I knew Alan for 10 months.
I knew that his mom was a bitch and that they always fought.
I wanted to help. But he didn't.
I really liked him. And I know that he liked me too.
Unfortunately I got a boyfriend and he has got Jenny. He always told me, how much he loves her. That she's the love of his life.
It always gave me a stich, when I heard it.
One day, I went to him. He was not at school this day, so I worried about him.
When I got into his house, his mum lied on the floor. She was drunken. As always.
I got to his room. It was empty.
I wondered where Alan could be, when I sam him. He lied on the floor. In the bathroom. Empty bottles of medicine next to him.
His face pale as the wall behind him.
I wasn't able to move.
I just stand in the doorframe.
Then I ran to him.
I shook him. I wanted him to open his eyes.
But he didn't.
I tried to keep a clear head. Then I stick my finger into his mouth, so that he could vomit.
Glad, he did. After many minutes who felt like eternety, he opened his eyes.
"Wh...whaat... u're doing, Girlie?"
"Just saved your life, Alan."
"Mh..mpf..Why..?"
"'Cuz I don't want u to die.."
"But I..I.. wanna... die.."
"WHY? U're so young. U can't be serious..! What about Jenny? What will she do, if u're dead? She needs u aaan.d.."
"She doesn't..She doesn't even love me.."
"What u're talking aboout?!... "
He straightened up..
"Just like.. I saaa..aid it. She does not love me."
"How do you know?"
"She told me.."
"What?"
"She said, that she has no feelin's for me.."
" ..."
"I don't love her, too..So that's not bad."
"Of course u do.." U told me. And I saw u both kissing.."
Alan looked at me.
"I just wanted to make u jealous. U told me, that u have got a boyfriend...It hurts. So I wanted to hurt you, too.. Even if it has brought nothing .."
That's not true. I hurt course it did! But I couldn't tell him the truth. So I said nothing.
"This is not a reason to kill you.."
"Yes, it is. There's nothin' left for me. Ya know? My mom is a bitch, my dad left me and youu.. you .."
"U should have told me..Instead of saying nothing..!", I cried.
"Would this change something ?", Alan asked.
Of course it would!
"No, it wouldn't.."
"See..."
Some minutes we said nothing.. I just stared at him, while he looked to the floor.
"I will do it again..."
"What do u mean?.."
"...And again. And again. Till I'm dead. And there is nothing u can do about."
I know he is right.
I wish I could save him.
But I can't.