A.N.- Hello and welcome to my second Naruto fic and my first oneshot! So I came up with this while I was taking a shower the other week and I couldn't help but write it. Apparently I should have been writing on the next chapter of TTIWDF because I spent the next five days with a migraine and haven't got a chance to work on that fic... This is an Inside Out parody, but it doesn't have the basic emotions (ie happiness, sadness) like the movie, so don't be expecting that. Anyway, I had a blast writing this so hopefully everyone likes it!
Beta'd by TreeStar!
Warnings- Language and yaoi. Unfortunately no yummy lemony goodness in this one. Please remember that this is dealing with the inner psyche, so there are things that are frowned upon, but the majority of this is just fun and games.
Note- "Tango Charlie" means "thong count". I'll explain more at the end.
Disclaimer! I do not own the Naruto series or its characters or any of the pop culture references made in this fic.
R & R and Enjoy!
Devil on my Shoulder
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Sasuke groaned and clenched his eyes shut tighter to block out the annoying noise that was disturbing his peaceful rest for a moment longer. He knew what that sound meant and every nerve in his body was telling him to get up, slowly forcing his mind into wakefulness.
Suddenly gentle fingers found their way into his dark silky lock, massaging his scalp in the most soothing manner.
"Go back to sleep," a dark voice, dripping with seduction, whispered in his ear. "It's still early, so we've got time."
Sasuke moaned, liking that idea very much, and rolled over as the blaring sound echoing through the room suddenly stopped. Deep sleep once again took him before he could even release a content sigh.
Sasuke didn't feel the fingers leave his hair or see the mischievous smirk that graced his visitor's face as the man left his bedroom.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
"We're late!" Sasuke shot bolt upright with a start, fully awake this time when the alarm clock went off fifteen minutes later.
He cursed, hitting the switch next to his bed, flooding his room as well as everyone else's with light, informing his coworkers that it was time to get moving. Sasuke jumped out of bed and pulled on a white t-shirt over his equally white sleep pants before rushing from the room.
Footsteps flooded the white hallway as doors slammed open and closed, everyone in a panic to get to the same place Sasuke was headed.
A hidden panel in the ground suddenly opened up with a cool fwooshing sound and Sasuke found himself tripping over the lip of the gap in an effort not to fall in his rush.
He paused to rub at his sore toe and to glare at the brunet that emerged from said hole with the grace of a dancer. His pitch black eyes met with pale lilac (an odd color for eyes, but they seemed to suit the man and his personality).
"What happened?" Neji's smooth voice would send chills down anyone's spine, but Sasuke ignored it in favor of huffing in annoyance and turning to continue on his way, knowing the other man would follow.
"What do you think happened? We overslept, again."
The two men made a left turn, their matching white clothes swishing gently as they moved. While Sasuke's footsteps echoed around the corridor adding to the mass panic still taking place within the white walls, Neji's movements remained graceful as he glided almost silently alongside the grumbling raven.
Neji raised an elegant eyebrow, "He did it again?" At Sasuke look of annoyance Neji continued with caution, "Couldn't you just-"
"No!" Sasuke snapped, his footfalls becoming heavier the angrier he grew. "He can't be controlled. He just does what he damn well pleases and you know it. That's just how it goes and we have to live with it." He sighed, running a hand through his hair in exasperation, "It will be fine as long as no one listens to him too much."
Neji nodded and the two men came to a set of double doors that had just finished sliding closed. With a flick of his wrist, the doors silently opened allowing Sasuke and his companion to pass through.
"Status report!" Sasuke barked as he and Neji made their way through the spacious room.
The room was in chaos, people were running from one side to the other bumping into each other as they tried to get things assembled. Sasuke rolled his eyes. It was always like this in the morning when he was involved.
"Remembered to apply some deodorant so we're good on the BO front!"
"Packed the bag last night!"
Sasuke nodded, "Good. We have a test today. Someone make sure Shika has his coffee!"
"Got it!"
"We can't find matching socks!" A panicked voice shouted from somewhere. Gasps were heard all around and something shattered in the distance.
Sasuke sighed and pushed past a lowly peon that had something to do with remembering tune to some kids show about a lamb puppet from the 90's.
Approaching a long desk that lined the majority of the front of the room that held an enormous video monitor, Sasuke took a seat in the middle and pressed a button.
Clearing his throat, Sasuke let his calming voice drift through the machine, "Check the weather. If it's warm, wear flip flops. If it's cold, wear pants with mismatched socks and no one will know."
There was a pause as the room stilled, watching the monitor as the window was opened and a hand was thrust out into the open air.
"We're clear!" Someone from the sensory department announced excitedly. "Warm weather and clear skies!"
The room whooped in triumph and Sasuke smirked. "Good. We didn't have any clean pants anyway." He stretched his neck and slumped back in his chair, watching as his charge rushed around the room to finish getting dressed before heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
A loud crunching noise brought Sasuke out of his observation and he turned to see Choji sitting a few seats away munching on a bag of potato chips. He honestly had no idea where the other man always got the food from since they didn't even need to eat, but Choji was in charge of cooking and general diet so he figured it didn't really matter.
"So what's on the meal for today?" Sasuke questioned the larger male.
Choji glanced over to Sasuke before wiping his grease covered fingers against his white pants. "Well, we have a test today so I was thinking something high in protein so we can focus, but it has to be quick too since we're late." He frowned at his last comments.
"Let's get pancakes," that same sinfully smooth voice that had lulled Sasuke back to sleep was back and you could hear the smile on his lips.
Sasuke's head snapped around so fast he tweaked his neck. Only two seats away from him was Naruto: blond, blue eyed, and the bane of his existence. Naruto's smile was white and dazzling. Sasuke's eye twitched.
"McDonalds serves breakfast now and they have pancakes," Naruto continued, not taking his eyes off of Sasuke.
