Disclaimer: I obviously own nothing. Sigh.
Lily leaned against the cold stone wall and let out a deep breath as she slumped down to the floor. She cradled her head in her hands, taking another deep breath. She didn't think she would ever get used to this. It certainly wasn't what she had signed up for coming to Hogwarts. It hadn't been what she expected to find that fateful day when Severus had called her a witch in the park where she played with her sister. In no daydream had she expected to find a world that despised her more than the one she had left. She had never imagined that someone could hate her simply because of the family into which she was born. In all her life, she had never even imagined that anyone could hate anything as much as some people seemed to hate those like her.
She pretended that it didn't bother her, that the names they spewed didn't affect her, and for the most part, they didn't. She didn't care what they thought of her. She could brush off the words, the looks, any negative encounter without much effort. But after seven years, they weighed on her. It was no longer just her; it was children like her, who hadn't known, as she hadn't known, children who didn't know how to deal with it. And it was no longer just words or looks; lately things had progressed, from teasing to full on attacks. She was responsible for dealing with them now, not that she would have avoided it anyway. How was she meant to deal with this? She sighed again.
"Lily?" a voice interrupted her reverie, "Is everything all right?"
She looked up, "No, James," she replied, "Not at all."
James leaned against the wall across from her, "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head.
James ran a hand through his hair, "Lily, I-I know things have been rough lately," he sighed, "You don't have to take it all on yourself, you know."
"But if I don't," she looked up to meet his gaze, "Who will?"
"Dumbledore. McGonagall. Me. Sirius. Remus. Peter. Lily, you're not in this alone."
She looked away from him, and didn't speak a word.
"I-Lily, I- I know you've been stressed with this, and you don't need to be."
Lily snorted.
"Look, if you're not going to let me help, at least let me cheer you up a bit."
She looked back at him, her brows furrowed skeptically.
"Let me take you to Hogsmeade. I'll buy you a drink, or a few, and make you laugh and when we come back you'll be ready to take on the world, all by yourself."
She pursed her lips and looked at him through the corner of her eyes.
"No strings attached."
She sighed, "All right, then. When's the next trip?"
"Who needs a trip when you've got me?"
That Saturday, Lily met James in the common room. "Ready?" he greeted her.
"Of course," she replied, "Now how are we meant to go about this?"
"Follow me," he answered.
They walked out of the portrait hole together and Lily followed James through a series of corridors. After a few minutes, he pulled her into a corner. He pulled out a silvery length of fabric, and whispered to her, "Invisibility cloak, but you mustn't tell."
"I won't," she promised.
He threw the material over both of them, and then set off again. Lily followed him, much closer this time, she could feel the heat radiating off his body. She was sure they had never been quite this close before. They continued down to the fourth floor, where they approached a mirror. James stopped, and Lily nearly ran into him. He performed a bit of magic, and the mirror opened, revealing a tunnel behind it. The pair shuffled into it, and the door closed behind them.
"How-"
"It's a long story," James replied. He pulled the cloak off of them, "We'll need it again when we get close, but there's no need for it now."
They walked along, James carrying a lighthearted conversation with very little help from Lily. She wasn't uninterested in what he was saying, just a bit preoccupied with her surroundings, and the events she had left back at the castle. What if something happened while they were away?
"We have to go back," she said.
"What?"
"We have to go back."
"Lily, what are you talking about?"
"We have to go back. What if something happens while we're away? What if a student is attacked again? What if they need us and we're not there?"
"It won't."
"It might!"
"Lily, we're almost there, it'd be pointless to turn back now."
"No, no it wouldn't. We might make it back before anything too serious happens."
"Or maybe we won't. Or maybe nothing will happen. Or gods forbid someone besides you takes care of it for once."
"What?"
"Let McGonagall take care of it. Or the prefects. Literally anyone else. You deserve a break."
"I-"
"I'm not taking you back."
"I'll go myself."
"No, you'll come with me, and you'll have a drink, or a few, and a laugh, because you deserve it."
"But-"
"No."
"James-"
"Lily, nothing is going to happen."
"But-"
"Will it make you feel better if I have Sirius on watch? He can let us know if anything happens and we'll come right back."
"How-"
"It's a long story."
"Fine."
Half an hour later, they were sitting in The Three Broomsticks, sipping on their drinks. James held a butterbeer, while Lily nursed a gillywater. "Well," Lily began, "You've bought me a drink, and now I think you've promised me a laugh as well."
"Right you are," he raised his bottle to her, "How to make Lily Evans laugh…" he rubbed his chin.
Lily narrowed her eyes.
"Have you heard the one about the naked hippogriffs?"
"Yes."
"The lonely werewolf?"
