Authors Note: I've always liked Kelly Clarkson's song Because of you and I have fallen even more in love with it after I heard the duett version of it with Reba McEntire, so I though I make my own version of it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own CSI Miami and I don't make any money from it
Because of you
Calleigh stood by her father's grave. It was a cold autumn day, the wind was blowing so hard that the trees were having trouble keeping their leaves on. The petite blonde was slightly shivering. Tears were running down her cheek, in anger, frustration and sorry.
How could he leave her like this? How could he choose the bottle over his own family?
She just didn't get it, then again she never did. She never did manage to grasp why every big problem was solved by the bottle. Drink to forget. She remembered arguments from her childhood, harsh words, beatings, crying and feeling scared.
He taught her never to touch alcohol, never to believe that marriage could be happy, never to believe that love could result in something good, well it wasn't just him that taught her that. She had her share of bad relationships.
"Are you happy now," she screamed at the grave, sinking to her knees, crying.
How was she ever going to have something slightly normal when she didn't even know what that was?
She worked around the clock; when she got home she indulged fast-food in front of the TV, then went to bed. She was no good in a relationship, mostly because she didn't believe in love, so when it got serious she ended it. Terrified of ending up like her parents, she figured she rather live alone.
"I don't wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be alone," she whispered, shivering on the cold ground beneath her.
"There you are, I was wondering where you ran off to," she heard Natalia's soft voice whisper behind her.
The petite blonde, turned and looked at her friend with still teary eyes. She had run off to the graveyard, no warning on the way to the crime scene close by.
"How did you know where I was?" Calleigh asked surprised.
"Well it was either here or the coffee shop, and you weren't there, so I checked here. I remembered from the funeral some months back. So want to tell me why you are here?" the older woman asked.
"I'm just so frustrated at him for leaving the way he did. I thought he had changed and now because of him I stop my relationship before they get to serious, terrified of ending up like him and my mother. I never had more than one drink in my life altogether. I'm terrified of becoming him. And I don't want to be alone anymore," she said, looking up at the woman in front of her.
"But Calleigh, sweetie, you are not alone, you got me and the rest at the lab," said Natalia.
"At work, but I come home to an empty house, I don't want that anymore," she said.
"I know what that is like," said Natalia with a heavy sigh.
Calleigh looked into her hazel eyes, realizing that the two of them were in the same boat for so many reasons. In fact Natalia was probably the one person she cared deeply for and respected the most. She was her best friend on good days and bad. She made her smile when she was sad and always dried her tears. It was then at that moment she realized something and said, "Natalia, I love you."
Just as the words slipped from her lips she realized what she had done and bit her lips to not say anything else. The brunette looked at her with shocked eyes, wondering if she had heard right as she replied, "Sorry what?"
"I love you," the younger blonde said again, but her voice was firmer now.
"You love me?" Natalia asked, looking down at her with confused eyes. Of all the persons in the world uttering the words and meaning them she would never figure it to be the blonde, sitting on the ground in front of her. Not that it made the less meaningful.
"I do, I didn't realize until now, but I really do," said Calleigh, letting a hand reach out for Natalia's, that were a couple of inches from hers.
Natalia let her own hand go out to meet Calleigh's, not knowing what to say, she just stood there, looking at her with tender eyes. Calleigh just looked back at her with eyes felt of warmth and love.
Neither spoke, neither moved, they just stood there, looking at each other. A single tear started to run from Calleigh's cheek, and Natalia let a finger reach out drying it off saying, "It will be OK I promise, I got you, you got nothing more to fear."
She didn't rightly say the word, yet in a way she did, it was just enough to make Calleigh feel more loved than she had ever felt before.
"NO!" Calleigh screamed out, sitting up to fast in bed. Tears ran down her cheeks. She was shivering uncontrollably, whispering, "No, no, no."
Natalia that had been woken by her uncontrollable scream quickly wrapped her arms around her, whispering, "Shhhh, it's Ok, I got you."2
"How could he do that?" she whispered, hiding in her lover.
"I don't know Calleigh, I really don't," said Natalia.
"Leave me like that," she whispered.
"I don't know," said Natalia again.
"I'm sorry Nattie, I really didn't mean to wake you," Calleigh apologized.
"It is OK, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Natalia asked, gently nuzzling the top of her blonde hair.