With great difficulty, Sasuke pulled his eyes away from those blue depths and glanced down to see Naruto's hand pressing down on his own command button. Tisking in annoyance at his own lack of foresight, Sasuke slammed his fist down on his own button.
"We promised mom that we wouldn't eat anymore junk food."
"What she doesn't know doesn't hurt her."
"Spring break is next month and girls don't like fat guys!" Sasuke smirked when Naruto pouted and sat back in his seat. Turning back to Choji, Sasuke waved a hand to let the man continue, "You're up. Make it quick."
Choji grinned and popped his fingers, "Alright, beach bod and brain food. Let's get cooking."
"Five minutes!" Kiba yelled, clutching his panting chest as the watch face once again came into view on the monitor.
Sasuke rolled his eye, "Calm down and just run faster."
"Just ditch. The class is stupid anyways."
Sasuke shot Naruto a glare which the blond returned with a cheshire grin. "No. Just keep going. Don't forget about the test."
Naruto stuck his tongue out and Sasuke rolled his eyes, returning his attention to more important things.
…...
A cheer rang through the white room when they made it to class with thirty seconds to spare. Professor Hatake said that they were lucky they made it on time other they would have gotten an automatic zero on the test. Naruto called him an asshole, but Sasuke grabbed his hand preventing him from pressing his button before he could cause more problems.
"Alright," Sasuke shifted in his seat until he spotted a pineapple shaped updo. "Shikamaru, you better be awake because it's math time."
A groan came from the chair and Shikamaru slumped forward so he could lean against the table. At least ten empty coffee cups were littered around the table in front of him (another courtesy of Choji, though while the cook didn't need food to survive, Shika couldn't stay conscious without coffee), but they had been cleared away to reveal his own button that was his main link. He of course has other stitches and buttons (some were used by others that logged in when he was not needed), but Shika preferred to work through verbal commands because moving his body was just too much work. He gave a lazy wave in Sasuke's general direction (it looked like it physically pained him to do so, but Sasuke would accept nothing less) indicating that he was ready.
Sasuke stared at the genius blankly, "Sit. Up. Now."
With a pained groan, Shikamaru was upright and the testing could begin.
…...
"And so the answer is five," with a yawn, Shikamaru shifted his chin into his other hand and watched as the number was written down to finish the equation.
Sasuke smiled, glad that Shika had gotten more than halfway through the test without much complaint. He glanced around noticing that mostly everyone looked like they were on the verge of falling asleep since they had had nothing to do for the last hour or so.
"Status report?" He calmly asked.
"Uh, small cramp starting up in the right hand and bladder's 75% full, but holding fine. Other than that we're good," came the very helpful answer from somewhere behind him.
Nodding, Sasuke pressed his button. "Let's take a moment to stretch out our hand so the cramp doesn't get worse and then get back to work. We have plenty of time to finish." Releasing the button, Sasuke sighed leaned back in seat and watched as the pencil was set down so the tanned fingers could start flexing.
"This is boring," Naruto complained, drawing multiple eyes to him. He was leaning back in his chair, his neck stretched back to lean his head against the low headrest. His blue were locked on the ceiling as he continued, "What the hell do we need to learn matrices for anyways? And all the stupid fourth dimensional crap that we can't even comprehend because it may or may not exist or some shit that I don't even know because I wasn't really listening and don't understand… how are we going to use that?!"
Sasuke watched the way Naruto's Adam's apple bobbed within his tan neck, his skin contrasting nicely with this white jacket that was unzipped to mid chest. His eyes drifted to Naruto's hand to see that it was resting beside his command button, not actually pressing it.
He supposed that the blond had posed his complaints enough times that he didn't feel the need to truly voice them. Though these particular complaints had most likely stuck even if they were unwanted during the test. It also didn't help that Sasuke agreed with him, but this math analysis class was a requirement for their major and they had to pass it.
Choosing to ignore the blond, because there was really no reason in arguing with him, Sasuke returned to the monitor. "Alright let's get back to work. Shika, you're up."
With a sigh, Shikamaru's hand flopped over his button. "'Solve each system of equations.' Nice, these ones are easy. Ok, 2x+3y-z=10, -x+y+z=5, and 3x+2y+4z=0. Let's solve for z first, that looks the easiest…."
…...
Sasuke stared at the problem typed cleanly on the paper and the pencil that hovered centimeters over the blank space provided. He frowned. Why wasn't anything happening? The last problem had been finished a good forty-five seconds ago, leaving plenty of time to read this new one and get started on it, and yet, nothing.
His frown deepened. "Status report?"
A pregnant pause filled the large room, not even an awkward cough filled the silence.
Then it hit Sasuke. It shouldn't be silent. His eyes widened as they shot towards the man who had been the steady voice for the last hour and a half.
"Shit! Shikamaru's asleep!"
The room once again erupted into chaos.
"We're going to fail!" Kiba wailed from his place between Naruto and Sasuke, his hand frantically slamming his button, twisting it as his hysteria heightened. "Game over man. All that studying down the drain! Blank! It's all gone! We'll be out on the streets before the year is out, as a total loser who flunked out of college." He threw his head back and howled in total agony.
Reaching across his work space, Sasuke wrenched the wailing man's hand off of his control panel. "Kiba, get ahold of yourself!"
Kiba kept crying, but he kept his hand off his button. His damage had been done though, the room was pulsing with the loud thumping of an increased heart rate.
"Sweat level's up 57% in the forehead sectors! If that spreads we'll have major saturation problems that girls will think are gross! We're lucky as it is we don't have pit stains from the run to school this morning," someone announced.
Sasuke pinched his brows in exasperation before quickly composing himself. "You!" He pointed to some random person who looked like they weren't doing anything, "Go get Shika more coffee." The person nodded and bolted away. "You! Work on waking him up!" He looked away just as the man grabbed the sleeping genius by the shoulders and started shaking him, hard.