"Yes."
"Damn, you're a tough crowd."
Lily let out a chuckle.
"How about the time Sirius singed off his eyebrows?"
"That's a new one," she replied.
"Well it happened two summers ago…"
Lily had not laughed so hard in her entire life. Once he got her going, it seemed she just couldn't stop, no matter how stupid the joke was. After a few hours, Lily looked to him, "Can we do this more often?"
"We can do this as often as you like," James responded.
"Good," she said, "Because you were right, it did make me feel better."
"I'm very glad."
So they began seeing each other more often. They didn't go to Hogsmeade every time, as Lily had a point, the Head students couldn't very well be missing should there be an emergency, but they spent a great deal of time in the common room, the kitchens, the great hall, laughing, and as time went on talking deeply about the reality of their lives. No strings attached. They weren't dating, they were just great friends. That's what Lily told herself. Friendship (possibly the greatest she had ever had) nothing else.
In fact, James soon became her very best friend. It became rare that she was without him, and by extension, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. They never failed to make her laugh, and though nothing else had changed, she was incomparably happier. And James listened to her, really, really heard what she was saying, and he tried so hard to understand, though he couldn't possibly understand it on the same level. They didn't even need to talk; just being near him was enough to lift her spirit. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced.
"Come to Hogsmeade with me," he said to her, one day while they were sitting by the fire.
"When?"
"The next visit," he replied. "It'll be fun."
"And what about your mates?"
"You're my mate." Lily looked at him out of the corners of her eyes, her lips pursed but tilted into a smile, "They'll deal with it."
She smiled and licked her lips, "Alright," she responded.
He beamed at her. It seemed he didn't stop for the next week, until they were once again sitting in The Three Broomsticks, sipping slowly on their drinks. "I don't think I ever told you the one about the naked hippogriffs," James said. Lily giggled.
"Now that's disgusting," a sneering voice jeered from behind them.
James turned to greet the interloper, "Now that's not fair, I've not even told the joke yet."
Lily covered her mouth with her hand, stifling the giggle that escaped.
"Oh I don't mind your crass jokes," Theodora Burke continued, "I'm more concerned with the company you're keeping, Potter."
Lily glared fiercely at the dark-haired girl in front of her. "Fortunately," James began before Lily had composed herself enough to talk, "That is none of your business."
Theodora laughed, "You know, Potter, I'd heard that you were shagging the mudblood, but I didn't think you'd stoop low enough to actually be seen with her."
Lily drew her wand before Theodora could blink. James was quickly behind her. "Go ahead, do your worst," Theodora said, "and watch me destroy your life. You'll make it so easy."
"You're not worth the breath," Lily spat back. Without another word, or a glance back, she turned on her toe and walked out the doors. She stormed off through the streets, not paying any attention to where she was going or why.
"Lily!" James called from behind her. "Lil! Wait!" She didn't. He caught up with her quickly, and held her elbow, panting, "You forgot your cloak," he said simply.
"Thank you, Potter," she responded.
"Lily-"
"Don't," she said, "Please don't."
"Fine," he said, "I won't. Let's go for a walk."
"Why'd you want to do that?" she asked, viciously.
"Don't go down that road, Lily. I'm on your side."
"Fine then," she spoke harshly, "Let's go for a walk."
It wasn't the last encounter. It seemed it had set the model for all of the rest to come. They always happened when Lily and James were in public together. Whoever was harassing them always commented on the same things: that James shouldn't be slumming around with the likes of Lily. James never let it bother him, and did his damnedest to make sure Lily felt the same. James never let anything faze him, or else, he didn't show it to Lily.
She encountered him on her way back to Gryffindor Tower. He was clutching his face, and walking so quickly he almost didn't notice her.
"James!" she greeted him cheerfully. Her tone morphed to panic when she realized that blood was dripping from between his fingers. "James, what's happened?"
"'S'nothing," he responded. "I fell."
Lily saw through his lie straight away. He moved closer to him, and gently pulled his hand away from his face. She recognized the spell immediately. "James, who did this to you?"
"No one. I fell, I told you."
"James-"
"Can you heal me?" he asked, "Because if not I really have got to get to the Infirmary."
Lily reached into her bag and pulled out a handkerchief. "Here," she held it out to him. When he didn't take it she reached up and pressed it to his cheek. His hand moved to cover hers, and he took over the pressure when she pulled away. "I'll walk you there," she said.
"No," he replied, "I can get there myself."
"That wasn't an offer," she countered. She grabbed his free arm and began pulling him along.
"Lily, I'm really fine."
"I won't stay then; I'll just make sure you get there."
"Fine."
