Author's Note: This will MOST PROBABLY be my LAST 'Gaara Gets' fic. All the ailments I've done so far I've had personal experience with, so it was easy to write them, and also, they were 'cute', 'non-lethal' illnesses. I can't really do 'Gaara Gets AIDS,' or 'Gaara Gets Explosive Diarrhea', now can I? Anyway, I'm also really busy at college, plus I want to finish up my Escaflowne fics (I'm only half-freakin'-way) so I can start working on another funny thing I wanna do (drawing funny comics, hee hee). But I will continue to do a few more 'Gaara Discovers', because there's still a few more holidays and whatnot for him to find out about. And maybe another 'Gaara Gets' if I get an idea or suggestion that I really like. So my sincerest apologies to everyone, and now, please enjoy! Oh, and say thanks to Darogadaae, who helped me come up with the idea! Review, please! This fic is rated Teen because Sakura swears, but only once!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Gaara Gets Meds
Gaara needed meds.
And everyone knew it.
Whoever so much as glanced at him could tell. He was an insomnious, paranoid, emotionally-disturbed wreck. Granted, he'd come a long way from being the sadistic, psychotic mass-murderer he was before Naruto had helped him out with a few knocks on the noggin, but Gaara still wasn't perfect. He sometimes felt the sinister nudges and urges in his mind to go out in the dark of night and kill something, anything, a squirrel or mouse, just so long as he ended the life of some living thing. Gaara would fight back against Shukaku and refuse to harm anything, which only incurred the demon's wrath and made things worse for himself. Then in the morning after he'd be rather snappish to his siblings, hurting them while hurting himself in the process. It was an ugly cycle.
Gaara lay on his bed, exhausted, head throbbing after an exceptionally vicious mental attack from his unwanted roommate (who not only desired blood sacrifices but didn't pay any sort of rent). Shukaku had been getting more and more restless as of late. Gaara hadn't gotten any decent rest that week (rest as in 'quiet meditation time' listening to Enya in a darkened room with scented candles, since he didn't sleep), and it was beginning to affect his attitude and outward composure. He had also been avoiding his friends recently, reluctant to let them see him in such a state, and was feeling lonely and depressed.
Gaara had to admit it. He needed help. And there was only one person to go to who would suffice.
"…Kankuro?" Gaara asked, standing in front of Kankuro's view of the television to ensure his undivided attention. "I need to talk to you."
"What's up?" Kankuro sighed and put the remote down, knowing Gaara would only leave after he was pacified. The Gilmore Girls would have to wait. After many similar visits from him, Kankuro was getting used to being the fountain of boundless knowledge for his curious and unfortunate brother. Temari sat beside him on the couch, head propped by a fist on an armrest, holding a book and watching with interest.
"I've been feeling a little down lately," Gaara confessed.
"What, like depressed?" Kankuro quirked an eyebrow at his younger brother. "You're not gonna get all emo on me and go cut yourself while listening to Linkin Park, are you? Look, just eat a bag of chips or something, that always make me feel better."
"Yeah, we can see that!" Temari cut in rudely, slamming one of her fists home in Kankuro's ample gut, who doubled over with a gurgle. "Gaara, you don't need food to make you happy. You need a hug. Get over here!" She stood up with her arms open and started forward.
"Run, Gaara! I'll hold her down!" Kankuro threw himself at Temari and tackled her like a pro football player. After some yelling and slapping, he managed to pin her down onto the floor (by sitting on her). "Forget about me! Go!"
"But…you still haven't told me-" Gaara protested, taking several steps back.
"Go to the Clinic! They'll give you some happy pills! Run!"
"Get off me, fat-ass! I can't breathe!" Temari squawked, struggling violently.
Gaara turned and ran.
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The Clinic, fortunately, was close by, and Gaara reached it in a number of minutes since he was sprinting as fast as he could (and looking over his shoulder fearfully, too). If indeed the people there had medicine to help cure his newest 'sickness', he would praise the gods and, heaven forbid, dance a jig. He wouldn't even mind if people watched. Or flipped a few coins his way.
Once inside the large, oddly quiet building, Gaara was surprised to see Sakura Haruno standing expectantly behind the counter, wearing a white nurse's uniform and a funny cap atop her pink head. What was she doing here? She was, of course, a medical ninja, but why in the Sand village of all places? Probably to escape from Lee and his constant 'attacks of love', as he called them.