Taking a calming breath, Sasuke pushed his button. "It's ok. Just breathe. Just skip this one for now and maybe the answer will come later. See if there is a question that requires a calculator to get the answer."
He bit his lip. It was a long shot. He wasn't meant to take care of these type of things, but how hard could it be? It wasn't like he was stupid. Thinking logically all they would have to do was put the problem in the calculator and the right answer would come out. He had seen Shikamaru do it plenty of times.
"Cheat," that damned voice was back, "It's a lost cause otherwise."
Sasuke shot Naruto a glare. The asshole's hand was firmly placed on his command button, a smug smirk on his face.
Kiba immediately shot forward to share his own thoughts with the rest of the brain. "I don't know man, what if we get caught?" He fidgety posture matched that of the hands visible on the monitor.
"We would fail the entire test." Sasuke pointed out, his hand firmly on his button but his dark glare still on Naruto.
Naruto rolled his eyes, "So what, Hatake's a sadistic bastard for putting so many questions on this test anyways."
"We could even fail the course," Sasuke countered. His eyes shifted back from Kiba fidgeting in his seat to Naruto's steady gaze.
"Psh," Naruto laughed, "We won't get caught. Prof's reading that damned book again. You know how he get's when he reads that thing. I bet it's a juicy one this time too with lots of porn."
Amused snickers were heard and the room visibly brightened at Naruto's comment. It had been a running joke amongst the math class peers that their 50-something-year-old teacher was obsessed with porn and would always take the time to read it in between classes and during tests. It was a wonder that he didn't read during class. They had all found the joke hilarious from the get-go.
The eyes suddenly shifting back and forth on the screen showed the indecisiveness of their charge.
Sasuke scowled. Kiba wasn't freaking out as much because of Naruto's joke, but as a general rule he didn't like cheating.
"Oh come on," Naruto said, releasing his controls and looking at Sasuke with a lopsided smile. "It wouldn't be the first time we cheated."
Sasuke ground his teeth, not liking the sultriness of Naruto's voice one bit.
"Remember that time we couldn't remember how to spell 'apparently'? Udon knew how to spell it and we aced the test thanks to cheating." A triumphant grin came to Naruto's face.
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "We were in third grade and we still always add an 'e' before the 'l' so cheating didn't actually help us learn how to spell it." At Naruto's shrug of indifference and mutter of "that's what spell check is for", Sasuke rolled his eyes and pushed his button. "In some cases schools have expelled students for cheating." A deep inhalation sounded next to him, followed quickly by some panicked tapping. Sasuke ignored it. "We're pretty confident in our answers so far and the test is mostly done, so there is no way we can fail at this point. Just look for that calculator question."
He sighed as the monitor finally started moving down the page in search of that mythical calculator problem. Turning back to Naruto he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "You did this, didn't you?"
Naruto's eyes widened, their blue shining with innocence, though the small smile on his face spoke of his amusement. "What?! No! How could I have?" He had the gall to look affronted.
"You switched his coffee to decaf didn't you?"
Naruto frowned, "Sasukeeee, now that's just mean. This test is important. It's not my fault Shika needs a caffeine IV hooked up to stay conscious or that he's our local brainiac. If anything, blame Choji for his shoddy diet this morning." He winked at said chef who flipped him off in return. "They sell coffee at Mickey D's too ya know!"
"Shino!" Sasuke snapped. "Make a mental note to buy a coffee maker before our next test. We can set it to be ready before we wake up to avoid this in the future."
"Got it," the normally silent man at the end of the table made the entry in his logbook.
"I thought we were trying to save money for that Machinae concert," Naruto mocked challengingly.
"It will save us money in the long run. Besides, it's more expensive to buy coffee out every day."
"Hn," Naruto conceded and went back to staring at the ceiling.
Pleased with himself, Sasuke looked forward again and back to his task at hand. He sighed in relief when he noticed that there was in fact a calculator problem left and that someone had been kind enough to take said device in hand for him.
Lighting up the graphing calculator's screen, Sasuke sighed in relief to find it still in the mode needed for the equation from a previous question. Eyeing the headliner reading "plots 1, 2, and 3," then the vertical column listing "Y1" through "Y7", Sasuke bit his lip. 'Here goes nothing.'
…...
"Shikamaru's awake!"
Sasuke's head shot up from where it had been resting in the palm of his hand. "Sai, stop doodling! Shika, you narcoleptic ass, the test ends in thirteen minutes! Get to work!"
Sai sighed and looked longingly at the unfinished tank that went along with the epic stick figure battle littering the bottom of the math test. It really was one of his better ones too, the explosions looked perfect and everyone was posed wonderfully. His favorite was the little ninja who had somehow entered to battle to dodge all the flying bullets to chop another stick guy in half. The spray of blood looked great. Why couldn't Shika wait a little longer to wake up?
Shika yawned, but did as told even though it was a total drag. He didn't know why everybody had to be so panicked all the time, it wasn't like they got bad grades. You would think that scholarship he had gotten them to get into this damn University would have satisfied them, but no. 'So troublesome…'
Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingertips. Shika had been able to finish the last few answers on the test thanks to his genius intellect, but they hadn't had enough time to check over the answer that he himself had completed, or the rest of the test for that matter. However, Shika was always confident in his answers, so even if Sasuke screwed the pooch with that one then it shouldn't affect their final grade in the end. A part of him still wanted to know how he did though.
They were now on their way to their next class, Human Anatomy and Physiology (HAP), and Sasuke was glad to finally have some calm in the room with him. Class wasn't for a half an hour, and even though the building was on the far side of campus it was a nice enough day to take their time getting there.
"Neji, status report."
The lilac eyed man didn't take his eyes away from the monitor when he answered, his hands moving a mile a minute over his console. "We have eight tango charlies."
"Nice," Naruto commented. Sasuke ignored him, knowing there was more.
"D-cup blonde to the left, probably fake but nice ass. Two brunette's jogging to the right, nice. Shy Asian chick in, get this, a school uniform— probably an exchange student— up ahead. She looks a little lost, should we engage?"
