Remus/Sirius fic. Prompt; Moment.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
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Remus Lupin stirred, dazed and disoriented at first before he realised the loss of his bedmate from beside him.
Sirius.
Roused fully from any remnants of sleep now, Remus got swiftly out of bed, concerned. He knew just how emotionally fragile Sirius was. Merlin, when they were at Hogwarts, before Azkaban, before... before Pettigrew had ruined everything, he knew just how much more assurance Sirius needed than other people, beneath that careful shell, the façade he'd so successfully maintained. Most of the time. It had taken years to get Sirius to open up; even after they'd got together, it had been a few months before Sirius really dropped the confident act in front of Remus.
-
That morning, a bright red envelope arrived for Sirius. He froze slightly for the briefest of moments before taking it, and glanced at James worriedly. He'd deliberately disobeyed his parents and had instead spent an unusually happy Christmas at the Potters.
Sirius gingerly opened the Howler, appearing not to have any alternative and sat, eyes staring straight ahead, silently enduring the screeches of his mother. When the Howler had torn itself, the Gryffindor table and others in close proximity were in stunned silence, closely followed by a few laughs from the Slytherins. Sirius stood, pushing his plate away. He laughed, and to everyone except the two people who knew him best, it seemed genuine. Sirius promptly left the hall, and Remus and James exchanged a worried glance.
After a few minutes – they both knew Sirius needed his space – Remus got up and went to find Sirius.
By this point, Remus and Sirius had been together for 2 months and 21 days, but of course had been good friends prior to that. However, Sirius only usually fully let his guard down when with James, his best friend and should-be brother, the closest person to him. Remus ascended the stairs steadily and slowly pushed open the door.
"Padfoot?"
Sirius sat on his bed, his knees tucked up to his chin, shaking slightly.
Remus saw the tears and closed the space between him and his boyfriend, sitting in front of him on the bed, cross legged. Remus reached over and took Sirius' hand in his own, bringing their entwined fingers up to brush a tendril of hair from his face.
Sirius squeezed Remus' hand, "I'm such a fool."
"Why?" Remus searched Sirius' pain-filled eyes in surprise.
"Back then. I bet everyone thinks I'm just weak now. I shouldn't have been bothered."
"Padfoot-" Remus straightened his legs and moved to embrace Sirius, holding him in his arms, "Its alright. Look, I know you've been through a lot but its okay to be human, you know. Showing emotion isn't being weak."
Tears blazed their hot way down Sirius' face, "I'm so messed up."
Remus murmured into Sirius' ear, "Its not you, not your fault what your family have done to you. What matters, Pads, is that they're wrong. People aren't incapable of loving you and you're not worthless, you're not nothing, no matter what they tell you," Remus' voice came out in a fierce, low whisper, "I love you, okay. You're not nothing."
That night, Sirius crept into Remus' bed. For many hours, he shed tears while whispering everything that had ever happened to him and how he'd felt, with the safe secure arm of Remus around him, protecting him.
-
Remus shivered and taking a spare jumper for Sirius, he went in search of him. He knew Sirius still had nightmares – that was the consequence of twelve long, lonely years stuck in that place, with those joy stealing things, and those thoughts.
He found Sirius knelt on the floor in their dining room, his shoulders sinking as he cried. The cupboard was open, and then Remus realised. Their photo album. Their whole lives in one place. He was recalling everything after those Dementors had taken his good memories away. He was reliving it all.
"Oh, Merlin," he muttered, and moving towards his lover, he sank to the floor by him, dropping the jumper.
"Sirius..." Remus laid his hand on his boyfriend's upper back, and Sirius turned to face him. His entire body was racked with sobs, and the anguish in Sirius' expression tore Remus' heart from his chest.
Sirius looked helplessly at Remus, "How could I not remember the best days of my life?" he choked out, tears flowing down his cheeks. "How could I forget James, and Lily? My closest friends, and you, how could I forget the happiest times of our lives? Our first kiss? How could I forget, Moony, how?"
Sirius was full on crying his heart out, and it was all Remus could do to hold him together physically, wrapping his arms tight around his lover. "Oh Pads... its all, its all moments. You'll have many more times and I will help you, I'll help you, I'll tell you every single little thing I remember, I'll remind you. It shouldn't have to be like this but it is and we will do all we can to get your memories back. Its okay."
It wasn't okay. The Dementors had broken Sirius beyond all belief, and Remus didn't know if he could fix him. Tears sprung to Remus' eyes, blurring his vision, and then he blinked to clear his eyesight.
Remus reached one arm out, the other still wrapped around Sirius, to retrieve the jumper from the floor. "C'mon, Padfoot," he helped Sirius to put the jumper on and then he put an arm back round Sirius, picking up the moving photo album.
The Hogwarts leaving ball.
Remus remembered it as clearly as if it were yesterday. As he pointed out James and Sirius jokingly dancing together, filling in the light conversations they'd had that night, the last night before the rest of their lives, Sirius looked and listened avidly.
Over time, these moments would be become as familiar in Sirius' memory as they were in Remus'. He would make sure of it.