I'm laying down on my big-girl bed that has my little pony ponies on it. Rainbow Dash is the biggest and prettiest because her hair is full of lots of different colors and she's the biggest on the blanket.
I jump when Mommy's loud voice is sent flying up the stairs.
"Bella, sweetie, I'm running to the store to get you those cupcakes you wanted for your end of the school year party tomorrow. Your father's here until I come back!"
It's quiet when the back door closes, and after a minute or three I hear the big red truck start up, because it's the loudest on the block and makes the loudest noises ever. When I don't hear the noises anymore, I know Mommy's gone again.
My mind wanders when it's quiet in the house – my house.
The silence is deafening, though no noises or sounds are made. But I know he's here somewhere - maybe in the room he calls an office. I breathe in and out, in and out slow, just like he told me and pretend to be in my happy place, because I know what comes next.
I know what comes next cause I hear the office door slam shut loud.
My happy place is with him, somewhere or anywhere in the park that's really far away but close to him. There's swings and a sandbox and toys and chocolate frosted cupcakes that Mommy used to make when I littler. There's zillions of butterflies and soft green grass and his eyes are shining so bright from the sun when he looks at me. Later, he tries to hide from me behind the rose bushes at the end of the park, because he's picking me a rose that is newly new just like he always does every time we go to the park. He says I'm his princess and that he's my prince and that we'll live happily ever after where no one can hurt us anymore.
How does he know that?
I hear footsteps coming up the wood stairs, and I'm quick to hide under my bed, though it's really squishy like bugs underneath there and the hard wood hurts my head. I've already double checked my little desk chair is against the door so he won't come in.
I hope it's enough; I can't reach the lock yet.
The footsteps get louder and I try to remember to breathe in and out, in and out, just like he said but it's so hard when the noise and the sounds and the footsteps breaks through all the quiet. And those big loud footsteps are so close and then they stop, and I know they're right outside my periwinkle door.
In and out, in and out. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
I count and I say the alphabet and then I hold my breath when the knob on the door turns.
In my head I pray to the guy Mommy tells me every night to pray to. She says he's above the sky and he helps with everyone's problems.
I told him to pray to the man in the sky too, but when I did he looked sad and said that man didn't answer his prayers yet.
With a hard push and a tough shove, my chair falls backwards and makes loud noises on the floor when it hits. I can see his furry feet as he carefully walks in, and I can tell he's looking for me because he stops quick and makes a weird grunting noise. Then, he sighs deep and walks so close to my big girl bed.
"Bella, baby, why do you insist on hiding from me? I just want to show you something."