Sasuke's eyes narrowed in contemplation for a moment, "Negative."
A sigh escaped Neji and Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Don't give me that. You know why. Besides, look at her. She'd probably introduce us to her parents in hopes of marriage on the first date."
Neji paled visibly and steered them away. Clearing his throat, he continued with his report, "Red-head coming up. We got eye contact and a smile."
Sasuke watched as the pretty girl passed by and actually followed them with her eyes. "Are we strutting?"
"Of course."
"Not that dumb strut where it looks like the guy has a limp and half his bodies asleep though, right?"
Neji scoffed, "Amateurs."
Sasuke smiled, "Carry on."
"...sheet of internal skeletal muscle that extends across the bottom of the thoracic…" Professor Haruno's voice drifted through the classroom as well as the large white room that Sasuke and his co workers occupied.
"This is so boring," Naruto complained.
"Shh," Sasuke shushed him without looking in his direction. Everything was going well; they had stopped by the bathroom before class so the bladder was back to 2% capacity, confidence was high thanks to Neji's strut through campus, as a plus it aired out their pits so they were no longer in danger of smelling, and Shikamaru was focused on the lecture. They didn't need any distractions.
Naruto sighed loudly, "But it's such a nice day outside, just look at those clouds."
Sasuke watched as the monitor shifted to the window that was located directly next to their seat. It was a nice day and those clouds were perfectly fluffy, but "We need to focus on the lecture."
The monitor returned to face the front of the classroom where their pink haired teacher in her mid-to-late thirties was pointing at an enlarged image of a diaphragm projected on the wall. Sasuke nodded and released his button.
"And that light breeze through the trees looks so soothing…"
Again the monitor shifted to the window.
Sasuke's eyes look in the trees gently swaying in the wind under a clear blue sky littered with billowing white clouds. It was clear to see that the grass under those trees had recently been cut, its deep green fresh and healthy. A few students lounged around on the grass, enjoying the sunlight or the shade of the trees, basking on the beauty of the day. "But we…"
"It's almost as if you can see the wind itself…"
And suddenly he could. He could see the different colors of the wind dance among the trees as they bowed to its wishes. How he wished he was out there to feel the breeze on his own skin, to breathe that cool air in his own lungs.
It truly was a nice day.
…...
"Alright, that's it for today."
The disappearance of those beautiful colors and Professor Haruno's sudden announcement that class was over brought Sasuke out of his daze. He blinked a few times and looked around noticing how quiet the room was, indicated that he hadn't been the only one distracted.
He turned a heated glare toward the source. "You used a daydream filter?" he accused. It wasn't really a question, since he knew the truth already, but that didn't spot him from asking anyway.
Naruto shrugged, "So what, we study too much anyways." A mischievous smirk spread across his face as he continued, "I made sure to choose one of your favorites."
Sasuke growled in annoyance and looked away. "Shika, please tell me you somehow still managed to catch through audi-oh fuck he's asleep again! Dammit Naruto!"
A low chuckle was his only response.
Running a hand over his face Sasuke gave up, there was no reasoning with that blue eyed wolf in sheep's clothing. "Whatever, let's just get out of here. We still have to go to work after lunch and a shower."
He was half aware of the monitor as their bag was packed up and they made their way towards the exit. Basic movement was someone else's department so he didn't need to pay it much mind.
"Hey Konohamaru!"
"It's Moegi!" Neji's excitement was palpable, the distant sound of fluttering wings could be heard as the room filled with sparkling bubbles.
Sasuke smiled. Moegi was one of their best friends and the main reason why they had avoided that Asian schoolgirl earlier. The crush they had on her was pretty legendary. "Play it cool," he instructed.
Neji scoffed, "Duh." He shook himself out and cleared his throat, putting on his most seductive face that held a flirtatious smirk, he pressed his command buttons, "Hey."
On the monitor, Moegi's eyebrows furrowed, "Konohamaru, are you ok?"
Naruto burst out laughing, "Way to go Casanova. She probably thinks we're constipated now."
Neji shot him a dirty look. Sasuke sighed, "That was a bit too 'cool'."
"We have sweaty palms!" someone shouted.
"Dammit Kiba!" Neji shouted, turning an annoyed glare at the nervous brunet. "I had it under control! Don't make us gross."
"Besides," Sasuke interrupted, "she's still Moegi, no matter how much we like her."
Kiba pouted, nodding, and put his hands in his lap.
Sasuke turned back to Neji with a small smirk, "Want to try that again, this time a little more casual and less stalkerish?"
Neji nodded (a bit insulted, though he didn't show it) and went to work. His hands once again flew across his console, sending the body commands that Sasuke couldn't see, before pressing his dialogue button. "Play it off as if nothing is wrong. Cute and shy is the way to go."
Sasuke watched on the monitor as a hand raised up, most likely going to scratch a the back at Konohamaru's head, before it disappeared along with everything else. The screen went black as were closed in embarrassment.
"Haha, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just a little tired." Konohamaru's voice came from the monitor and filled the white room.
Sasuke never ceased to be amazed every time he heard Konohamaru's voice. It was so unlike anyone's within the white walls he called home. Those voices always stayed the same. It was true that new ones were born over the years, while others left to sleep in the far recesses of the memory, but their actual physical voices never changed. But Konohamaru, his voice never stayed constant. Sasuke hadn't been around before the man had learned to talk, but when he was younger Konohamaru's voice was high and squeaky and so cute. As he got older it had deepened in the most interesting way and Sasuke couldn't get enough of it. He loved hearing his charges voice and appreciated the fact that when he was around his friends he became quite the chatterbox.
He watched as Moegi smiled that smile that made the room glow brighter and resisted the urge to shoo away the bubbles dancing before his eyes; but they weren't actually in front of him, they were on the white walls projecting off like those 3D movies they liked so much. He blinked a few times hoping he wouldn't go cross eyed due to Neji's damn 'love vision'.