They walked in silence, until finally they reached the Infirmary, and Madame Pomfrey rushed to them. She ushered James into a bed, and Lily took her chance to slip away.
She knew. She knew he was lying. She knew why he was lying. She knew exactly what had happened. And she knew exactly what she had to do about it. But it wasn't fair. She stormed through the corridors, her hair flying out behind her. The few students she encountered moved out of her path. It wasn't fucking fair. It wasn't fair that she had been born into this life; that she was stuck between two worlds that did not want her in them. It wasn't fair that she should be treated poorly because of circumstances beyond her control. It wasn't fucking fair that she should be miserable her entire life, when she had never done a damn thing wrong. It wasn't fucking fair.
She nearly fell against the stone wall as her body was racked with sobs. How could she have even let it get this far? She should have known. It was her fault, it was entirely her fault. And she-but she- it wasn't fair. She sank to the floor and cradled her head, not even bothering to stifle her sobs. It wasn't fair that she would never be happy, that every flicker of joy should be taken from her so ruthlessly. It just wasn't fair.
Someone knelt down next to her, and attempted to wrap his arms around her. She pushed him off with as much force as she could muster. "Go away!" she screamed.
"Lily," James pleaded with her, "What's the matter?"
"You are the matter," she sobbed, "Go. Away."
"What? What have I done?"
"Everything!" she shouted. He knelt down again, and again she pushed him away.
"Lily, I don't understand."
"No," she rose from the ground, "You'll never understand." She began walking away, but James grabbed her elbow.
"Tell me what I've done," he said. "Please, please tell me what I've done."
"Let go of me!" she shouted, he let go of her arm immediately, "I never want to see you again!"
"Lily, tell me what I've done! Let me fix it, please, let me make it up to you."
"No, I hate you!" she shoved him, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
He grabbed her arms once again, lightly, only to stop them from hitting him.
"No you don't," he replied.
"I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE YOU! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"
James pulled her to him and she collapsed in his arms, still sobbing hysterically.
"It's not fair," she whimpered as she cried into his chest, "It's not fucking fair."
"No," he said, stroking her hair lightly, "No, nothing's fair."
"It's my fault, and that's not my fault, and it's not fair."
"Nothing's your fault, Lily," he whispered.
"No it is! It's my fault and-" she sniffed, "I'm never going to get to be happy, and it's not fair."
"Of course you'll be happy, Lily, I promise, I'll make sure you're happy if it's the last thing I do."
This prompted a fresh round of sobs, "No, no you can't! It will be the last thing you do! Can't you see that, James? Your life will be so much easier without me."
"No, no, no," he said, "No, my life without you would be miserable."
"No!" she screeched, "I will make your life miserable! They'll take everything I love, anything that makes me happy, and I love you so much, and it's not fair!"
"You…what?" he looked down at her, and tilted her head up so that she looked him in the face. Her nose was red and running, her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.
"I d-didn't, I didn't mean… please don't take that the wrong way."
"What way is the wrong way?" he asked, cautiously.
"I didn't, I mean, we're not even dating yet and you can't just go around using that word and I didn't mean to say it it just slipped out and-"
James cut her off by placing his lips gently on hers. She responded cautiously, and they kissed slowly, gently, fearfully. They pulled apart and James grinned at her. She smiled back for a moment, then looked away slowly.
"No!" she pulled away from him entirely and stood up, "No, we can't! You can't!"
He stood up and faced her. "I'll do what I want, thank you."
"No, no I won't let you. You can live so easily without me; this isn't your war to fight, James!"
He paused, and stared hard at her, "You think I'm fighting this for you?"
Lily stared at him.
"You don't think there's any other reason behind it?"
She blinked rapidly.
"Lily, what do you take me for?"
She looked down.
"I'm not fighting it for you. I mean, I am, but you're not the reason. Well, you're one of the reasons, but I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. I'm not going to sit idle by and watch people fight for the things I believe in. I'm going to join them. And I'm going to whether you break my heart or not."
"I-I, I just, I want you to be happy. And I want you to be safe. And you're not with me."
"Who says I'm not happy?"
"Can you be happy if you're not safe?"
"I don't care."
"But, I-"
"What's going to make you happy, Lily?"
She did not answer for several moments. Finally, she looked up at him shyly and spoke, "You."
"You deserve to be happy."
"You deserve to be safe."
"I don't care."
Lily took a step toward him, "You're willing to risk it?"
"I'm risking it anyway," he said, "So, you know, might as well." He took a step toward her.
Lily smiled. "Can I say it?"
He took another step in, "Love," her heart skipped a beat, "Please do. As often as possible."
"I love you, James," she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I love you too, Lily," he bowed his head and kissed her.
AN: Please review! :)