I've haven't written a Christian and Syed story before, and it's been years since I've written anything at all. I don't have any illusions of being any good, so if you do write a review try to be kind :-) I just love them and was inspired to write this because I wanted a shot at getting them back together MY WAY! :-D

This first chapter was obviously written after Fridays episode but I'm going to try and do the rest before the episode, but based on the spoilers...I and see how close they are to the real thing! :-D

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Girlfriend. Girlfriend... Grilfriend? Somehow the word didn't mean anything to Syed. Well it was kind of funny actually...well it would be funny if he wasn't being expected to find one! How had he found himself here? Well he could answer that for himself; he had been his usual spineless, weak-willed, pathetic self. He had turned his back on the only man who had ever really loved him, the only person he had ever loved and he'd done it in some idiotic attempt to restore his relationship with his family.

All these thoughts were fleeting through Syed's mind as he sat opposite his mother and listened to her talk about Denise. Her friend she was saying, since when? All Syed had ever heard his mother do was complain about her lack of 'decorum' , he couldn't even remember seeing her at any family events...although having said that Syed couldn't remember a family event in over a year where his thoughts weren't entirely occupied by...

This was not helpful! His mother continued to talk...she 'knew her friend', she knew her friend? Did she know him? Could she see how miserable he was? He had a feeling she could, he hoped he was wrong. It was easier for him to believe she was totally oblivious to his misery than indifferent to it. He reached across to touch her arm in comfort and she pulled it away, she couldn't even bare for him to touch her. Did he really disgust her that much? He tried to ignore the feeling of rejection and attempted some inane words of comfort. Did either of them really care about Denise's current problems he considered honestly? Or was it just nice to have someone else's problems to think about? Someone else for square to gossip about...

Then Syed looked up...

It'd been weeks. That was weird because they lived so close but he really hadn't seen him for weeks... He thought he saw him once in the corner of the market, but he'd averted his eyes in shock and by the time he looked back up he had gone. Maybe he'd never seen him in the first place, all Syed knew was it took the rest of the day for his stomach to stop swirling, he didn't sleep that night and he didn't eat till the next evening. That was just one possible glimpse.

Right now Syed was looking right at him. When his heart started beating again he was aware it was faster than normal and his mouth was dry, he concentrated on his breathing...this was bad. Christian...that was the only word going though his mind.

As Christian walked over Syed was aware he was talking...'Hoping I'd see you'...'talk to Masood about it.'...wait, he was going?

"About what?" Syed suddenly asked, desperate for him to stay near for a few moments longer.

So he stayed and continued to talk. God, he looked amazing, truly fantastic...those arms...that top looked good on him...his voice was vibrating through his body in a way Syed had only ever known when Christian was talking to him. He really was talking to him as well, sure Christian's eyes flashed between him and his mother but the conversation was with him, his eyes kept returning to his and fixing him with that stare – the one that made Syed feel like he was the only person in the world.

So he was selling up. Why? Was it because of him? What were his plans? Was he ok? Syed looked at his mother as Christian turned and walked away. 'Sell to the highest bidder', he knew she would hate to lose such a controlling interest to the Beale's. He knew he should care...but his only concern was for Christian. Could he risk it?

"I'm going...to get ready for the delivery!" Syed said suddenly.

Zainab raised her eyebrows, "Syed, the delivery is not expected for over an hour."

"I know", Syed said slightly too quickly, "but I need to do a bit of tidying up and...stock rotation before it gets here".

Zainab sighed an exasperated sigh, "Alright, alright, you go. I will finished my drink ALONE and then go and talk to your father about this new...situation."

Syed could tell she was already considering her options. He took his chance and slipped away...

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On leaving the cafe Syed saw Christian by the newsagents; he walked quickly behind the market stalls and managed to catch up with him on the corner.

"So...what's this new business?"

Christian looked down as he answered that it was nothing to do with catering, he obviously really thought Syed's only concern was for the family business. It hadn't occurred to him Christian wouldn't realise his only concern was for him. Hurt by the assumption Syed made a quick apology and attempted a fast getaway, but was stopped short.

The change in Christians manor was so sudden and took Syed by surprise, he started telling Syed about his plans to start doing personal training, he smiled as he spoke. Christian hadn't smiled at him for so long...as he smiled he reached out to his abdomen and touched him lightly as he joked about fitness programmes and life style choices. Syed felt his touch shoot through his body like electricity and he had to fight not to finch at the overwhelming physical reaction. Then after Syed congratulated him on his plans Christian took his breath away for the third time that day,

"Trouble is that's all I ever did weren't it, talk about it? When it actually came to doing anything about it I always bottled it."

Like me Syed thought immediately...spineless, stupid, weak...he had to go, he couldn't bare to see his face. He always let Christian down, every single time.

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Talking to his mother made him angry, but he still longed for her approval, and that just made him even angrier. How was it possible she couldn't see how hard he was trying, how much of himself he had given up just for the smallest hope he could regain their love. How much love he had lost in the hope of that regained love...pure love, not dirty sordid sex, pure unconditional love.

He walked away from the house quickly, he needed space, he needed some fresh air before had to go to that farce of...

"Sy!"

Oh no, not now...not when he was so raw and open. He couldn't hide from him now, if Christian saw his eyes right now he would see... Syed kept walking as Christian spoke, as he apologised.

Christian was apologising to him? If it wasn't so sad it would be funny.

Normal, he said. Normal? What was normal? What was normal to Syed? This certainly wasn't normal. 'Normal for me would be to be with YOU!' Syed almost shouted in his head. Normal...

"Sounds good to me." Syed spoke out loud...

...and he walked away.