"Lady Tsunaade sent me here to help out the locals," Sakura explained after greeting Gaara. "She said I needed to travel around and experience more, in different villages and stuff. So, here I am. What can I do for you?" She stood at attention and saluted smartly.
"I…" Gaara hesitated, a bit unsure how to word his inquiry.
"Go ahead," Sakura coaxed. "You can tell me."
"I…I heard you've got…stuff that can…help me." Gaara said casually, placing a hand on the table.
"Gaara, I am not having sex with you." Sakura stated bluntly.
"Wha…NO! I…I meant, you know! Drugs!" Gaara blushed red as a lobster and recoiled in shock.
"I'm not giving you any pot, either."
"I don't smoke pot!" Gaara hissed, face turning an even deeper shade of crimson. "I need some anti-depressants, alright?! Kankuro told me you could give me some!"
"Oh." Sakura blinked several times and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry." She turned around and began rummaging through several boxes filled with hundreds of different prescriptions and bottles. "What kind would you like?"
"Whatever works." Gaara shrugged.
"Here, try this." Sakura handed him a white box with a ridiculously smiling face plastered on the side. "These are the smallest dose we have. If it doesn't work, bring it right back and you can try a stronger kind. Okay?"
"Thanks." Gaara took the box, then paused. "Are you really only here because Tsunade ordered it?"
"Of course! What are you implying?" Sakura narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
Gaara stared dubiously back at her for several long moments.
"He wouldn't leave me alone!" Sakura blurted out with a frown. "That stupid Lee rigged a trap so when I opened the front door of my house, a bunch of cherry blossoms fell on my head! Then he had the balls to say, 'I only wanted to give some sakura to my Sakura'! I almost punched him in the face!"
"…Maybe you should take some of these." Gaara proffered his bottle.
"No, no." Sakura shook her head and sighed. "I'll be alright. You need them more than me. Take care."
"Sure. You too."
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Outside, Gaara studied the bottle with a keen eye and spotted the instructions. They were very simplistic and easy to follow.
"Take one happy pill and all your dreams will come true!" Gaara read aloud, feeling a little foolish. But, if it would make him feel better…
Gaara popped open the top of the bottle and peered in. Yellow pills with smiley faces painted on them grinned back up at him. Shaking one out, Gaara eyed its painfully cheery countenance for a moment, doubts setting in. What if it didn't work? What if he was incurable? Would he be miserable for the rest of his life? Would he be forced to keep his distance from his friends to keep them safe from harm? From him?
"No." Gaara said firmly. "I won't let that happen." Taking a deep breath, Gaara threw the pill into his mouth and swallowed it quickly. He then squeezed his eyes shut and waited. And waited. And waited.
Nothing. He felt no different. What was going on? Were the pills not powerful enough? Did he need a stronger dose? Perhaps he should go back to Sakura and ask-
Gaara suddenly froze as a strange sensation began spreading through his body like wildfire. It felt like pins and needles were pricking his skin all over. His eyes widened, showing whites all around. The small hairs on the back of his neck stood up, bristling.
And a huge, dopey grin spread across Gaara's face like the blooming of a lotus.
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Sakura dusted off her hands, having finally finished packing up the last of the prescriptions and filling out all the forms for the patients. She was all done for the day. Now to go back to her hotel room and have a nice, long bath. One that was Lee-free, thank goodness. Not that she didn't like the attention, it was just a bit overwhelming at times. Lee certainly didn't know the meaning of the words 'too much.'
"Any customers today?" The head nurse asked, walking in holding a clipboard and pen. Sakura looked up at her and nodded.
"Yes, ma'am. He asked for some anti-depressants and I gave him some."
"Which kind?" The head nurse looked down at her chart.
"Uhmm…" Sakura raked her brain. "Prescription Number 108."
A strange, uncomfortable silence filled the room.
"Number…108? Are you sure?"
"Y…yes." Sakura thought for a moment and nodded in assessment. "I'm sure. Why? Is there something wrong?"
"Sakura," the head nurse said haltingly. "Prescription Number 108…is the strongest medication we have for depression. Almost dangerously so."
