Paper Mario and the Fire Flower of Imminent Doom

High atop the origami folds of the tallest tower in Koopa Fortress, Mario faced off against the koopa brothers for the fate of the first star spirit. As always, the paper plumber started the encounter by turning to his trusty sidekick, Goombario, for guidance. "Well," tattled Goombario, "starting off with an attack that can target all your enemies at once would be a safe bet. With all the ninjakoopas damaged it will be easier to pick them off one by one." Mario nodded and rubbed his mustache in thought. Then he produced a fire flower from his backpack and placed it on the ground.

"Woah there buddy," said the red ninjakoopa stepping forward and breaking into a cold sweat, "can't we just talk this out like adults?" But it was too late, for as soon as he finished his plea he was met with a shower of fireballs from the fire flower. The Koopa brothers didn't even get a chance to scream as their flimsy paper bodies instantly burst into flames and smoldered into four piles of ash.

For a moment Mario puzzled over why the Koopa Brothers were defeated so quickly, and why no star points were dropped, but he immediately noticed Eldstar, the first star spirit, trapped in a card on a pedestal at the far end of the room. Immediately he ran over and touched the card, and a blinding white light spread across the entire room. When the light subsided, Mario saw before him a terrified elder star spirit.

"Wha….what have you done?" He stuttered, his eyes wide with fright staring behind the paper plumber. Mario spun around and noticed that something was smoldering next to the koopa brother's ash piles. The paper rocks of the castle were catching fire, and it was spreading fast.

"We must evacuate at once!" Eldstar commanded, breaking Mario's trance. Eldstar, Mario, and his sidekicks made their way to the door, and by that time half the room was aflame, and the flames were beginning to reach the ceiling stones. The gang bolted across the roof of the fortress, weaving their way through Bullet Bills waving their arms and frantically trying to warn them. Suddenly they were pushed down by a sudden burst of heat and light. The topmost tower had already collapsed and sent a small wave of fire that caught the Bullet Bill cannons. The cannons went hangwire, and shot flaming Bullet Bills in all directions: through the fortress' walls, through the stone floors, and straight into the sky to wreak havoc elsewhere in the mushroom kingdom.

…

In the basement of the Koopa Fortress, the newly freed Bob-ombs jumped up and down in excitement. "I can't wait to return to Koopa Village," said one Bob-omb to another "I'm sure the Koopas will throw a welcome back celebration just for us!"

"—wait," said the other Bob-omb, "do you smell something burning?"

"Yes, actually, I wonder what it could be?"

Suddenly the ceiling gave out and rained flaming paper stones all over the basement. Some Bob-ombs were able to dodge, but others were too terrified to move and were hit. Their fuses instantly caught fire, and all they could do was stare at their friends with tears in their eyes until they met their inevitable fate. Multiple Bob-ombs exploded at once, and the resultant shockwave reached the unlit Bob-ombs before they could even reach the door…

…

"Quickly!" yelled Eldstar "Across the drawbridge, hopefully the moat of the fortress will contain the fire!" Once the gang and a few surviving prisoners were safe across the moat, Mario smashed both chains of the drawbridge with his hammer causing it to sink into the water. Not long after, collapsing paper walls and Bob-omb explosions caused the fire to surge out of Koopa Fortress. Since the water of the moat was also made of paper, it caught flame instantly. There was nothing anyone could do now, the fire would spread across the entire paper Mushroom Kingdom, sealing everyone's fate.

Stepping forward, Goombario quietly stuttered, "W-well there's still hope." He pointed towards Bowser's floating fortress in the sky. "Since the princess is way up there, the fire couldn't possibly reach her. And there are enough toads imprisoned up there to repopulate the entire Mushroom Kingdom one day." But as soon as Goombario finished his words of reassurance, Mario spotted a stray flaming bullet Bill shooting across the sky. It impacted the side of Bowser's floating fortresss, and in no time a small fire could be seen spreading throughout it.

The Mushroom Kingdom was doomed, Princess Peach was doomed, all of Mario's friends were doomed, and Mario was doomed. A lone paper tear slid across Mario's check, and all he could think was Why didn't I use a POW block instead?

…

In the Nintendo Kyoto research center, on the 32nd floor, two Japanese game developers stared dumbstruck at the TV screen. On the screen was a paper Mushroom Kingdom on fire, NPC's aflame running back and forth in terror. They kept watching until the entire screen was just fire, and then they noticed the smell of burning plastic. Shifting their attention towards they Nintendo 64 development console, the noticed it was smoking. Instantly one developer rushed into the hallway to grab the fire extinguisher, and hosed the console down.

In a fit of terror the two developers unplugged everything, then they fell down on the floor in exhaustion. After five minutes of silence, one stood up and walked towards his desk. Reaching deep into one of the drawers he pulled out a large bottle of sake and slammed it on the desk. The second developer stared at the bottle, and then at the first developers eyes, and slowly nodded.