"Just hold me," said Calleigh, gently nuzzling against her breast, making the older woman smile at her.
"Just sleep sweetheart," she said in a calm tone, gently stroking her.
"I love you, Nattie" she whispered, before closing her eyes.
"I love you too, Calli," she whispered back with a smile.
Calleigh mumbled something else couldn't catch, before starting to suck on Natalia's nipple. Natalia just continued to stroke her blonde angel very gently.
They had been together for soon five months now. Ever since the day on her father's grave they had spent every night together. That she woke up from bad dreams wasn't unusual, but she quickly found her comfort in Natalia's arms. She was now in her sleep sucking on her nipple, she always did and Natalia didn't mind.
She once in the past, while she and Nick were at a happy place planned to use those to feed their children. That however did not happen and Natalia had ended up with a chain of bad relationships and male acquaintances. None had really given her anything.
The blonde now sleeping in her arms however did. She even before they became a couple gave Natalia all she ever wanted. She had made her smile when she was sad, and more than once dried away her tears. She was the one that taught her you cannot start a morning without coffee, even if it should happen to be bad. She was the one that always knew the answers and the one that taught her that guns were more than just weapons. And in the end the one that taught her how to love and be loved and that it was ok to do so.
She was the one that saw her when no one else did; she was the one that always knew what she needed. Because of her Natalia knew that she had nothing to fear. Maybe that was why she now knew she would be safe at night. Slowly she closed her eyes and fell asleep to Calleigh's deep breaths.
When Calleigh woke up the next morning, she looked at the sleeping Natalia right next to her. Her Natalia. The woman she loved more than anything in the world and wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The woman that had showed her the true meaning of love, that it was possible that it didn't end in disaster as her parents had taught her.
She knew that she and Natalia most likely never would marry. She did however know that they would spend the rest of their days together. Just the two of them, they didn't need anyone else. A hand stroked over a necklace that was hanging around her neck. A gun. Natalia had gotten it to her for her one month anniversary. She loved it dearly, just like she loved Natalia. With all her heart, mind, body and soul. It was as simple as that.
She looked at the brunette that was sleeping peacefully next to her, cover halfway of making her see her naked back. Her hair sprawled around her head, in a messy way, yet nice. Calleigh smiled thinking that she was just beautiful. Her beautiful.
Natalia was not the kind of person Calleigh had pictured herself ending up with. In fact she had pictured herself doing what she was taught, ending up with a man and have children. She knew that if her father could have seen her now, he would have been furious. He would have yelled at her asking what the hell she was thinking, and she was for sure certain he would never have approved of her Natalia.
Maybe it therefore in a way it right now was a relif he was gone. Calleigh was starting to wonder if they would have been a couple if it wasn't for his death. Maybe, but not quite so fast.
In her eyes, Natalia was perfect; she was all she ever dreamed of, if not more. She was kind, generous, funny, interesting, not to mention she was fantastic in bed. Much more so than a guy would have ever been. She knew exactly what to do to pleasure her, something Calleigh appreciated very much.
No one understood her and her needs like Natalia and she doubted no one ever would.
She sighed of happiness of satisfaction, because right now life was good and she knew it would continue that way for a very long time.
Just then Natalia opened her eyes and looked at her asking, "Something wrong, beautiful?"
"No, not at all, what makes you think that?" asked Calleigh confused.
"You sighing," said Natalia, it was normally a sign something was in fact wrong.
"No, happy sigh, I'm just so happy and content with you by my side, happier than I ever thought I would be," she said and smiled at her lover.
"Glad to hear, you make me happy too," said Natalia with a yawn.
"If you go in the shower, I'll make you coffee," said the blonde, almost jumping out of bed filled with enthusiasm.
"Or you can join me in the shower and then make coffee after," said Natalia, winking at her as she got out of bed.
"That…that does sound more tempting," said Calleigh with a giggle.
"After you, ladies first," said Natalia, making a gesture for her to walk.
"And what are you then a man?" Calleigh asked, turning her head to look at her.
"No, gentle lady, now hurry up we don't have all morning," said Natalia giving her a playful slap on the behind, to make her do just that. Calleigh just giggle happily as she hurried down the hall to the bathroom. Natalia quickly followed, shaking her head a little and smiling at her blonde angel that now was waiting in the door to the bathroom.
Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)