"What?!"
"It says so, right here." The head nurse held up her clipboard. Prescription Number 108 was circled in red pen, with quite a few 'extremely dangerous!' and 'caution!' warnings pointing to it. Sakura snatched the clipboard from the woman and stared at the paper in disbelief. There was no mistaking it. She'd given Gaara-
…She'd…given…Gaara…
"Oh, shit."
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The people of the Sand village were staring wide-eyed at the smiling, skipping young man who danced around the street, oblivious to their fearful whispers and nervous mutters. Some ran away screaming at the sight, certain the end of the world was coming and wanting to get home to see their families one last time. Others whipped out cameras and snapped pictures, wanting to remember this momentous occasion (and perhaps make a few bucks with the tabloids). Gaara paid no attention to any of them.
"What a beautiful day," he thought to himself, smiling up at the beaming sun with its glorious golden rays. It smiled down at him, chuckling in delight. Gaara laughed back and waved. Then he twirled away down the street, lavishing in the warm sights and scents of the Sand village, wondering how he'd never before realized what a truly wonderful place it was.
Gaara glanced to the side in the middle of a pirouette and caught sight of a run-down playground. It was small, with only a rusty pair of swing sets, a see-saw, and a red slide. What Gaara saw in his doped-up head resembled a magical carnival.
That playground sure looked fun. Really fun. Hell, it was calling to him. Gaara could actually hear it talking, singing in a lovely voice.
"Come plaaay with meeee! Come plaaay with meeee!"
"Well, if you insist…" Gaara bolted for the playground, not at all sure which implement to play on first. The swings? The see-saw? Ooh, what about the slide? Yes, the slide it was! Gaara shot up the ladder, shoved the kid who was at the top off the side, and slid down with a whoop of glee. That was fun! The best fun he'd had in years! Why hadn't he ever done something like this earlier?
Gaara hopped up for a second go. This time he lay on his stomach and closed his eyes when he went down. It was exhilarating, with the wind whooshing through his hair and on his face, plus the pain when he hit the ground face-first at the bottom. It was all so wonderful!
The swings were next! Gaara jumped on one (children shrieked and ran away) and swung his legs to get his momentum going. Once he was swinging good, he laughed aloud and leaned back as he sailed forward. He opened his eyes and gazed at the blue sky above him, peppered with its white clouds drifting lazily back and forth. Higher! Gaara wanted to touch them! He wanted to fly in the sky like the birds!
"Push me!" Gaara urged. "Push me!"
Wait. He was alone.
Gaara ground to a halt, dragging his feet in the dirt and looking around. He was alone. His friends weren't there. Where were they?
"Wait, I know!" Gaara leapt from the swing and landed perfectly. "I'll go see them in Konoha!"
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"Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP!" Sakura dashed along the street, searching desperately for a certain red-headed shinobi with mental problems. She had to find him, and find him quick. Before he did something foolish or dangerous…or both. And most importantly…Sakura had to keep this quiet so Lady Tsunade would never, ever catch wind of her blunder. She'd never hear the end of it from her superior if she found out.
Thankfully finding Gaara didn't seem to be much of a challenge. He left in his wake crowds of frightened and confused people who helpfully pointed out the way to Sakura, giving her a trail to follow. She came upon a small playground with several traumatized children standing absently around.
"Did you kids see a guy with red, spiky hair and dark eyes come around here?" Sakura asked, panting. "Symbol on his forehead? Dark clothes?"
The kids stared blankly back at her.
"…had a big dumb smile on his face?"
"Yeah, we saw him, alright." One of the children nodded. "He said he was going to Konoha."
Sakura's jaw fell open. Konoha. Hokage. Lady Tsunade.
She was so screwed.
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Gaara had forgotten what a magical place Konoha was. People bustling around doing chores, children running shrieking in the streets, sellers hawking their wares from the stores. It was all so peaceful, like a dream of heaven. He stood in the middle of the street, smiling dreamily in paradise. Villagers inched by him nervously, wondering why Gaara of the Desert was here and why he was grinning like an idiot to no-one in particular. If only they knew…
"Hey, Gaara!"
Gaara blinked in surprise and turned as a familiar voice sounded from behind him. Naruto Uzumaki stood next to him, a similarly silly smile plastered on his own mug.