"Alright," she said, then she seemed to fidget biting her lip making Neji's tapping at his console become more frantic.
"Neji, watch it. We don't want to get an erection here. I don't think she'd appreciate that," Sasuke advised.
"I think she'd appreciate it," Naruto smirked.
Sasuke shot him a glare, warning him to keep his hands away from his controls.
Neji sighed in exasperation, "Fine." He pressed his controls with a little less enthusiasm than before.
"So I was thinking," Moegi said, glancing away and gaining the attention of everyone in the white room so they leaned forward a bit in their seats, "we have an exam next week for HAP…"
"Agree with her, but make it nonchalant!" Neji shouted.
"Yeah, I just had my math exam today. It was pretty rough."
Sasuke rolled his eyes and pressed his own button, "Don't be too anxious. Let her finish. Say something about the Anatomy class to put the ball back in her court."
Neji sent him an annoyed look.
Sasuke couldn't help a small chuckle. Neji was the most suave creature on the face of the planet, but when it came to Moegi, he lost his head.
"The HAP test should be hard too," Konohamaru continued.
Moegi gave a small smile. "Yeah, so I was wondering if you would like to study with me for it?"
"Yes! That would make up for missing the notes in class today!" Sasuke cheered as he pressed his button relaying that thought.
"We should say that we'd like to 'study' her anatomy!" Naruto shouted.
"No!" Neji yelled. "Dammit Sasuke, life's not all about school and NARUTO, if you touch that button I will murder you!" With that he slammed his hand on his controls, his moment of bliss lost due to his two companions, "Answer yes, but don't sound too desperate." He then turned his glare of death back on Sasuke and Naruto.
"Shino," Neji said through clenched teeth, his glare never leaving his two saboteurs of love, "Make a mental note of her response. We can not forget the time and date of the study date. Put multiple exclamation points on it. That will be our top priority until it's done."
"Roger!"
Naruto was the first to break the staring contest with a roll of his eyes, "Keh, like you could kill me."
Neji's eyes narrowed, "Life finds a way."
"Isn't that from Jurassic Park?" Someone quietly murmured.
"Murder," Neji hissed in their general direction. He abruptly stood and turned to leave, "You know what, I'm done."
Sasuke's eyes widened as he watched the long haired man glide elegantly away, "Wait, what?! You can't go. What about the walk back across campus? What about work? What abou-"
"Screw you Sasuke!" Neji shouted as the double doors opened up for him.
"That's actually your department!" Naruto called.
Neji spun on his heals, "And fuck you too Naruto." Throwing up double birds, Neji stepped backwards through the doorway and let the doors close in front of him.
The room was so quiet crickets could have been heard if there were any. It was once again Naruto who broke the silence. "Think we could just sleep with any random girl we see now?"
Sasuke shot him an annoyed look, "It doesn't work that way and you know it."
Naruto sighed, "Right, we need Mr. Sappy Pants to get Mr. Happy hard. Bummer… At least those damn bubbles and sparkles are gone."
Sasuke glanced around the room, noticing that it was once again it's usual white and for once agreed with the blond. "Hn."
Shaking his head, he faced forward once again to notice that Moegi had left. "Alright, nothing can be done about Neji. Let's just go home." He leaned back watching as Konohamaru headed towards their apartment.
"DOG!" Kiba's sudden scream made every occupant in the white room jump. He immediately lunged forward, slamming his hand down on the panic button. Red lights dropped down from the ceiling where they started to swirl like police lights, reflecting off the white walls in a crazy inferno.
Side monitors opened up, displaying multiple images video's of Konohamaru throughout the years. One of them was when the boy was five, a German Sheppard twice as him had jumped on him and slammed him to the hard cement. Another was when he was eleven, a Jack Russell but his hand trying to steal his ball. Another when he was thirteen, a pack of five Pitbulls jumping at the fence barking and foaming at the mouth as he walked by his neighbors house. Another of an excited Corgi peeing on him at the age of eighteen.
"Kick it in the face!" Naruto instantly responded, hitting his button.
"What the- no!" Sasuke snapped, hitting his own button. "It's a chocolate lab and it's on a lease!"
"So what?!" Kiba argued, "Leashes break and that dog looks vicious!"
Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows, "It's a puppy. Look, it just started chasing it's own tail." He released his button to put a hand on Kiba's shoulder. "Take the panic level down to minimum. It's ok."
Kiba nodded shakily and killed the alarms.
"Good," Sasuke nodded and took control again now that the brain wasn't in hysterics, "Just back up a little and go around the puppy. That's it. Now continue on home."
Sighing, Sasuke let his fingers slide off his console. Slowly he turned to Naruto. "'Kick it in the face'?"
Naruto shrugged, "Quick solutions to a bad problem."
Sasuke just shook his head, suddenly feeling very tired. He wasn't even going to bother. Instead he focused on Konohamaru getting home so he could shower before Choji came back and told him what to eat before heading to work.
Most males would agree that driving a car was awesome; that speeding down the freeway in full control of a powerful machine was invigorating. But Sasuke couldn't help feeling otherwise when Naruto was involved.
"Ten points," Naruto casually muttered while pressing his controls.
"Prison!" Sasuke shouted, immediately connecting his own.
Sasuke's eyes followed the man walking along the sidewalk, his back to them as he casually strolled along the college town street. His eyes then glanced back to the hands on the steering wheel that gripped it tightly for a second before loosening. The car sped past the pedestrian and Sasuke released a breath.
Surprisingly traffic was pretty light at the moment allowing them to cruise at a steady pace, which Sasuke was silently thankful for, and other than this man they hadn't seen anyone out and about. However, that could always change in the fifteen minute drive to work. Dammit, Sasuke hated driving.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Sasuke demanded, turning to Naruto in anger.
