, staring at the floor as his hands land on top of his head. What is he supposed to say, anyway? He had already said too much. He heaves a sigh before speaking, "I know why you're here, Zoe. And it has nothing to do with my friendship with your boyfriend."
Wade stands up and glares at her. Her mouth is slightly open as she looks back at him, before her eyes move to stare at the floor. Zoe takes a deep breath, cleaning a tear. She didn't think he'd remember.
"Of course you know exactly why I'm here," she said, her voice shaking a little but holding firm enough for what she needed to say, "because you know what today is. You know that exactly a year ago I was asking you to be my boyfriend. And now we don't even look at each other, you walk right past me and you ignore me. You move on with your life, I move on with my life. And we just... forget. I can't do that. I can't forget."
"Zoe," he breathes, his voice almost a whisper, "we need to forget. We hurt each other too much. We're not good together." He shakes her head and takes a step closer to her. "And maybe you need to find someone that you're actually happy with."
She lifts her head to look at him, "What are you talking about? I am happy with Joel."
Wade doesn't say anything. He sits back on the couch, his hands covering his eyes and she walks towards him. "I love Joel." He looks up at her at the sound of her voice.
"I never said you didn't." He mutters.
"I love Joel." Zoe tells him again, tears falling from her eyes.
He suddenly grabs her by her arms and brings her closer to him, before pushing her against the wall, his arms now trapping her. His gaze burned into hers, like he could see past her eyes into parts of her no one had ever seen. She feels his breath against her skin and she shivers, a whirlwind of memories in her mind. One of his hands, travels to her cheek for a split second before holding her waist again and Zoe's not sure of what's happening or what it means but she feels safe, protected. She can feel her heart thundering like a thousand hooves on a track, her mind spinning in incoherent circles.
"Walk away right now if you love him." His voice comes out hoarse. She shakes her head, slowly, as a lump starts to form in the thick of her throat. They're mere inches apart, now. "Go." It's barely a whisper.
Before she could stop herself, she was leaning forward and clutching his hair, pulling his face down to hers. It was everything but an innocent kiss; his lips were insisting and demanding and she couldn't help but think Joel could never make her feel that way. Wade pulled her tighter against him as he wrapped her legs right around his body, her hands travelling from his hair to his face and back to his hair again. She didn't want that moment to ever end.
When she pulled away to take a breath, she opened her eyes and stared at him.
"I-" He cuts her off with another kiss, one arm snaking under her back to pull her closer to him, the other hand cradling her head, his fingers running through her hair. Wade doesn't know what he's doing; he'd been going out with Vivian, trying to forget all about the person who still could make his heart break with a simple stare, but none of that seemed to matter at that moment. He gently breaks the kiss, attaching his lips to her neck instead, leaving a trace of kisses all the way towards her collarbone.
Their patting breaths feel the air as his forehead rests against hers, one hand holding a strand of hair behind her ear. "You don't love him." He mutters, softly and she shakes her head, not agreeing or denying it because she can't possibly know what she feels now.
"I should go." Her voice is small, still shaking from the kiss.
He nods, "You should."
When she looks up at him, she catches his confused, concerned, sad gaze and she wants to do anything but leave. She didn't get why things had to be so complicated.
Her legs slide off his hips, standing on her own as his hands reluctantly leave her waist, stepping back. "I wish things could have turned out differently, Wade. I still care about you. Too much, actually."
The gripping anxiety coiled tightly around her torso, cutting off her throat and making it feel impossible to breathe. She didn't want to go, she didn't want to leave him again. Wade notices the tears that start falling from her eyes again and pulls her into his arms, hugging her, kissing her forehead, wanting desperately to make her feel better.
"I know." Her face rests against his chest as he leaves another kiss on the top of your head. "But this isn't over. It isn't. I know it." He tries to sound convict and sure of himself and he wants to believe his words but he can't possibly know. He doesn't know anything, anymore.
"I just need some time." She watches him nod when she steps back and leaves one last kiss on his cheek, her hand caressing it for a while before she turns his back on him and walks towards the door.
She stops again when her hand lands on top of the doorknob and she turns to look at him again. "I'm not walking away." Wade nods, a shadow of a smile passing through his lips, before watching her leave through his door.
The self-destructive side of him told him he would never be able to kiss Zoe Hart again. But he would. He might not believe it now because his faith in love was severely destructed but he would kiss Zoe Hart again. They'd be together again, someday. Just not today.
...
She leaves through the door, knowing with all certainty that she would kiss his lips again, someday. They both needed time to heal their scars, time to figure out what they're going to do with their lives but they would eventually be happy together again. Her heart fills with hope as she walks away and stares at the pond in front of her, a small smile on her lips.
She is finally ready to admit she's in love with Wade.
And long after you're gone, gone, gone...