A/N: This is for LVB's Buffy Quotes Competition, because I've just started watching Buffy and love it to death, and I am convinced that the fates aligned to make me write for this challenge, so I did.
This story was tough to write, because the quote was a really difficult one. To explain why, you need to know that I am a massive Buffy/Angel fan (probably because I'm still up to season 3 and haven't seen her with anyone else yet) and this quote is basically the explanation of why they don't work out. On the other hand, I am in love with Spike, and this quote is definitely one of my favourites of his, so I desperately wanted to write a really good story for it. Personally, I don't think this quite cuts it, but I tried my best.
Disclaimer: The quote belongs to Joss Whedon and all the rest from BtVS, the characters and setting belong to JKR and WB. Basically, I've just combined the awesomness of both.
Love's Fools: Part I
"You're not friends. You'll never be friends.
You'll be in love 'til it kills you both.
You'll fight and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends.
Love isn't brains, children, it's blood - blood screaming inside you to work its will.
I may be love's fool, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."
-Spike, BtVS season 3, Lovers Walk
The dormitory was mercifully empty when Lily came in, robes clutched to her tear-stained face. With a frustrated noise, she fell to her four-poster bed and tore the curtains closed behind her, turning to pummel her pillow until it was a haphazard blob, only escaping the onslaught when it slipped off her bed onto the floor beside it. Then Lily turned her anger on her bedspread, which was pulled from beneath her with equal ferocity and thrown to the floor over the pillow, soon followed by the clean white sheets and neatly folded pair of pyjamas.
Her desire to seriously hurt something far from satisfied, Lily brushed the tears from her eyes for long enough to glance around and establish that there was nothing left to hit or throw. She repeated her frustrated scream and busied herself untangling her arms from her robes and throwing them to the floor as well, where they offered a stark contrast to the growing pile of bright, light-coloured bedclothes. Next she attempted to take off her tie, which, as she choked out another sob, felt as if it was constricting around her throat, making her gasp and cough.
"Lily?"
Lily hadn't heard the dormitory door open, and before she could try to regain some composure, Alice had pulled open the hangings and grabbed her hands, forcing them to her lap and they tried to continue their fruitless effort to remove the red and gold tie.
"You're pulling the wrong bit," Alice explained calmly, letting go of her friend's hands when they stopped putting up a resistance and sat limply on her legs. "Here – let me help."
Silently, Lily watched Alice's face as she removed the tie, throwing it onto the top of the stack of victims of Lily's anger. There was something strange about seeing Alice calm and in control – her round face looked pale and serious, so different to the usual pink that radiated excitement and energy.
"It's going to get awkward if you take any more clothes off, Lils," Alice said in a steady tone, "so do me a favour and tell me if you feel like throwing something else. I'll grab some stuff that won't permanently scar either of us – literally or mentally."
"I feel like throwing something that will break," Lily warned, lifting one of her hands to reach for the snow-globe on her bedside table.
Alice nodded in encouragement – "I think throwing that would be a great idea, I've never liked it much anyway."
"Good."
Lily launched the object at the wall opposite them, and both girls watched in fascination as the dome shattered against it, showering the floor with pieces of plastic and leaving a large wet stain on the wallpaper. The castle that had been inside it fell to the carpet with a soft thump and little pieces of fake snow rained down around it, taking a while to settle on the ground.
"Feel better?" Alice asked, looking back to her friend.
Lily shook her head.
"That's what he did to my heart," she whispered. "He pulled it out of my body and just chucked it away. Little bits of it were falling to the bloody ground beneath me and he just didn't care. He could tell what he was doing to me and still he kept shouting at me, just kept saying over and over again how much he hated me."