Naruto grinned, his head tilting slightly to the side, "Didn't you know Sasuke? Everyone has a little bit of poison in them. Some just more than others. It's my belief that everyone is either a little homicidal or suicidal." He paused, his finger coming to his lip in contemplation, "Though I guess there are those fuckers that are both… They're really messed up in the head."
Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed as he just stared at the blond. It was a mystery that Naruto, the epitome of evil in Sasuke's opinion could think that anyone could be 'messed up' for being too evil. He just didn't get Naruto sometimes. Or anytime for that matter.
Shaking himself out of his stupor, Sasuke growled out, "But we're not either."
Naruto raised an eyebrow, scoffing, "Are you sure about that? Did you notice that you're first reaction was to warn against prison, not that it was wrong. You and I know that humans suck. Sure there are a few good people that are likeable, but the human species is terrible. The only reason why the homicidal minded people aren't killing is because we are afraid of the consequences. We would rather keep our comfy lives than risk going to jail or dying ourselves."
Sasuke scowled and looked away. Pressing his button he spoke harshly, "That man was doing nothing wrong. He could have had a family. Been a father, a son, a brother. He may have gone to our school. Nothing good comes from thinking that way." Releasing the button, he hunched over his console, knowing that Naruto was looking at him with a smug expression on his face because he knew he was right. Sasuke didn't feel any better.
"That isn't saying we would want to commit mass murder like some terrorists," Naruto continued, eyeing Sasuke. "Compassion is still felt when news comes through about tragedies. Of course the pain doesn't last for long since we aren't directly affected, but still… Anyways, my point is, if we ever got into a situation where we needed to kill someone than we would be ok with it."
Sasuke grimaced, tired of listening to Naruto's ramblings. "Just, shut up."
Naruto shrugged and continued to watch the road.
…...
"That asshole just cut us off!" Naruto yelled in outrage, slamming his hand down on his button. "Flip that fucker off!"
Sasuke watched as Konohamaru's hand flew out the window to do as Naruto suggested.
"Oh, I hope that bastard burns in a fiery crash," Naruto seethed.
"That's going a bit overboard," Sasuke reprimanded.
There was a collective sigh around the room. They had all heard this argument a million times before, pretty much every time they drove in fact, but it appeared Sasuke and Naruto just had to repeat it once again.
Sasuke didn't even hear the sigh, his eyes too focused on the blue orbs in front of him. "They don't deserve to die just for cutting us off. That's stupid. They should just get pulled over for speeding or reckless driving. Maybe their engine could overheat, or their tires could blow."
A sadistic grin formed on Naruto's face at Sasuke's words. "If only we had the ability to do that to them." He typed a few quick keys on his section of the long table and a small screen dropped down to the right of the monitor, on it showed the scene from 2005's Fantastic Four, where Johnny Storm used his Human Torch powers to melt the tires off of some guy's car after being challenged to a drag race.
Sasuke smirked, "Though if we could do that, then we wouldn't be driving."
"Yeah, I have a theory about that too," Naruto leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He didn't think he wanted to know, but like always he just couldn't help himself.
"See I think that God didn't give anyone superpowers because he knows that everyone will use them for evil."
"More poison in everyone?" Sasuke deadpanned.
Naruto grinned, "Yup. People say they would use their powers for good, but eventually they would want something, money, power, love, you name it. Even if we're saving people from burning buildings with our teleportation powers, we would still be robbing banks and you know it."
Sasuke did know it. Even though he didn't like it, he knew that they would sooner be a villain than a hero. He wasn't sure about everyone else in the world though, but Konohamaru was a decent kid, even with Naruto spouting his nonsense. Sasuke wanted to be that ultimate saint, but the truth was it was just too hard.
That didn't mean he was going to give up completely though. Typing a command, Sasuke turned off the memory of the movie clip. "That's just fantasy, so it doesn't matter anyway."
Their overall consensus was that working at the town's local drug store sucked balls. It wasn't hard work, being a cashier took little brain power and stocking the shelves took even less, but dealing with customers as well as fellow employees caused dread to swell up everyday before work. It was a shame because Konohamaru was really a people person, but the store just turned him a little more bitter day by day. However, it paid the bills and hours were flexible so quitting wasn't an option.
Sasuke preferred Konohamaru to be on stocking duty, since it meant he would get to lean back and relax. Listening to customers make the same jokes over, and over, and over at the register got kind of old. (How many times did he need to have to explain that an item is not free even if it doesn't scan? At least it wasn't Fall, otherwise they'd be asking him when his green uniform shirt would be changing colors… Yes, Konoha, leaves, haha clever.) He always had to stop Naruto from making Konohamaru say something that would get them fired when a particularly stupid customer would come by.
While they were out on the floor stocking the shelves they could actually see the progress they were making and there was at least some satisfaction in that. Konohamaru would only have to help a customer when approached, and best of all he didn't have to deal with his co workers.
The employees of the drugstore weren't bad overall. Some of them would probably be pretty cool to hang out with outside of work, but there were those that got Naruto singing so loud that it made Sasuke's ears bleed.
Those employees slept on the pallets in the stock room, ignoring any call to help at the register, and never got into trouble because their damn uncle was the manager who sat on his ass all day locked in the office and stared at the wall unless called upon. Those employees put customer's calls on hold and just walked away. Those employees took so damn long to ring up items at the register because they were one hundred freaking years old that Naruto talked Konohamaru into extending his break by almost ten minutes because "she kept us from our break anyways, so it's our right to the full ten minutes." It was because of those people.
The only thing that made it bearable was that they were living in a college town and so it was more than likely that people from school would drop by to say 'hello' every now and then. Moegi and their other life long friend Udon often came by just as Konohamaru got off so they could hang out after work, so that was nice.
Alas, tonight was not the case for visitors. It was just as well though because Sasuke was exhausted and Konohamaru had school tomorrow anyway. Looking at the wrist watch displayed on the monitor, Sasuke smiled in satisfaction, "Time to go home."