"Wanna go get some Ichiraku Ramen?" He asked.
"Oh, do I!" Gaara's smile, if it was possible, grew even wider.
And so it began.
"Gaara! I haven't seen you in forever!" Ino called from her flower store as he walked past. "Come in and visit me!"
"No thanks, Ino!" Gaara called right back with a wave and a smile. "You're the most annoying girl I know and I find it hard to spend more than five minutes with you before I start going crazy! You make Shukaku seem like a push-over! Later!"
"Choji!" Gaara came upon the plus-size genin. "You're like a big teddy bear that I wanna hug but I'm too scared to because I'm not secure enough with my masculinity!"
"Huh?" Choji screwed up his face at the statement, unsure of whether he should be flattered or insulted. He decided to be on the safe side and change the subject instead. "Um, want some chocolate?"
"Of course I do! I love chocolate! Chocolate is awesome!" Gaara paused, his spinning mind searching for something. "Uh, what's chocolate?"
"No wonder you're always so tense," Choji mumbled to himself, rummaging around in his pockets until he found the sugary treat. He brought out a chocolate bar and held it out. "Here, eat this."
Gaara did. Now he was not only jacked up on powerful anti-depressants, but was on a phenomenal sugar rush, too. Heaven help us.
"Hey! Keep your hands off my sister or else I'll bleeping kill you!" Gaara said cheerfully, clapping Shikamaru on the back, who choked on his food and stared at Gaara fearfully.
"Shino! You scare the ever-loving crap out of me!" Gaara told the solitary genin, whose face didn't alter one bit at his declaration. "You're even creepier than I was when I was evil!"
"Kiba! Can I pet Akamaru? He's so adorable!" Gaara scooped up the surprised puppy and gave him a belly-rub. Kiba stood stock-still, rooted to the ground, too surprised to move.
"H-hello, Gaara." Hinata smiled softly at him and blushed. Suddenly she realized something was different about him. "G-Gaara? Is…something w-wrong?"
"Hinata! You look hot today!" Gaara seized Hinata by the arms and planted a kiss firmly on her lips. As Hinata turned red and went into hysterics, Neji leapt to her defense. Gaara was ready. "And you! You don't need to be so cold and distant from everyone! That's my job, remember? So go and hit on Ten-ten or something!"
Neji turned red and Ten-ten gasped in surprise as Gaara wheeled around and sped off.
Gaara ran up and slugged Sasuke across the face, sending him crashing back onto the ground with a grunt.
"You! Stop being such an inconsiderate jerk to everyone! And why are you so pissed off all the time?" Gaara placed his hands on his hips and glared down at the prone boy. "You've got all the girls in love with you and the best scores in school! Stop being such a Negative Nancy and cheer up!"
"Rock Lee!" Gaara caught sight of the green-clad genin and rushed up to him. "Have I ever told you how jealous I am of your huge, fuzzy eyebrows?"
"Why, no you have not!" Lee beamed with pride, waggling his eyebrows dramatically. "Say, would you like to practice various socially embarrassing poses with me?"
"I'd love to!" He and Lee began assuming all sorts of silly positions that if anyone ever saw them perform would most probably burst out laughing.
"There you are!" Sakura burst from the bushes, eyes wild and gasping for breath. Her nurse's uniform was disheveled and dirty, and she'd somehow lost her hat during her adrenaline-fueled journey. Lee's eyes lit up when he saw her.
"Saaaakura!" He trilled, clasping his hands together in delight. "You look so lovely in those clothes! Where did you get them? Are you going to wear them from now on? Please say you are!"
"Lee!" Sakura screeched, jabbing a finger toward her prey. "Catch Gaara and I'll…I'll…I'll go on a date with you!"
Lee stared back at Sakura, mouth agape with disbelief and awe. A date…with Sakura? He needed someone to pinch him to see if he was dreaming. No, wait! He could do that later! Lee whipped around and faced Gaara. While still under the effects of the happy pill, Gaara was keen enough to realize something was going on with those two. Sand began swirling defensively around him, forming a shield that was ready to strike in an instant. Lee gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into fists. This was not going to be easy.