Alice turned away as Lily pressed her palms to her eyes, as if she was trying to force the tears back into her head. It was tragic to watch, but of course, she'd seen Lily like this before. It had been going on for most of seventh year, ever since James Potter had grown a brain and worked out that showing off isn't the way to get a girl to like you. He'd started being less of an arrogant prat, and that was all it took for Lily to finally admit she was head over heels for him. The two of them had been far too intense from day one, and that, paired with the usual perils of seventh year, had led to more than one destructive breakdown on Lily's part. And, as frightening as it was, this one was nowhere near the worst.
"I just don't understand it, Alice."
Lily's voice broke the silence, giving Alice the cue she needed to looked back at her friend.
"I mean, me and you have been friends for years and we've never had fights like this. It's like he can't help it, as if every time I start to think things are going well he has to explode about something so stupid and petty."
Trying not to roll her eyes at irony of Lily blaming James for starting fights about petty things, Alice patted Lily's back consolingly, saying, "Yeah, but me and you are very different to you and James. We're friends, Lils, good friends, and you and him aren't. You're a couple. Not just a normal couple either, James and you are like... epic, as a couple."
Wiping her eyes, Lily glanced up at Alice, her expression confused.
"Epic?"
"I just mean that with you and James it's like everything you do is so huge. Every time you're together there's this feeling that it's all bigger than just the two of you, like the whole world depends on you and him making it work. It's so obvious that you're meant for each other, but it still sometimes seems as if you're both trying so hard not to fall in love, like you feel all that pressure and it just makes you snap – you and him both. And you get into these stupid fights about the stupidest things, and it's as if your lives depend on hurting each other as much as possible, because that's the only you know of showing him how much you love him."
"I don't love him," Lily insisted. "Not after this."
Alice sighed and stay silent, standing up after a minute to start picking up the things Lily and thrown to the floor. She was partway through folding the bedspread when Lily spoke again, eyes fixed resolutely on her lap as she said, "He told me I'm not good for him. That he hates the way he feels around me, as if he's never going to be worthy of me. He said I treat him like he's below me, like he's somehow inferior."
She broke off, clenching her fist to suppress a wave of emotion, before blurting out, "He thinks he loves me more than I love him."
Alice finished folding the blanket and placed it at the end of Lily's bed, staring at her friend's tortured eyes, waiting for her to go on.
"He's wrong, Alice," Lily's finally revealed. "He thinks I don't love him, but I do. Just because I can't say it yet, just because I don't want to... you know, show him yet..."
"James knows you love him, Lils," Alice assured her. "He's kidding himself if he's trying to tell you anything else. He knows just as much as the rest of us that you and him are meant to be together. But guys are idiots-"
"Not James," Lily interrupted. "James Potter is a lot of things, but he isn't an idiot."
"Yeah, but if you asked me, I'd tell you that Frank isn't an idiot, and yet he's the guy who managed to almost get killed by a flobberworm in fifth-year. I'm going to admit right now that my judgement of his idiocy is seriously compromised by the fact that I'm so darn in love with him. There could be the same problem with you and James."
Lily frowned, unconvinced.
"Or maybe you two are too epic to face the same silly issues as every other mere mortal."
Smiling a bit at the jibe, Lily stood to help Alice fold up the last sheet. As she placed it on the bed, she heard the familiar sound of the stairs outside transforming into the long stone slide, and the sound of a boy's annoyed screams echoed up from below.
"I guess that's my cue," Lily mumbled, glancing at the door.
"I'd say so," Alice agreed. "I'll come with you."
The two of them left the dorm, waiting at the top of the slide until it melted back into a staircase to start down it.
"Maybe James' and my fights are more epic too, seeing as we're an epic pair."
"Hardly," Alice scoffed. "I've heard your fights. The last time one started it was because he borrowed your quill without asking."
"It was my favourite quill!" Lily said in her own defence.
"And there I was thinking James was the idiot..."
But wait! There is more yet to come. And I promise the other chapter actually has James in it.
And yes, I did edit Spike's quote a little. I had to change it so I could use it in the title. Anyone who knows the real quote should understand why :P