"Hallelujah," Naruto mumbled.
It didn't take time for them to move to the door to clock out. They already had their keys and wallet on them, so there was no reason to go back to the breakroom. It was dark outside with only the streetlights illuminating the medium sized parking lot in front of the building.
"Another wasted day," Naruto grumped.
"At least it pays the bills, and it won't last forever," Sasuke responded.
Naruto humphed.
"Who's that?" Kiba's voice broke the two men out of their little argument. He typed some keys, signaling Konohamaru to be cautious and making him slow in his tracks.
Sasuke and Naruto looked at the monitor. Sitting on the hood of their car, as if he owned it, was a man in his late teens, smoking a cigarette. In front of him were two other teens casually leaning against what was most likely their own parked car. The trio were laughing, cans of beer in hand, enjoying the warm night air.
"Dude, what the fuck?!" Naruto snarled in annoyance.
Sasuke ignored his outburst, knowing that he and Kiba were giving Konohamaru mixed signals of annoyance and caution. He cursed the fact that the drug store manager's made employees park at the farthest side of the parking lot, where the lighting sucked and the cameras didn't reach. Taking a calming breath, he pushed his button, "We don't want any trouble. Ask him to get off the car so we can go home."
Konohamaru's friendly voice filtered through the monitor, "Hey buddy, can you get off my ride?"
Sasuke's eye twitched when the man simply smiled in return and blew out smoke. His friends chuckled in amusement.
"Let's just get in the car and run them all over," Naruto suggested, the seductiveness of his voice long gone as his vindictiveness grew.
Sasuke glanced his way before returning his attention to the matter at hand. "We still want to avoid trouble, but tell him to move this time." He really didn't like annoying jackasses and Naruto's comments really weren't helping the matter.
"Look guys, I just got off work and want to head home. Now get off my car so I can leave."
"Chill out bro. We're just hanging out," one of the guys standing slurred before taking a swig of his beer.
"Yeah," the other chimed in, "it's a nice night, so be cool."
Oh dear Lord. Sasuke ran a hand down his face in exasperation. This was getting ridiculous. Was it because of Konohamaru's age that these guys thought they could lack common courtesy, or was he just going crazy? He wasn't crazy, was he? These guys were being total assholes, right? Naruto's reaction was telling him that they were so he couldn't be that out of it at the moment.
The teens went back to talking and laughing as if Konohamaru weren't standing there.
"Screw it," Sasuke murmured, "Just get in the car. He'll move when we start it up."
"And if he doesn't, then we'll run him over!" Naruto shouted.
"No. He'll move."
They watched as Konohamaru moved around their car, keeping the monitor mainly focused on the three teens. Sasuke could hear a steady chant of "run him over, run him over, run him over" coming from Naruto, but he ignored it in favor of keeping an eye on the drinking hooligans.
'That's it,' he thought as the monitor glanced down when Konohamaru's hand grabbed door handle before swinging back up to narrow on the boy smoking on the hood.
"Seriously," Konohamaru's voice came out fully agitated making Sasuke pale in realization, "If you don't get off now, I'm going to run you over."
Fuck! Naruto had finally gotten through to him! Well, this wasn't going to end well.
Sasuke watched as the teen on the hood of Konohamaru's car stopped laughing and turned to face the monitor, the cigarette now dangling from his loose lips. His eyes gave the body before him a once over before replying, "Oh yeah?" Then he snorted and hopped off the car.
Sasuke sighed in relief. He heard tapping from Kiba as the brunet lowered the caution level slightly.
"Wait," his eyes narrowed as the smoking teen smirked at his friend's before turning back to face them and suddenly threw his can of beer hard against the hood of their car. They watched as if in slow motion as the can slid across the shiny paint, leaving a nice scratch and a small dent, before exploding its foamy contents all over the windshield and Konohamaru himself.
Laughter filled the air as time suddenly caught up with them.
"KICK HIS ASS!" Naruto and Sasuke shouted simultaneously, both shooting to their feet to slam their command buttons. Sasuke reached over and pressed a button on Kiba's console. A box suddenly dropped from the ceiling, encasing the brunet in a padded room where he would be completely isolated from the ongoings until the fight was over.
He then shifted forward again, resting his hands on the table as a yell filled the air announcing the release of Lee. Sasuke didn't need to look behind him to see know that the enthusiastic man was stepping onto his own special platform in the corner of the room.
Where Sasuke and the other important emotions had control panels with buttons and switches, Lee strapped his entire body in. Lee held all the knowledge of everything Konohamaru learned in his previous martial arts classes and directly delivered that information via that device.
Sasuke could see screens filling the white wall on either side of the monitor, and knew that they filled the entirety of the room as well, displaying year's worth of memories. A kendo class here, a karate class there, Bruce Lee in a scene from Enter the Dragon, wrestling with Udon in eighth grade, Jet Li's fists flying a mile a minute, Jackie Chan swinging his body through the rungs of a ladder, practicing Tai Chi with Grandpa Sarutobi, the list went on.
Sasuke didn't care about those though, he was took focused on watching as they lunged forward, unaware of the blue eyes focused on him.
"Yeah!" Lee yelled as Konohamaru's fist collided with their first opponent, "Let's get some tunes up in here!"
Sasuke smirked as Need For Steve by Machinae Supremacy started playing through the room. He remembered their conversation with Udon back in high school when they discussed what their theme music would be if they ever got into a fight and it looked like it remained the same.
Another roaring yell tore through Lee's throat as he took down the guy who had thrown the beer at their car and turned his sights on the other two.
"Don't beat them too badly, we don't want to go to jail. Our background in martial arts would get us in even more trouble if we get charged," releasing his button, Sasuke sat back in his seat. He was done for now, Lee could handle the rest.
Sasuke sighed in contentment. Lee, and Konohamaru in retrospect, had kicked those morons' asses before getting the hell out of there before anyone could come any to investigate.
