Reaching the Living
Musings from above.
Sometimes, I check in to see how they're doing.
They don't know it. I can't call 'em up on the phone anymore.
Can't call anyone on the phone anymore.
It's not like I could do anything if something bad ever happened to 'em.
I'd keep my arms wide open if they ever cared to join me up here.
Not like they ever stay in one place very long, anyway.
Me, Ash, Rufus an' Pamela, all us hunters that left the life the hard way, we all leave our doors wide open.
Cause in this life, the day could be anyday.
You never know who's gonna come stumbling in.
It's tough, reaching the living from up here.
Up here, down here. Who knows.
Sometimes I get a peek, though. Sometimes I know how it's going.
Sometimes it's better than others.
I remember when Dean went to Purgatory. I knew he'd be topside eventually.
His brother didn't.
I tried sending signs to 'im, tellin' him to hold on for his brother. Seems fate wouldn't have it.
Seems fate isn't having any pity on 'em lately.
I've seen enough to know it's a tight rope between those two, and it's too damn bad I'm not there to smack some sense into 'em.
Dean told me what he saw once, one of Zachariah's back-to-the-future stunts.
What happened when he and Sam split.
I wish he'd remember that kinda thing when he needed to. I'd hate to see something happen that even Mr. Fix-it can't handle.
For now I sit back in my chair.
Amber liquid swirls in a glass in my hand, but lately I haven't felt the need to drink it.
Ellen's cleanin' up the barstools, not like anything really needs it up here. Sometimes I think she just does it for something to do, to make things feel more…
Alive.
I hear the tapping of a keyboard behind me, and the muffled beeping of the dead people radar. In my head, I see the green circle spinning slow, impatient.
For now, there's nothing new. No one new.
No one we know, at least.
I don't expect it to last long.
What ever does.
Sometimes I try to send a message to 'em.
A newspaper clipping, a case for an old friend.
The bubbly line on the beer glass wasn't that low when you left.
A dog in the path of his car, knowing full well where it'll lead 'im. Knowing it'll keep the boy happy until his big brother comes home.
Heaven'll never feel like home to me.
It's comfortable, everyone around me seems happy.
I guess that's all I've really wanted. Comfortable, family.
Doesn't feel anything like livin', though.
Sometimes I wish I could go back. Keep an eye on 'em better.
Keep my boys safe.
Then I think they're doin' fine without me.
It's rough now, but they'll get through it. They always do.
Once I caught a glimpse at Dean's phone.
My number's still in the contacts.
Every now and then he calls. Needs help. Needs someone to listen.
Knows I won't pick up.
I hear you, boy.
I just can't answer.
'Cause reaching the living ain't what it used to be.