Lee struck, and the sand shield moved to Gaara's defense. As Sakura watched the two begin duking it out, she realized it wouldn't work. Lee was strong and fast, but Gaara had already beaten him once already and perhaps would for a second time right now. There had to be another way. But how?
Sakura looked down at the bottle she held. It was the antidote for diluting the powerful anti-depressant pills Gaara had already taken. Somehow she had to get him to swallow some. Then he'd come back to his senses and stop being so…happy. Think! What did a doped-out pill-pusher want most? Then she knew.
"Of course! More pills!" A sly smile spread across Sakura's face as she lifted her head to see Gaara and Lee still going at it. "Gaara! I've got some more happy pills right here for you! Come and get them!" She held up the bottle and shook it enticingly. Gaara's head snapped around at the sound and his eyes widened. Happy pills. More of them. If he was this happy now, think of how wonderfully happy he would become if he took more! Horray!
Gaara shot toward Sakura, who threw the pills to the side and dodged away. She'd done it. Now to make sure Tsunade never found out.
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Gaara slowly opened his eyes and stared up at the darkening sky. What was he doing on his back? And why did his head hurt so much? It felt like kids had been hammering on it with rocks all morning. Gaara sat up with a groan, holding his head gingerly in his hands and looked around.
"You back with us now?" Sakura asked, leaning close to check his condition.
"He seems better," Lee commented, cracking his knuckles. "Er, about that date thing…"
"You can't go out with her!" Naruto barked, jumping at him. "Sakura's mine! Back off, Bushy-Brow!"
"Stop that!" Ino growled. "You two are acting like kids!"
"Fight! Fight!" Kiba jeered, Akamaru barking in agreement.
"…" Shino was busy standing off to the side and looking cool.
"Can we go get something to eat?" Choji asked, rubbing his stomach. "I haven't had anything to eat in like…an hour."
"In a few minutes," Ten-ten promised. "Right, Neji?"
"Uhh…" Neji didn't trust himself to look her in the face and instead studied a bird flying off in the distance.
"Thank goodness Gaara's back to normal," Hinata thought to herself, blushing slightly.
"I'll get him back for this." Sasuke rubbed the sore spot on his chin and began plotting revenge.
"Um…what happened?" Gaara stumbled to his feet, head swimming and vision blurring. Lee caught his arm and helped him stand up. "I remember taking some sort of pill Sakura gave me, and then just a big blank. What happened after?"
Everyone exchanged nervous glances.
"Nothing!" They all said at once.
"Really?"
"Yes!" Hinata nodded. "Gaara, you don't need pills to be happy. If you were feeling down, you should have come seen us for help. We would have tried to cheer you up."
"Yeah!" Naruto yelled as everyone else voiced their agreements. Gaara flushed with pleasure at the thought of having friends who cared so much about him.
"Alright. I'll try to remember that from now on." Gaara rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and looked at the sun, which had just touched the horizon and was beginning to sink behind it. "It's getting late. I'd better head home now."
"Sure! Later!" Everyone said their goodbyes and began dispersing.
"Uh, Gaara? You were just kidding about that whole, 'killing me if I touch Temari' thing, right?" Shikamaru asked with a nervous laugh.
"I said that?" Gaara asked. "Don't worry-"
"Phew…" Shikamaru sighed in relief.
"I was totally serious."
"Oh, crap."
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Finally, Gaara was home. Darkness had settled over the Sand Village, and he could see the lights on in his house as he trudged up to the front door. He was beat. What a day. Even if he didn't remember a thing about it. All Gaara wanted to do was go up to his room, light some scented candles, close the lights, and meditate to the serene songs of-
"I've got you now! It's hug time!" Temari slammed the front door open and leapt at her brother.
"Gaara, you fool! Why did you come back?" Kankuro demanded from where he lay on the carpet inside the house, covered with bruises and various wounds. "I told you to run!"
Gaara shrugged at him from beneath Temari's warm embrace. Hugs weren't really so bad after all.
The End
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of Kankuro. I didn't really use him a lot in this fic, huh? Ah, well. Hope you liked it anyway. It was fun to make Gaara go nuts. I especially liked the hitting of the Sasuke. Hee hee. Mmmmkay. I've gotta go now. Got another test to study for. Urrrrgh. School. Sucks. Ass. I think I'll drop out and become a bum. Later! Review, please!