He was sure that the teens wouldn't cause any problems even if they knew where Konohamaru worked because they were shamed by the fact that all three of them got their asses handed to them by one guy. Plus they were pretty shit faced, and getting caught drinking underaged wouldn't do them any good.
Life was good. The drive back to their apartment had been quiet. Naruto hadn't made one comment, too high off of the win to be even remotely homicidal.
Sasuke was even considering putting homework off until tomorrow morning as a victory celebration. He knew that wasn't going to happen though, school still came first and if they wanted to keep their scholarship then they couldn't let their grades slip. He glanced over to Shikamaru to see that he was once again asleep. Well, that wasn't surprising, the genius hadn't been needed since school anyway.
"Someone get the coffee ready, it's going to be a long night," he ordered.
"No, make 'um bigger. C-cups at least."
Sasuke's eyes drifted over to where Naruto was leaning over Sai's shoulder while the artist was drawing what he could only assume was a detailed sketch for an upcoming fantasy.
"Yeah, yeah, like that," Naruto murmured.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned away. The blond nuisance had the habit of sticking his nose in everybody's business as if he owned the whole damned place. The funny thing was, no one could seem to stop him no matter how hard they tried. He just had a way of weaseling his way in.
Naruto had been bugging him all night, trying to convince Konohamaru to abandon his studies in lieu of more entertaining things such as video games, tv, or simply going to sleep (yeah, even sleeping was more exciting than homework in Naruto's opinion). However Sasuke had stayed belligerent and had insisted that Shikamaru stay awake so Konohamaru could finish what he had started. It was late, but it had paid off. Shikamaru was working on the final assignment.
"Well, I'm going to bed," Naruto announced.
Sasuke glanced his way, noticing that the blond looked just as exhausted as he felt, before turning away again. Good riddance.
He heard the blond rise from his seat and head towards the double doors, following the same path that so many of their coworkers had already taken that night. Only so much went on this late at night and the excitement of the day had left everyone drained.
Fifteen or so minutes after Naruto left Shikamaru released a pained moan, throwing his hands up in the air to pop his finger joints above his head.
"When is Spring Break again?" he asked.
"All done?" Sasuke replied with a tired smile.
"Hm," Shika hummed in confirmation before rolling to his feet and strolling to the exit now that his work was done. "Night," he threw over his shoulder before the double doors slid closed behind him.
"Best get to bed ourselves," Sasuke mumbled, his hand laying gently on his button, "School's not going to wait for us." With that he too stood from his seat, giving a nod to Sai and Shino as he made his way from the room.
He had to avoided a head on collision, clumsily stumbling back, as the double doors suddenly slid open in front of him and Neji walked in.
Their eyes met for a moment, Sasuke noticing that the other man seemed a lot calmer than before, before Neji moved around the raven to enter the room.
"I thought you were done?" Sasuke asked, raising an eyebrow at Neji's retreating back.
"Still have to jack off," was the brunet's casual reply.
"Ah, right. Well, have fun with that."
"I always do," the amused smile did not go unnoticed in Neji's voice and Sasuke knew they would be alright. He nodded and turned once again to leave.
"Alright Sai," Neji said, "what do you have for me?"
"Red-head. 5'7"..." The doors closed behind Sasuke before he could hear more.
He sighed and made his way to his room at a slow pace. It was true that he was desperate to get to sleep, but walking any faster than a snail seemed like a chore and Sasuke couldn't bring himself to do it.
That being said, he almost jumped for joy when he finally made it back to his room. The lights were still on when he entered and he kept his tired gaze on the floor as his door slid closed behind him with a gentle sigh.
"Took you long enough."
The annoyed drawl caught Sasuke off guard and he jumped back in surprise clutching at his heart as if it would explode right out of his chest. His eyes were wide as they landed on the figure who was sitting casually on his bed before they narrowed in annoyance. "What are you doing here?"
Naruto grinned and stood, "Waiting for you, obviously."
"Obviously," Sasuke mocked with a scowl and took a step back as the blond started to advance him. He didn't trust Naruto. There really was no reason to since the blond was never up to anything good. He hated the fact that Naruto made him question himself so much. It made him feel uncomfortable.
"Just say what you have to say, then get out of my room." Defense was the best offense when it came to Naruto and Sasuke was going to stick with it.
Naruto's grin widened even further, "If you insist."
Sasuke didn't know what happened. One moment Naruto was practically across the room, the next he had Sasuke pressed up against the wall with his lips covering his own.
Sasuke gasped as the realization that Naruto was kissing him washed over him and the blond took the opportunity to shove his tongue in his mouth.
When Naruto pulled away Sasuke inhaled deeply, trying to regain his breath and clear his dazed thoughts. "What are-"
"Do you have any idea how hot you looked during that fight?" Naruto asked against his lips, cutting his questions off. He let his tongue dart out to lick at Sasuke's slightly parted lips before nudging the paler man's chin to the side with his nose so he could have access to his neck.
Sasuke couldn't help but tilt his head back, too overwhelmed by what was happening to do anything but comply and listen to Naruto's words that were mumbled in between kisses and nips.
"The way you got all on board with kicking the shit out of those morons, before just letting go?" Naruto pulled back from the soft skin he had been marking to grin ferally at the dazed raven haired man. "It was wonderful."
Sasuke purses his lips, annoyed by the blond's forcefulness but at the same time finding himself responding to the insistent grinding of the hips against his own.
Naruto was such a pain and as Sasuke allowed himself to be lead to his own bed by the blond he sighed, knowing that he had once again lost to Naruto. Naruto was that annoying little voice that Sasuke couldn't ignore even if he tried, because was seduction incarnate.
A.N.- Thanks for reading! As for "Tango Charlie"... My husband and my brother had made up that code back in high school to let each other know every time they saw a girls thong... Yeah, guys are pervs. I thought it was hilarious so I used it lol.